♪21♪
A/N: I'm sorry! I know it's almost been 2 weeks since I promised to update but classes got in the way and I caught a really bad fever that I had to skip classes for a day to rest my body. I should probably stop torturing myself by staying up too late but my system is used to it by now. 😣
Anyways, sorry for the long wait. Should've known this would take ages to write but next chapter is the last chapter followed by an epilogue. I'm not too sure when I will be updating but I'll try my best to get it out as soon as I can!
**TRIGGER WARNING**
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A Month Later
Hoseok laid limp on an empty desk.
Body numb...
Face emotionless...
Brown orbs dull... long given up.
"You know, it would be a lot more fun if you tried moving." Sehun commented, straightening his own uniform up before leaving the brunet in the same miserable state like he had been doing almost every day for the past month.
When he finally gained his senses, he weakly pushed himself off of the wooden surface, arms shaky, reaching up to button his disheveled collar that the blonde had roughly pulled off. His legs barely held him up as he limped toward the door, finally being able to properly start his lunch.
The boy tried his best to walk all the way to his friends' table once he entered the cafeteria doors, silently sitting in between the two seniors of the group, appetite long gone. It was still weird not sitting to the side because Yoongi or Jimin usually sat in the middle but ever since the breakup, things had been this way.
"What's wrong with your leg? Why are you limping?" Yoongi asked when he felt the presence of the brown-eyed boy next to him.
A week after his and Jimin's break up, the older had finally started talking to him again and the brunet felt a tingle of joy in him after days of physical torture from a certain blonde. It was the first emotion he perceived in a while.
"I twisted my ankle but it's not that bad." Hoseok lied, keeping his eyes on the table. A milk carton was placed in front of him and he didn't have to look up to know who it's from but did so anyways. He smiled at the pink haired boy who returned a halfhearted one.
Jimin hadn't been himself lately. Well... he was still the same nice and caring boy... just... quieter and shyer. The breakup didn't really do the best for him. He wouldn't cry in front of anyone after that day in the stalls but Hoseok knew he only let his tears slip when he was alone. He understood because he's in the same situation with different circumstances.
"Where were you?" Their freshman friend questioned curiously.
"Just needed to finish up an assignment." He lied again. This was one of those rare times he had to lie to his friends because usually Sehun did his business after school when Yoongi would be in basketball practice which gave him time to recover from the pain and prevent suspicions from forming in the older's head. Though today the blonde didn't seem too keen on waiting the whole day to ruin the boy and dragged him to the same unoccupied classroom right when the lunch bell rang. It was those days that Hoseok felt guilty for lying.
"How'd it go?" Taehyung asked, munching on an apple slice.
The brunet shrugged. "I finished."
"Well at least you got it over with." Yoongi spoke up, patting the younger's back who flinched, insides panicking from any form of touch. "Woah, are you okay?"
"Y-yeah, fine." The brown-eyed boy stuttered out, opening his milk carton to drink half of the content, trying his best to ignore the older's suspicious orbs boring into the side of his face.
Thankfully, Taehyung had interrupted the moment.
"Are you guys going to prom this weekend?" The red head asked, chewing on a carrot before dipping another one in ranch and holding it up in front of the bunny boy sitting next to him. The freshman blushed but took the veggie in his mouth anyways, happily munching away.
The only good thing happening in their little group was between the junior and the freshman. After weeks of hesitation, Jungkook finally came out as bi to Taehyung last Friday. Unlike Jimin, the youngest had cried multiple times to Hoseok and all the brunet could do was weakly comfort him.
He felt bad that he didn't give his undivided attention to the boy but with his mind and body numb, he couldn't bring himself to be mentally present. Nonetheless, he was glad the freshman finally got the happiness he deserved.
He could only dream of that happiness for himself.
"I don't have a date so no point of going." Yoongi spoke up with a hint of bitterness, making Jimin shrink in his seat, biting his lip guiltily.
"You can always go with Hoseok." Taehyung beamed. "I already asked Jungkook to go with me." He wrapped an arm around the said boy's shoulders. Jungkook, flustered once again, nodded his head.
The oldest didn't respond and instead continued eating his lunch.
Once the bell rang, everyone headed for their class except for Hoseok and Jimin who asked the taller to stay behind.
"You should ask Yoongi to go to the dance." The pink haired boy suggested with a sad smile.
"W-what? No. I can't do that to you, Jimin." Hoseok frowned. "And Yoongi would say no so there's no point."
"I know you like him, Hoseok. Don't let me stop you from liking him because it already makes me feel guilty that Yoongi doesn't talk to me anymore and it makes me feel worst that you're holding back your feelings for him because of me."
