Scott didn't say a word until the train arrived. And for once, I was more than thankful for the silence between us. When the train finally did arrive, he led me to the far corner, sitting me down and saying "Give me your hand,"

I obliged, extending the bloody hand. He took my hand delicately in his, the tops of each of my fingers had been scraped off, the knuckles meeting the same fate. The smell of those flowers still lingered, the back of my hand having the worst of it. Gently, he took out a bandage from his jacket pocket, beginning to wrap it up.

"When you return home I would suggest running this under cool water then redressing it," he said calmly, and each pass around my hand I had to stop myself from blushing, my heart racing. I felt far better with each passing moment being away from Evan, but I couldn't help my hands from shaking. When he was done, he looked up at me, "Are you alright?"

"He lost it at me for going to Jack..." I said, taking my hand away now that it was bandaged. I shook my head, forcing a small smile, "I'm better now... thanks,"

"You shouldn't have been punished for my error," he sighed, looking to my hand again, before facing forward, "Do take care of your hand, it should be healed in a few days,"

As the train rolled up to our stop, we stepped off, beginning to return to our apartment. The sun was already slowly setting, casting a golden hue over the city. In the far distance, it was possible to see the crumbling towers of the Lower City Region. Given tomorrow was a day off, I wanted to see them. I wondered how Charlie and Lillian were going. 

But I knew it was naïve to think too far ahead with how chaotic each day had been.

The only sound were cars and the train whizzing away, a light breeze carrying wrappers, and the bustle from the final hours of the working day. I didn't feel like I needed words to just tell him how much of a mess I was. And either he didn't care enough to press on, or he understood something more than I did. And for once, I didn't think the former.

We entered the building, stepping onto the elevator, scanning our respective cards which I always now kept in my jacket pocket to prevent from losing. How they expected us not to lose it was beyond me. Or perhaps they did, perhaps they wanted people to lose it so they would have more of a reason to execute people. Whatever they wanted, it wouldn't surprise me. Nothing could anymore.

"If you need me, you know where I am," Scott said as the elevator doors opened on my level. I hesitated, not wanting to face Jake, but also just wishing to stay with Scott a bit longer. I waited, wanting not to waste any second. He must have sensed something as he said, "Anytime, I'll assist however I can,"

"Thank you," I said, my voice shaky as I turned to him. He smiled a small but warm smile. I continued, smiling back, "And the same for you,"

He nodded, and as I stepped out of the elevator, the doors closed, leaving me alone once more. I found myself stepping in smaller steps, trying to prolong the inevitable of having to face Jake. At the end of the hallway, the window cast an orange glow, contrasting the artificial lights above.

Reaching my door, I paused. I faced that open window for just a bit longer, seeing the apartment buildings lined up like soldiers awaiting orders. I wished to just stand there by the window and watch the city below. Watch people arriving home, like tiny ants speckled around the city. But I couldn't.

I had so many excuses and ways to escape a conversation. I felt confident, sticking with one that I needed to clean my wound. Something about cooking dinner perhaps. I grasped the door handle, trying to keep a stern face as I pulled it open. But it all melted away when Jake was waiting right behind the door. My stomach dropped, and all confidence faded away.

"Rebecca, we need to talk," Jake said, forbidding, reminding me too much of my encounter with Evan. With his words, I could smell those blue flowers, and once more my hands began to shake. Memories of what he had said just hours ago flooding back. I wanted to stand my ground but I already was struggling to keep my balance.

"Just..." my voice was shaky. All I wanted was to sleep, to escape, to fade away as the sun did every night. But he stood in the doorway, looming over me, blocking the only way I could get in. I considered running back to the elevator, finding Charlie and Lillian. I was choking on my words, feeling sick with every passing moment, "Please..."

He seemed like he was going to say something, and from his eyes, it looked like it was going to be blaming me. Yelling. I found myself bracing for whatever he was going to say. But he stopped, looking down at my bandaged hand. His eyes then shifted to that of confusion. As he stepped back slightly, I moved inside, avoiding his gaze as I dashed to the kitchen.

"Rebecca, wait," he followed me into the kitchen, closing the door as I shook my head, hot tears once more brimming. The scent of those flowers wouldn't escape me. My skin felt like it was covered in ants. My head was like I was drowning in saltwater. I avoided Jake's eyes as I tried to take the medical care from the top shelf, fumbling to place it down on the counter. My hands were shaking, struggling to undo the hatches.

"Don't ignore me," Jake said, taking a step closer. I flinched at his hard words, but kept trying to undo the top of the medical case. I shook my head, trying to muster any energy, but the moment I spoke it came out in stammers. I couldn't get the latches on the side off, and as I desperately tried to, Jake grabbed my wrist.

"No!" I cried out, stumbling back, grabbing my wrist forcefully back. With multiple people threatening me and grabbing my wrist, it sent me into a panic. I was struggling to stand straight, but I kept my distance, moving back further into the kitchen "Please..."

