In the evening, Mateo and I went to a Mexican restaurant. It was one of Mateo's most favorite places to eat because they made alambres just the way his grandma, Consuelo, did, and he claimed she made the best alambres in the world. The songs of a Mariachi band played through the speakers around the place, and the air brimmed with the smells of ambrosial dishes that made my mouth water.

Since it was Monday, the place wasn't that crowded, but I'd already noticed a few seniors from my school whose curious glances found their way to Mateo and me every once in a while. I tried to ignore them, but my cheeks burned in response to their attention.

"Why aren't you wearing the bracelet?" Mateo asked me from across our table. I glanced at my naked wrist, confused as to why I'd forgotten to wear it.

"I forgot. I'm sorry," I said with a small smile, noticing a look of hurt that briefly shadowed his face. "I see you're wearing my gift. Or rather, I can smell it." I was referring to the cologne I gave him for our one month anniversary. His previous cologne wasn't to my taste, so I bought this one, which had a leathery fragrance.

I took his hand in mine, and his warmth seeped into my cold hand. He half-smiled, the dimple in his right cheek making an appearance. A few girls openly ogled him, which was no wonder since Mateo Diaz was super attractive. His dark hair fell in curls around the face that was adorned by a chiseled jaw and sharp cheekbones many guys would be jealous of.

I had some classes with a few of those girls, who were probably curious as to why such a gorgeous guy would be with me—a plain Jane weirdo.

I certainly didn't look anything special, even though I was on a date. I was clueless about fashion and terrible at putting on makeup. Mel had tried teaching me, spending hours applying her foundations, eye pencils, and eyeshadows on me in front of a mirror, but it was pointless. My hands always trembled when I tried to do it myself, which was odd because I was a good artist, but I couldn't put one simple line on my eyelids.

That was why I didn't bother wearing makeup, even when I was with Mateo. I tried wearing nice clothes, though, following Jess and Mel's suggestions, and I tried doing something with my wavy hair that reached my mid-back, taming it with a flat iron, but it was far from extraordinary.

Mateo noticed me watching those girls, and he placed his hand against my cheek, making me look at him. "Hey. I know what you're thinking now. Don't. You're so pretty."

I blushed, which was a usual occurrence whenever he complimented me. Even after one month, I couldn't get used to receiving compliments from him. "Thank you. How do you always know what I'm thinking? You have some powerful mind-reading ability."

He surprised me when he grew serious. "It's not so powerful. If it was, I'd be able to know why you have that Band-Aid on your forehead."

I gnawed at my bottom lip and glanced away, removing my hand from his. "I told you, I bent to pick up something from the floor, and I hit the edge of—"

"Yeah, I've already memorized the story you told me, so you don't have to repeat it. I just don't know why you're lying to me."

"I'm not lying."

"You are lying. You always blush when you do."

Like he'd pressed a button, heat surged into my cheeks. "I blush all the time."

"That's true, but I learned to recognize why."

My fingers reached out to play with the fries on my plate. I didn't want to talk about it. I was never able to admit to him that I couldn't truly be myself in front of him. I just wanted everything to be perfect between us, and I took extra care not to ruin our relationship or his image of me, but I was aware I did the same thing I'd done with Kayden. I'd never been fully honest with Kay, afraid he would think I was a loser if he knew how truly unpopular or unloved I was.

Bullying felt like a proof that there was definitely something wrong with me, like I was born with a mistake. If I told others I was bullied, they could see me as faulty and decide I wasn't worth their time. I was so ashamed that I hadn't been able to voice my most honest and deepest thoughts to Kayden. To some extent, he knew other students bullied me, and he tried to stop it whenever he witnessed it or heard about it, but he couldn't have been everywhere or protect me 24/7. He was never aware of just how much Hayden hated me.

I knew, I really knew I should be braver and more open with people, but the walls I'd built a long time ago were too thick and tall. I preferred to stay safe and closed than be open and vulnerable.

Unfortunately, staying safe meant hurting others, and I recognized the sadness in Mateo's eyes because I wasn't completely honest with him.

I sighed. "I was knocked with my locker door."

Mateo frowned. "What?"

