3 weeks later

Every single day I am sat at this fucking bed, hoping for Sam to finally wake up. The first week was hell, it was an up and down, several times I thought this is it. Once the swelling of her brain went down and she was stabilized she went back into surgery for her bones. Seems like her body had difficulties dealing with so much narcotics, causing heart issues again. During this time I felt like going insane and being a zombie at the same time. I only ever left her if absolutely necessary.

Even if the nurses complained I stayed most of the nights, sleeping in the chair next to her bed.

The second week got easier, Sam was still in a bad condition, but stable. As I already had skipped two weeks of classes I decided to at least attend my classes and go straight back to Sam after.

Seeing as her condition wasn't quite as critical anymore, a second visitor was allowed to visit her for half an hour a day. Evans and Emi took terms, both of them were a pain in my ass, telling me to take more care of myself. I simply told them to fuck off, if they want to bug me any longer.

The third week, Sam was starting to look better. The doctors said she isn't critical anymore, her vitals have stabilized and her organs are working well. They decided to take down the narcotics slowly for her to hopefully wake up soon. The most of the time here, I spend talking to her. I don't know how often I have told her how sorry I am and beg her to come back to me. Other times I will tell her all the little details I remember about her, about us when we were small. How every little injury she had, broke my heart each time. I remember when we started skating, my biggest worry was to see her hurt and we got fucking hurt a lot until at some point we got really good. As our stunts got more and more complex, there would still be some broken bones, but they got less. When we were fourteen, Sam fell bad and broke her leg. I asked if I could write something on her plaster, of course she allowed me. We always wrote something on each other's plasters. Shy me was too fucking afraid of her reaction, so I wrote it on the back and fairly small, so she couldn't read it. Yeah fucking idiot had no balls at that time.

Will you be my girl?

As I refused to tell her what I wrote and she couldn't read it, she had Emi take a photo from it in the evening. When a message came in that evening from her, it took me half an hour to have the balls to even open it and read it.

It was simple, but my heart felt like jumping out of my chest.

Yes Skater boy

At that point I had wanted to ask her for so long already, from that night on she was my girl.

And now I am sat here, telling her all about it and how much I need her to be my girl again. By now the nurses have gotten used to me sleeping with my head on her bed, no one says a thing anymore. Another day has passed without her waking up and no one can tell me, how long it's going to take. It's been two days they have stopped the narcotics completely, but it needs to get off her system, they say. In the middle of the night I wake up to a weird noise and nurses and doctors rushing in.

What the fuck is happening?

"Step aside", one doctor demands in a harsh tone, I do while anxiety is taking over.

What the hell are they doing? They are pulling a tube from her mouth. Doctor Nash exhales loudly. "She's breathing."

She's what? Did he just say she's breathing? Like breathing on her own without the machines?

"One step closer", he says, pats my back and checks a few things on Sam, before heading direction door. "If nothing happens anymore during the night, I'll be back before my shift ends."

With that he leaves and the others follow. One of the nurses squeezes my hand before she goes. To be honest I don't like it, she's constantly eyeing me even offered me her number. How pathetic from a nurse to be eyeing a guy at the bed of his girlfriend. God, I know all these reactions from the girls and this is sure more than just showing sympathy and being friendly.

I'm all riled up now, she's breathing by herself. One step closer the doc said. This sound is so soothing, even with all the beeping from the other machines, this is the most soothing sound at the moment. It's not that rattled breathing from the accident which is haunting my mind. This is the soft breathing I loved to listen to every time she was sleeping. It's not the artificial rhythm of the machine, it's her own rhythm and her own sounds. At some point I fall asleep again to the sound of her breathing.

"Jake?", I hear a hoarse voice waking me up.

Oh my god she's awake. My Angel, my Love she's finally awake. My heart is in overdrive in an instant.

The machines are sounding different and the nurses and a doctor (I always forget his name) come rushing in. They do some tests and examine her while I have to wait outside. Once I am allowed back in again, the doc gives me a reassuring smile before leaving the room.

"Jake what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Would I fucking ask you, if I could you idiot?"

