When he awoke, the first name that popped into his mind was Loki.  His best friend was suddenly everywhere in his mind, poisoning his thoughts like a disease. Thor was not familiar with these thoughts and feelings. He didn't know how to handle the way they invaded his psyche, each one ruthlessly demanding attention, ripping his mind to shreds. It hurt him more than he cared to mention. He sat up, blinking sleep from his eyes, almost forcefully. As if he couldn't stand to rest one second longer without being with his best friend.

Thor dressed himself as quickly as possible, not even bothering to strap on his armor. He settled for a navy blue shirt, brown pants, and boots. True, being seen without his usual attire wandering through the palace halls would be a bit unusual to the nobles who frequently visited, or, if heaven forbid, his father saw him, but it couldn't be helped. The god of thunder only had one thing on his mind, and that was his best friend.

He somehow made it, half-asleep and dazed to the infirmary.

Thor stood in front of the door for a long time. He just stood, as still as possible and as upright as a tree trunk. Firmly and stiffly, not even breathing. He didn't know why in Odin's name he was hesitating. This was what he longed for, wasn't it? To see Loki? To assure his lover that he hadn't meant to hurt him, to scar him like Thor knew he had? And yet, twenty minutes later, he still stood there like an idiot, gaping at the wrong side of the door.

Frigga suddenly appeared before him, small and deathly pale. At once, he knew something was wrong. She never looked like this, unless...

He could have stood there forever. Petrified that he might be too late, and terrified of the aftermath if he was in time.
Frigga tried for a smile, but even she knew it appeared desperate. She wrung her hands, not knowing what she should, or even could say at that point. Finally, she wrapped her skinny arms around him and cried into the folds of his shirt. "Mother?"  he said hoarsely. Thor knew, he knew and he wished he didn't. He wished Loki had never met him, never touched him or wanted him. He wanted to erase every part of the raven haired boy from his mind, even if it killed him.

Frigga looked up at him without saying a word. Somehow, words were not needed to express the unimaginable amounts of pain they felt. Pain had taught them how to speak without sound, to communicate without letters. Pain had given them clarity. Pain had taught them a lesson.

It's all my fault....it....it just happened so fast. I didn't mean to, I swear.

I know, son. I know you didn't.

The blood, Mother.....all the blood.

I know, son. I know. It....it hurt me, too.

Is he...is he still with us?
Frigga couldn't meet her sons eyes.

He....he is.

With those three words, Thor felt his heartbeat quicken. His brother wasn't dead. His brother wasn't dead. His brother was...alive. He couldn't explain the torrents of joy and happiness that filled his soul, drowning his mother's perplexed expression in a sea of relief. They stood there, hugging, for a long time.

Thor could feel tears in his eyes. "M-May I see him?"

His mother grinned, cleverly masking her regret with a face full of sunshine. She stepped aside and held out her hand as if to say, You, first.

The Odinson exhaled, trying to calm his throbbing heart. "Here goes nothing."

He was greeted by none other than the Laufeyson's smiling face. "Hello, Thor."

The god of thunder rushed into the room, hands outstretched to feel Loki once more. He was not disappointed. His presence were everywhere, running his fingers through Loki's hair, kissing Loki's forehead, touching, touching, touching. It was wonderful.

The moment he stopped kissing was the moment he realized his lover was not returning his adoration.

"Loki?" he asked hesitantly, holding his friend's face in both hands. His eyes, again hitting Thor with their same detached observation. Warm green some days, chilly blue others. Loki, bloody and broken with stitches above one eye. Still calculating, still plotting, still as beautiful as the day they had met.

The god of mischief smiled genuinely. "It's good to see you." Thor's blue eyes, so inviting and unassuming. So pure, like always. So good and righteous. Loki detested them for their naivety, but admired them for their innocence.

"It's good to see you too," Thor beamed at his lover. He moved his eyes downwards to gaze at Loki's physical state, which was bruised and wounded severely. "Though I wish it were in health and celebration..." he trailed off, intertwining their fingers and kissing Loki's hand. The Laufeyson's eyes closed and he sighed in content when Thor's lips brushed his skin. Rough and raw though they were, those lips still felt good. Still felt warm. Still felt familiar.

"Loki, I-" his voice cracked. He needed to say it, to look into those snake like green eyes and verbalize his regret. Thor tried, tried desperately to form words, but the prince of lies knew. The Laufeyson knew he was trying to without talking.

Loki wanted to say something, anything to make it alright. To make everything okay. To make their relationship whole again, to fix it, just like he'd always done. But he knew he couldn't. He thought Thor sensed this too, that it wasn't and shouldn't be his job to clean up the mess that his brother always made.

"Never again."  Thor whispered into their hands.

Loki smiled wearily. "You know, I was planning on winning that fight eventually."

The Odinson chuckled, closing his eyes and touching their foreheads together as if to form an unseeable link between them. He could feel Loki's hot breath on his face, but he didn't mind. In fact, it was a welcome reminder that his lover was still breathing. "Impossible." 

 The prince of the frost giants didn't reply, smiling peacefully breathing, each inhale and exhale sinking the pair deeper into rivers of serenity. Each fresh wisp of air carried the promise of their future together. Every heartbeat sent an ocean of happiness rolling over them.

And, in that moment, Thor was content to drown.