Congratulations to the winners!

There will be three placement winners and two honorable mentions, so five overall winners.

If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know, though I am not tolerating disrespect or hate.

Please read your review all the way through before asking questions since I sometimes take a while to explain, so your question may be answered by the time I finish up the review.

Next: I am working on best writing style and best dialogue. Best dialogue is pretty much done, so you can expect that ASAP.

3rd Place

Voltiana by xxjyoxx

Review:

Going off my first impression, the blurb sounds very promising and gives me an intriguing idea about what the plot will cover. So from the first impression, I'm already interested and ready to read. It's good to have your reader impressed by their first look at the book, so good job with that.

Moving into the actual plot, I really like this concept, and I really like Daichii as our protagonist. Now, look, I'll be transparent: I'm biased. I too have walking issues and have received many surgeries throughout my life, and I've spent half of my 20s so far being unable to walk at all, so Daichii is a character I personally relate to, but, bias aside, he's still an interesting character who's active in the plot and propels it forward. I also like the realism of it all, like Daichii falling and breaking his walker in chapter 2 and brushing it off so casually. Yeah, that was how I reacted when I slipped and ate sh/t in the shower while wearing a cast and being unable to put weight on my foot. I laughed at myself despite how dangerous the situation was, and also how much it hurt. So that's exactly how I'd expect Daichii to react to that situation.

While I do have some critiques for the pacing of the first chapter, I still think it has a good hook that made me want to read more, giving a lot of mystery and making the reader question what was going on and how so much is happening so quickly, so it was a cool opening scene that I think will hook people in.

In general, I like all the characters and the dynamics they have, like the Jokesters, and the relationship Daichii has with his family. They all interact with the plot in ways that feel engaging and fun to read about. The story is, overall, very solid and moves at a great rate that keeps readers invested.

The SPAG is overall pretty good too. The only thing I'd recommend is using less all caps, except for things like onomatopoeias. I don't mind it there, and I think you using all caps only for one or two words at a time was better than much of the all caps usage I've seen in my years on Wattpad; however, there were still times you used a lot of all caps, even for just one or two words at a time, and I'd suggest downsizing since all caps are telling over showing, and they can also come off as overdramatic at times. Still, the SPAG was pretty solid, so that's just a minor suggestion.

As for critiques, I'd suggest slowing down in the first 2-3 pages of the story since it happens very fast, and before I even understand the geography of the scene or what's going on, I'm learning character names and seeing banter before we get to process the immediate setting. You may want to consider slowing down and fleshing out more of what's happening and the world around Aoki before we even learn the character names. As much as I'm far from the type to suggest masking character names, I'd rather have it be slower since it felt like that opening happened really fast, and I couldn't visualize the scene or the world they were in, so that's why I suggest considering slowing down during that section since it's the opening of the entire book and our first major impression of your writing and the storyline.

I also say this because there are a lot of names to get accustomed to, so slowing down and giving us more details here and there could be very beneficial so we can better understand what's going on not only in that opening scene, but throughout the rest of the story as well. It could help set an even stronger foundation for the rest of the plot if the beginning parts took a little more time to marinate. I'm not saying you need to have paragraphs upon paragraphs of descriptions as I don't think that'd be good advice, but even just a couple sentences here and there could make a massive difference and get the readers more ready to, well, read!

All in all, Voltiana has a solid plot that gives you a strong first impression with an interesting blurb, and then continues that impression by getting you hooked by showing the journey of Dachii Jones and co!

2nd Place

Beyond the grave by taekookiecookie

Review:

The blurb gives us a tiny insight into the story, though not much. But after reading the story, yeah, that blurb really is about the only thing that would work without spoiling anything, so I can't blame you for the shortness of the blurb. So I think it fits in with the story and works, even if it is a little vague, but again, that's not something I fault you for since there's really no other way I can think of describing the book without giving major spoilers. The only thing about the blurb I was confused about was the choice to include top Tae and bottom Kook in it when that didn't seem to have any impact on the plot whatsoever, and I honestly didn't even notice it. So I just didn't see the purpose of including that when it didn't really matter to the plot at all to the point where I wouldn't have known unless you told me, if that makes sense.

