08 | Inhuman
I began to stand up, fury burning through every vein in my body.
I would have said something stupid at that moment if Scott had not grabbed my arm. None of the others seemed to notice as they continued their work. Turning to Scott, I saw him glaring at me. Scowling, I sat down; he, however, kept his grip on my arm.
"It's not worth it," he said coldly, turning back to his computer, keeping his grip on my arm. I glanced at Evan, but he seemed to be lost in the world of computers once again. Why was Scott still treating me as a child? Didn't he know I could take care of myself?
"We need to say something!" I hissed. I would not like to admit it, but he was right. It was not worth it. He had stopped me from making an impulsive decision, but that didn't mean I had to like it.
"No, we don't," he said, releasing my arm so he could move a computer mouse. The name mouse still puzzled me to this day. Why would a computer piece be named after a rodent? The people in the past always had the strangest names for things. However, at this point, Scott seemed even more peculiar to me.
"Why," I asked. We both know I knew why. However, I wanted to hear him say it. As if I wanted him to insult me so I could show him how bitter he was directly. I don't know why; I just wanted to get some emotion out of him.
"You know why," he said, and I ground my teeth together. I didn't think I could ever understand him. Understand how he seemed to get deep down in someone's head. He was too smart for his own good, but I would never give him the satisfaction of saying so.
"How's it going over there, kiddos?" Evan startled me out of my dazed thoughts. He had just been over before, but it must have been longer than I thought. Instinctively I turned to Scott, who glanced up from his computer for a moment; the warm glow from the computer reflected off his glasses, his eyes staring up with no satisfaction.
"Well," he responded simply, before returning to click away at the computer. Evan glanced at me with a smirk, having found Scott amusing. He must've noticed the odd manner Scott seemed to have, and I couldn't help but smile back at him.
Although Evan did seem to be slightly odd, he was nice in some aspects. I tried to ignore his opinion on Lowers as that had more to do with upbringing than a person did. His eyes were filled with genuine kindness, even if it was clouded with immaturity.
In all honesty, I'm glad I at least had someone.
"Well, eh?" he said, a smirk on his face as he put his hands on his hips. Seeing him up close you could really see how much of a twig he was. The collarbones peaked above his shirt and his fingers were like sticks. I wondered if he was healthy, as his skin was truly pale but with small freckles across his body. He continued, a playfulness in his voice, "Don't worry, it's just standard procedure to teach you how to use computers, you'll pick it up quick. Soon you'll do some less boring stuff,"
"Like what?" I asked, an opportunity to do something other than this excited me. His eyes shone at my glee as a hunter might looking at unsuspecting prey. There was something about him that didn't seem right, but I shrugged it off to the awful smell of the room and the dim lights.
"You'll see," he said, a devilish grin on his face, before spinning around and returning to his desk once more. And as it turned out, I wouldn't see that day.
Really all I saw was thousands of faces from people my age that I doubt I would even recognize my own anymore. Sometimes when the screen would flicker for a moment, my face would be reflected in the black screen.
When I would see that girl reflected, I don't think I recognized her. I knew it was me, but for a brief moment, I would think it was someone else. When you look at faces for so long you don't recognize your own. You see everyone around you a little different than you did before, and it's hard to think of a life where faces were just so simple.
It was late when we finished, and by 7:30 pm we were sitting on a carriage as we had been before, opposites side of the carriage, a few feet away. He stared just behind me at the moving buildings and trees behind me.
For the first five minutes, we sat in silence, and after that the pain of sitting and saying nothing became excruciating. I mean, surely he wanted to at least say something to me. But instead, he just stared blankly behind me as if I didn't even exist.
"How did you know I was going to say something before?" my voice broke the silence, his eyes snapped to me. I froze, as he stared at me for a few moments, before casually returning his gaze to the moving scenery. I waited a few more moments, and after he didn't respond, I continued, "Earlier I mean, when they were talking about Lowers,"
"I'm observant," he said plainly, as the train was filled with silence one more. A faint clank as wheels hit the track, a low hum of an engine, and a very low buzz from the lights above. I continued staring at him as if waiting for a further response, but soon realized he didn't plan to say anything further.
