Idia Kiara Esosa

I D I A

After swiftly manoeuvering it's way around with the driver's aid, the car finally came to a parking halt. And this was the moment I'd been apprehensive about the minute I stepped foot into this car.

I didn't want the car to stop at all.

Despite the thick tension which hung around and the anxiousness I felt throughout the ride, I still didn't want the whole drive to come to an end just because of him, Jared.

He'd barely said a word to me after what I did, and aside from the comforting gesture he offered just when I thought he was about to abandon me like everyone else did, he still was yet to properly look at me without those flames of betrayal burning through his eyes.

I couldn't bear to see him in such a state and knowing fully well I was obviously the reason for what he was going through, I tried to talk to him.

I really tried, but my efforts were totally in vain as he chose to ignore my whole existence the minute we were no longer visible to majority of the student's population.

"J" I could barely utter that out with the use of little to no energy at all, as that must've been the umpteenth time I desperately called him just to get even a fraction of his attention.

Never had I ever felt so miserable to the point where I could desperately trade anything, just to relieve myself from this burden of seeing him like this.

The next call from me sounded like an uncertain question "Jared?" I asked in such a way that made it seem like I was tasting the feel of his name on my tongue for the first time, it sounded surreal and at the same time, had an alluring mix to it which would have definitely captivated the interest of any other person but Jared.

He was so unmoved by how sincere I sounded.

"Leave."

The commanding tone he used in delivering that, was enough to smash my whole into a complete rigid state for some seconds which motioned across like a destructive tsunami, and even after I finally recovered from my shocked state, I found it difficult to reverse what he'd just said because I was unable to fathom how Jared, my Jared, sounded so cold towards me.

His action was understandable to an extent, since he partly had the right to be upset after what I'd done, and I never for once denied ever being at fault, but he really did not have the right to make me feel this way.

Absolutely nobody had the right to make me feel so guilty and sad yet, here he was, doing all that and more to me. And to crown it all, I was sincerely being apologetic. So why could he not just see how genuine I was about everything? Just why?

Why couldn't he see that I was truly sorry?

Why was it so hard for him to just forgive me?

My heart was bleeding.

Couldn't he see that?

I could literally feel the rate at which it profusely sped up in an undesirable pain as I stared at him.

This was too much for me to bear and I still couldn't understand why the one person I considered or, knew was mine, had an unhealthy control over me.

I sometimes hated the effect he had on me because I sadly knew deep down within myself that my Jared, wasn't completely mine, not when he couldn't openly reciprocate or respect the amount of love I had for him.

I was heartbroken as always, but still undeterred, as I affectionately tried to place my hand on top of his, but he quickly shifted his hand away from it's former position immediately he noticed my incoming gesture.

My heart sank into the depth of utter hollowness at how he swiftly rejected my comfort, without even blinking an eye.

"Just. Leave."

As if on cue, the car door by my right was held open by the insignificant driver who I hadn't noticed was already out of the car.

I sharply turned to face Jared, as surprise marred my features like an unpredicted blow.

Was he really serious?

"But I apologized, is-"

"Enough! Leave." He curtly interrupted in a brash tone which sounded so pissed off and irritated.

After one long lasting stare at his impassive figure, whose arms were folded and eyes equally situated on me, I barely scoffed in an attempt to cover up the fragments of my broken heart as I cleared my throat, sat upright and elegantly made my way out of the car.

"Aminat!"

"Aminat!"

"Aminat!"

I called out that disgusting servant for what sounded like the hundredth time, and as usual, the stupid girl was too deaf to not have heard my call.

"Aminat!"

"Aminat!"

"Yes ma?!" The goat finally decided to make use of those fancy devices at the side of her face, as her hurried response, matched the rate at which she clumsily dash into my room.

"Are you mad?" I literally screamed out the question across to her filthy self, who was in a trembling mess some steps before the doorway.

She vigorously responded in an instant, by continuously moving her head sideways.