Damn I nearly chuckle, stubborn monster Sam is back. I would like to tease her and say something like she is lacking coffee, but I know I need to tell her the truth. The full truth, the one Evans got from me.

So I start talking, I tell her every single bit while she doesn't say a single word. It ends with her accident and what happened after that.

"My Grams knew, right? She knew it was your dad, that's why she hated your family so much. She didn't want us to be together."

"I can't say for sure, but I think Michael's family might have said something. They dropped something like that once on the phone to my dad. Guess it was another way of making sure, we would never come back."

Tears start leaking from her eyes. "I'm so sorry Sam, I should have told you all of this sooner and I am so sorry for what happened."

For a whole while it stays silent in the room and then she goes ahead and does something unexpected.

"I need a kiss", she demands.

Gladly I lean down to kiss her, taste her lips. But something feels wrong about this kiss, there's so much pain and something else in it. A goodbye? As much as I need this kiss, it scares me just as much. Sam draws back from me.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I want you to go now. I don't want to see either you or Emi here again."

"Please Sam, don't. I love you. I love you so much. And I even promised to never leave you", I plead adding all my emotions into it.

"I love you too Jake, I always have. But I can't deal with this. And as I can't leave, I need you to go. And tell Emi the same."

Looking desperately at her, I see the pain in her eyes. Pain my family and I have caused. "I don't want to go and I am not giving up on you Sam, because I simply can't, but you need to recover now. That's absolute priority at the moment. I know how much wrong I did, but believe me that I love you."

Tears are streaming down her face and I know this is what she needs least at the moment.

As hard as it is, broken hearted I stand up and leave.

*****

Evans opens the door after a few loud knocks. He was probably still asleep. "Jake, everything ok?", his worried face tells me he is thinking about the worst case.

"She woke up. She couldn't remember a thing, I needed to finally tell her the full story. Now she doesn't want to see me or Emi anymore", the words and pain flow out of me.

Evans waves me in. "You did the right thing Jake", he reassures me.

"Then why does it feel so wrong? I've lost her once already, it was hell, I can't lose her again."

Crying I slump down on the couch.

This time I know the pain is going to be even worse, than the first time.

"Give her some time Jake. She needs time to deal with the reality. Sam forgave you when she didn't know the whole truth. Now she needs time to think things over and realize none of this is your fault, only your parents. She'll come back to you."

"She won't even see Emi, this isn't just about her mum and everything that happened, it's about losing every trust in the people she trusted the most. I don't know if she can ever forgive that."

Evans sighs and sits down next to me, I feel such a weakling pouring my heart out to him, can't prevent it though it just flows. We also talk about the accident and how both of us are dealing nightmares ever since. Seeing Sam in that state, has change both of us.

"Seeing you like that with her, I realized you really love her. I still like Sam a lot and perhaps with time, something like you feel would have built up in me too, as much as I hate to admit to it though, you are the one for her Jake. I like her, she has my mind and heart going in a way I hadn't known before, but it is nothing in comparison to what you feel. I can see that now. You are not giving up on that now, you hear me?"

Hearing Evans liking her that much, does give me a stab, his words around it though make me realize for the first time I don't need to worry about him, he's giving up fighting for her because he knows how much I love her.

"The thing is, it's not our decision in the first place. Sam needs to decide what she wants, right? No matter what the outcome is, she needs you now Evans. You are the only one left she trusts."

He nods. "I'll take care of her and try to talk some sense into her."

This nearly makes me laugh, talking sense into Sam, is like telling a brick wall to move. It's not going to happen, she's so damn stubborn. As much as I hurt from losing her as my girlfriend, as relieved I am she is alive and now awake. Nothing else matters right now. Once done with talking, I need to talk to Emi and tell her everything. Evans promises me to go to the hospital and take care of Sam.

No surprise Emi breaks down crying again. She has never kept to the rules, even if she couldn't see Sam, she always kept contact with her. Something I couldn't have done, I needed a clear cut otherwise it would have killed me even more. Then again, they are friends it's different from love I guess.

