MACY

I sat in bed with my leg perched up on a comfortable pillow. Stephanie sat beside me, a tray of dark chocolate laying on her lap. Personally, I wasn't a fan of dark chocolate because of its bitterness but when you're feeling like you're having an emotional breakdown, any type of chocolate would do. I watched as Stephanie scanned the box that the assortment of tiny chocolates came it, trying to figure out which was the best tasting chocolate by what was in them.

"Why couldn't it be plain chocolate? Don't these people know that stuffing other stuff inside chocolate that's already crappy makes it crappier," Stephanie complained as she stuffed one of the assorted chocolates into her mouth. Her face scrunched in disgust at the taste but she womaned up and swallowed it.

Taking one of the chocolates that were half white and half brown, I asked, "Where did you even get these in the first place?" Then I stuffed the chocolate into my mouth and began to bit down on it. Leaving it to melt away on my tongue felt like torture, I always had the urge to chew it and I couldn't understand how others didn't get that urge too.

"This bloke came in today to fix his car. Really handsome and by looking at his car really loaded. Anyways that's not the point. The point is that he somehow developed a little infatuation with me," her lips split into a wide smile, chocolate coating the perfect teeth that she flashed me.

Although inside I felt as if someone took a wrecking ball and demolished my heart due to what happened earlier today, seeing Stephanies face like that brought a smile to my face, "He's taken a liking to you hey?" I teased, wiggling my brows at her.

Shoving me lightly so I wouldn't fall off the bed, she took one of the Turkish Delights that had a chocolate coating around it and shoved it into my mouth, "Yes, he has, but that doesn't mean that I like him too so whatever thoughts are floating in that head of yours, just forget them."

"Come on, what harm could it do to have a little fun. It's time you put yourself out there and this is the right opportunity to do so." I encouraged, my voice muffled due to the huge chocolate she had stuffed into my mouth.

"I know, I know. I'm not getting any younger so I guess it's time I start looking for someone but I'm not sure if I'm ready to get into a relationship or anything just yet."

"You don't need to get into a relationship then, just have a little fun. Maybe start off by actually going on a date or something. Plus, no one's stopping you from having a fuckationship." I wiggled my brows at her, a sly smile tugging on my lips.

"What the bloody hell is a fuckationship?" Her bewildered tone and wide-eyed expression made me bite back a laugh, "I'm pretty sure that's not even a word." She went on, deciding to pour us each a glass of red wine that sat on the bedside pedestal.

She handed me a glass that was filled to the brim. Giving her a pointed glare, I laughed as she shrugged and began sipping her overfull glass of wine, "A fuckationship is like a vacation with someone you don't really want to have a relationship with. It's just sleeping together with no strings attached." I explained, sipping my own wine.

"And where exactly did you hear about this?" She quizzed with a raised brow.

"I have a friend back home who mentioned this once. Her name is Shelby. She works as the receptionist in the publishing house I work in." I informed, sighing at the thought of Shelby and my job back home. I actually missed that crazy chick. "Anyway, you should just think about it, yeah?"

"If I agree to think about it would you stop pestering me about it?"

"I'm not even pestering you!" I defended, "But I won't bring it up again if you agree to give it a thought."

Rolling her eyes, she gave me a toothy smile, "Fine, I'll think about it but no promises. If I find someone then I will but I'm in no rush. What's the worst that could happen if I just stay single for the remainder of my life?"

"You might become one of those crazy women who have twenty cats and the only joy she gets is when she feeds said cats catnip," I mumbled, scrunching my face at the thought of a white-haired Stephanie with wrinkles and frown lines decorating her face and many cats surrounding her.

"I'm more of a dog-" Stephanie began but was cut off when the bedroom door burst open.

Axel stood there with a sloppy smile on his face. Tufts of air stuck out in all directions, some locks even falling over his forehead and covering his eyes. I noticed that his eyes seemed droopy, those hooded orbs fixated on me and nothing else even when he spoke, "Sunshine," he slurred and that's when I realized that he had been drinking. After our fight, he stormed out of the house without even telling me where he was going.

