Looking in the mirror it tells me I had definitely been crying way too much during the weekend. My eyes still look puffed and underlined. So, I decide to use some concealer and a light make up to cover it up a bit. Fuck I am not going like some sort of zombie on my first day at college.

While pouring myself some coffee and putting some scones into the oven, Emily enters the kitchen.

"Fuck, you are wearing make up?", she exclaims baffled.

"Oh, this girl has her eyes already open, even without a coffee in her hand", I answer sarcastically.

"Have you slept at all? You still look like shit."

Yeah thanks for pointing that out, the mirror told me the same.

"Has anyone ever told you, sometimes it's better to keep your bloody mouth shut?"

"Yep, billions of times", she chuckles innocently while taking her cup of coffee I made her.

"Doesn't seem to have helped", I roll my eyes.

We have a quick breakfast, before leaving way earlier than needed but I don't want to be late on my first day. And I sure don't want to squash into one of the last seats left, leaving me no option to choose.

"Want to stop for a quick Baileys hot chocolate, while we're here?", Emily asks as we pass our favourite cafe.

"Emi, it's half past eight in the morning, we are heading for our very first class. You really think we should be drinking Baileys at this time?", I can't help but laugh about my bestie.

Shrugging she looks up at me. "I just thought it might calm the nerves and it's only fucking hot chocolate."

"With Baileys", I add.

"Well where's the fun without? It's only a tiny shot anyway", she shrugs again making me laugh even more about her.

God, I know the time here with her will be the best time of my life. I have missed her and her attitude so much. Instead of going for Baileys first thing in the morning we each grab a Chai latte to go.

"Text me asap, if you have a hot prof", Emi demands before we part.

I reach class early, well there are only three other people seated inside besides me. There are two in the front row, guess those are the nerds who do everything perfect and try to catch as much attention from the Professor as possible. Then there's the guy in the back row right in the corner, looking like he's already stoned and will stay seated there to receive as little attention as possible and as if he couldn't care less about the class.

And then there's me, I take a seat not exactly in the middle but not on the edge either of the fourth row. This will give me a good sight to catch on well what the Professor is talking about, without getting too much into his focus.

This is the class I am most looking forward to, creative writing. This is what I am here for. I know classical languages and English literature, will be more dry and harder to digest or the other side classes.

Slowly but surely the room fills and it gets noisier. I'm surprised about the amount of students flooding this hall. Some of them seem to know each other, whereas for me all the faces are new. I focus on my booklet in front of me, letting my thoughts drift as I hear a loud plonk next to me, tearing me out of my day dreams.

"You must be fucking kidding me? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Ehhhm guess the same thing as you, studying", he seems totally unfazed by my little outburst.

"Go and find yourself some other seat, I was here first Jake."

"Sam, have you taken a look around? This place is packed. I am going nowhere, deal with it", his lips build a hard line.

Looking at his face, I realize his eyes are underlined and he looks exhausted. Surely had a lot of booze and long nights out with girls this weekend. At least someone had his fun.

His eyes are now scanning my face too, just as I did with his, and a slight frown appears.

"You ok Sam? You look.... ehm... I mean ... you look tired."

I am fucking tired you idiot, because I cried my balls out repeatedly last night because of you. Not to mention the night before, I kind of collapsed in front of Evans and Emily.

"It's none of your business Jake. Now leave me in peace", I grit out.

He sighs and I see him clenching his hands hard on the edge of the table. "Fine."

We stay silent during the rest of the class, even if I can constantly feel Jake's eyes on me.

Dr. Professor Williams uses the first day mainly to explain to us, what to expect within the next two years of his class. In the first year there will be four assignments which are set out of two creative and two critical ones, on top we have to submit one creative writing portfolio and one critical essay. Which means getting stuck to it right from the start, to not drop behind.

"I know in the first year we won't have any focuses. There will be equal teaching and writing on different kinds of topics. During the second year you will be specializing into following genres", he points out to the screen behind him noting:

*novel

*short fiction

*radio drama

*TV drama

*screenwriting

*stage drama

*poetry

*narrative non-fiction

"I know it is early, yet I want you to work out the differences between the different genres. You will work in groups of two. Easy set up, you work with the partner in your row. Every second seat works with the partner to their right-hand side, counted from direction entry. I want your work handed in by next week Monday."

I take a quick glance at our row.

"Fuck", I mutter. Is he fucking kidding me?

I'm on the sixth seat and of course Jake is to my right side making him my fucking partner. Gosh, why couldn't he have exchanged his fucking seat? Not just do I have to sit next to him in class, no now I need to work this fucking homework out with him. The worst thing is, he doesn't seem to bother at all.