"Oh, right..." I mumbled to myself. He was ignoring me on purpose at this point. He had given a longer sentence to Evan than he had to me. It annoyed me how much he wanted to pretend I didn't exist. However, the thought of him treating me like a child was far worse, "Well, just know I can take care of myself alright?"
He snapped his eyes back to me, instead now looking at my face. I realized the irony in my sentence, as I had several patches across my face where Jake had tackled me. He smirked to himself, as if knowing what had happened, when in reality he knew nothing.
"Right," he said, obviously trying to notion to the patches on my face. There was another pause again, before he purposefully added, "You're Jake's match, right?"
I gritted my teeth. He had to know what he was doing, likely assuming Jake had done this to me as lately there was a case of a woman having her teeth bashed in from her match. But if he had heard anything from Jessie, he would know Jake would never do that. So he either didn't listen at all to Jessie, which seemed likely, or he was pretending to be ignorant to get a rise from me, which also seemed likely.
Whatever the reason, I didn't like him. But at least we were starting a conversation.
"Yeah," I paused, not knowing exactly how to respond. I wanted to ask him about Jake and Jessie's relationship and if he knew. He had to know, he was Mr. Knowitall. It seemed on the bus he had some idea but he also didn't seem the kind of person to ask Jessie about details. I continued, "Should I just assume you know about him and-"
"Yes, it was fairly obvious on the bus," he said, no emotion clung to him as it had to me. Surely he would feel something given the scenario isn't exactly what we'd been prepared for. Instead he turned his gaze to outside the window again, looking past me. He continued in his usual bitter tone, "Anybody on that bus would see their relation; I don't think there was any purpose of you bringing it up,"
"Then why did you bring up Jake?" the words left my mouth before the thought crossed my mind. But for once, I was glad I had impulsively said something. After all, he had been the one who had asked me about Jake first, whether it had good intentions or not was debatable. But he was the one to initiate it. Noticing this, he paused, eyes narrowing slightly before relaxing again into his blank expression. He sighed, continuing to look past me.
"Curiosity I think," he said finally, as if settling finally on an answer. It was almost as if he had been answering an entirely different question in his own mind, and not to another person, but to himself.
"You think?"
"Yes,"
"So what are we going to do about them?" I asked quietly after a few moments. I mean, surely we had to do something. Jessie and Jake loved each other, at least from what I'd heard. And they did seem perfect for each other. The system must have made a mistake somewhere, and if I had learnt anything from today, it was that the system wasn't foolproof, nor were we.
"Nothing," Scott's response was shocking, but it shouldn't have been. I should have learned by now that Scott could never be driven by emotions, if he had any. Or be swayed by the emotions of others. He approached everything with logic, which is what made everything the more infuriating.
How could someone just block out every emotion like that?
"What? We can't just do nothing," I stammered over the words, knowing I should have left the conversation there. I knew creating an argument with Scott was pointless, but everything he said I just wanted to disagree with, grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he felt the smallest bit of remorse.
"Why not?" he said in a tone that almost seemed mocking. His gaze locked on me and I wished it hadn't. The way his eyes shone now was the same back there, a deep-rooted curiosity. Although I had only really met Scott today, I could somewhat see the type of person he was, and seeing his eyes bore into me now, I knew it wasn't someone I wanted to know.
"Because..." I trailed off, and he knew I had nothing to say. His eyes scrutinized every movement, his eyes were alight with triumph, a devilish smirk hinted on the corner of his mouth. He crossed his arms, his gaze searing into me.
"Because?" he asked again, his mocking tone returning. I bit my lip, before breaking eye contact and looking away. His eyes were something you could only stare at for so long with feeling like he could see everything you were thinking, what you thought about him.
"I don't know," I admitted, looking down at my hands which now rested in my lap. The train began to come to a slow stop at another station, but I couldn't focus on the words. Instead, all I could feel was embarrassment and shame.
"I thought as much," he said, his gaze lifting off me. When I looked up again, he was staring out the window, once again as if I didn't exist. His eyes were now normal, no spark hidden inside them. He didn't seem to think anything of the situation, just treating Jake and Jessie like it was nothing.