"What the hell, Axel? Are you trying to break the door down?" Stephanie's voice boomed as she slipped out of bed, still holding her glass of wine in her hand. Her glare was so intense that I could actually see the daggers being shot out of her eyes.

Axel's gaze never drifted from me, "Stephanie, leave!"

"Someone's knickers are in a twist," she murmured, taking a long sip off wine. Her eyes fell on me, softening as if to say sorry as she grabbed the wine bottle from the pedestal, "Fine, have fun you two." She sang,  speed walking out of the room. I had told her about the fight her brother and I had, even told her that we would probably end things, meaning everything we had been through was for nothing. She didn't say much about it, just sat and listened to me which I was grateful for.

Axel stepped into the room, closing and locking the door behind him before meeting my confused gaze once more, "We need to talk," running a hand through his disheveled hair, he stalked his way to me, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. He pulled the pillow from under my sprained ankle and replaced it with his lap. The feeling of his fingers on my skin felt like pure bliss. There was no other way to describe it.

The silence between us was thick and uncomfortable. I had never wanted to escape anything the way I wanted to escape this deafening silence. My lips suddenly felt dry so I licked them with Axel's eyes following the action intently. He sighed, closed his eyes, and then laid back, locking his fingers behind his head as he began to stare at the ceiling.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I chugged down the remaining wine in my glass before placing the glass on the nightstand, "What do you want Axel?" My voice was a mere whisper, a whimper escaping at the end as I stared at his perfect face.

"I want you." He furrowed his brows as he continued, "I want you and me. I want us. I want to be with you forever."

Bringing my hands up, I began massaging my temples with two fingers, "Well, apparently that's a little impossible because neither one of us are willing to compromise." I watched as he screwed his eyes shut, a shaky breath leaving his lips as he did, "You shouldn't be so heartbroken about it when you saw this outcome all along. Tell me something, did you have fun wasting my time? Because that's exactly what you did." I couldn't hold in my anger, the alcohol in me allowing it to slip through.

"I-I didn't want yo waste your time. I love you." This time he opened his eyes to meet mine. The intensity of them nearly knocking the air right out of my lungs, "I love you and I don't want to lose you." The way his voice cracked at the end broke my already broken heart. It felt like he was tramping over the broken pieces, crushing me but I couldn't understand why hearing that from him hurt so much.

"If you don't want to lose me why are you doing this?" I shouted unintentionally. My voice came out louder than I had anticipated.

"Because apparently I can't have my cake and eat it too." He huffed, laughing at his own stupid joke, "you know something, Sunshine? We are like the moon and sun. The sun gives light to the moon and you bring light to me." A ghost smile played on his lips, his hazel orbs twinkling as a playful glint flashed in them.

"A poetic drunk then?" I mused. He smelt as if he had bathed in liquor. The pungent aroma swirling around me.

"Drunk?" He asked with raised brows, "I'm nowhere close to it, Sunshine. I'm beginning to wish I was though. Maybe this would have been a lot easier." Axel shifted his head again so he could stare at the ceiling, "All I'm trying to say is, you shine naturally. You're beautiful, smart, funny, sassy, and everything any man would want in a woman. You bring light into my life, you make me warm inside, gushy even. It's weird but it's indescribable the feeling I get when you're around. You're my sun, I revolve around you and if you walk away, if we both walk away, I would fall apart."

I didn't even know there were tears streaming down my face until the droplets began to wet the fabric of my dress. Wiping those tears away with the back of my hands, I croaked, "I love you too." His head snapped to me so fast that I was certain he got whip last. It was the first time I had said those words out loud and would probably be the last, "But I think you should leave. I'd prefer to be alone."

Sitting up straight, he gently maneuvered me so I was now under the covers, "Are you going to sleep in that dress?" He asked, standing to his feet.

I shook my head, "I'd prefer not to."