However, that's just the blurb, so let's move into the actual plot now.

There are quite a few things I like about this plot. For one, I really love the presence of shamanism in this. Anyone who knows Korean history knows how impactful shamanism is throughout Korea's history, so I liked that attention to detail. Instead of going to a Christian priest like many stories in this genre would, you turn to shamanism, which is very historical and makes perfect sense considering how alive shamanism is in Korea even to this day. Back during the three kingdoms era, many shaman were leaders, and their beliefs with spirits needing to be expelled from bodies were strong. Many believed that was why others got sick; spirits were inhabiting the bodies of the ill, and if they died, it's because they didn't satisfy the spirits. Spirits were unsatisfied with their deaths and needed closure, often in the form of offerings and tasks, which is what Yoongi and his daughter need to do, so I thought that was cool.

The twist was interesting. I was expecting a twist in some capacity, though that specific twist was not what I was expecting, so I think you did a good job with it. I won't spoil the twist since I want people to go in with an open mind, but I just wanted to mention it since it goes without saying that the twist is a big part of the plot.

In general, I appreciate horror plots since they're a rare breed on Wattpad nowadays. I would know, considering I had a horror category in my FN Awards, and finding just 10 people for that was tough. So I appreciate the creative risk of doing a horror story, let alone a BTS one and one with a twist. I overall appreciated the storyline and thought it was interesting.

Moving into critiques, I honestly don't have much other than some small things. There were SPAG errors throughout, and I'd recommend avoiding using all caps, except for the screams like the ahhs I didn't mind being all caps, it was the other stuff that kind of pulled me out of the moment when I saw them, but those critiques are smaller things, and I've already gone over SPAG with you before, so I won't dwell on it here.

For word choice, you have a sentence during the Taesoo part that says "...suffocating him with their suffocating embrace." See how you repeated suffocating there? I'd suggest only using it once. Just a small suggestion, but while on the topic, you use the suffocating verb again to describe how Yoongi feels, but I'd suggest not doing this and instead maybe having Taehyung and Taesoo be the only ones with "suffocating" attached to their emotions, that way you can parallel what Taesoo felt through Taehyung, who believes he's the reason Taesoo died. It'd not only make the word choice feel more purposeful, but it'd also be ominous foreshadowing since "suffocating" was used right before Taesoo died, so if you use suffocating before the creepy events Taehyung and co experience for Taehyung's side of the story, it can subtly hint at what's to come while also paralleling Taesoo's storyline, if that makes sense. It'd also give more impact to Taesoo's storyline and hint even more at Taehyung's fracturing mental state, so it could be an interesting thing to implement, if you're interested.

Another smaller thing, but after reading, I was surprised by the choice to mark this as a Taekook fic when it feels a lot more like a Yoongi fic. He starts and ends the story, is the primary narrator, and is the active character in the plot making things happen. Of course Taekook are prominent figures, but I'm surprised Yoongi wasn't mentioned anywhere in the blurb, title, or on the cover since he's the main narrator and protagonist who ends up solving the plot and making all the discoveries. It's not a big deal or anything, especially since Taekook are still prominent characters, it was just something I was more shocked by, if that makes sense. Again, a small thing and nothing too substantial, and I do understand why Taekook were featured in the title/cover/blurb, I was just surprised by Yoongi's lack of an appearance despite being the protagonist/narrator, if that makes sense.

But, overall, I think the story has a solid plot with cool details throughout it that made it fun to read about. The twist was interesting and added more to it. I all in all enjoyed my read.

1st Place

Dude, I Kissed Your Mom! by quyvozi

Review:

Right when I saw this form, I giggled a little at the title, and I mean that in a good way. So even as far back as when you left the form, I had a strong first impression of the story. The title is definitely eye-catching, and I don't think anyone will disagree with me there. Moving into the blurb, while it could use some grammar tweaks to punctuation and spacing, the overall writing gives me a solid idea of what to expect in the story, and it expands on the eye-catching title in a way that makes me say "I'm just too curious now, I have to read it!" So the title and blurb fit each other well, and they give me a good idea of what the plot is going to be about. I'll talk about the SPAG errors later.