I quickly gather my stuff together and rush to the door as soon as Professor Williams ends the class. I hear Jake calling out for me, but I just mix in with the mass escaping him as fast as possible. Of course, it's stupid as I need to settle an appointment with him to work out our homework, for the moment I just need time away from him to digest it though.

I have an hour until my next class starts so I decide to go for a coffee and check my phone.

And do you have a hottie prof? Mine is like near to death or something ughhh

I love Emi and she never fails to put a smile on my face.

Nope, no hottie either. And a neighbour that sucks

He ugly? Or a super creepy nerd?

No, a super creepy, unfortunately very hot, fucking ex-boyfriend, whom I need to do homework with. Feel like puking!!!

What? You fucking serious? You want me to come and kill him? I know some boys from the chem lab, they sure know how to dissolve a body!

I laugh out loud, there's no better thing than a bestie like this.

Love you! Can't wait until this freaking first day is done.

We've got Ben and Jerry's at home <3

If Emily's classes would have been scheduled like mine, we could have at least spent the breaks together. Perhaps on the other days.

I seat myself very similar as I did in the last class. Seconds later I hear a familiar snicker as a bag gets dropped next to mine. He's doing this on purpose right? He's made my life hell at home and now he's making it hell for me here.

"Seems like we still have the same interests", Jake says with a smirk on his face.

"Fuck off, there are plenty seats left. You can choose any other than the one next to me."

"Too bad I don't want to move. And don't even bother moving seats yourself, because I'll follow."

"What the hell do you want Jacob?", I yell, whisper letting my frustration and anger drip through.

"We need to work on our homework together remember?"

"Yes, but not here."

"And I want to talk to you."

"Too bad, because I said all I had to say on Saturday."

His eyes dart down to his block in front of him his eyes now shaded by his hoodie he has pulled over. He starts writing something down he is sheltering from the class. The rest of the time in class both of us stay silent.

Although I try my best to leave as fast as possible. Jake catches up on me and holds on to my wrist. For a moment I think of using my techniques I learned in MMA against him, then decide it might not be the best way to start the first day at college.

"What the hell Jake?", I hiss instead.

"Hey, here's my number. Text me what time and when you want us to meet up for our homework. I guess we should schedule for two to three afternoons."

He presses a small note into my hand before leaving without another word. His voice was different this time, he sounded defeated. Fine maybe now I'll have him off my back.

Reaching home, I drop down dead on my bed immediately. Three hours left before I need to get ready for work, leaving me some time for a nap. Who would have thought the first day at college would be so exhausting?

I wake up to Emily entering my room.

"How the hell can you sleep to this music?"

"What? It's Nickelback and not some hardcore heavy metal band. It soothes me."

"I don't know how the hell that can be soothing to you. But it's up to you. Gosh but something is wrong with you girl", as so often I chuckle at her words.

I know Emily is more the typical girly type and when it comes down to music she mainly listens to whatever is on the charts at the moment.

"Anyway, how are you?", concern is written all over her face.

"Ok, I guess. No denying, it sucks being in classes with Jake and that, this fucking dick has to seat himself right next to me. But it's nothing I can't deal with. The homework sucks most."

"You sure you're ok, otherwise? I heard you having nightmares again last night and crying."

Facing down I sigh, should have known I won't get past that one. "Uhhh yeah, guess the last days have been a little much. And you know what's crazy?", Emily gives me a look to carry on talking. "Even after all this time, it hurts to see Jake. I thought it's just hate I have left for him, instead he confuses me and every fucking time I see him, it hurts Emi."

I can't hold back my tears completely, at least it's only a few tears I shed.

"Honey, he was your big love. You stuck together right from the sandpit, nothing could ever part you until that day. No wonder it hurts seeing him. There's still the option for me to get rid of him. Just let me know", she says with a wink.

Emily's right, Jake and I were always together. He used to always use the heart form for me in the sandpit. For my eighth birthday, he bought me one of those plastic rings on the fairground and said he was going to marry me later. On my fifteenth birthday he took me to build a bear, because he knew how much I loved it. When we filled the bear, he put a kiss on the heart and said, like this his kisses would always be right with me. That was the last birthday I had with him. It wasn't just the rape, I didn't just lose my mum, my boyfriend and all my friends. I simply lost everything. All those years of happiness, friendship and love ruined in one single fucking night. And seeing him now, just reminds me of everything. It reminds me of all I went through, all the pain, the betrayal but also all the good things I lost. Jake and I were like magnets which couldn't be separated until that night Michael's and Jake's betrayal destroyed me.