"No! You're definitely mad and deaf! Because tell me why I must always scream out your name for like ten good times, before you'll answer? Ehh!"

"I'm....sorry ma, it won't repeat itself again."

"You should be sorry for your miserable and filthy self, not me." I paused, taking a prolonged once over look at her.

Despite the well designed staff uniform she wore, the pauper still couldn't take off that ugly and poverty stricken air exuding from her. "I don't really blame you because if I had it my own way, you would not be here instead, in the gutters where your kind are best suitable to be." I said as my eyes once again involuntarily seized up her disgusting appearance.

She was beyond revolting.

"Where is my pill bottle?"

Since this bitch was the one in charge of taking care of my room, she definitely had to be aware of whereabouts of those pills because, I'd been searching for the bottle immediately I stepped into my room. I was yet to even freshen up, but that was currently the least of my worries because I desperately needed that bottle.

"Erm.....ma....senior madam took it."

That was partly impossible.

I shook my head in disbelief because I was definitely sure Mum wasn't aware of my drug intake, as I'd always cleared my tracks and never for once had I ever left any room for unnecessary suspicions from her.

So how in the world did she find out?

"How did she suddenly get a hold of the bottle?" I asked the bleating goat through gritted teeth, while trying to control myself from not slapping her daft form into oblivion.

"She....I...erm....I ca..n explain."

"Did you tell her?" I queried her in an almost whisper like voice, as a slight part of me hoped she wouldn't not confirm my dire suspicions, because goodness knew I was not going to take any shitty snitch likely.

But the minute she energetically shook her whole and performed the all too familiar 'I-reject-it' sign, another part of me was awfully convinced that maybe the filthy girl did not snitch.

I couldn't be too sure though, poor people like her were always so desperate, and who knows whether Grant must've bought her to talk with some mere change.

"Let me explain." She properly spoke for the first time without stuttering or shaking.

"I was arranging your closet after you left in the morning when she suddenly came into the room, and left after fetching the bottle from the nightstand. That is all that happened."

I couldn't just believe her.

There was something off about her whole explanation, something I knew, she wasn't revealing but that was also not my major concern.

Only the thought of Grant finding out about those pills was terrifying, so imagine the multitude of dread which was slowly building up within me, as I couldn't begin to wonder what she'd do now that the bottle was in her possession.

I impulsively sped out of the room, not caring on how frantic I appeared as thoughts on what I knew, Grant Esosa was capable of swirled through my mind.

That woman had all the shades of viciousness entwined through her whole persona, and just like the blood flowing through her, a day could not go by without her making her cruelty known to those within the four walls of this place, where she could freely demonstrate her superiority without the critiques or words of those controlling and entertaining whatever the media produced.

To the outside world, Grant Esosa was the literal embodiment of that word called perfection.

But here, in this hell zone which was the reality I was born into, myself and everyone under Grant wouldn't, but could attest to the fact that she was a million and more miles away from that word which she was obsession with.

The only place her supposed perfection received numerous accolades and recognition, was on social media. So, she desperately did everything she could to ensure Carmen and I didn't in any way taint her flawlessness on the media.

From an early age, we were literally programmed to always do her bindings in order to please her, live up to her perfection and depict it before the media in whatever way we could, but that didn't include soiling the glorious reputation she'd built through the years.

And you know what?

I was somehow the child who in some rare but still frequent occasions, found herself involved in one glamorous scandal or the other.

At times my situations were not worth public interest, but trust those desperate bloggers to carry Idia Kiara Esosa's name on their headlines with every little chance they got.

So in summary, I wasn't Grant Esosa's favourite and she never for once, since the minute I could comprehend the letters of the alphabet, failed to remind me of how disappointed she was in me and how unlucky she was the day she had me, through a one night stand affair with a supposed Italian buffoon.

And her words were not the only reminders I got of how much of a failure I was to her, Grant was actually very skilled in inflicting pain.

Sometimes I wonder how she could smoothly wound, traumatize and cause several, no definitely countless blemishes on one, me to precise, when things didn't or were not going her way.