I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I ripped the fries on my plate to pieces. "My ex-friend, Christine, decided it would be a good idea to hit me with my locker door."

He took a hold of my hands, stopping my nervous movements. "Is this the first time she's done something like that?"

I stared at the mess I'd made on my plate, catching my lip between my teeth. I didn't feel better after confessing this. I felt ashamed. "No. We go back a long way. It's complicated."

"I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Tell me."

"I can't, okay?" I didn't want to talk about this now. We were supposed to have fun, not talk about such a depressing topic.

"Come on. You know you can tell me everything. Look at me." He tried to catch my chin, but I brushed his hand away.

"Please, Mateo. Give me some time and space."

His brows furrowed even further, and he leaned away from me. "Really, Sarah? I've been giving you time and space all this time. I was patient and took it slow with you because I didn't want to push you, but you're still keeping me at a distance. You're not being fair."

I felt like he'd slapped me. I couldn't believe what he'd just said. "So you've had enough already? You've already decided I was too much of a hassle? We're only been together for one month, Mateo. I was bullied for almost ten years! I don't trust people. I can't. How can I trust them so easily when I got used to a long pattern of betrayal and hurt?"

"So you don't trust me either?"

I looked away. I could already hear the hushed whispers of a few people around us who heard our argument, and I hated discussing something so private at a public place.

I tucked my hair behind my ear. "I'm trying my best to trust you. You're my first boyfriend, so I need time to get used to sharing my feelings."

This admission instigated another wave of shame that crashed over me, and the pressure in my chest built up as I waited for his answer. He didn't say anything at first, and I almost expected him to tell me I was too much to handle and break up with me.

But then his lips curved into a faint smile. "I'm sorry," he said and caught my hand. "I'm also trying my best to understand you. You were hurt badly in the past, so I have to be patient."

Why did that sound like he couldn't really understand me? Then again, how could he? He'd never been bullied. He was a popular guy everyone loved. He was the captain of Rawenwood High football team and a real girl magnet, always surrounded by family and friends. We were complete opposites in that aspect. Up until now, I hadn't been able to experience normal teenage life, so this attempt at normality wasn't easy for me.

I sighed. "I'm sorry too. I know I'm difficult, and you're always so sweet."

He leaned in and kissed me, his lips lingering on mine before he pulled back. "You're even sweeter. I don't need sugar when I have you."

I returned his smile, appreciating that he was trying to ease the atmosphere between us. "Yeah, but I doubt you'd be able to resist ordering your favorite pineapple empanadas."

He grinned, his eyes glimmering with amusement. "Of course not."

"Seriously, all that sugar is going to kill you one day."

"You can kill me any day, sugar." He winked, and I rolled my eyes.

"And suffer the wrath of all these teenage girls gawking at you? No, thank you." He laughed, and things went back to normal between us again.

We left the restaurant an hour later, and he drove me back home. He slowed down when he spotted a gas station and convenience store in the distance, passing a large, almost vacant parking lot. He continued driving another five hundred feet until he pulled into the gas station.

"I need to get gas and buy some stuff." He turned off his Ford and unbuckled his seat belt. "Wait for me here. I won't be long."

I nodded and watched him go inside the store. I exhaled a shaky breath and leaned my head against the headrest. I'd been tense ever since our argument. We rarely argued, and our fights always ended quickly, like tonight, but nothing would ever be solved. We would joke and talk about everything and nothing, but I always felt like something was missing.

I let out a long sigh. Maybe I was overanalyzing it. I should just give it more time.

The screeching of car tires in the distance broke through my thoughts, and I looked over my shoulder at the parking lot we'd passed a minute ago. A black Chevrolet Camaro slid sideways to a halt, followed by a yellow Chevrolet Corvette. My heart began its mad rhythm. There was no doubt that those two were Hayden and Masen.

A black Honda came to an abrupt stop behind them, and Hayden and Masen rushed out of their cars, looking ready to fight.

I swallowed hard when two burly guys got out of the Honda. One of them was short but muscular, while the other was too tall, probably over six-foot-five. They looked menacing and all kinds of wrong. My breathing grew uneven when they began arguing with Hayden and Masen, their postures promising nothing good.

