AXEL

Beautiful...

She was the epitome of the word without even realizing it. Her beauty matched if not exceeded the simplest sunrise or sunset. The way her golden locks curled over head made her look like an angel; an angel with a halo that barely remained in place because she always sold herself short. She considered herself strong; a rule breaker who never listened to anyone. With that being said, it was obvious that she wouldn't listen to me.

My first reaction when seeing her last night was utter astonishment. I could feel her stare penetrating through my skull. She started at me as if I would suddenly combust and turn into ash. Her eyes were glassy when I finally met them. They held stupefaction. Obviously she hadn't expected me to be standing there and nor did I. With so many people in the city, the chances of running into each other were meant to be slim to none.

Or so I thought...

It worried me when she looked at me like she didn't know me. A total stranger would have gotten a better look from her than I did. It unsettled me further when her hands roamed the features of my face. At that point, in that very moment, guilt washed over me. The only thought that raced in my head was: I broke her, I blood hell broke her. The tough girl, the girl who could take on anything, the angel that lived in my dreams every night now looked like she wanted to crawl into a pit and bury herself there.

But as the night progressed, I caught glimpses of her old self. The way she punched that guy in the face, the way she chastised me for stealing her drink, the way her eyes lit up each time my voice dropped an octave. She wasn't fully there though. If that even made sense. When I asked her to follow me to my car, she willingly did so, only fighting me when we were already on route to my apartment. It was so unlike her.

I regretted my little outburt in the car. She clearly took offense to it on a deeper level but my opinion didn't change. I still felt that she was better than all this. She didn't need to do this but she went back to it the first chance she got and I needed to know why.

Why did she feel the need to keep doing this to herself?

And then we entered the apartment and I made myself comfortable. It was my apartment after all, I had the right to do as I pleased. But her eyes on my body, the way they traced every piece of me. It was other worldly. That was when I finally took in that God forsaken dress on her and all hell broke loose inside me. The little restraint and control I had slipped.

Therefore, every single inch of this God damned apartment had been utilized by us.

Now her scent lingered everywhere, most strongly in my bedroom since she still laid soundless and asleep. I must have tired her out. Admittedly, doing what we did without resolving our issues wasn't one of our brightest ideas but it felt good. So fucking good!

I untangled myself from her sleeping form. She wouldn't notice if I went missing for tad bit. At least I hoped she wouldn't. Keeping that in mind, I had a quick shower, the water and soap mixture burning the marks she left on my back but I savored the feeling. Once I returned to the room, I found that she hadn't even moved. Her sleeping form exactly the way I had left her.

Shrugging on a pair of blue jeans and a solid red T-shirt, I decided to make my way out of the apartment. Macy's handbag or whatever that small contraption was called still laid in the passenger seat of my car. People must have phoned, worried about her, so bringing her phone to her was the best thing to do. I already knew one of the many people who tried calling was Chase.

Fucking prick would be getting an ear full once I finally set my eyes on him!

I made sure to lock the apartment door behind me after I left. After what happened last night, I didn't trust her alone. She could obviously take care of herself. When her body went into fight or flight mode she immediately chose fight but I just felt more secure with locking the door. That way, she couldn't leave if she had to wake up either.

I was only a few feet away from my car and I could already hear the annoying shrill of Macy's phone. It stopped and started up again almost instantaneously. I quickly opened the car, grabbed the bag and fished out the phone. Nearly twenty missed calls and fifty three unread texts. Someone must have really wanted to get ahold of her.

Her screen lit up in my hand, the name 'Dre in big bold letters. Even on the way up to my apartment the ringing wouldn't stop. I felt like it was begging me to answer it but I didn't want to intrude. She would already be in a pissy mood from whatever happened last night, I didn't want to add to the list.

I managed to get into the apartment and sit her bag onto the coffee table before it started up again. It was the same name on the screen, the same person and I couldn't stop myself. My fingers did their own thing, swiping to answer.

The moment the phone hit my ear I paled. A panicked males voice filling my ear, "Macy? Where are you? You were meant to meant me for breakfast two hours ago. I dropped by your apartment and you're not even there. Are you okay?"

