It's been nearly a week since Sam has left hospital. And about four weeks she hasn't spoken to anyone but me and the doctors.

As she said she couldn't stay at my place because of Emi, she has moved into a bed and breakfast. She made me promise not to tell anyone where she is staying. Jeez I am so freaking worried about her. Ever since she told Jake to go, the main thing she does is cry. At the moment I'm the only person she trusts. A couple of weeks ago, I would have been glad to see her leave Jake.

But now I am caught between two people dying without each other. Sam has become such a precious friend, I couldn't bear to lose her. And Jake is one of my best friends on the other side. Seeing them both suffer in the way they each do is terrible and breaking my heart.

Not one single day has passed they don't ask me about each other. What I felt for Sam a few weeks ago has changed or to be precise I know more what it means. The feelings as such haven't changed, I do love her, but not in the way Jake loves her. I know that now, seen the difference and these two need to fix things and be together. Even if it still hurts, there's no way I am coming in between these two.

Every day after college I spent time in hospital and now at the bed and breakfast with Sam and in the evening, I do the same with Jake. They are broken without each other.

Sam asked me to pick up her clothes from her apartment, while she was in hospital. There was one thing she wanted most, a hoodie she had from Jake. She'll spend hours cuddling it and crying. Today is such a day.

"Sam, you could at least say hi to him in college. He is hurting too at the moment, he's hurting really badly. Honestly Sam I have never seen Jake this way."

His apartment which usually is spotless looks like trash. Cartons of some fast food stuff he hardly even touches chucked everywhere. Used clothes scattered all over the floor. And it's gotten even worse, since Sam is back in classes. He's started drinking to fall asleep and trashing things.

"I can't talk to him Evans. I'm lost if I do. Every single time I see him, feel him close to me, I want nothing more than to be in his arms. But it's not possible."

"Why not Sam? You love him, he loves you." It should be that simple, but I know it isn't.

"My mum, they killed her. My Grams hated them. I just can't."

"You know you are punishing him, for something which isn't his fault? His parents messed up really bad, you said yourself you understand why he did it, why he had to keep it secret. You are punishing Jake and Emi for something they are just as little to blame for as you. Agreed they should have stood up and told you the truth, but you were all kids at the time."

"I know, but it doesn't change the fact, they lied to me all along. Emi even more so."

"Honey I know and you have every right to feel hurt about it. But let's face the fact, you can't live without them either, can you?"

In an instant she starts sobbing loud again, I hit the spot. As so often in the last few days when she gets upset, she runs to puke. Not a good thing at all, as she isn't eating in the first place, she's lost so much weight. Even her favourite scones I brought her today, she hasn't touched. Once she is done with puking, I make her a tea and we snuggle up together to watch some Netflix on her laptop. It's the only comfort she seems to accept at the moment.

A few weeks ago, I would have done anything to be the one to hold her, now I know it shouldn't be me here. Whom she really needs is Jake but she is too stubborn to even say hi to him, although I know how much she wants to.

And I also know how much this rejection hurts Jake every single day. Every day, he hopes she will respond to him today, but she doesn't. Seeing him so hurt and devastated I sometimes think, perhaps he shouldn't have told her the truth. Of course it's ridiculous as she would have remembered sooner or later anyway what has happened. I just wish I could do something to break these walls down.

Exhausted Sam falls asleep during the late afternoon, seeking comfort in my arms while holding on to Jake's hoodie. Perhaps I should steal another one for her, I know it's his scent she is needing. No suck this, I promised her not to tell him where she is, but I never promised not to tell him about the state she is in. I am going to ask him for another hoodie tonight. He needs to know how much she needs him, perhaps it will sooth him a little too.

With her finally fast asleep I leave her behind to head to my next station.

*****

As Jake is eating just as little at the moment, I stop at Jimmy's and pick up Jake's favourite dish, cottage pie and some cheese and onion pasties. He'll be able to choose this way. It also gives me the chance to ask Jimmy to come an hour later today.

"Taking care of the two again?", I nod as response. "How is she? We all miss her here."

Jimmy doesn't know the details only that Sam was nearly killed in a car crash, about her Grams death and a bad break up between her and Jake. Which pleased fucking Brian.

"She's back to college although she can barely walk, eat or even hold a pencil. Not listening to the doctors who told her to rest."

"You mean she is acting the stubborn Sam we all know", he chuckles.

"Yep, you got it. Wouldn't surprise me if she comes to beg for shifts soon", I chuckle. And to be honest I wouldn't put it past her. Once she gets out of the bed with crying, she will probably be hardly able to walk, but wanting to work. The distraction may be good for her mind, on the other hand I know she wouldn't take care of her body. She is reckless with it. Probably one of the reasons she has become such a perfect skater.

That's one thing she is hating at the moment too, not being able to crash her board. I even had to hide it from her, as she tried getting on it with her crutches the first day she left the hospital.

