Most of what happened after the call last night is blurry. In the one moment I was having fun on a party until a phone call destroyed my little world. Jake's arms are wrapped around me while we are both lying fully dressed in my bed.

Blurry parts come back to my memory, Jake rocking me back and forth in his arms, reassuring me he isn't going to leave me, while I am crying my balls out and repeating something I can't remember right now.

A soft knock at my door wakes Jake up too. Emi comes in to my room with two coffees in the hand. An unsure smile on her lips, she strolls directly towards me.

"Hey Sweetheart, how are you feeling this morning?", her voice ever so soft and full of worry.

"Like the walking dead?" I try to fake a smile.

"Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry. I know how much you loved your Grams." As soon as the words have left her mouth, I start sobbing again.

Now I vaguely remember how Emi was here too last night, after Jake called her.

"I-I need to go. They said they need me there, I need to do some things now", I stutter, getting up from my bed and start gathering some clothes together.

"Babe, you need to eat first, take a shower and then we will go there together", Jake interjects from behind me.

"No, can't eat. Just need to...."

Jake takes the stuff out of my fingers, cups my face and starts talking. "Babe, look up at me", he demands and I do. "Listen, you need to gather some strength before we go. So eat, drink as much coffee as you need and then we will both pack some stuff together, pick up my bike and go together. Alright?"

"You're coming with me?", tears are burning in my eyes again.

Jake's arms wrap tight around me. "I told you I would. So please Babe, let me take care of you for a change."

Unable to do anything else I simply nod. Once I've somehow managed to force some scrambled eggs and a coffee down me, I head for the shower.

*****

"You know this could be trouble for all of us, you shouldn't be going there. What if Michael sees you or his parents?"

"I don't give fucking a shit. Sam needs me there and nothing is going to stop me from going there. Especially with Michael so close to her, it's even more of a reason, to go."

Both of them fall silent the moment I enter the kitchen. Jake has changed into his clothes from yesterday afternoon.

"I heard you worry about Michael being there. No need to fall silent. Of course he's going to be there. It's a freaking small village. But it's nothing I haven't been dealing with the last five years, so no need to freak out. If that's the main reason you are coming you don't need to", I turn to Jake.

"Of course he's not the main reason. I want to be there for you and help you as much as I can. You shouldn't be going through this on your own. But yes, as side effect I know I am keeping you safe from him too. Is it wrong I want to protect the person I love?"

"It's not. Thanks for doing this together with me", I give him a quick peck on the lips.

*****

3 hours later:

The moment I am stood in front of our house I start crying. I never intended on coming back in the first place, now I feel bad about this thought. What a selfish intention not to come back to visit my Grams in the first place. Did she know I wouldn't come back? It's not like I didn't want to see her, I simply didn't want to come back here. And now I am stood right here, the place I never wanted to be again and yet now regret leaving in the first place.

"If I had stayed and helped her, she might never have had that heart attack", I start sobbing.

"Don't take that path Sam, it's not your fault. Your Grams was nearly eighty, you know the risk is way higher at that age anyway. It wouldn't have made a difference if you were here or not. She was lucky to have you all those years and you know she wanted you to be happy and live your dream."

"It just feels so wrong now", I sob against Jake's chest.

Jake helps me go inside and it hits me to the full, the moment I step through the door. Her scent lingers here everywhere, the way her rocking chair is stood there with the blanket across the lean as if she has just left to make a tea in the kitchen. Her knitting magazine open on the table right next to it, with the socks she was probably just knitting for me on top. Everything is left behind as if she was going to enter the door again any second.

My knees give in and I crouch down on the floor crying my heart out. Jake's strong arms wrap around me, he lifts me up and walks us to the couch where he cradles me until I finally calm down.

"Take me to the hospital now", I demand once my tears have slowly dried out.

"You sure, you are ready for it?"

"Nope, but I'll never be ready for it and it needs to be done. So I better get it over and done with."