So let's start with what I liked about the plot. The first thing I liked about the plot was Max himself. Max is, to put it simply, a jerk. But, he's a fun jerk. He's so fun to read about, seeing all his antics and wondering what he's going to do next, but there were also many emotional beats that added charm and love to the narrative. I think Max does a really good job keeping this story extremely interesting, and seeing as he's the protagonist, that's a very good thing.

Obviously, there's tension between him and... well, I was gonna say his bestie westie, but at this point, there's tension with him and everyone, so there's no point trying to narrow it down. I mean, the opening scene is him getting detention because he couldn't stop himself from comparing a girl's behind to our lord and savior Nicki Manaj. If that's not a strong first impression, I don't know what is.

But in all seriousness, this story is a whole lotta fun with so much charm practically oozing from it. Max is our charming, jerk lead who somehow manages to convince us to stay on his side, even if we think he deserves all the detentions in the world for his countless pranks and words that make others feel embarrassed. We even get second-hand embarrassment sometimes from his shamelessness, but I think that just adds to it.

At the same time, like I mentioned earlier, there are emotional beats where we get to see a more somber side of the narrative, and a deeper side of Max, which makes the storyline feel more well-rounded and engaging to read about when you have a variety of emotions without ever having any tone issues.

Moving into the SPAG, there are frequent spacing and punctuation errors. You don't need spaces between " and words, so you often do " Is that all you had to ask?" She inquired...

It should be: "Is that all you had to ask?" she inquired...

I lowercased the "she" because dialogue tags are always lowercase unless they are a proper noun, even when the dialogue ends with ? or !. Dialogue tags are continuations of the dialogue, not new sentences, so that's why they're only capitalized if they're a proper noun, like a name. She/he are never capitalized. The spacing with the quotations and words gets better later in the story, though, so that's good.

As for punctuation, there are many missing commas throughout, and also times you end dialogue with a comma despite not using a tag. When you are not using a dialogue tag, you can end the dialogue with anything except a comma. On the other hand, if you are using a dialogue tag, you can end the dialogue with anything except a period/full stop. But to focus on the comma since that's the error, you sometimes write this: " Well I mean I'd like to discuss about what kind of room service you'd prefer but I best leave that discussion for when we are alone ,". What I'd recommend: "Well, I mean, I'd like to discuss what kind of room service you'd prefer, but I'd best leave that discussion for when we're alone." Just as a side note, I only changed "we are" to "we're" because he speaks very informally, so I felt the "we're" flowed a bit better, but there's nothing grammatically wrong with using we are, either. I added in commas and removed the "about," though I tried to keep the core of the sentence the same to stick to your writing style as best as I could.

Those are the only errors I'm going to cover as they were the most frequent. I didn't think the SPAG errors took away from my understanding of the plot, though they could tighten the emotions if they were fixed since they do take away from the emotions at times.

All in all, the plotline is what shines through the most regardless of the SPAG errors. Max is an entertaining protagonist with a lot of intrigue, and I enjoyed reading about him.

Honorable Mention

Runaway by Yootifully

Review:

The blurb is really short and doesn't give much insight about the story, not even character names or where the story takes place, but after reading the book, I honestly think it works. It matches the writing style of the book, and considering both the read time and blurb are really short, I think that makes sense too, so I think the blurb works specifically for this narrative.

Moving into the plot, I'll start small and work my way up. A small thing, but I liked the transition between Y/n's side of the story in chapters 1 and 2, and then the transition in chapter 3 that led to Taehyung's story being revealed in chapter 4. It was a good way to connect the two characters and transition to Taehyung's side in a way that felt natural and interesting. It didn't feel forced in any way. You gave Y/n the space she needed to be fleshed out, and then when you gave her backstory that spotlight, you transitioned to Taehyung, giving respect to both victims and giving them their own voices.

In general, both sides of the story were interesting and kept my attention throughout the entire runtime. It was well-paced and gave a voice to many victims.

I also like the chapter lengths and how they're a minute or two long, which makes them easy to consume, yet you spend each minute you have to craft a compelling narrative. It's short, and that's a good thing. It uses its time well and doesn't overstay, but it also is around just long enough to give enough depth to its concepts that it feels fleshed out and layered.