My heart stopped. If it could sink to my stomach and dissolve in its acid it would have. I kept my tone neutral and tried to collect myself enough as I said, "She's fine and a little busy at the moment. I'll tell her to give you a call when she's free." With those words, the call ended.

The sound of shuffling caught my attention and when I turned I found Macy standing in the hallway, white sheet hugged around her with one hand whilst the other rubbed her eye. Her mouth opened, a yawn stumbling out. She looked enchanting. My lips twitched into a smile, looking at her that way made me wonder what her future daughter would look like. What our future children would look like?

"It's early, come back to bed," her groggy morning voice croaked. She ran her hand through her hair, wincing as it caught in a knot. After a futile attempt of removing the knot, she decided to trudge her way to me.

I watched her in confusion, sleep clouding her eyes. She looked like her brain was still busy buffering and she couldn't find a Wi-Fi connection strong enough to resume her function. That didn't stop her from using what little morning strength she had to shove me onto the couch. I landed with an 'oomph' which she ignored. She held the sheet around her tighter, then crawled into my lap and curled into a little ball.

Her head laid on my chest, the sweet scent of her hair invading my senses. It surprised me when I heard her breathing even out not even a minute later. I began humming softly, the tune of 'You are my sunshine'. She buried her head deeper into my chest, letting out that content sigh that I missed so much.

I never moved, not even flinched. It was comfortable for the first hour. After that, my body became numb, blood refused to flow to the rest of my limbs causing a pricking sensation, but I ignored it not wanting to break her sleep. She wasn't heavy, the quite opposite really which worried me. To my eyes, she seemed to have lost a lot of weight which was disconcerting since she already weighed so little.

Three hours later, she shifted in my hold. Her eyelids fluttered open, bright gray orbs greeting me. She just continued staring, probably trying to make sure that my presence wasn't a figment of her imagination.

"Good morning Sunshine," I murmured, trying to assure her that I was perfectly real.

She smiled a heart stopping smile, teeth and all, "Don't call me that," there was a playful air surrounding us. I knew she secretly loved the way I called her sunshine. She grew found of it and each time I used her actual name she would cringe, "Coffee please?"

I placed a chaste kiss into her hair, "Sure, there's a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and clean towels there. If you like, you could just wear something from my closet."

She nodded, slidding of me. The immediate loss of her warmth made me shudder. I rose to my feet, stretching out my stiff muscles. Macy made her way to the bathroom and I began brewing a fresh pot of coffee and scrambling some eggs for her. I'd force-feed her if I had to because I knew she wasn't eating well this past few weeks.

Just as quick as she left, she returned; damp hair and clad in one of my graphic shirts and plaid boxers, "That smells good," she said, kneeling against the kitchen counter, "Hope you don't mind, I may or may not have used your shampoo."

I chuckled, "What's mine is yours Sunshine," I placed a plate of eggs in front of her with a cup of steaming coffee. She brought the coffee to her lips, moaning as she sipped it resulting in the most provocative images to arise in my head. I shook those images away, clearing my throat, "I fetched your phone from the car this morning. It was ringing continuously so I answered. You were meant to meet someone for breakfast early this morning."

Instantly, she began coughing, choking on her coffee. She heaved, placing the cup down and rubbing her chest, "You answered?" Her voice was raspy.

"Yes, I answered because if I didn't he would probably still be calling. He seemed concerned, even went to your apartment but you weren't there. I thought you stayed with your parents?"

"I moved out."

My brows shot up in shock, "What, why?"

"It was either move out or quit being an escort," Macy kept her answers curt and to the point which vexed me. That was something I did went I couldn't process a situation properly. I shut people out until I could understand and she hated that.

With an exasperated sigh, I spooned some eggs and fed it to her, "Eat, we can talk about this later. You haven't eaten well this past few days."

Her eyes shot up to me, "H-how?"

"You've gotten thin. I mean, I still love you and your figure and every single thing about you but you need to eat. It's not good for your health if you don't and I don't need you getting sick, yeah?" I grabbed her coffee cup and took a sip.