*****

The first thing that happens in hospital, they hand me a bag with her personal stuff she had when she came here. It feels like a slap in the face. The doctor has a short talk with me, they ask me if I want to see her once more. No! One thing's for sure, I am not going through that one again, I did that with my mum. That picture is burnt deep into my mind and soul until today. By today she will already look totally different, anyone who hasn't seen it won't know how fast the body changes after death. Mum was only dead half an hour when we reached her, but her face had already changed they say it has to do with the blood not circulating anymore. Two days later that dead body, had nothing to do with my mum I remembered and loved so much anymore. This isn't something I want to witness a second time round. People say they look like they are just sleeping, I can tell you it's utterly bullshit.

Jake never lets go of my hand once. They ask me a few more things, I need to sign some papers and they explain to me what I need to do next. The next step I need to take first thing, is to organize a funeral parlour.

I really have no idea about this shit. Once we leave the hospital I try to figure out, how the hell I am to organize all this by myself. I'm only fucking twenty years old with no family left and now I need to take care of the funeral of my last family member. My mind goes back to when mum died, Grams organized most of the stuff, but I do remember how we took quite a few decisions together. I remember where that funeral parlour was and ask Jake to take me there. As it's a Sunday, they are closed but they have a number you can call on the weekends. I note the number and give them a call first thing once we reach the house again.

Jake makes us a cup of tea, while I'm on the phone with the friendly guy who also took care of my mum's funeral. He can still remember her and offers to pick up Grams today from the hospital and start preparing her, we also set up an appointment for tomorrow first thing in the morning, so we can talk things through.

As soon as I hang up the phone, Jake is next to me.

"I don't even know how to pay for the fucking funeral", it's the first time since the call last night, I have realized this, causing me to cry again.

"Sam, don't worry about the costs right now. First of all, we don't know what your Grams might have already set aside for it. Older people often think about these things, I am sure she had something figured out. And you are the only family she had, so you will be inheriting everything. This house is paid for, it's yours too. Besides if you need cash, I will help you."

"You have an answer to everything don't you?", my sobs are now coming less hard.

"Nope. Usually it's you to have an answer to everything, but right now you aren't able to think straight, so you might have to do with my answers my Love. I just want you to know, I'm here for you no matter what, you don't have to deal with this on your own."

*****

6 days later:

Jake has been here with me all week. I guess without him I would have been lost, he helped me organize the funeral, go through all the paperwork, talk to a lawyer and the bank. God I never knew it, Grams really made sure to keep things off my back in case of her death. She had set quite a bit of money aside, so I didn't have to worry about the costs of the funeral.

Organizing the funeral service was definitely one of the things I dreaded the most. It's a small village and usually the whole village comes to the funeral service. My Grams sure got on with more people than I ever did, it still didn't seem right to set up a service for them.

Today's the day of the funeral, the day I have been dreading all week. Although I know she was dead. As of Monday I was too occupied to really think about how real it is. I was dealing with all the other issues there was no time to mourn, no time to think about how real the situation is. Only nights it went down on me, while Jake was holding my shaking body tight.

"I can't do this Jake", I step back and try to walk back into the house, Jake holds on to my arm.

"Sam, I'm here. We are doing this together and now just put one foot in front of the other. I'm driving to the cemetery. You are the strongest person I know, you can do it."

I also inherited Grams car, we are now using to get to the cemetery. Matching to my feelings and this situation it's miserable weather outside, cold and rainy.

Jake steps out of the car and comes to my side with an umbrella and helps me out of the car.

The ceremony held is nice I guess, then again; I can't really say as my mind has flown out of the window. Right now I am simply a hollow corpus sitting here, the Walking dead comes to my mind again. Not alive and not dead either.

Once we are stood in front of the grave, reality hits me. My Grams is going to be set into a family grave with my mum. They are back together and they have simply left me behind. My knees give in and Jake catches me.

"I'm here to catch you Babe. It's ok, just let yourself fall."

All my life I've been strong, the only times I allowed myself to be weak, was right after mum's death and the last couple of weeks. And that was only because there was no way of fighting it.

As if Jake could read my mind he starts whispering in my ear.

"It's impossible to be strong all the time. You're a human Sam, it's ok to be weak."

I turn to his embrace and cry on his shoulders, letting my weakness take over as so often recently. We wait until everyone else has left until I say my final goodbye and throw a bunch of yellow roses in her grave. Yellow roses were her favourite.