Hayden shouted something at the short guy, motioning furiously with his hands. The guy pushed him in response, making Hayden stumble. He lunged at the guy, shoving him a few feet away as Masen punched the other guy in the face.

I pressed my hand against my mouth when they started exchanging blows, and it became raw and violent so quickly I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked around the parking lot and gas station for anyone, but there was no one, and I couldn't see Mateo in the store through the glass doors.

I brought my gaze back to Hayden, tension engulfing more of me. What should I do? Masen struggled with the tall guy, landing on the hood of the Honda when he got kicked in the stomach, while Hayden fell to the ground, trapped under the short guy who was punching him in the face relentlessly.

They needed help. I needed to call the police, but what if that would only cause trouble for Hayden? What if they came too late?

I glanced at the shop again, but I still couldn't locate Mateo. I spotted a few cameras around the gas station, but none of them overlooked that parking lot, and I doubted anyone inside the store was aware of what was going on.

Damn it. Unable to stay in one place, I got out of the car, desperately wanting to do something. But what could I do?

The short guy was stronger, but Hayden managed to push him off him, catching his face with his fist. He barely had time to get to his feet when the guy took out a knife. It was like horrible déjà vu, the sickening image of Josh cutting Hayden's shoulder flashing in my mind. Masen wasn't able to help Hayden, because he had his hands full.

I opened my backpack and took out one thing I hoped I wouldn't ever have to use—pepper spray. Josh's and Natalie's murder attempts had left me paranoid, so I started carrying it with me several days after I got out of the hospital. Hayden backed away, trying to dodge the knife, but each time the guy swung his knife at him, the blade got closer, until it became almost impossible for him to avoid it.

I can't waste more time. He's in danger!

I dropped my backpack, and my legs carried me toward them before I could even figure out what I was doing. Hayden grabbed the guy's arm and twisted, making him drop the knife. He tried to knee him in the groin, but he missed, and the guy hit him hard in his face. Blood spurted out of Hayden's nose and mouth, and he fell to the ground again.

The guy sat on top of him and reached for the knife, and this time there was no way for Hayden to escape.

"You messed with the wrong guys," the guy said with twisted satisfaction on his face.

My legs and back injury burned as my feet rushed over the concrete ground, and I reached them before the guy had a chance to strike or notice me coming. Ignoring my fear, I sprayed the pepper spray all over his face.

"Fuck!" He shut his eyes and dropped the knife, jumping away from Hayden.

"Sarah?" Hayden said breathlessly when our eyes met, and I flinched when I saw the wounds on his face up close. The blood was trickling over his brow, nose, and mouth, creating a ghastly sight.

It took him only moments to snap out of his wide-eyed shock at seeing me here. He stood up and kicked the knife away so the short guy wouldn't be able to reach it, though that wasn't necessary since he was temporarily blinded and panicking more with each passing second.

"You're going to pay for this," Hayden hissed at him and pushed him to the ground. He straddled him and delivered blow after merciless blow to his face, until it became unrecognizable.

"Hayden, stop!" I clenched my hands into fists, hoping for him to come to his senses, but he was completely lost, and it was terrifying. "He can't do anything anymore! Enough!"

I looked desperately at Masen, who was exchanging quick punches with the tall guy. Finally, he got the upper hand when his hook sent the guy to the ground. He stood above him, breathing heavily, and finished him off with a kick in the head.

"Do yourself a favor and don't try to get up, unless you want me to send you into a coma," Masen told him smugly and wiped the blood off his lip.

He turned around and looked at me. He opened his mouth to say something, but then his gaze fell on Hayden, who couldn't stop beating the short guy. The sounds of hitting, crunching bones, and pleading cries made me ill.

"He's done for, bro" he shouted at Hayden, but Hayden didn't even listen, controlled by ferocious violence. "Hey, man! You can stop now." He reached Hayden and grabbed him from behind, pulling him to his feet and away from the unmoving body on the ground.

An immense relief blanketed me. I'd been shaking hard all this time, and it felt like my legs would betray me any second. I looked at those two on the ground and felt a twinge in my chest. I'd rushed into this mess without even knowing what I would be getting myself into. I didn't think about the consequences, following my instinct to protect Hayden. Who were these guys, and why were they fighting?