She scowled, "Is this your new flex or something? Stealing whatever the hell I drink I mean? It's weird and, not to mention, I don't really like sharing my food or drinks with anyone."

"Come on, sunshine, sharing is caring!" I taunted, circling her wrist and guiding her spoon full of eggs into my mouth instead of hers. This banter between us was something I missed the most. It felt like a cool breeze in the hottest of summers; refreshing and welcomed.

But we still needed to talk and I still needed her to eat so I cut our banter short. I perched myself up onto a barstool across from her, watching her eat and making sure she finished everything on her plate. After she completed, I washed the dishes while she made herself comfortable on the couch.

When I entered the sitting room, I found her on her phone, biting her thumb nail and tapping her foot on the floor nervously, "Sunshine?" I called to get her attention but she hadn't heard me, "Sunshine?" My voice was slightly louder this time but it still hadn't cut through her fixation on her phone, "MACY!"

She jolted, phone flying up into the air but luckily she caught it before it could become acquainted with the concrete floor of my apartment, "Crap! You fucking scared the shit right out of me!" She brought her hand up to her heart, probably willing it to calm it's alarming pace in her ribcage.

"Sorry but you weren't exactly paying attention to anything other than that phone so I had to get your attention somehow," I apologized to which I earned a nod, "Look, maybe now's a good time to talk without getting distracted, if you don't mind."

Macy audibly gulped, posture straightening. She nodded her head way too vigorously, "Y-Yeah, we can talk. We need to talk," the words stumbled out of her mouth. She went from looking like a buffering video earlier this morning to looking like a system with too many apps open ready to crash and burn.

Her behavior had me on edge so I shifted from where I sat so I could be closer to her. However, she didn't take that too well, jumping back as if I had sent a hundred volts of electricity through her body. She began pacing, whispering incherrent words under her breath. The few words I caught were 'I'm so stupid how could I let this happen' and 'Disaster, a total fucking disaster'.

"Sunshine, what's wrong?" I tried to coax an answer out of her but she all but glared at me.

"Don't do that!" She snapped, "Don't be nice and calm and collected like you always are. Don't make this harder for me. I'd honestly prefer if you were mad at me, cussed me out, told me to get lost. I literally walked out on you, ignored you, and here you are...trying to take me back? You know you deserve better right? The things I've done are unforgivable," It was like she didn't know what to do with her hands so she fisted the hem of the shirt she wore on either side and began pulling at it.

"You're not fully at fault. I shouldn't have expected you to give up your life for me and I'm sorry and I can tell you're sorry. Why beat ourselves up any further. What's done is done, it cannot be changed," I woke up from my seat, standing only a few steps away from her, "if we're at the bottom right now, sunshine, then the only place to go is up. We can make this work again with a little bit of effort."

"Yeah!" She huffed, "Guess what, if you dig a hole, you can go further down. Its a fucking bottomless pit called life and I conveniently decided to jump into that pit not realizing that it's not as bottomless as I thought."

"Sunshine, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

She looked at me, an indecisive look coloring her features. It took her a quick second to rearrange her thoughts before speaking, "When I called you for your birthday, you seemed...broken," the way she said the word caused my breath to hitch. I thought I hid it well enough for her not to notice that day.

Was it a coincidence that I used the same word to describe her?

I realized quickly that we broke one other in different ways. We unintentionally did so but it still happened and it changed us. The way I looked at it was that we could only live and learn. Grow from the situation and better whatever we had.

"Then I heard light in your voice," Macy began again, "You actually sounded happy when you spoke and it wasn't to me. It was to some other girl and you called her 'hun'."

I tried to keep my lips pressed into a thin line but the way they curved upward was something I couldn't hold back, "Were you jealous, sunshine?" My voice was low, and I took a step closer to her.

She closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath before openinging them again, "Please, don't do that. This is really important to me. You need to listen because I royally fucked up and I'm not sure I deserve your forgiveness this time around."