And Jesus do I love this girl, always have and always will. My heart will always be hers to keep.

*****

The following weeks are a torture, Evans keeps me informed about every single detail concerning her health and how she is dealing with things. I know he isn't telling me everything though, guess he is keeping promises to Sam too. Things she doesn't want me to know.

As it was too much of a torture not to see Sam, I headed back to the hospital a couple of times, hoping we could talk about things. But she had set up, that Emi and I weren't allowed to visit her. We got cut off without even having a chance to get to her. Whenever I saw Emi, I could see how much she was suffering too. Her eyes are constantly puffed and underlined, while she also looks like she's lost weight. She's probably dealing the same issues as me, hardly being able to eat or sleep.

How the hell did I make it through the five years without Sam if now this is killing me bit by bit within a few weeks.

"She left hospital yesterday, thought you would like to know", Evans breaks through my thoughts while I am sat in front of my Guinness in the pub.

It's been three weeks since I've seen her. "She has? Where is she staying? At your place?"

"No, she thought that's where you would come first thing. Sorry but I had to promise her not to tell you where she is staying though. As much as I think you two need to figure things out, I can't betray her on her wishes. I'm the only person left she trusts at the moment."

"Please give me a hint, I need to see her", I beg even knowing he won't and can't give in.

"I can't, but I guess you'll be seeing her at college again."

It's only one and a half weeks left until winter break, will she be coming back beforehand? Will I be able to see her before Christmas? Will she even talk to me? I mean we have classes together.

"How is she looking?"

"Far better. She's got a big scar on her forehead and she hates they had to shave part of her skull, but other than that, she looks good. She's been training hard to get back on her feet. But she has lost a lot of weight, she is hardly eating and having bad issues with the sleep too. I really do hope you get to talk to her, the two of you have so much to clear."

Evans words have my mind going and I decide to go home early tonight instead of drowning my sorrow in Guinness.

In the morning I wait in front of the cafe, hoping to see her. I don't. Who knows if she will be back yet at all. While walking down the hall, I decide to wait in front of the cafe every morning until she comes back. Or is that too creepy? After all I know she doesn't want to see me, but fuck I need to see her, need to drown in her beautiful eyes.

Lightning nearly strikes me when I enter the class and she is sat there. She's wearing her skater cap, I guess so no one can see the bold patch. Crutches are leaning against her table. Although she is wearing a wide hoodie, I can see how much weight she has lost. Coming closer and taking in her frame, I can see how fragile and broken she looks. Her lovely long hair is cut to shoulder length.

"Hey", I say while sitting down next to her, she doesn't answer. Instead her face just looks straight down at her notes.

"How are you?", I give it another try, no answer either. What the hell did I expect?

Seeing her like this, being so close and yet so far is breaking my heart. Gosh I long to feel her in my arms so badly, to hear just one single sound of her voice.

"Nice to have you back Miss Jones", Professor Williams says as he attends the front of the classroom.

All eyes suddenly dart over to Sam, as if no one had realized her presence before. Automatically I want to reach out for her hand, as I know how much she hates these looks. But pull back once I notice she is hiding her hands from me. In fact she doesn't even react to anything else, simply nods direction Professor Williams.

At some point she pulls her hoodie over her head and shields herself off, while trying to take some notes. I can't help but notice, how hard it seems to be for her to put down a few lines on her piece of paper. Guess this is stress pure, to her body and mind after that huge accident. She should still be resting or doing some rehab instead of attending classes.

Once classes end I give it another try. "Can we please talk?"

She passes me on her crutches, the hoodie shielding her face and yet I see how hollow she looks. She doesn't say a single word or even show interest. All I can do is watch her walk away, struggling with her backpack and the crutches, trying her damnedest to keep up and fighting. Her legs are in some orthopaedic orthosis, helping her to walk. Seeing her like this is killing me.

A/N: My heart is breaking with every chapter at the moment.

Next chapter will be an unusual POV, a little excited about writing that one. So stayed tuned in.

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter and don't forget to vote ⭐❤

Hope everyone of you is ok and staying safe!!!