I'm surprised Jake isn't pestering me, one single time during class. It's the first time this week my whole attention is settled on what we are being taught right now. We are talking about the basics of a novel and we are asked to write a short novel to whichever theme we want, perhaps based on our own life experience or what ever we want, writing it throughout the whole period until Christmas break. Our works need to be handed in before that time.

My thoughts are now already circling on the theme I could use, to be honest I have no idea. There's so much I could but nothing I want to write about.

I mean it's just a novel right? A novel is usually just a story without a real background. I guess it's just supposed to make it easier writing about something we have experienced for real. And a novel you can adjust in any way you want.

I am still lost in thoughts while walking out of class. Jake makes me jump when he calls loudly after me.

"For heaven's sake Jake, do you have to give me the shock of my life?", my breath hitches from the little shock.

He stifles a laugh as he sees my reaction. "Sorry I just thought you were forgetting our homework. Didn't want to make you jump. Where the hell were your thoughts?"

"Well not with you."

"Ouch.", he sighs.

"Sorry, was too focused on the theme for the novel."

"You do realize we have like eleven week's time?" Amusement lacing his tone.

"You do realize, a novel has more than one page?"

He chuckles again, god I wish he would stop those chuckles, they get my head spinning. It's also weird we are almost talking normal with each other.

"Fair enough. Look I know you don't want to spend time alone with me, but that coffee in the library was terrible and I think the others around us weren't too pleased about the part when we were working things out together."

Admitted I saw those faces too, or heard them shushing us. I take a deep, breath.

"Ok, so what do you suggest?"

"If you want it's only about the homework. We could go to one of our apartments and just keep up our work."

"Doubt Emi would be too happy to see you at our apartment, so fine we'll go to yours." Damn not what I wanted, but I won't pick a fight on him now. Just need to get this done.

"Great, I have far better coffee there too. We could grab something to eat on our way if you like."

"Fine, as I need to work later on guess it would give me a little more time. Then I just need to get changed quickly for work."

"Why do you need to change for work?", he gives me a confused look.

"Come on, I know you checked me out today like every single time", he shrugs as if it was no big deal and still has no idea what I am on about. "Honestly Jake, even you should be clever enough to realize I can't wear a Fuck Off, shirt at work."

He doesn't even realize I put this shirt on today while thinking about him.

"Why not? Might keep some guys off of your back."

"Serious? That's my job Jake, doubt Jimmy would be happy if I turn up with that attitude. Gosh it's just a friendly word here and there or a wink. It's not like anyone is getting pushy or touching me."

"In their minds they are."

"Well I can't help what goes on in peoples minds."

"I didn't have it off with those two, you know?", he bursts out.

Where the hell did that come from?

"What the hell are you on about? And why should it interest me who you had it off with?"

"You know exactly which two I am on about, the two in the pub. I just wanted you to believe I was having it off with them."

"Why the hell would you want me to believe that? And why do you think I even care?"

"Because you do, I could see it on your face you know? I was angry about Evans, I thought you had it off with him. I was fucking angry and drunk and wanted you to feel angry too. I know it's fucked up and I'm sorry."

"Whatever." I shrug it off and pretend I don't care, deep down inside I know I feel anger and relief at the same time. Anger because he had no right and hurt me on purpose (even if I knew it the minute he did it), relief because it was just a fake.

Fuck why should I feel relieved about it? I shouldn't care less instead.

Arriving at his apartment, it's breathtaking again. This place really is a master piece and without all the drunk students in it, it's full beauty appears. To my surprise the place is spotless, this doesn't look like the messy places I usually get to see with guys.

Jake walks over to the coffee machine, while I take a seat at the counter and start eating my Chinese take away.

"So, you and Evans really haven't?"

"Gosh Jake, please stop. We are here because of our homework remember?"

"I know. It's just...... Fuck I can't get it off my mind you know? And I think you should know I never said or even thought you are a slut or whore. Never ever Sam! It struck me hard last night, you would even think that way."

"Well suck it Jacob! How the hell should I know what you think? You and Michael made sure that's what everyone else thought about me. So, tell me why the fuck I shouldn't think that way?", I yell while I feel hot tears burning in my eyes.

I grab my stuff, shove it back in my bag and try to head to the door. Just as I reach it Jake reaches me, holds me tight, presses me backwards against the door. His eyes full of pain and sorrow.

"Don't leave Sam, please don't!", he pleads.

"You aren't keeping to the rules. We said homework no more. And now.....", I can't finish as sobs start leaving me, thick tears running down my cheeks.

Jake moves closer, pressing his forehead against mine. His left thumb wiping my tears away.

Although I want to escape, I somehow don't want to either. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"I'm so sorry Sam, I never ever wanted to hurt you. You don't know how much this haunts me, how much I wish I could have helped you. It's broken me Sam. Every single fucking night I hear your screams and there is nothing I can do to change it", his voice breaks and I hear hoarse sobs escaping his mouth. "I fucking loved you Sam and there was nothing I could do to protect you. I've always loved you."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have run away, you wouldn't have lied", I try to scream but my voice breaks away again.