I really, really liked the twist. I think the twist is my favorite part of the entire story. I wasn't expecting it at all, and it immediately had me saying "Wait what?" audibly. It immediately captured my attention and kept it for the rest of the read time, which I appreciated a lot. The twist was really well done and had me questioning things about myself after I read it. It gave me an existential life crisis, in other words, which goes without saying as being very good.

Like with the praises, I'll start small and build up with the critiques. The smallest thing which is more of a suggestion than an actual critique is I don't think this needs to be a Y/n character, and you might benefit more from having her be an oc instead. I'm not sure how to explain why I felt this way, but it just, for me, felt like an oc for Y/n could have worked better since it's such a short story that I didn't see the purpose of making her a Y/n instead of an oc, though that's more of a personal thing and almost more of a nitpick, so I won't spend too much time on it other than to say I'd be curious to see this story with an oc instead of Y/n, to see if that changes anything.

I believe I've mentioned this before, so I won't dwell on it here, but it is worth mentioning since it impacts the emotions, and this is an emotion-driven story: the amount of dialogue tags. There's a tag for almost every if not every line throughout the story, which can take away from the dialogue itself. Sometimes dialogue needs to be given its own room to breathe without anything around it, especially in a story like this, so that's why I'd recommend downsizing on dialogue tags, though since I believe I've mentioned this to you before, I won't keep dwelling on it here.

There was some repetitive word choice throughout, like endure is used twice in chapter one, and the same simile is used twice in chapter 4 ("like daggers" and "like a knife," which are also cliche similes, so I'd suggest avoiding them). In general, you use "endure" quite a lot. When you have minute-long, maybe two-minute-long, chapters, it's a lot easier to notice those types of things. It's not a huge deal, but still worth mentioning.

Lastly, I wasn't sure how to feel about Y/n having feelings for Taehyung throughout her life. I can understand a crush when they were kids (he is pretty attractive and charming, after all), but after the ab/se and her self-admittance that she pushes away those of the opposite gender, I'm surprised she still has those feelings and isn't actively trying to push them away or deflect. I just felt that would have been more in-character for her to have her trying to push the feelings away and deny them, maybe even denying that she had feelings back before the ab/se started, or even not having feelings at all and having it remain a platonic brother-sister kind of thing. I can understand her feeling a sense of want to confess to him that she needs help, though the romantic feelings felt a little out-of-character, in my opinion. I go back and forth on how to feel about it, though this is one story where I feel like the romance wasn't needed, like how I didn't feel Y/n needed to be Y/n and could've been an oc. Their emotional arcs I felt didn't need a romance on it and could've focused on their individual stories instead, especially since the romance contributed not much to the overall ending and plot and things like that, so that's why I felt it wasn't needed, if that makes sense. Both of them didn't have families, so could a brother-sister relationship have worked stronger, giving them the family they desperately wanted? So that's what I mean when I say I didn't feel the romance was needed and it could've remained platonic to enhance the family themes throughout.

Overall, I think the plot is strong, especially the twist as I was not expecting that even a little bit, and I think it's a hooking idea. I like the message of the story and the acceptance Tae and Y/n come to, and I had a blast reading it.

Honorable Mention

Deadline by 4everSherlocked

Review:

The blurb is overall good. It's one short paragraph that tells the reader exactly what's going to happen in the book, so I have no complaints about that. The only thing is I was confused by the choice to capitalize "idol" since it's not being used as a proper noun, and even with the context of the story, I didn't see a purpose to capitalizing it, so I'd recommend keeping it lowercase. But that's just a small tweak. Otherwise, the blurb works for the book.

It's still really early in the story, so this book is a little hard to judge since we're still in the hook phase and not really the full-blown plot phase yet. I don't know what Jungkook and Marise's plan is going to be, so it's a little difficult to come up with a way to judge this book; however, based on what's out currently, there's a solid foundation for a plot here. You give us Jungkook's side of the story for most of what's published so far, which makes sense considering he's the protagonist. The chapter lengths are good and well-paced.