Letting out a harsh breath, I said, "When you left, that whole thing with Claidia went down and it left me short handed. I...I wasn't in the right state of mind at the time to do any work or anything. To be honest, it was a miracle if I even left my room," I hung my head, shaking it so the memories of the last three weeks would leave but they didn't. They played out in my head like a high definition movie, "Stephenie had to hire some people to keep up with the work load. I'm grateful for that. She even did extensive background searches, not like that helped the last time..."

"She's just trying to help."

"Yes, I know. Again, I'm grateful for that. Anyway, she hired two new people and I had a third with me. One of Emmitt's chefs because I had to teach her that dessert. You want to guess what her name is?"

There was a pause before she could speak, "It can't be 'hun'."

"It's not," I deadpanned with an unimpressed expression gracing my face, "Her name is Honey," I couldn't help but accentuate every syllable and watch as Macy's eyes widened in disbelief as I did so, "So you can guess what everyone's nickname for her is around the bakery and even out of it. Also, if you heard me happy, it's because I realized I couldn't make everyone feel shitty just because I did."

Her eyes glazed over, becoming glassy and red and when she spoke, the way her voice cracked, it shattered my heart, "S-so yo-you didn't move on," those words were uttered with so much disbelief and I couldn't understand why.

Did she really expect me to move on in the span of three weeks?

"I'm about to hit the bottom of that so called bottomless pit," she whispered this more to herself this time, "Axel, I really thought... God why am I so stupid," there were so many emotions flooding her beautiful gray orbs. The cluster of emotions swirling into one prominent one: guilt, "Axel, I did something really bad that night."

I edged closer to her, "Whatever it is sunshine, I'm sure we can get through it. We've been through worst weather right? So why don't you just sit down and we can talk this out, yeah?"

"No, I just need you to shut up and listen to me. Please."

Fear washed over me but I couldn't understand why. I felt like my body was already preparing itself for the emotional blow I was about to recieve. This morning seemed to be going well, so was last night but I knew we couldn't just jump back in and pretend like nothing ever happened. There were many things we needed to sort out first.

"That same night I went to a club with a friend," she began, sounding slightly less confident than before. It was like she was slowly shrinking into a shell for protection, "I actually had that part planned before I could call you. I just needed to forget, even if it was just for a little while but I didn't plan the rest of what happened that night. I was so hurt after hearing that call, the way you sounded so detached from me."

I knew exactly what she meant by that. That day played on my mind constantly. A million and one scenarios of what I could have done differently. I didn't expect her to call or even to remember but when she did my excitement shot through the roof. Then I realized that it would be better if she didn't know that, it would make it easier for her to move on that way.

"I went to the club, had a lot to drink and ended up..." Her sentence trailed off, her eyes looking everywhere else but me and my blood ran cold, "I ended up sleeping with someone."

"YOU WHAT?" My first reaction slipped out before I could stop myself. I was loud and that caused her to flinch back slightly. Running a hand down my face, I asked, "It was just a one time thing right? You never saw him again and never... You didn't... With anyone else?" I couldn't bring myself to say the words because it was just so unbelievable, so unrealistic to even dream off.

"I've never slept with anyone else after that, not even him," her full bottom lip trembled, a single tear rolling down her left cheek.

"Okay, okay." I breathed, retreating to sit on the couch. My brain needed to process and I felt as if it would process faster while sitting, "It was just a one night stand then, it's fine."

She shook her head and I felt my heart still, "I still see him, still talk to him. He reminded me so much of you and yet he was so different and I liked that so I kept him around. How was I to know that you'd come back?"

My jaw clenched and I tried to keep my anger at bay. Being a hot head never solved problems, that was why I always remained calm but she was making it so difficult. The thought, the image of some other man touching her in that way was utterly repulsive. I hated it because that was my right and my right alone.

Then it dawned upon me, "Was it the same guy who phoned this morning?" When she nodded her head I continued, "And you've technically been seeing him but we still made love last night?"

With a quivering voice she answered, "Yes." And that was all it took for me to let my anger take the reigns.

Few more chapters to till the end, I think like 4 but hey, I could be wrong.

Do you guys have any questions you'd like me to answer... Drop them here>>>>

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