⚠️Trigger warning: This chapter might trigger you if you have been through abuse in any kind of way

Strong arms wrap around me, lifting me off the ground into a cab. His arms don't leave me and I am seated on his lap. Tears keep streaming down my face.

"I've got you Statement girl. We are taking you back home now, ok?"

I simply nod, while the sobs get even louder.

"Can you stay tonight Evans?", I hear Emi ask. "I don't know if I can handle this on my own. In all those years I've only seen her once like this and that was the night it all happened."

"Don't worry as long as she needs me, I'll be right there."

I hear him sigh loud. "I had no fucking idea."

"She doesn't talk about this, she's been through hell because of it. And what you heard tonight is only a very small part of it."

"Why didn't she mention she knows Jake?"

"That's not for me to answer. You will have to ask her and to be honest, I don't know if she is going to tell you. Sam has built up a wall over years to protect herself and she is damn good at it. Even I only get to see the weak Sam, when she is really down. This week has been hard for her and she dropped part of that facade for me. But I've known her all my life and besides her Grams I am the only person who ever stuck to her. All she wanted and needed tonight was a fun night out, I worry how this will throw her back", she sighs loud. "I really shouldn't be telling you all of this and I am going to stop at this point. Just promise me one thing Evans, be careful with her ok?"

"I promise."

His arms wrap tighter around me, as he carries me out of the cab into our apartment. He lays me gently down on my bed. I still can't stop sobbing. When Evans gets off my bed to leave me alone with Emi, I clench my fists into his shirt.

"Please don't leave", I cry.

I don't know why? Even if Emi is here I need his strong comforting arms around me. It gives me a feeling of safety, something I haven't felt in a whole while and I like his smell it's soothing me right now a little.

"I wasn't going to go. Just thought you might want your bed to yourself. I'll stay right here on the chair."

I shake my head, clench my hands harder into his shirt nearly panicking and start sobbing harder against his chest. He understands and comes into my bed. Immediately I lean against him crying my balls out, his arms comforting me while Emily behind me is caressing my back.

"It's ok Sweetheart. It's about high time you let that out, you know I've been waiting for this reaction for years. You've been holding back for so long."

I don't know how long I keep up crying. It seems like forever it's as if something has dropped on me tonight and I am unable to stop anymore. Every time I feel like I am calming down, I hear Jake's words again and start sobbing like mad all over again while my whole body is trembling. It's like it's on endless repeat. Never ever in my whole life have I cried this much. The feelings are overwhelming me, there are flashbacks scaring the shit out of me and I feel unable to fight my demons back anymore.

**********

At some point I must have dropped off to sleep. I only realize as I wake up with Evans's and Emily's arms wrapped around my body, both fast asleep. My eyes are totally crusted from all the crying and my head is killing me right now. Definitely too much booze and too much crying.

What the fuck got into me to let myself drop that low last night? I feel so embarrassed, god and Evans caught it all. I need to get my act together.

As soon as I move Evans wakes up.

"Hey how are you feeling?", I hear the worry in his voice.

"Like a sandwich and I am the filling in between", I chuckle immediately regretting it because of my head throbbing hard.

Evans can't quite keep a chuckle back either and I hear Emily behind me snickering.

"Sam this is so you. Crying your balls out all night and pulling off a stupid comment like that, instead of answering honest."

"I am honest, after all I am stuck between the two of you."

"You know that's not what I mean or how Evans question was meant. You're avoiding it again?"

"Ok, what the hell do you want to hear? I feel like a piece of shit, totally embarrassed and my head is killing me. Is that it? Because if yeah, there you go, satisfied?" I scoff feeling pushed.

"Chill Babe, no need to get pissed. But yes, that's what I really wanted to hear. You can't keep denying what's going on deep down inside of you, otherwise you will burst."

"Fine", I reply with a pissed voice, although I know she is right. "Now you know how I feel, can we please just move on?"

"Sam there is nothing to feel embarrassed about, ok? We are your friends and we are worried about you", Evans jumps in while cupping my cheeks and making me look in his eyes.

"I'll fetch some painkillers", Emily says lowly and I know what her real intention is, to leave me alone with Evans right now.

"You could have told me", Evans starts off.

"Hey whoa back down Evans, I only know you for a week now. You really think I'd drop my life story on you in that time? Besides I don't talk about that shit anyway."

"Ok, get that you hardly know me. But you could have dropped Jake being your ex. Was that why you left my party?"

I swallow hard. Fuck how am I supposed to react to that? I decide to spare parts out and formulate it to my advantage.

"No, I left the party because I heard about the drugs and the girls. It reminded me of this one stupid mistake I made and it kind of hit me. I needed to get out. On the actual party I didn't realize it was Jake. It's been five years and both of our bodies have changed a lot in that time. It wasn't until later I knew who he was."

Well that wasn't a lie, was it? I just missed out the part with us having mind blowing sex. Gosh I still can't believe that shit happened.

"Is it ok, if I ask you why the hell you took the drugs at that time? I mean I heard what you said last night, but what happened? You don't need to answer if you don't feel up to it."

I take a deep breath. "The day I took that shit, was the day after my mum's funeral. Someone had crashed into her car a week prior. Her car had been pushed off a bridge and she drowned in the car. They never found the car, which caused the accident, all they could find out she hadn't been speeding and the other car must have crossed her lane for some reason.