This is another body swap AU from you, though it's done differently than Body & Soul, and it features a murder mystery where Marise and Jungkook have to work together to find their killer, all thanks to Hobi and Yoongi's side of the story, which has been teased in chapter 2 but otherwise there's not much to say about it yet since I haven't seen enough of them to comment too much on them. But this plot is interesting: a murder mystery complicated by a body swap... of the victims. Now they both have to figure out who harmed them while also not appearing suspicious, and poor Marise has to be a global pop star now. So there's a lot of tension and room for intrigue here, giving you the space to expand in many directions when you update this story again.

The main critiques I have are things I've spoken to you about in the past, so I'm not going to dwell on them here. One of those things being frequent punctuation errors. There are more frequent punctuation errors here with missing commas than normal, though I did notice more correct semicolons than normal as well. That being said, there were still many incorrect semicolons, and just remember that semicolons and commas are not interchangeable. In chapters 1 and 2 in particular, I noticed a lot of missing commas, so I suggest making sure to include punctuation when needed so sentences flow out smoother.

The second thing is the main thing since it's creative, not technical: I'm surprised they let a new nurse take over the case of Jeon Jungkook, the global idol. Did his family not have any protests to a new nurse showing up and taking over? Why did no one ask to see Jungkook, or Marise's, ID? Why didn't they ask more questions about what she specializes in exactly? It just felt like they really let that go easily, and I doubt any doctor would transfer a patient, for any amount of time, over to a new nurse, regardless of hospital size, without any ID or confirmation from others. This isn't just any patient—this is a global superstar and a very serious case of attempted murder. That's why I find it shocking they didn't at least ask for ID before leaving a complete stranger alone in a room with the global superstar who is very visibly and audibly having some sort of panic attack. That feels like a lawsuit waiting to happen for negligence. Not to mention it wasn't just the doctor there, there were also a bunch of nurses. No one questioned him? Especially after his very vague explanation of "I specialize in special cases"? What special cases? If he were more specific about it, maybe I can buy it, but again, I'm just shocked no one really questioned him outside asking who he is. No questions for ID, why he's there, etc. Like I said, it just feels like a lawsuit waiting to happen, so that's why I suggest slowing down during that moment and giving a more believable excuse for why Jungkook is able to get a moment alone with Marise.

All in all, the plot has a strong start with a lot of intrigue, and I think it will get even stronger as more chapters are uploaded.

ALL REVIEWS

We Are Together! by ivna_jung

Review:

Going based on first impressions, there is no blurb, so there is no first impression I have of the plot. I would strongly suggest having a blurb here. You don't need to spoil anything major to have a blurb, but not having any idea what the story is about prior to reading is going to turn many readers off of the story. The blurb is what determines if readers want to read the book or not since it gives them an idea about the plot, so that's why I suggest having one.

Moving into the story itself, I think there is an interesting idea in here, mostly with the emotional background of the characters and how they go about it, like Yoongi and Jin in particular having those intense reactions to having reminders of their past. The title ties in well with the plot of the book, too, which is a small thing, but I appreciate it when the titles connect. So I overall think there is strong promise here since the plot is deeply connected to character emotion and how they go about their daily lives following a seemingly traumatic event the reader needs to piece together throughout the narrative since no one directly says it to them in the beginning chapters of the book. That leads to an emotional conflict that I think readers will enjoy.

I have a few critiques of the plotline and how it flows out. This isn't completely plot-related, though it does impact the character introduction of Jin, and it's in chapter 2, where my worldbuilding pet peeve appears with the line "XXX (name of Award Show)." My pet peeve is when the name of something is blurred out like that since it doesn't take long to make up a name, Google a real life award show name, or just anything else, really. It immediately breaks immersion, and I strongly suggest not doing this since it takes only a couple seconds more of effort to just give it a name. You can even keyboard smash and take the letters you get to form a name, if you'd like. It's fiction, so it doesn't have to be real. Look at Stranger Things. Hawkins isn't real, but now it's an iconic location. And just a small thing while on the topic, but xxx also... uh... has a double meaning, so that's another reason why I strongly suggest avoiding it. But that's more of a nitpick, so I'll move into other critiques now.

