Ok, how do I answer best to this question. Yes, I like to fuck around in between and have one-night stands wouldn't really help getting away from the image of being a whore. Which I'm definitely not. Evans doesn't seem to be the guy to judge people that fast and I still feel guilty not telling him about what happened with Jake this week. So, I guess sticking to the truth as answer is my best option.

"I hope you don't get me wrong for what I am about to tell you now and besides Emi no one knows about this", his eyes are soft and full of curiosity.

"First of all, I hope you don't think bad about me after what I am telling you now, but I want to answer your question truthful.

As mentioned I lost my virginity that night. The moans, touches just everything about it, is burnt into my soul. After everything that had happened I wasn't able to trust anyone and didn't want to either.

Two years ago, I started working in a pub in the town. I did notice I still feel attraction for men. Men would flirt with me in the bar, but it was off limits to have it off with guests. So, I started going out to clubs on the weekends just for the sake of flirting and I started noticing that if I felt really attracted to a guy physically and he would touch me, for a few moments I would be able to forget those terrible touches from that night.

That's how I started having simple one-night stands. I'd have it off with a guy once, kick him out or leave his place. The pain from the past and everything else was numbed out for one night.

Don't get me wrong it's not like I constantly did it. Before I came here there was even over half a year completely without. But that's what I do. And now I am nearly sure, you think I deserve being called a slut or whore."

God, I can't believe I am telling him all this shit. The first guy besides Jake I might be interested in a little more than just sex. Hell, where did that just come from? Am I or am I not interested in him? My fucking mind is killing me right now.

"Sam why do you think, I would think you are a slut? Yeah you might have had some sex with some guys, so what? What do you think half the students do?

I am nearly sure most of them have fucked around more in the last two months, than you in the last two years. And none of them had the excuse to numb the pain. I am really sorry you had to experience it this way.

All I can say is, the more you tell me about yourself, the more I am fascinated by you. You're amazing strong and have fought for your life. You have an amazing attitude and hell I find it awesome and damn sexy you are off the norm. So please don't think bad of yourself just because some dumbasses put you down. Take the new start here in Oxford you wanted, no one here is going to stop you."

"Well besides Jake perhaps."

"Look I understand you hate him after what he did to you. And I am sure not going to blame you. I'd even go so far, to say at the moment I would like to rip Jake's head off myself. But there is one thing you should know about Jake. We have both spent a year here together, he's become one of my best mates, we throw a lot of parties together. I know he acts like a man whore and a jerk around girls, he has this really bad attitude but one thing has fallen into place for me today. Remember how he came to me about the drugs on the party?", I nod, not knowing what he is heading for. "Jake won't let anyone take or deal drugs on our parties especially not if girls are involved. Any conclusion why?"

I don't know if I am just too dumb right now or something, I don't understand what he is pointing out so I shrug.

"Ok, maybe you are too involved in this whole thing and hurt to see it. But his girlfriend got raped while being on drugs, he didn't do a thing about it. And now he won't put up with drugs what so ever. It's only now I understand he is trying to protect those girls from the same thing that happend to you. You might not want to hear it, but I guess in some kind of way it haunts him too. And believe me I am not trying to protect him, what he did was so wrong."

"I doubt he ever looked back or gave it a second thought. And to be honest I am so done with thinking about Jacob. I know I will cross his way sooner or later here, but for me he is a stranger and that's how I want it to stay."

"Fair enough. Now tell me something else, you worked in a pub? Did I tell you I work in a pub too?"

"I knew you worked but you didn't tell me where or as what."

"Yeah, it's not far from here, it's called the Old Oak. You should come around some evening, we could play pool once I've finished."

"Are you kidding me? The Old Oak?", I laugh hard.

"What's so funny about it?"

"Well I guess we could play pool when we BOTH finish work then. As I start there as of tomorrow."

"Wait you are setting me up now, aren't you?"

I shake my head and curl myself up laughing by the look on Evans's face.

"Wait a second, you are the hot girl Brian has been on about all week? The girl he can't wait to see standing behind the counter? Oh my god this is hilarious, when he was talking about a fucking hot girl starting to work with us next week, I thought he was imagining things. You know we are all guys there?" He curls up laughing too. "Guess I need to apologize to him tomorrow, I've been mocking him all week that he is going insane. And I better warn you, Brian is only two years older and a fucking horny bastard."

"Ehmm yeah, I guess I've met Brian already", I chuckle.

Evans and I end up talking a while about work, but my head is still killing me.

"Guess Emi didn't even think about those painkillers twice."

"You better grab some I need to go for a shower now anyway. Except if you need me to stay."

"Thanks, but I guess I've ruined your white t-shirt enough as it is", if this wasn't so dead embarrassing I might have added some cocky joke.

"I'll have a memory of the first night I spent in your bed", he chuckles lightly, seconds later I see a shocked expression appearing on his face. "I'm so sorry, I don't want to imply or push you to anything. What a stupid thing to say", he hides his face in his palms.

I loosen his hands and make him look up at me. "Evans it's ok. It was funny, alright? Don't act any different around me now, just because you know it. I would hate that. And I feel embarrassed enough about everything as it is."

"No need to my Statement girl. Well I'll grab that shower now then. I have nothing planned for today, so if you need me just let me know."

"How about us hanging out with Netflix, today?"

Evans is already on his way to the door as he turns around. "Netflix and chill?"