"Why do you do so much for me?" The brown-eyed boy asked softly, eyes softening for the smaller.
"You're... Let's just say that I have a soft spot for you." Jimin stated sheepishly, cheeks tinting before shaking his head. "But back to what I was saying, you can ask him to go as friends if you want to take baby steps. Promposals aren't necessarily just a couples thing." He patted the brunet's chest before walking off.
Hoseok decided that maybe it wasn't the worst thing if Yoongi rejected him. They were already...kind of... maybe... friends? He wouldn't say no, right?
That evening, he wore his blue contacts and headed to the store to buy all sorts of art supplies with a giddy smile on his face. He hadn't smiled this much in a while.
All his problems pushed to the back of his head when his mind only occupied one particular boy— Min Yoongi.
He came home shortly after with a bag full of markers, glitter, stickers— dumping them all on his desk where a small poster laid. The rest of his night was spent making the perfect poster for Yoongi while imagining that gummy smile the older possessed, leaving a weird feeling in the brunet's stomach.
The brunet hoped Yoongi would like it.
There a boy stood on the other side of the cafeteria doors, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips as he took a final look at his previous night's work. One wouldn't say it was the prettiest but it wasn't the worst considering Hoseok was never the type to pursue arts and crafts as a hobby. For the first time in months, his eyes twinkled at the sight of the carefully drawn cassette tape that replaced the 'O' in 'PROM'. Knowing that he made it himself had given him a sense of pride in his small work.
Deciding that he had taken longer than he intended to prepare himself, he neatly rolled the poster and entered through the doors, ready to pull Yoongi to the empty hallway to do his promposal.
But that seemed to contradict with the world's plans for the already broken boy.
Because the sight in front of him made his insides churn.
A smug-looking Sehun stood in front of a red faced Yoongi; their odd encounter seemed to have found a crowd that silently circled them.
"You're getting married to Jung Hoseok, the failure of a human being. Isn't that true?" Sehun voiced out loud and the murmurs from the crowd erupted into shocked gasps and mixed negative reactions.
Yoongi didn't answer. Stood quiet with his fists balled up next to his sides.
"Is that why you and Jimin broke up, huh?"
"That's none of your business." The shorter finally spoke up, gritting his teeth.
"Oh but it's definitely your fiancé's, isn't it?" The blonde had a knowing smirk plastered on his face, waiting for the boy to run out of patience.
"He's not my fiancé." He indignantly spat out where everyone, even Hoseok who stood near the entrance, heard.
"Didn't you break up with Jimin because you like Hoseok? Can't believe out of all the people, you dropped poor little Jimin for that parasite."
It seemed that Yoongi finally had enough of it when a small grin appeared on his face. Hoseok knew what was coming next but he hoped otherwise.
"Don't do it. Please." The brown-eyed boy whispered to himself, begging Yoongi not to continue as his hands weakly clutched the rolled poster.
"He's a brownie. No one would ever wanna be with a disappointment like him. Definitely not me." Yoongi smugly told the crowd surrounding him.
Hoseok's stomach dropped.
The brown-eyed boy lowered his head as a rush of emotionally caused pain suddenly hit him, throat tightening after hearing the older.
I'm sorry for who I am. Hoseok thought before turning away, ready to dash out of the room.
But it seemed that Sehun knew of his presence.
"Hey brownie!" He heard the blonde call out with mock enthusiasm, making him stop his attempt of walking away. Hoseok, who was turned away from the crowd, didn't see the way Yoongi whipped his head where Sehun had directed his voice, face full of shock and a hint of guilt. "Come here!"
Hoseok knew better than to disobey him. He took shaky steps toward the parted crowd, refusing to take his eyes off the ground out of pure fear and embarrassment. Flinching when Sehun pulled him under his grasp, his head was forced to look up by the blonde's hand and into Yoongi's seemingly emotionless, blue orbs.
"Now tell me Hoseok-ah. Did you hear what your precious Yoongi had to say about you? The one that you've been trying to protect?" Sehun questioned, hand still roughly cupping the boy's chin. Confusion contoured the mint head's expression but the brunet didn't respond.
The crowd was completely silent by this time. Intrigued by the scene displayed in front of them and wondering how this all started in the first place but no one complained because it was just pure entertainment in their oblivious, blue eyes.
"Do you like him?" The blonde asked for the soul purpose of embarrassing the boy. Hoseok lowered his head, weakly shaking his head despite knowing he more than liked the older. "Aw you do! Hey, what's that?"