The main critique I have is the SPAG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). While it isn't a big deal for this category, the frequent SPAG errors make the paragraphs difficult to understand at times, thus breaking immersion with the plot and making it harder to connect with said plot. For example, there were frequent typos, like and is spelled as abd and write is spelled as right in chapter 9. Since the chapters are short, when you make multiple typos in them, it's really noticeable, so I definitely suggest spending more time on the editing prior to publishing chapters. There were grammar errors for capitalization where you capitalized words that weren't proper nouns that didn't start the sentence, there were comma errors, there were dialogue tag errors, ellipse errors, article errors, end punctuation errors, etc. So there were very frequent SPAG errors, I'd say in every chapter if not ever other sentence, so I would suggest using a grammar editing software like Grammarly, QuillBot, and/or ProWritingAid if you are ever unsure about grammar, and/or reading out loud or plugging the text into a TTS generator to hear the text read back to you. That's the main suggestion I have.

I wasn't a big fan of the choice to not reveal the character names right off the bat and instead use only pronouns, like he and she, but mostly he, to try and hint at who's who. It's one thing if it happens once, but it was for all seven boys, and the issue with this is when we don't know the character names, it gets really confusing who's who. The majority of the cast is male, so when you have multiple "he" characters in a scene, the pronoun game is extremely hard to follow and makes it almost impossible to tell who is doing what, so that's why I suggest considering introducing who's who much sooner, if not immediately. There's a difference between being mysterious and being vague, and for me, hiding the names didn't serve much purpose and had more cons than pros attached to it, so it was more vague than mysterious. The names weren't revealed in cinematic/dramatic ways that made the masking of the names feel necessary, so that's why I'd suggest introducing the character names sooner so then the audience isn't getting confused over which he is who. We're spending more time trying to figure out the characters than what's going on in the actual scene, which can make it hard to pick up on what the plot actually is while reading those beginning chapters, if that makes sense.

All in all, the story has promise with its emotional background, it could just use some tweaks to its presentation and SPAG to help give the plot more clarity and intrigue. I hope all my critiques make sense.

A Dangerous Game of Submission by Yoonkeeri

Review:

For the blurb, it gives a clear idea of how the story is going to go, giving a general plot rundown without beating around the bush or anything like that. The only thing I didn't care for was the line "Will he f/cking submit." It just felt unnecessarily aggressive, and the f word wasn't needed, in my opinion. Sometimes curses can sound forced, and that was a moment where, for me, that curse felt forced. Otherwise, I thought the blurb did its job getting the reader ready to, well, read.

Moving into the core of the plot, I personally feel for Yoongi. Well, he's a mafia leader, so I don't feel that much, and maybe it's almost a bit of revenge for all the lives he's harmed thanks to his career "choice," but I do think it's extremely messed up that the government gets to decide such a personal matter. It makes me angry just thinking about it, but that's a good thing since it means you're evoking reactions from me. And those reactions were quick, too. I felt this way by chapter 1. If I were in Yoongi's shoes, I'd be angry too. I'd refuse to even talk to Jin, let alone do anything else with him, and he's Jin.

So the whole concept of the government being so invasive with everyone's private lines mixed with the mafia world of Yoongi and the irony of his situation considering his role is interesting. I overall like that side of the story, and I don't think I've seen a fic where the government has done something this invasive before, so I appreciate that.

Moving into critiques, this is a nitpick, but in chapter 2, when Jin somehow got all the bullets out of Yoongi's gun without Yoongi noticing, I found that a bit puzzling since that's a really difficult thing to do as is, let alone without the king of the underworld noticing. But even that aside, why didn't Yoongi just hit Jin with the butt of the weapon? The gun isn't specified, but seeing as it was in his pocket, I'm guessing it's a pistol of some kind. He could easily knock Jin out. If he was planning to shoot to kill (seeing as he pulled the trigger), surely he'd have no problem knocking Jin out, right? So that confused me a little, why Yoongi wasn't trying every option at his disposal to get out of the situation, especially when he still had a heavy, metal weapon on him and Jin was distracted with driving, so he had a good opportunity to knock Jin out, a move Yoongi's surely done many times before as a mafia? But that's more of a nitpick, so I won't spend any more time on it and will move into different critiques.