He gave me a curt nod, pulling off his tee and tossing it to me before stepping out of his shoes and dropping his pants. I watched in awe as he completed the action, sliding into the empty space next to me as if I didn't just ask him to leave.

Clearing my throat so my voice wouldn't sound like a smoker who smoked four packs of cigarettes a day, I queried, "Axel, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm going to sleep," was his nonchalant response, "why, do you need help taking your dress off?" I watched him perch himself up on one elbow, a plight expression contouring his face.

"You do realize I asked you to leave me alone. That means to exit the room. Do not return. Do not pass begin. Do not collect two hundred dollars." I couldn't help but add the last part since it just flowed out, "and unlike jail, you don't get three chances to roll doubles neither can you buy me off to escape." I added further.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes in the process, "I'm not leaving you here alone. You're hurt."

"You had no problem doing that before and it's just a sprain, it's not like I amputated the entire leg out moron," I deadpanned. He was just being stupid and annoying and God I wanted to scream and cuss him out so he would get out of my room but I didn't want the others in the house to hear us.

A pained expression crossed his face, "I'm sorry I did that but I'm not going anywhere from now. I'll wait on you hand and foot if I have to since it was my fault that you got hurt and I'm sorry." He cupped my cheek with his free hand, the pad of his thumb tracing along my cheekbone.

"You may not be going anywhere now but this won't last forever," I muttered harshly, grabbing his hand from my cheek and throwing it down. He had no right to touch me let alone be sleeping in the same bed as me. It was out of his character anyway, he always slept in his own room to give me space.

"If we can't have forever, let me have tonight," those words rolled off his tongue in the voice I loved most. That voice where he dropped the sound by an octave making it sultry and sexy. The best voice I had ever heard. He was playing with my emotions, strumming the strings of my heart to a song he knew would drive me crazy.

I scowled at him, "You're one selfish asshole, you know that?"

Bringing his face closer to mine, I felt the heat of his breath fan across my face. The alcohol was so strong and yet so alluring altogether. It confused me, made me flustered with thoughts of wanting to kiss him, to taste his tongue, to feel his soft lips, "Selfish, yes I'm very selfish because I want to spend every minute with you until you leave," he brushed his lips against mine and my breath hitched, "don't fight me. We've done enough of that for one day."

His soft lips captured mine in a slow kiss but I remained still, not kissing him back. It's wasn't like I didn't want to. Every time he kissed me it felt like a little piece of heaven on Earth. However, I could not bring myself to kiss him back. Deep down, I was still hurt, and pretending like I wasn't seemed to be impossible. I couldn't just go on and act like we weren't going to leave each other in the end. It was just better if we began distancing ourselves to prepare us for when we weren't around anymore.

Noticing that I wasn't going to return his kiss, he pulled away with an exasperated sigh. He buried his face into the pillow and then let out a gut-wrenching muffled scream. When he looked up again, he began to sit up straight, "Fine, I'm going." Placing a kiss on my forehead, he whispered, "Goodnight Sunshine, always remember I love you. For as long as the sun shines in the sky above my heart will beat for you."

"Don't do that," I chided, "Don't make this harder than it has to be. Maybe some other girl would be grateful to hear those words, but me..." I inhaled a calming breath before continuing, not wanting to cry all over again, "I just want to go back to disliking you, hating you even because that was so much easier. Loving you feels like hugging a cactus. I know it's going to hurt but I still want to hug you because the pain is better than not having you at all and it's fucked up. It's unhealthy and it drives me insane."

"Love isn't meant to come easy, Sunshine," he voiced.

"Ours seemed to come easy until now, until today. We were living a lie for this past month and you don't seem to care how much damage that inflicted on me. It might have only been a month but I gave everything to you, all of me. You took it for granted that because I did that I would drop everything for you," I asserted.