"I know I did so wrong, but you don't know the full story Sam."

"Then tell me the full story, because I don't get how you could let him rape me and then put the fucking blame on me."

"I can't tell you the full story, but I had to protect my fucking family over you ok? I never wanted to, but they all made me. I had no other choice but to do what I did. And I regret it every single fucking day, because I lost everything that day."

"What the hell has your family got to do with me being raped? That just sounds like a damn stupid excuse."

"They had nothing to do with the rape, but it had everything to do with why I couldn't help you. Not with that anyway."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"It does, you are a clever girl. Just think about it. Think about who Michael was, think about his family. I can't give you more details. But Sam you need to know that night and the weeks following were the worst of my life and I'd do anything if I could to change it." His eyes are pleading with me so badly.

I try hard to make sense out of his words. His eyes are full of guilt and pleading me with every inch for forgiveness. How am I ever supposed to forgive what happened? As little sense his words make, I can't see a single hint of him lying. What the fuck is going on? Who was Michael and his family he says. His family they were lawyers, is it that I couldn't have won anyway? But why not at least try? No, it must be more behind it, especially if he had to protect his own family. Gosh it doesn't make any sense.

"Oh my god, they were lawyers. They knew something about your family?"

Jake turns away and slumps down on his couch, his eyes don't dare look up at me. Oh my god that's it.

"I was only fucking fifteen, there was nothing I could have done."

"You could have stopped him, while he was raping me instead of walking out."

"That's what you think? That I just walked out on it? Don't you remember? I tried, I tried so hard to get him off you, but I was too fucking weak at that time. And Michael was way stronger and taller than me. Can't you remember I tried?"

"All I remember is your horrified face and you running away although I was screaming for help."

His head drops in his hands I hear him breathing heavy and I think I can see tears leaking through his hands. "You didn't know I tried." He stands up and smashes his fist full force against the wall again and again. "For fucks sake, you only saw me running away, you had no idea I tried to help. Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Jake stop you are going to break your fucking hand", I scream.

"You had no idea", he repeats like caught in a chant.

He's in his own world, he won't stop. It's like he's letting out all the anger he has gathered up for years. For the first time I can see he has suffered too. I step behind him, as he still isn't reacting I decide to take him down.

Once I have him down on the ground, it takes a minute until he stops fighting and realizes it's me.

"Sam, what the hell? How...? Did I hurt you?", he asks worried while I let go of him.

His hands start to reach out for me, to check me out.

"Don't worry, I'm ok. I just needed to take you down, before you end up with a hole in the wall."

"How the hell did you manage that? I mean I am a full grown-man and quite strong."

"I've fought stronger ones." He gasps while his eyes widen in shock. "Mixed Martial Arts", I explain quickly.

"Wow, that's impressing."

"Yeah I needed to get rid of my aggression and I never wanted anyone to take control over me ever again if I don't want it."

"I'm so sorry. I never knew you thought I left you without even trying to help. I did, but when I couldn't fight him I ran for my phone to call my dad. I should have called the others or the police, calling my dad was the biggest mistake I could have done. He came immediately, it didn't take him five minutes, but only to drag me away from there. Fuck you must have thought I am a monster to watch my own girlfriend being raped and doing nothing about it. I swear I tried to stop him Sam", tears again are leaking from his eyes. I never thought I would see Jacob Baker cry. "I swear I did, I tried as hard as I could."

I nod, hot thick tears now streaming down my face too. Even if I don't get what the reason for his dad's reaction could have been. He knew me from small on, I spent nearly half of my life around their house, how could he put me through this?

Jake sits up, to cup my face. It's only now I realize I am sat on top of him straddling him from when I took him down and making sure he couldn't move.

His left arm wraps around me, while his right hand is caressing my cheek, wiping away the tears.

"Please don't cry Sam, it breaks my heart to see you like this. I'd do anything to take this pain from you", he whispers and I hear my own pain in his hoarse voice.

His touches feel so good too good. Fuck why does he have to make me feel this way? Before I get lost in this feeling that is building up inside of me, I draw back and stand up.

"I'm....I'm sorry", Jake whispers while clearing his throat.

I know he was getting lost in this, just as I was. "It's ok Jake. Look I think we should put this off for tomorrow. I only have a little over an hour left anyway. I'll just take care of your hands and leave."

"Please don't leave Sam", he pleads again.

"I need to Jake. I need to get my mind sorted before I leave for work."

"Will you talk to me, if I come to the pub?"

"You don't think I am going to talk to you about our shit in front of others?" I look at him in disbelief.

"No of course not. I just can't stand you ignoring me, just a casual talk as if I was a normal guest."

"If you let me take care of your hand now, I'll try ok? I can't promise anything you hurt me bad, Jake. Worse than anyone in my life. But I will try to keep in mind what you told me today."

"Well I guess that's more than I deserve", he says while looking down.

Once I have cleaned up his wounds and bandaged them, I leave.

A/N: A lot being revealed in this chapter, putting things into a different light and a lot of emotions involved on both sides. Do you trust Jake's words? What secret is he keeping to protect his family? Looking forward to reading any ideas.

As always please remember to comment and vote :)