I had repeatedly seen the other side of Grant which those in the media failed to look into, so I knew what she was very much capable of. The lengths she could go to just to get what she wanted and, what she could do with the little she had, that was Grant Esosa, and despite all the knowledge I had of that woman I still chose to constantly take those pills.

"Mum?" My voice instinctively called out on reaching the luxurious dining area.

That word was an endearment meant for an actual mum and not for someone like her, who sat at the head of the dinning table, with a bowl of her usual afternoon fruit salad before her, as she calculatedly munched with her attention solely on the salad.

It wasn't until she shifted her point of focus from the salad to me, that I noticed the pill bottle was firmly some inches away from the plate containing her fruit salad.

I stopped breathing in an instant.

I suddenly forgot how to get air into my lungs, as I gasped and quickly held onto one of the dining chairs for support.

I tried to control myself.

Total composure at all times was one of Grant's crucial rule which I was breaking even in her presence.

Despite the difficulty I found in breathing, I couldn't even try to miss that all too familiar disgust and enragement, which smeared across her features as her eyes took in my unintended show which apparently, was more like I was finding it hard to breath.

But I was old enough and very much experienced with an episode like this one, to know that Grant only perceived such as nothing but sheer weakness. And as her child, I was always reminded to eliminate ever form of that disease.

I could never be weak.

Never.

Determined to not give in to how horrified I really was, I made several strenuous attempts to gradually reduce the choking and recover from whatever the shock that came with it.

I wasn't exactly surprised that the pills were in her possession. I mean, I was very much aware of that fact before storming into the dining room, but there was this weird but familiar kind of fear which surged up like a sickening bile, immediately my eyes spotted the bottle beside that plate.

Her cold eyes relentlessly took in my whole for some sour depressing seconds before she causally, and ever so calculatedly, redirected her attention to her plate as though to dismiss my presence.

Grant wasn't dumb.

She knew the exact reason why my panic-stricken self had bolted into the dining area, and as I'd expected, she didn't even bother to conceal how unfazed she was by my sudden interruption, or the manner in which her least favorite child poorly handled another choking episode the minute she laid her eyes on that bottle.

Grant was being calm.

Too calm.

And worst, too un-bothered.

But, I shouldn't be so quick the judge a book like hers by purely it's cover, not when I was fully aware of how heinous it's content was.

"Kiara?"

That. Was. It.

The only time Grant found a weird interest in my second name, was when her furiousness was setting a deadly timer to unleash itself like a ticking bomb.

Grant was seething, that I could tell from only her voice and nothing more.

I couldn't even find the voice to respond to her call, as all I could helplessly muster, was the faintest of all courage as I still stood with my head held high, and body striving to not yield to the air of dominance she weilded.

I couldn't be weak.

I wasn't weak.

Weakness was a disease, one I could never succumb to even in her presence.

Her voice sharply perforated through my self affirmation in an instant. "What did I say about soiling my reputation?" She asked, with dead eyes shooting lazers at my supposed 'confident' self.

If there was another thing I hated about Grant Esosa, then it had be her ability to see through every form of confidence I always had on because, her lifeless eyes were always steady on it's target, not wavering for a second as they calculatedly examined one with her whole face and aura, devoid of anything related to the word, emotion.

In that moment, I was utterly convinced that she could see beyond my upright posture.

I didn't even need anyone to voice out that fact because as always, this was Grant Esosa.

"How did you find out?" I stubbornly chose to answer her question with yet another one.

Her next response came like the warning it truly was, "I believe you know the consequence of what you just did?" This time, her eyes deliberately zeroed in on me, leaving me with no time to even cover up that shitty dread settling at the pit of my stomach, as she once again saw through me in an instant.

For a minute, I forgot how bare I really was before this woman, no matter how hard I always tried to mask everything up.