You know there had always only been my mum and my Grams. I never had any other family. My dad left before I was born besides us there wasn't anyone else. I was fifteen when that happened and I had to move in with my Grams. At that point I wasn't coping very well with my mum's death.

Jake had left for a holiday the day after my mum died and came back on that Saturday of the rape. Jake and Emily insisted I need to get out of the house and get a little distracted.

But how the hell was I supposed to go for a party if my mum had just died? On the other hand, I felt like dying and knew I needed to have some sort of fun. We lived in a tiny village you know where everyone knows everyone and everything. So obviously I also knew who the local drug dealer was, just as everyone else. By the way as bad as it is, no one ever got him into trouble for it.

Anyways I decided I wanted to numb myself and take something, I couldn't even recall what it was. Jake, Emi and Michael my best friends all knew I had taken it. It did help me, I even started having fun on the party all the pain was numbed away.

For a village it was a huge party with about fifty people. We drank, we played stupid party games and danced. At some point I wasn't feeling well. Emi and Jake weren't in sight so Michael took me up to one of the rooms for me to rest. Or so I thought anyway.

Once he helped me on the bed, he started getting pushy telling me how much he likes and wants me. Jake was my boyfriend and I told Michael to leave me in peace and sober up. But he didn't, I am not going in to details as I can't and don't want to either.

Anyway, I was screaming and crying for him to stop and someone to help me. I was too fucking drunk and drugged to fight him off myself, besides him being way stronger anyway.

When Jake barged in after hearing me scream I thought he was going to help me. Instead he run off. He left me there while our friend his best mate raped me and took my virginity.

Emi found me a while later, she called my Grams and they took me into hospital. Obviously, my blood tests revealed I had been under drugs, Grams and Emi still told me to press charges. Jake never came back to speak to me after what happened, he wouldn't react to any calls or messages. Instead him and Michael told the police I behaved a slut all night and wanted rough sex with Michael. Needless to say, they used the excuse me being drugged.

Shortly after his family moved away just as Emi's family. I have no idea why Jake's family did. Emi's family definitely decided I was the wrong type of girl to hang around with their daughter. After all everyone knew I was on drugs, a slut and defamed a very popular boy for apparently raping me.

The next five years, I spent being the center of attraction for every kind of gossip. Whatever anyone said about me was stated to be the truth, as everyone knew what a badass I was anyway.

And what shall I say they kinda got their badass they wanted, at least by the way I treated them back and didn't stick to their perfect rules. All of them are hypocrites and they can kiss my butt.

My Grams doesn't know, but I don't intend to ever set a foot in that fucking village again. I worked a lot in the town close by, I saved as much as I could. Worked hard in school, nearly passing every class with A-levels so I could come here to Oxford. My dream college was supposed to be my start into a new life. A life I can leave all that shit behind me. But you know, life fucking sucks for me. Out of all the places and under so many thousands of people, I had to crash into fucking Jacob Baker."

Wow that was a lot of input and besides Grams and Emi, I have never told anyone my story. After what happened last night, this is kind of confronting myself for the first time really with my own demons. I've found ways to deal with issues coming with it, but I have always tried to ignore the reason for everything.

I can see Evans is taking his time to deal with everything I just told him, before reacting in any kind of way. Honestly, I wouldn't even blame him if he does a runner right now.

I hear him letting out a heavy breath. "Wow Sam, that....that really sucks. To be honest I don't even know what to say. Just that quite a few things make sense to me now. Your t-shirts for instance, they are really meant as statement, right? I mean the people around you treated you like shit, so they are to fuck off." I simply nod. "That Michael was your friend?"

"The four of us always stuck together from small onwards. Things changed a little after Jake and I officially dated. But until that night it was always the four of us."

"So, one of your best friends raped you, your boyfriend didn't help you and to top it off you lost your best friend Emily. And all of this happened right after the death of your mum. That's so..... I really don't know what to say."

"Fucked up? Yeah, definitely."

"Why did people stick up so much for this bastard Michael?"

I chuckle which causes Evans to look confused. "Sorry, I just like you called him that. Well problem number one, Michael's dad is a well-known lawyer who is damn rich and has a lot of influence. Problem number two I wasn't born in that village."

His face frowns. "And where's the problem not have being born there?"

"You've obviously never lived in a small village. When my mum moved there, I was three years of age. She was a single mum and counted as kinda intruder. We didn't have money, we hadn't been there for generations, so we weren't very welcome anyway. It was more like we were tolerated. At least until that point where I accused one of their favourite family members to have raped me."

"What kind of century are those people living in? My mum is a single mum, but we were never treated any different than anyone else. People hardly knew each other and minded their own business. If I were you I'd never set a foot in that village again either." He swallows hard and I see he is nervous about the next thing he wants to say. "I do wonder about one thing you have told me in my apartment. You said your last relationship is five years back, which I now know was Jake. But it did sound like you have sex?"

Author's note: Sam's story has been revealed. Bad shit has happend to her. I think this chapter explains a lot of her attitude. I think this chapter and the prior one are the ones to guide us through the book. They are essential for the development happening.

What are your thoughts on this chapter?

Please remember to comment and vote. Thanks