"Why are you so calm? Aren't you pissed that she loves someone else?" I asked, half hoping to gain some reaction from him. For him to at least show me something of empathy, sympathy, jealously or just some short of emotion. However, he gave me not even a glance as he remained in his calm and collected posture.
"Because I should not be affected at somebody else's loss," he said simply, "The computer doesn't make mistakes. It's cruel, it's inhumane, but what Marlin said was right. The world doesn't make mistakes, the only mistakes are people,"
"But what if it did? What if this is all a mistake?" I asked. He cocked his head to the side, pausing on the thought for a moment, considering the idea over in his head. He looked at me, a blank expression still rested on his face.
"Highly unlikely," he answered after a few moments. I sighed, frustrated. Was he just going to pretend that the mistake he saw today didn't happen? Wouldn't he at least just consider the idea?
"But what if. Come on, you saw the mistake it made earlier – what if it made other mistakes?" I asked, just wanting him to give me some sort of answer that wasn't taking everything literally, using only what you see and know. He sighed, shifting the position on his seat and rolling his shoulders back before crossing his arms again,"
"Alright, fine." He said impatiently, "In a hypothetical situation where the assignment of Jessica and Jake was a mistake, then what would happen to us? Who should we have been assigned too? Would you consider us as mistakes too? If assuming the assignment was the only mistakes, the only outcome was we would be assigned to each other, which is obviously incorrect,"
"What do you mean obviously incorrect?" I regretted letting the words leave my mouth, the red rushed to my cheeks and I wanted to shrink into a little ball. The very thought of being assigned to Scott was horrific enough, but now that he thought I did was even worse. He smirked slightly, his eyes with a twinge of mischief.
"Don't take this the wrong way," he said, the smirk remaining on his face, "We're just not meant for each other. I don't know you nor feel any emotion towards you. I'd suggest you keep your emotions in check as work may be painful otherwise,"
"No no I really don't like you," I stammered, and he remained emotionless. He knew exactly what I was trying to say, and was enjoying every bit of anguish I was in. I was annoyed at how smug he seemed, "Not like that I like don't like you like that. I don't like anyone like that. It was just the slip of the tongue I'm just confused as how is it obvious if we don't know each other?"
"We're incompatible," he stated it so simply I almost forgot I had mumbled any words at all. It took me a few moments to process what he was saying.
"How can you tell," I asked. At this point, I was beginning to convince myself that Scott was just a computer, an experiment to see if robots could pass as humans. All the evidence lined up. And if it was an experiment, then I was sure they had failed.
"I just can," he said. And for a few further minutes, it was silent, except for the tracks clicking beneath us and the faint sound from the next carriage, where two people were laughing.
"So you really think they're perfect for us?" I asked, knowing he was the wrong person to ask but wanting to ask anyway. I don't think I wanted to know his answer, but more I was trying to ask myself, or at least have some reassurance that this all wasn't a mistake, "Like, you think we'll ever like... y'know fall in love?"
"I'm not interested in that, however, if that's what you wish then so be it," his words gave me no change. I still felt as though my question had been unanswered. That happened a lot when asking Scott a question.
"What does that mean?"
"The computer is right, I was assigned Jessica, and you Jake," he said, and I realized someone saying it out loud felt odd, uncomfortable.
I realized now that neither Jake nor I had actually said it fully. We would say it in ways that seemed flexible, that it could change, however hearing Scott say it how he did made me realize how permanent it truly was. He seemed to be the only one accepting it.
"Do you like Jessie?" I asked, not knowing where the question came from, but asking it anyway. He looked at me, as if slightly shocked I asked the question. He looked past me again once more however.
"I have no feeling towards her," he said after a moments pause. I don't know why I had expected a different answer.
"Right... but do you think you two are compatible?" I said. Maybe if he said no, it there might be a possibility it was a mistake. Maybe there was some handsome, perfect guy out there for me. Maybe cookie cutter Jake Morris was truly not meant for me. Maybe that Lower girl was really taking my spot. Maybe if they weren't compatible they would have to redo it and I would finally get the life I deserved.
Maybe, it was all just a mistake.
"Yes," the words immediate words left a horrid taste in my mouth. The thoughts buzzing around in my head stumbled. I paused.
"How do you know?" I could hardly get the words from my mouth.
"I just do,"
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