"Did one of those poor church rats around the house inform you?" I pressed on, as my hands gently switched into a fold position and eyes eagerly seeking to get the upper hand in this conversation. I dared to look back at her with almost the same energy.

And it seemed I finally got a reaction from her because, the faint chuckle tugging at the side of her lip was more than enough for me until, all hell immediately broke loose the minute she violently and without batting an eyelid, threw the plate before her towards my direction.

I knew what was just unleashed because it took every form of my self acclaimed awareness, to instinctively dodge her incoming rage.

Grant was livid.

I loved to see this part of her, the real one.

But all the same, I was definitely not going to like the aftermath of what I'd just done.

The absurdity of her just concluded action, was the fact that despite her unleashment, Grant still had this air of comportment evolving around her

Because tell me how someone who'd appeared so furious less than a second ago, was still capable of looking as though nothing had just occured.

Even with the great joy I got from what happened, I also couldn't conceal how shaken I was at her sudden outburst.

Although a part of me was so looking forward to it, I was somehow more than frightened now that I'd just triggered this part of her.

"Should I repeat my question, Kiara? Or do you prefer we continue all of this as simple and civil as we can?"

I didn't and definitely could not try to miss the heaviness of her words and tone, because Grant Esosa was dead serious.

I could see how she deliberately delivered her threats in the most simple form ever, and I was overly accustomed with this part of her and also not dumb, to make the mistake of letting any silly thought of provoking her further, slip into my mind.

I couldn't risk that.

Oh Lord! What was I even thinking.

What exactly came over me?

How could I easily forget-

"It seems you're finally back to your senses, huh?" She smirked.

I could easily tell by that scornful smile playing on her lips, that her senses had done little to no efforts in capturing the high level of fear which began to murder every bit of courage I previously had.

I felt the the tremors as they slowly engulfed my whole like goosebumps in an instant, and I definitely needed no one to voice out my current predicament to my face, but trust Grant, she couldn't miss the chance of doing the honours.

"What happened child? Did you suddenly lose that ratty voice of yours? Or are you finally back to your senses!" She was beyond furious, her voice said it all.

The more she spoke, the more I became enveloped with something worst than fear, this was more than fear, I knew this feeling like the back of my palm, and it always brought out a part of me which I constantly tried to avoid at all cost.

I thought I'd overcome this, thought I was already used to everything so it wasn't that big of a deal, but looking at how much influence all of this still had on me, I was completely disgusted with myself.

With how weak I actually was in the eyes and before Grant Esosa.

Thoughts on what happened yesterday night eventually started to click into this barricaded part of my mind, where I had chosen, would be free from incidents like that. I didn't want such events coming through this part of myself.

Such was meant to stay locked away.

I didn't even want to think about it.

Never.

It happened in the past and was supposed to remain there, until I chose to let all of it out alone, and definitely not in her presence.

I believed so.

I knew so.

But I still couldn't stop myself from breaking through, and destroying into shambles every part of that barricade I'd created, as I involuntarily trembled with thoughts of yesterday night haunting my senses.

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'M SORRY!"

Each and every one of my never ending pain diluted apology, continuously played all over my mind.

I swore I was reliving everything and just like it happened, I looked so frail with voice desperately seeking for her forgiveness, but Grant was too blinded by the greatest amount of ruthlessness I'd ever seen, or practiced.

Yes, I wasn't a saint either but she, was a devil!

And her cruelty seemed to haunt me incessantly, especially on the worst occasions like now, where I didn't need to recall how scarred I was, all thanks to her endless punishments for the past eleven years.

Of which I was definitely going to receive another dose, with or without my cooperation in whatever conversation we were supposed to have.

I was too paralyzed with fear to the point where I couldn't even feel my own self, or feel the well of tears streaming through my eyes until the devil pointed it out. "I'm not surprised you're crying and trembling like the weakling you've always been."

That was just another 'harmless' reminder, one that didn't really define who I truly was, because to everyone apart from her and most especially myself, I was Idia Kiara Esosa, and that name alone could never and would never, be associated with weakness.