As the pub is nearly empty Jimmy tells me to take the night off and take care of my friends. He's a great boss, when it comes down to Brian too good sometimes.

Reaching Jake's place, I hear loud music from afar. All sad songs from Nickelback, Limp bizkit, 3 doors down and even John Legend he is listening to at the moment. Jake hasn't seen a party ever since Halloween and is drowning in his sorrow day by day.

"Hey, brought you some food from Jimmy's today", I give it a try.

"Thanks, but not hungry." Of course not, as always at the moment, I still place it with a fork right in front of him on the table.

"How is she today?"

"You know, you should be asking her."

"You know I do, every single morning since she is back in classes, but she ignores me", his face drops even more and his hands run across his face.

"She's hurting Jake, she's hurting just as bad as you are. You need to fix this. By the way I need a hoodie from you, best one you have already been wearing."

"You're a freak Evans, want my boxers too?"

At least the real Jake is still in there. Trying to stifle a laugh I reply: "You idiot, it's for her. She cries herself into sleep every single day, while hugging the hoodie she has from you. I guess the scent soothes her."

"She does?" He asks surprised and with an ocean of emotions running through his eyes.

"Yes, so could you please give me one? After having it for nearly four weeks as a cry pillow, I suppose it's fairly worn off."

"She had it in hospital too?", the look on his face tells me, the thought of her clinging on to something from him, is soothing a little. Exactly what I wanted him to feel.

"It was one of the first things she requested. Gosh Jake, she misses you like hell. It's just the fact that she feels everyone betrayed her."

"Which is true. No one can blame her for that, even Emi understands it. We simply miss her like hell. As much as I wish I could take that pain away from her, to me it also means she still loves me. I will hand her a new hoodie myself in class tomorrow morning. We've only got two days left before winter break anyway. Do you know if she has all the things she still needs to hand in before the break?" I know the thought of winter break and not seeing her during that time, hurts him.

As hard as it was for her, with all the injuries, especially the one on her brain, she wouldn't even stop in hospital to keep up writing on her laptop. Which got her into trouble with the docs several times, but she didn't care.

"Yes, she worked from hospital". Jake looks shocked doesn't say a thing though. He probably feels the same disapproval about it like I did.

"How are your nightmares?", I ask him.

"And yours?"

He doesn't answer my question, which is telling me everything. Mine are terrible too, sometimes I even dream I can't pull Jake out on time and both burn in front of my eyes to death. Other times I simply see what really happened terrifying me, Jake pulling her out of the car, all the injuries, her limp blood covered body in Jake's arms, the paramedics shocking her again and again. I don't think I will ever get these pictures out of my head. Then the terrified screams, mixed with pain during the crash. It's all there and tortures me every single night. Just as most of it does with Jake. Guess as stupid as it sounds this crash has brought our friendship closer together. And all I want right now, is to help these two to finally fix it. I know they belong together, they both long for each other, now it's just a matter of getting Sam to forgive Jake.

The crazy thing is, I don't even think she is mad with him. It's simply everything has tumbled down on her and she doesn't know how to deal with it. And what her Grams did and hating Jake like that isn't making it easier on her. On the one hand she feels lied and betrayed by every single one of them, on the other hand she won't allow to be angry with her Grams as she is dead. So she is holding on to her Grams not wanting Jake and feels like she is betraying her Grams otherwise.

I don't know if it's a good idea, Jake hands her the hoodie, she might just chuck it in anger because of me telling him about it and hurting him even more. On the other hand it might be the first chance of them sorting things out.

Jake and I drink some Jack Daniels while watching Fast and the Furious part four and five together. According to Jake, it's Sam's favourite parts. Never thought she would be into this, but Jake tells me she loves the whole series and can speak them off by heart. Again this girl takes me by surprise.

Walking home I bump into Emi and Ian. They seem to be having a fight about something in front of the door, but calm down, as soon as I appear. Of course Emi wants to know all about Sam.

To be honest, I think this is going to be the trickiest part to fix. Although Emi and Jake are in a similar situation, with the pressure they had and lying to Sam, Emi was the one who held the contact all along. The betrayal feels even bigger to Sam, from what she says, as Emi would have had plenty of time to spill it. In a way I even understand it, although Emi never dumped Sam like Jake did, she lied way longer to Sam's face. I think Jake would have eventually told Sam the whole story either way, as the guilt of it was eating him up. While Emi never had the intention of spilling any of it. She loves Sam and I know she feels bad. But does she feel the guilt eating her like it does with Jake? Somehow I can't feel it with her.

Say hi to him tomorrow

I text her like every single evening this week, before going to bed.

A/N: As Evans is between the lines, seeing both sides, I felt I needed his POV. What about you? Do you like it?

I am adding some songs I felt Jake was listening to.

As always please don't forget to vote and comment!

https://youtu.be/450p7goxZqg

https://youtu.be/TlDInVqv8cs

https://youtu.be/ZADpco6Zn9I