I think this is a good bridge to my next critique about descriptions: lack of specifics. There's a big lack of specifics in the descriptions, like the gun model isn't described even so much as to say what kind of general category it is, like a pistol. It's referred to only as a "gun," multiple times with no synonyms, really. In chapter 3, they pull up to Jin's place, but there's no specifics about the place, only this: The sleek black car rolled to a stop in front of the grandiose structure that served as Kim Seokjin's place. It stood tall and imposing that showed his status and power. In general, this is how a majority of the descriptions are: they give vague rundowns, but nothing specific, and it's almost all telling over showing. You tell us that Jin's place is tall and imposing to show his status and power, but why not show it? Show how Yoongi feels tiny compared to it, show why it's grandiose, show why it's imposing, etc. Show us those things, don't tell us. It impacts the plot since Jin's place is like the main hub of the entire story, so the first impression and continued impressions are really, really important.

The same applies to the government. During the first couple chapters, we get exposition about the government, but they're simply referred to as that: the "government." Is there any more detail you can provide here? How does this government work? Do they have a system like, say, America's where they have a federal level and smaller levels depending on the area? Do they have a specific name? Clearly this is an AU, almost like a dystopian, so specific names for the government could be beneficial. Instead of being vague about this, consider being more specific earlier in the story. There's already a lot of exposition there, so I'm not saying add more, but consider sprinkling some in throughout chapters 2 and 3, that way the exposition doesn't become too much, but you're also giving us more details while progressing the plot forward. Maybe during the car ride, Yoongi thinks more about the government and curses them out, which is very in-character for him to do, while also giving us some more details about them, thus spreading out the exposition, still progressing the plot since Jin and Yoongi are actively moving toward their goal, and staying in-character for Yoongi since he'll be describing the government in a way that's so him. That's just one suggestion, but I encourage you to play around with it.

All in all, there is potential with this story idea, particularly with the questionable morals that come with it, it could just use some tweaks to its presentation.

The Forest of Temptation by Seamlesslove

Review:

Starting with the blurb, it's a little hard to judge since this is an anthology, so there's no blurb specific to The Forest of Temptation; however, the blurb for Succinct Tales is good. It tells the reader exactly what to expect from the oneshot compilation. It can be really difficult to make a blurb for a oneshot compilation, so I think you overall did a good job with it.

Moving into the plot itself, the idea is really cool. I love the blend of fantasy concepts with your own unique spin on what these concepts mean. The idea of the siren and how said siren interacts with the gods is fascinating to think about, and I love how you use fantastical concepts in your stories, first with Cerdona, and now with this. I like these types of stories, so it attracted me a lot, and I thought you accomplished this well.

I particularly like the idea of the gods interacting with the sirens and how their lifestyle is built around that. As much as I'm sure most people have rough feelings toward sirens considering they lure people to their deaths, I still found myself fascinated by them and almost rooting for them at times, not because I genuinely wanted to see them capture Lily, but because I wanted an excuse to see more of the world.

Moving into suggestions, I'll start small and then get into the meat of it. I would suggest going back in and proofreading whenever you get a chance since there are frequent SPAG errors, like you misspelled sea as see a little over halfway through the text, and sleeveless as sleevless at the beginning. These errors aren't a big deal for the plot and won't really impact your standing at all, but they're still worth mentioning.

The main critique I have is the plot could benefit from some tweaks to the pacing as there were times, mostly at the beginning, that the story felt rushed. It feels like this story needed more like 15-20 minutes to tell its tale, not 12. For example, the beginning of the story is exposition, which is fine and needed, but then we almost immediately jump into the plot after that. What about the forest? Consider slowing down during that part and giving us descriptions of this magical place, so we can get more set in the scene. You give us exposition building up this forest as this magical place, but then when Lily enters it, there are no descriptions about what it looks like, not until she's already taken by the tribe, but what about before that? Consider slowing down to really set the scene and get us invested in the world around Lily and Lily herself before diving more into the plot.

For me, it felt like the plot happened very quickly with little time to slow down and describe these events. Considering this is a fantasy, I would expect more descriptions of these otherworldly concepts, and that's my main suggestion: giving more descriptions. You don't have to give paragraphs upon paragraphs of descriptions, but consider giving even just a few sentences here and there to get the reader more involved. Descriptions are crucial for a story like this, so that's why I'm suggesting slowing down so much and focusing on it since it made the plot feel really rushed in the beginning, like we got thrown into it without much warning, if that makes sense. I'm okay with fast pacing, though this felt too fast.