I'd always make sure of that.

Weakness was a disorder.

I couldn't be weak.

Maybe in front of Grant, that disgusting part of myself could helplessly reveal itself like now, but that was it, I'd always ensure it remained that way even with what happened today at school.

"It's really a huge shame I gave birth to you. I can't even believe I birthed someone so weak and pathetic, because a real child of mine would never! I repeat, never! indulge in a practice as insane as this!" She said with hands gesturing towards the pill bottle.

By now my tears were subsiding but my anxiousness was still at it's peek. I believe it worsened because my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

I didn't know how, or where I discovered the voice to firmly speak despite the tremors, but one thing for sure was that I said something, more like stated what was obviously written on the pill bottle. "It's just painkillers."

"And what exactly do you take me for Kiara?"

"I'm being honest, the pills in the bottle are just painkillers." The persuasion in my voice was more than enough to have swayed anyone into believing what I meant, but Grant Esosa wasn't just anyone, this woman was too wise and rigid to even let my words in.

"JUST PAINKILLERS YOU SAY!" She hollered, as she violently smashed another plate which was previously on the dining table, onto the floor.

I didn't even expect the shudder which ran across my whole in an instant, as the plate made an ear splitting contact with the tiled floor.

She was beyond livid.

But this was definitely more than that pill bottle.

There had to be more, because I was sure Grant wasn't being so violent just because I was taking those pills, maybe she was, but there definitely had to be something else.

That I was a bit certain of.

And, her following action finally proved my suspicions right, immediately after she summoned Andrea by snapping her finger.

I didn't even notice her personal assistant was equally present during all of this but how could I though? That lady was more of a ghost in most occasions.

Andrea causally took deliberate steps towards my standing position as her eyes were lazily fixated on mine.

I couldn't read the expression she had on, but the minute she held out her signature business iPad to me, I easily confirmed how severe of a situation I was in.

I didn't want to receive the device she offered, all I could helplessly do was stare at it in anticipation and fear of what she wanted to show me.

She didn't even withdraw her outstretched hands a bit, as she was clearly unbothered by my reaction, instead, she got the screen of her device to rotate into it's landscape mode, after which she gently pressed on what I believed was the play button on.

And just when I thought doom was lurking in the shadows, it's superior, danger, was actually before me all these while, but I was blind to not have easily understood or expected it's arrival in this form.

If I once thought numbness had overthrew my whole into the worst possible state ever, then I was absolutely wrong.

Because at this point, as my eyes frantically took in what displayed before me on this screen, I was positive the chillness running through my veins as every action revealed itself on her device, were the type which must've coursed through a dead body because I felt dead.

I was dead, not the figurative kind of dead.

I believed the kind of dead or death I was experiencing, was the actual one because my eyes, body and soul didn't want to even understand what I was watching.

How was this possible?

How did they get this video?

This was so impossible.

I was so dead.

No!

Grant was going to kill me even before the real people would even try to, that was if they could ever get their hands on this recording but how?

How did she get this!

This couldn't be happening, I shoke my head in utter disbelief as I tried to unsee the video that Andrea had suddenly paused.

Blistering tears streamed across my cheeks in an instant as I continued to slowly shake my head sideways.

I thought maybe if I just did that, then everything would go away or maybe by doing so, mother would actually change her mind from what I knew, she had installed for me.

"I'm sorry, I can expla-"

"LEO!" Her voice penetrated through mine immediately she summoned her personal bodyguard.

I didn't even need a translator at that moment to read out or explain why she called him, I already knew.

I knew why.

I'd predicted why.

And I caused this.

He was going to take me back there.

I couldn't go back there, not when I was yet to fully recover from what I'd experienced some hours ago.

"No! Mum, this video is not what it looks like I promise, it's all a misunderstanding-"

I was barely able to complete my last sentence before I received Grant's first present on the punishment list, and that came with the choking, dragging and pulling as my vision gradually began to blur, alongside the little strength I believed I formerly had.