Jake sighed a deep sigh that seemed to hold too much behind it. He was tired, worn out, the bags under his eyes making his stance less menacing. He took a step forward, holding his hands up, no longer holding the hostility he had in the doorway. This time, gently, he took my bandaged hand. I was shaking, but he helped me over to the sofa, taking the medical case in the other hand

"Just... let's just get this fixed up, okay?" he said, helping me to sit as he took my hand in his. Just yesterday, the roles had been reversed, but I tried to not think about that. His bruises looked a little faded, and he appeared slightly better than before. He gave me a warm smile as he unwrapped the bandage, "I didn't mean to scare you. For now, let's focus on you, okay?"

"O-okay..." I sniffed, nodding, feeling an immense relief at the fact I didn't have to deal with one of the million issues I had pushed away. I gave him a shaky smile in return, which just caused those blue eyes of Jake to look even more concerned. 

"What happened?" he said softly, now having unwrapped the bandage and seeing the scrapes along the back. He frowned, taking an alcohol wipe from the medical kit. Slowly, he began to clean the blood and dirt from the wound. I winced at the sharp pain from the alcohol.

"Too much..." I mumbled, giving him a shaky smile. He shook his head, sighing even deeper than before. He continued to clean, the pain subsiding and feeling far less panicked than when I had first arrived. But neither of us had forgotten it, and we both knew we had to deal with it eventually.

"Everything is a bit of a mess, isn't it?" he said, pausing as he held my hand gently. His hands were rougher than Scott's, likely from his job. But they were a comfort, and even given the situation, I felt like I was safe with Jake. He was my partner, after all, and there must be something there that seemed to be right.

"Yeah... more like a big mess," I said, my voice still shaky, but with the sun setting and warm comfort of Jake, I felt a lot more settled from the day's disasters. I mustered some courage as I said, "I'm sorry for... for last night..."

"I am too," he said, starting to wrap the bandage around my hand, not meeting my eyes, "I thought that if I just... in my head I wanted to blame you. Because I felt like I was betraying Jessie otherwise... but it was a dumb mistake on both of our parts. And I shouldn't be blaming you..."

Silence hung in the air, floating like the memories of paper planes. As he wrapped my hand, he made sure it wasn't too tight but securing it just enough. The final glimpses of the sun had dipped below, plunging the city into the evening, lights dotting the cityscape like fireflies.

"Do you love her?" I was caught off guard by my own question. Jake was halfway through bandaging when I asked, and he stopped. There was silence, and I almost went to apologize when he looked at me, meeting my eyes with an unreadable expression. There was another pause, as he seemed to run my question in his mind a few times.

"If you had asked me a few days ago I would have said yes, but now I guess I'm not so sure anymore..." he continued bandaging, and his answer seemed to pose even more questions. He gave a blunt chuckle, shaking his head, "Sorry, I know that's probably not the answer you were looking for..."

"No, it's alright," I said as he finished bandaging, securing the ends so it wouldn't unravel. He looked up, staring at me with those boring blue eyes. There was a moment of silence before I continued, "Is there any reason why your answer changed?"

I feel like I already knew the answer.

"I don't know, I guess..." he hesitated, trying to read my expression. I nodded for him to continue, "I guess, you,"

My heart was beating rapidly. It had been an answer I had expected to hear but it still caught me off guard. His cheeks were red as he shook his head, looking like he was about to try and justify his answer. But before he could, I responded.

"I know what you mean," I said, my heart-tugging with every moment, I shifted on the sofa to face him better, trying to ignore how loud my heart seemed to be beating, "The system isn't wrong I guess,"

"I suppose it's not," he paused again, turning to face me as I had with him. He gave me a small smile, taking my hands in his. He paused for a moment, contemplating, before continuing "Listen, Rebecca, I know you probably don't want to hear this but- uh- I don't regret the kiss last night,"

The sun had dipped far below the horizon now, leaving the dark silky night to envelope the city. I remembered throwing paper planes off of the balcony. How easy and free it had been. To simply feel as though I was the one dipping and diving in the late-night air. I missed that feeling, and I hoped to one-day throw paper planes again.

My heart was racing, beating harder. He gave a small nervous laugh, but it wasn't awkward, it was endearing. It made my heart flutter and breath catch in my throat. He looked back at me, his once boring blue eyes captivating, gentle. I couldn't find them boring anymore. I couldn't let go of that feeling of freedom, and I certainly couldn't forget that moment, that kiss, however brief it had been.

With his hands in mine, I pulled him closer, leaving room to pull away but he didn't. He seemed eager to respond to my advances, drawing into a kiss once more. But neither of us pulled away, instead, it only seemed to ignite something. My hands moved to pull him closer, desperation in each kiss. It broke away only for a moment for breath, before continuing eagerly. I closed my eyes, suddenly wishing for nothing but this.

I had never kissed anybody like this before.

We stood, his hand helping to guide my back as his other traced my face gently as he continued to kiss me deeply. And I returned it, with as much passion as he was giving me. It seemed so natural, so easy as if I had done it a million times before. And it wasn't stopping, and I felt as though I never wanted it to. It was that freedom of throwing paper planes, but better, deeper.

And now I could no longer think about the day, think about my hand, think about Scott. It was here, now, this moment. Every sensation seemed to sing as if in unison. It was not just a kiss, it was something so much more. 