"Sars, you really are a savior. Remind me to make you a special meme," Masen joked and winked at me, using that awful nickname again, but for the first time there was no mockery in it. His eyes shone with respect as he looked at the pepper spray in my hand. "Who would've thought you would do something like this? Pepper spray! You're full of surprises. And speaking of surprises, what are you doing here?"

I could barely focus on his words, my pulse quickening under Hayden's glare. He never took his eyes off of me as he wiped blood off his chin with the back of his hand, the veins on his neck prominent.

"How can you be so stupid?!" Hayden snarled at me, eliminating the distance between us in a few quick strides and stopping only inches away from me.

He hovered dangerously over me as he stared me down, his breathing labored. It was painful seeing his bloody face, and I felt the burning need to relieve him from pain. For the first time after a long time, he was standing so close to me, and despite his rage, my body hummed with the ever present contrasting emotions—fear, sorrow, and intoxicating anticipation.

"Why did you butt in?" He snatched the pepper spray from my hand and eyed it angrily. "Are you kidding me? You got your stupid ass into something dangerous, which isn't even your business, with only a bottle of pepper spray? Do you see that?!" He pointed at the knife that lay on the ground a couple of feet away from us. He threw the pepper spray at my chest, and I barely managed to catch it. "That could have sliced your throat in a second, and that guy wouldn't even think twice about it!"

I hunched, taking a step away from him. It hurt to hear him say this after what I just did for him. I didn't need or want his gratitude, but I didn't deserve this disrespect. His anger was hurting me, so easily drowning me in misery and self-doubt all over again.

"You're going too far, bro. Her pepper spray worked, so it's not a big deal." Masen tried to reason with him, but Hayden didn't even look at him, closing the distance between us once more.

"Don't try to play the role of a savior again. You're not a fucking savior, and you're definitely not my savior. Taking the knife for me that night was incredibly stupid and more than enough. I can deal with my shit on my own. If this was you trying get on my good side, you can forget about it."

Excuse me?! His dark eyes didn't leave mine as the pressure built in me, searing its path. This was unbelievable.

I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted to tell him he was wrong and convince him I had good intentions. I wanted to make him realize that I only wanted him happy and safe.

But it didn't matter, because anything I said to defend myself now would only make me guiltier in his eyes, and it hurt knowing that. He distrusted me, and I could do nothing, absolutely nothing about it. As a person with BPD, he experienced extreme pain and sorrow, and what I'd done two months ago was a betrayal for him, which reinforced his doubts and insecurities. There was no way for him to trust me so easily after that.

"Sarah!" Mateo called me from across the parking lot, and my stomach somersaulted. This was bad.

He ran across the parking lot, looking equally mad and worried, and I glanced at Hayden. He stared at Mateo with pure hatred, his hostility almost palpable, and my heart rate picked up. Mateo didn't stop when he reached us. He lunged right at Hayden and shoved him away from me.

"What did you do to her?!" He drew his fist back to punch Hayden, but I grabbed his arm and stopped him, dropping the pepper spray on the ground.

"Mateo, don't! Don't you see he's hurt?!"

He turned his steely gaze on me. "Did he do anything to you?"

"He didn't do anything."

Hayden got into Mateo's face, ready to fight again despite his injuries. "You wanna fight? Let's fight, pussy."

I looked at him, horrified. "No!"

Masen stepped between them. "No more fighting, bro," he told him. The guys on the ground stirred, finally coming out of their daze. "We have to go. Someone could call the police." He glared at Mateo. "Unless you called them."

Mateo just watched him impassively, staying silent. Hayden's eyes flashed with vehement rage, and he stepped toward Mateo. "If you did, I'm going to break every single—"

"Enough, Hayds. Let's go," Masen said and pushed him away as I pulled Mateo back by his waist. Hayden's eyes darkened when he saw my hands on Mateo, and I felt a pang in my chest.

"Come on," Masen told him, pushing him further away.

The tall guy got up and picked up the knife from the ground. He pocketed it and helped the short guy, who was still blinded, get up. He gave us the stink eye before they headed to the Honda, taken down a notch.