All in all, The Forest of Temptation has a strong concept with a cool world, I just suggest fleshing it out more and giving the plot more time to marinate before jumping into it. I hope that makes sense!

Illusion of Love by ShuKurenai2009

Review:

The blurb is short, only one sentence that says "This story is about a married couple and their falling relation." To be fair, yeah, that's exactly what the story is about, so I honestly can't fault that; however, I would recommend adding more detail. Where in the world are they? Who are the main characters? Maybe some hints at why their relationship is failing? What's at stake here? Consider answering some of those questions within the blurb to give the readers a stronger first impression of the story, if that makes sense. It overall says exactly what the story is about, though you could benefit from adding some more detail.

Moving into the core of the plot now, I like the idea here with Shu's wife, Y/n, suspecting him of cheating and falling into a cat and mouse game in her mind, ending up in the arms of another who seems to match the description of the killer Shu is hunting down. Pretty ironic, isn't it? Only there's far more to it than on the surface since there are many layers to what's happening in Y/n's brain beyond just what the reader sees at first, and as the story progresses, more is revealed. Every chapter contributes to the plot, and the story doesn't overstay its welcome by trying to be too long. It's completed with only 13 chapters that you can read in one sitting, making it an easy albeit emotional read, which I think works in the story's favor.

I also liked how you kept the focus on Y/n instead of anyone else since it really is her story about her fracturing mental state, so I'm glad you kept the focus on her instead of jumping between POVs every five seconds. It made the story feel more grounded and interesting as a result, and I was able to see Y/n's doubts more clearly due to the focus on her.

Moving into critiques, the main critique I have is the presentation of the story that leads to the emotional bits not hitting as hard as they otherwise could have. First and foremost, script format. I would suggest not using script format for dialogue. You have character emotions and descriptions that feel more like a book, but then the dialogue is written like this:

Y/n: Dialogue.

That's script format dialogue right there, and I'd suggest this: "Dialogue," Y/n said. That's book format dialogue. I say this because you also do the script format incorrectly, often having dialogue tags (he said, she said, he asked, etc.) near the script dialogue, but the whole point of script dialogue is to tell us who's speaking, rendering the dialogue tags pointless and redundant. If you're dead set on keeping script format, I at least suggest not using dialogue tags since there's no point of using them in script format. Script format takes a lot of the emotion away from dialogue, so that's why I suggest avoiding it. Just by using book format dialogue, I'm willing to bet the emotions would be 2x stronger since it looks more natural in book form and also gives you a lot more opportunities to play around with the dialogue. Script format dialogue is meant to be more on the plain side, but book format invites experimentation and different ways to present the dialogue. And that's not me saying script format is always bad, either. I'm a film major, so I literally study and write scripts every day, so that's not me telling you to not experiment with script format, but my suggestion is to try not to mix script format and book format in this way, and to not use dialogue tags when using script format, if that makes sense.

There are, in general, frequent SPAG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) errors, like overusing all caps (I suggest not using these, or only using them very sparingly, like for one or two words at a time), comma errors, capitalization errors (where you'll capitalize words that aren't proper nouns and/or starting sentences), etc. I'd suggest using a grammar editing software like Grammarly, QuillBot, and/or ProWritingAid to help smoothen some of these errors. If that doesn't appeal to you, which is understandable since grammar editing software isn't always 100% accurate or good for creative writing, then I suggest reading out loud and/or plugging the text into a TTS (text-to-speech) generator. If you Google them, a million will pop up. I personally use TTS, and it's helped my editing by a lot. I catch a lot more spelling and grammar errors than I would otherwise since you will catch more errors reading out loud than you would reading in your head. Some of the sentences were hard to understand, which is why I suggest tweaking the SPAG so the reader remains immersed the entire time, leading them to feel more of the emotions you're intending them to feel.

All in all, the story has a strong premise with high emotional intrigue, it could just use some tweaks to its presentation so the execution is clearer and easier to get invested in. I hope that makes sense!