I don't know if she'd hate me for standing at her grave with Jake, the guy she hated so much. But I am sure where ever she is right now, she will see how much I need Jake and couldn't make this without him. Perhaps she would forgive him now.

"You don't need to fight anymore, you can go in peace now Grams and say hi to mum from me. Tell her how much I miss her, will you? I know someday we will all be together again. Until then I will always miss you. I am not saying goodbye but only bye for now."

Jake stays behind me, he knows I need this right now. This moment to say goodbye to my only family I ever had.

Once we arrive at the house it's only a matter of minutes until the first people will be arriving for the funeral service with a huge feast. I feel sick just thinking about it.

"Don't leave me", I beg Jake, it takes me seconds to realize I don't just mean during this service but in future too.

Emi and Jake are the only people left in my life who really matter. I mean of course there are my new friends, but I simply don't know them long enough.

"I'm here Sam and I am not leaving you, I promise. I love you Sam and you can lean on me whenever you need to."

The house fills up with guests, I shake hands take the condolences and let them do their thing. They all simply disgust me, they are a bunch of hypocrites, telling me how sorry they are for my loss, when none of them have ever said anything good about me in the last five years. Some of them may have been at least friendly to Grams, but we never belonged here, they made it clear all along, from the moment mum moved here.

Suddenly I feel Jake tense up next to me.

"My deepest compassion for your loss Sam."

Everything inside me pulls together, my whole body is tensed up, shivers running down my spine, I feel like puking, as soon as I hear his voice.

"What the hell are you doing here?", Jake asks angry.

"This is a funeral of a dear member of our town, of course I'm here. The question is what are YOU doing here? Shouldn't you be FAR away from here?"

I still have no idea what the hell, is going on between the two families, but now that I know there is something I can clearly hear the threat in his voice.

"I'm here because Sam needs me, whereas for you Michael..... You better stay away from her."

"Oh Jake, if Sam needs some comfort, be sure I am very willing to give her all the comfort that she needs."

"Don't you dare touch her ever again, you hear me? You may have been stronger at the time, but Michael as you see I have outgrown you by numbers, so don't even think of trying anything. I promise you will regret it."

Even with all my MMA training I am too drained out at the moment for a fight. I couldn't fucking care less, if Jake bashed this guy right in front of all the people here. But today's Grams funeral, besides I don't want Jake to get into any trouble.

"How the hell, did you and the slut end up here together anyway? I thought it was clear you were through after I fucked her."

Jake is about to jump at Michael, but I beat him to it. I have nothing left to lose anyway. Once this day is over, I'm done here. As I don't want to be sued I make it look for the others as if he pushed me and I take him down. Something I have wanted to do for years. Oh I'd love to do a lot more, but that would get me into deep trouble. For the moment I will have to do with the satisfaction of the shocked look on his face.

"Shocked Michael? Sorry, but I am not the girl you can push around anymore and you sure as hell are never ever going to touch me again."

"You are going to regret this", he spits full of anger.

"Go on run to your daddy, I don't care. Because whatever you tell him, I have a house full of witnesses seeing you push me and I simply took you down in self-defence. Fuck I didn't even harm you. So go ahead try and push charges on me you little pussy, you don't have a fucking chance. Try and do one thing and I promise I'll be back to rip off your balls for what you did to me."

Jake behind me starts to chuckle. It's the first time in days I feel alive and even I chuckle as Michael leaves the house angrily. What the fuck? Even with all the training I've had in the past years, I've always let him push me around, let the town push me around. Where did that braveness just come from?

"I am so proud of you Sam", I wrap my arms around Jake and for a moment I feel a lot better.

Once the service is over, all I want is to crawl into Jake's arms in bed. Even being totally drained I know what I want and need right now. I need to forget.

A/N: Anyone of you been through loss? I hope this chapter has turned out as I intended it to be, as emotions rolled over me, I sometimes felt a little lost in my emotions and simply put down what I partially felt.

We are right in the middle of the rollercoaster. This was just the beginning, so please stay tuned in, as hell is going to break loose very soon.

As always, put a smile on my face and don't forget to comment or vote. Thanks!!!❤