As we moved back, he pinned me against the wall, each passing second seeming to grow more and more passionate, hungry. My hands linked around his neck to pull him closer as he seemed to lift me slightly against the wall. Each pause for breath felt like agony, waiting, before drawing into that bliss again.

His lips were rough, warm, and addicting. He smelled familiar, safe like I had known him all my life. Each kiss felt it was right, that I didn't need to question and think and that I could just allow myself to be pulled into this feeling, this freedom, this safety.

His hand which had been on my back helped me to take off my jacket, which I threw to the side, taking his face in my hands to pull him in again. I didn't care about anything right now except this moment, and all I knew was I wanted more. I felt as though if I stopped, I would never be able to have it again.

He gave a murmur, the hand which had been on my face now on my waist, both of them were. The world around me felt like a blur of emotions, and to finally forget about the world felt like utter delight. My hands ran through his hair, pulling him closer even more. His right hand had moved down to my thigh, his left at the top of my shirt collar.

And I realized he was undoing my buttons.

But I wanted more, breaking into a smile, before kissing him even deeper. I couldn't compare him to paper planes, it was so different, so much more. It was a new sense of freedom, freedom filled with pure emotion. Each kiss felt as though I was being given something I had been deprived of. 

He undid my top button, and it sent a nerve of excitement running through me. Every sensation was elevated, each touching of skin feeling like a slice of heaven. Each taste, smell, sound, drawing me further in. It was so real and so raw, so euphoric.

With the second button, I was lost in the moment, knowing where it was leading, and enjoying every second of it. His lips felt so comforting, so welcoming like I had kissed them so many times before.

The third button, his hand crept up my thigh further, and although it was through the fabric, his touch sent shivers through me. When I pulled him closer again his hand moved further, his touch like shots of electricity. Light yet forceful, sparking with each movement.

The fourth button and his hand had reached my belt. I felt my own hands drifting down, running my hands softly under his shirt. His chest was warm, defined, and so familiar. I felt as though I had been in this exact position so many times, an intoxicating deja vu. 

The fifth button and we paused to remove his shirt, before being drawn together as if a single second was too long of a wait. My hands drew around to his bareback, his body pulling closer to me. It was almost suffocating this emotion, this desire. 

The sixth button, his kisses had moved from my mouth along my neck, murmuring something that I couldn't make out. My fingers ran through his messy hair, that electricity firing through me. His lips continued to trail down my neck.

The seventh button and there was no longer any buttons to undo. His hand reached behind me and under the shirt, pulling me closer again, my shirt loose. I pressed my hands against his bare chest coming to a realization of where this was leading. It truly was suffocating.

And there was that smell of forget me not's.

"Jake..." it was a near whisper, but he pulled me closer again, kissing my lips deeply, guiding me. I broke away for a moment, pushing against his chest slightly, trying to process what was going on, struggling to breathe, "Jake... wait..."

But he didn't.

I tried to push against him again, growing slightly panicked. He was a lot stronger, and he seemingly didn't think much of my pushes as he continued to undo my belt. But then when I pushed him again, he definitely noticed, because he grabbed my hands and held them against the wall, pulling me into a kiss again.

"Stop... wait..." it was as though my words meant nothing, and I was suffocating. Bliss was now strangled by those flowers, filling my senses with pain. I pushed against him, this time, a lot more roughly. But his hands kept me firmly in place, rougher, too rough, "Stop!"

But he didn't.

I could feel tears, not knowing what to do, trapped once more. I tried to push him off, each time doing nothing. It was escalating further and further. I was breathing heavily, my wrist pushed against the wall, the only smell being those flowers.

Until finally, he stood back, my pushing finally doing something. And as he saw the state I was in, he realized what had happened. He moved forward, confusion in those eyes. Boring blue eyes. Not intoxicating, not endearing. I grabbed my jacket from the ground, tears running down my face, buttons undone. He reached for my wrist, but I stumbled towards the door, still panicked and afraid of where it would lead.

"Rebecca wait..." but I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't wait when he wouldn't. Without giving him another glance, I left, slamming the door as I went.

It was dark out, the window now pitches black, as I swallowed my sobs, moving towards the elevator. But the flowers, the smell, it was still there, clawing at my throat as his lips had. I was coughing, sobbing, holding myself as if I was trying to stop myself from shattering.

With shaky hands, I scanned the keycard and pressed the button, thanking myself for putting my keycard in my pocket as I went up. I didn't know whether Jake had followed me, but I was finally alone in the elevator. Alone, afraid, and silent. It was replaying in my head, and I knew where it had been leading.

And it scared me.

I could still feel his hot breath against my skin, his rough lips, the smell of familiarity. And those flowers. I tried to keep calm as I exited the elevator, frantically knocking on the door, glancing at the elevator as if fearful that Jake would be there. That he wouldn't let me go. 

The door opened, and a wave of relief washed over me. I fell into the arms, hardly able to hold myself up, hardly able to even keep myself from screaming. I pulled him closer, afraid, like a child seeking comfort.

"Scott..." I could hardly say his name before I burst into tears once more.