Without having the time to think, the poster was yanked out of his grasp and he frantically tried grabbing it back after realization. It was no use.
"Yoongi. Will. You. Go. To. Prom. With. Me." Sehun slowly emphasized each word as he read the poster loudly for the whole crowd.
"Sehun. Please." The weaker pleaded, face red from embarrassment as the room erupted in a fit of laughter. He didn't plan on asking Yoongi in front of everyone. He wanted it to be private but instead that opportunity was taken from him.
"I especially like the cassette you drew, how cute." The blonde smiled before quickly replacing it with a frown. "Too bad Yoongi already made it clear he doesn't want you."
Next thing the brown-eyed boy knew, his persecutor had ripped the poster in half.
"N-no! Please! S-stop!" Hoseok fell on his knees, trying to retrieve the destroyed remains of his hard work as Sehun kept ripping the ones in his hand into smaller pieces.
Once the blonde ran out of paper to ruin, he laughed at the boy kneeling before him and kicked his side, causing him to stumble and drop what was the only work he had been proud of.
The bell rang.
The crowd fled like nothing happened.
Not even Yoongi stayed behind but that was expected of him.
Hoseok quietly cried to himself as he weakly stuffed the mercilessly teared pieces of what was once his promposal into his backpack.
All his efforts... gone.
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Play this song while reading cuz it helps set the mood :)
It's up there too if this one doesn't work for you☝🏼
[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]
Song: Sober by Demi Lovato (Cover by Nicole Milik)
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The boy walked home that day without attending the rest of his classes. There was no use. What was the point?
What was the point when everyone and everything saw him as a meaningless piece of entertainment?
He gave his body away for that small, given hope that Sehun would actually come through with their deal.
He gave his body away for Yoongi's sake. To protect Yoongi... when Yoongi wouldn't do the same for him.
Should've known better.
He did this to his own self.
His miserable walk had unfortunately ended and by this time, all the tears had been drained from his system. There was no use in crying.
"Hoseok-sshi, why aren't you at schoo-" He slammed the door before the maid could finish her questioning. There was no point of guilt.
He dumped the torn pieces of poster on the desk and dropped his bag on the floor before forcing his feet to move toward the bathroom. Every step felt like a burden to his already worn out body.
When he turned on the mirror lights, his reflection stared back at him.
It was his 8 year old self.
The same brown locks and chubby cheeks.
He brought his hand up to the glass which the little boy mimicked. If it weren't for his already broken self, Hoseok's heart would've broke at the sight of his past self. This wasn't how he remembered his younger self to be.
The kid's bright brown eyes that sparked a curiosity for the world ahead of him were now red as a result of excessive crying and loosely hugged by dark blankets underneath. His naturally pink tinted cheeks were no more, deprived by the cruelness of the world.
This was how he came to be. He disappointed his 8 year old self with who he had been forced to become.
He didn't remember ever feeling truly happy.
He watched the little boy reach into the drawer, pulling out what looked like a pill bottle. His small, chubby hands carefully twisted the cap, shaking all the contents into his palm that barely kept them from spilling to the sink.
Hoseok covered his brown orbs with the back of his lids when he saw his younger self shove all of the pills into his mouth. Opening his eyes, the little boy disappeared and he's left with his own reflection.
He looked down at his own shaky hand, gripping the empty pill bottle.
Was it bad that he wanted to smile? Smile at the thought of finally doing something for himself without the consideration of others? The thought of hurting himself? The thought of ending it all?
Hoping to end it all.
The brunet lifelessly walked out of the bathroom, not bothering to turn off the lights, and into the dim room. Stopping in front of his desk, underneath the teared poster pieces was a CD that made him scoff at the sight of it. He used to be proud of his own music until Yoongi promised to give it a listen but never did. It made him think that his work wasn't worth listening to.
He took it in his hand, staring at the circular structure, before laying down on the bed. The mattress quietly squeaked through the silence of the doleful room, tensioned atmosphere thinning by every second passing.
The brown-eyed boy had long known that his life was never the type a person would wish for. It had no hint of happiness. No comfort of others.
Hoseok never asked for a life where he lived in fear everyday on how and who he'd have to entertain whether it be by his own humiliation or by his deprived comfort.
His parents controlled his future. His friends took up his present. Sehun haunted his past. The world determined his life's enormity.
It was time to finally make a decision for himself.
Whether it was the world's plan or Hoseok's long drained mind...
The brunet closed his eyes knowing they'd stay shut.
It was the last time the brown-eyed boy exhibited his orbs.
His first breath of relief was his last breath of life.
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