"I'm sorry Macy, okay! What more do you want from me, what can I say to make you forgive me and put an end to this," rolling out of bed, he came to my side and fell to his knees. The action startling me as I stared at him open-mouthed. Putting his hands together, he looked at me with pleading eyes, "Please, just forget about it for tonight and forgive me. If you want to go back to hating me tomorrow you can, I'd prefer you didn't though. I'll be honest, maybe one day I'll live in America again because I liked my life there but I need time to be here and I don't know how much time that would be."

A tear rolled down my cheek as I stared at him in disbelief, "I can't Axel," I breathed, "what you're asking me to do, it doesn't even make sense. No person in the right frame of mind would do that to someone especially not someone they claim to love."

"Love makes you do some pretty stupid things."

"Not something like this, definitely not something like this. Look at it from my point of view. You're the first person I actually have an emotional and romantic relationship with. I expected us to last a lifetime and not a month but this isn't some cheesy rom-com on tv or some cliched romance novel where guy meets girl and they live happily ever after. This is real life and in real life, we have plans of our own. Maybe we did rush into this, not thinking it through. Maybe we aren't in the right place in our lives to be in a relationship. Maybe one day we would be or maybe we belong with other people. All I know is, it was good while it lasted and it would have lasted longer if you hadn't opened your mouth but I'm grateful you did."

"Mac-" he began but I instantly cut him off.

"I'm not done yet," I held my hand out for him to hold. He graciously accepted the offer, sandwiching my hand in between his. A weak smile pulled at the corners of my lips as I savored the tingles I felt, "I don't regret anything that happened between us. I may act as if I do now but it's because I'm angry that you let it get this far. However, I do understand that you need time to heal and grieve, and being here may help that. I can't wait for you because there's a possibility that you won't ever come back. You might find someone here who can love you and support you and build a family with you. Someone who would probably give up the world to be with you. I always knew I was headstrong but this relationship, this very moment, proves how headstrong I can be. It's my worst and yet still my best quality."

Axel's eyes were red, glistening over as tears welled up in them. In my time spent here, I took notice that Axel wasn't like those tough guys who believed crying didn't make you a man. He cried openly, especially when it came to his mother's passing.

He sniffled, blinking the tears away, "I love that you're headstrong and know what you want. I just have a difficult time accepting that when it means you not being with me. I know it's my fault in a way and because of that, I don't expect you to wait for me. I wish our time together was longer but it isn't. Maybe you will find someone who shares a deeper connection with you than I do and maybe you'll look back one day and regard this as a fling or whatever it is they would probably call it in the future." He chuckled lightly before continuing in a serious tone, "Just know that you, Macy Smith, will always own my heart."

A bubble of laughter erupted from me, "Well, Axel Churchill, no one owns me or my organs but I love you too and for what it's worth, I probably might never find someone like you. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing though."

Waking up from his knees, I fought against the urge to trail my eyes down his naked body that only had boxer shorts on. He grabbed his tee and jeans before taking long strides toward the door. Just as he was about exit the room he said, "You're my one and only sunshine, there is none like you." With that, he switched the room lights off and left.

I sank under the covers, not caring to change out of the sundress I wore. The moment my head hit the pillow the tears began streaming out again with no end in sight. I curled into fetal position, hugging my knees to my chest as I tried to quieten my sobs. There was an unfathomable amount of pain in my chest. I felt empty, hollow and so small. It hadn't even been a full sixty seconds and I already missed him.

Why did it feel like my world suddenly came to an end?

I couldn't even make it sixty seconds without him and I was about to attempt to live my life again without him. He might have only come in recently but he became a substantial and integral part of my life. To me, I needed him the way I needed oxygen and that was insane because no one should place that much value to a person. It felt ludicrous to even equate someone to oxygen. But I had to learn how to disassociate myself with him since I only had approximately three weeks left because then I'd have to learn to adapt and live without him.

How difficult could moving on possibly be?

Urggg damn late update... Super sorry, i had temporary writers block. I knew how i wanted this scene to play out but everytime i attempted it I wasn't feeling it.
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