"The next time you lose a fight and come to our place looking for trouble, we'll beat you even worse," Masen shouted at them. I couldn't help noticing that everything could've ended differently if I hadn't showed up, but this fact obviously didn't stop him from blowing hot air.

Hayden yanked his arm away from Masen, looking at Mateo and me one last time, and stormed off to his car.

"Let's go," Mateo said without even looking at me. I picked up the pepper spray and yelped in surprise when he grabbed me by my hand and started dragging me across the parking lot.

The screeching of tires behind me called for my attention, and I looked over my shoulder on time to see Hayden speed out of the parking lot with Masen following behind. The Honda left the parking in the same manner only moments later, heading in a different direction.

Mateo let go of my hand when we reached his car. "Get inside," he hissed.

"Mateo, I—"

"Get in the car, Sarah. It's fricking cold, and I'm not going to fight with you while I'm freezing."

I returned the pepper spray to my backpack and got in the car. I buckled my seat belt as he got in, flinching when he slammed the door shut. He was mad, but now I could understand how that scene looked to him.

"I'm sorry."

He put his seat belt on and turned on the ignition. "What were you doing there? Did they drag you out of the car?"

I closed my eyes, exhausted. The adrenaline had left my body, leaving emptiness in its wake. Everything about Hayden and the way he reacted to me caused this emotional storm within me that gave rise to more doubts.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

"No, I went on my own. I wanted to help when I saw them fighting... Hayden—" He tensed at the mention of his name. "He was in danger. One of the guys took out a knife and was about to strike—"

"So you went straight into a knife fight with just pepper spray? You have no clue how to fight or defend yourself." It sounded exactly like what Hayden had said to me.

"I understand it was stupid."

"You're damn right it was."

I gaped at him. He'd never been this angry at me before. "I admit I didn't think, Mateo, but it was a life threatening situation. It all happened in a matter of seconds. What could I have done?"

"Call me. Call the goddamn police. Or you could've done nothing and stayed out of it!" He stepped on the gas pedal so harshly I was pressed into the seat, and my old back injury pulsed dully with pain.

"Please, calm down—"

He clenched the steering wheel. "How do you expect me to calm down? How do you expect me to calm down when I find my girlfriend with some shady guys in a middle of a fight?"

He increased the speed, and my breath hitched as I watched the speedometer needle climb too quickly. Mateo never drove fast, but this time he went way above the limit.

"Mateo, slow down."

"You were on the brink of death just two months ago, and it was all because of that jerk! But as if that wasn't enough, you've risked your life again, and guess what? It was because of that jerk!"

"Two months ago I made the decision to save him, it wasn't his fault!" I didn't know why I felt the need to defend Hayden, but I had to say it. "He risked his life that night, and I just did what I felt was right. Just like now. I didn't think about myself."

"Then you're so stupid," he said under his breath with his gaze fixed on the road, and a heavy disappointment lodged in my chest.

I looked back at the dark road in front of me, hurt filling me fast. Of course he couldn't understand me. Mateo despised Hayden. He was jealous of him, and he didn't want me to have anything to do with him. Did he think I betrayed him by rushing to help Hayden?

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I—"

"Don't say you're sorry when you're not." He ran his hand through his curls, his eyes shaded with anger. "Look, I don't want to talk about this now. I'm pissed off, and I don't want to say something I'll regret later. Okay?"

I pressed my lips together, staring off into the darkness ahead. "Okay."

We spent the rest of the ride in silence, and when he dropped me off at my house, for the first time since we started dating, he didn't kiss me goodbye. He just muttered "See you" before he sped off without sparing me a single glance.

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Hey, hey! <3 *dances out of her evil cave and waves* Thank you so much for reading the sample chapters and for your support! I'm super excited about Pained and the moments between Sarah and Hayden :) They have a long, long way ahead of them, with a lot of bumps on their road. If you want to read more, you can buy Pained through Amazon, iBooks, Kobo, and more stores. :) The links to both ebook and paperback are in my bio.

You can follow me on my social media to get notified about my new and upcoming releases and also get the info on where you can buy my books. :)

*sends a kiss and dances back to her evil cave*

Love ya,

Vera