I throw a pillow at him laughing. "Idiot."

"Hey, that's not fair. You wanted me to act normal", he chuckles. "Ok, I'll put up with Netflix as it is for today. But only if it's nothing cheesy."

"Deal", I respond chuckling.

Once Evans has left, I go to get myself those painkillers. Emily is sat in the kitchen, waiting.

"You bitch, where did you stay with those fucking pain killers?"

"Don't you bitch me for that. Thought you needed time to talk, more than those painkillers. Here", she tosses them over to me. "How did it go anyway?"

I tell her the full story in short version while her full attention is focused on me with so much sympathy in her eyes.

"So, he basically knows everything besides the fact, that you had an awesome night with Jake this week?", I nod. "Oh, Sam I am so fucking proud of you. I just hope the Jake thing doesn't backfire on you."

"Me too. I guess part of me still wishes it hadn't been Jake and that's why I can't tell him."

"And the other part of you feels guilty, because you know damn right it was Jake's eyes which attracted you so much too."

"Shut the fuck up", I say while rolling my eyes.

Yes, he was damn hot, more than that. Damn even so much freaking more. But it was his eyes, the eyes I once loved so much. The eyes which destroyed me. But the same eyes which still won't let go of me.

As I enter the bathroom and look into the mirror, I storm horrified back into the kitchen.

"How the hell could you let me stay in the bedroom for so long, if I look like a fucking panda zombie?"

Emily laughs out loud. "Thought you'd know Sweetheart, you cried your balls out while wearing smokey eyes. Guess we should take some photos, we could post it on Insta warning people about a freaking panda zombie apocalypse."

"Haha, very funny, you're a shitty bestie."

Before I can realize what, she is doing the pic is taken.

"Don't you dare!", I warn her.

"Too late", she chuckles.

"Oh, I am so going to kill you!"

"You better rush for the shower first. Evans said he'll be back down soon. If you don't want to look like a panda zombie, you better hurry. Love you!"

"Bitch, you are paying for that", I call out, while dashing to the bathroom and laughing too.

Damn her, payback is going to be a bitch, just need to find the right opportunity. This is going to be fun. Shaking my head about my bestie I can't help but laugh a little more, at least we always find a way to laugh even through the shit.

No matter how hard I try with cold water, my eyes stay puffed and red. Damn! Not exactly attractive, then again, he's seen me worse today. I grab my favourite tight fitting-jeans, hugging my skin perfectly but like nearly all my jeans with loads of tears and holes in it. And a, Don't mess with me Bitch, tank top.

Guess it's obvious who this statement is for today.

"Oho I am so in trouble I guess", Emily laughs out loud.

"Oh, you so are. And to start off with, you can make sure we have plenty to eat today. But wait for it, I'll get my revenge." She pretends to be shocked, but I know she is amused and happy I am like this again. I worried the shit out of her yesterday.

Only a couple of minutes later, Evans knocks at our door. He's wearing a fairly tight-fitting black V-neck shirt. Gosh I love V-neck shirts, he looks hot. I have to swallow hard seeing him like this. I think this is about the sexiest outfit I've seen on him. His jeans are a little tighter than the ones he usually wears. Only his topless appearance can top this. And he's wearing fucking Hugo Boss bottled, fuck I love this scent.

"So, it's Netflix?"

"Yep with Emi, and no Netflix and chill", I state clearly which ends with a rumbling laugh on his side.

"Ok, we'll talk about that another time", he replies with a wink making me blush. "But I am allowed to chill while watching Netflix?"

"You are lame Evans", I snicker. "No, I thought you could kind of run around topless and serve Emi and me, while we do a Netflix and chill day."

"Watch it girl, say more and I swear I am going to have a hard one."

"Well I certainly wouldn't complain about that", Emily tunes in making all of us laugh.

Emily has set up plenty of water, Coke and ordered burgers, the right thing for a hangover day. We discuss a while about what to watch. Emily desperately wants to watch 365 days.

"Hell Emi, I'm sure not watching a movie with quite a few sex scenes, while sitting here with Evans."

"Why not? I am sure he's seen enough porn in his life, this isn't anything new to him. It's probably even lame to whatever he watches otherwise", she exlaims.

Oh my god, this is so Emi again.

"Emi you do realize watching a porn is something completely different and I am not watching a movie loaded with sex scenes with Evans next to me."

"Well I wouldn't mind", Evans throws in and I slam his chest. "Ouch, you're quite strong for a girl, you know that?"

I shrug. "Whatever, let's finally find something."

In the end we decide to watch, HOW TO SELL DRUGS ONLINE. With my background I know it's not the best topic, but I have to face the fact it's funny. It's like really ridiculous and stupid but so many parts where I simply kill myself laughing. Maybe this is the kind of bad humour I just need today. And thinking about how much in reality goes on in the darknet is shocking.

While watching I am leaning against Evans, it feels good and comforting, yet I can't help and keep comparing that feeling I had on Tuesday with Jake. Fucking Jake.

A/N: Ok, so this was kind of a gap filler a bit. But I thought it would be important to see how Sam reacts after situations like last night. How she snitches out of it. And again we find out a lot about her character, how she deals with her sexuality after leaving all this open in the first couple of chapters.

What do you think about, her last thoughts? Is she through with Jake? And what about Evans, will she feel the same for him, or is it more a good friendship building up?

Please don't forget to comment and vote :)