Harry's POV

There were books scattered all around me, all different sizes, and a lot of them were worse for wear. Some of them had the words beginning to fade away and was hard to decipher. Others were in different languages and I had to use translation charms to understand; Nothing was adding up.

As far as I'm aware, I am a mystery. Something that has never happened in the course of history.

Part of it makes sense. No one else in the whole world was turned into a horcrux, died, then came back to kill one of the darkest wizards to live.

It feels like something that would be in a story. Like it would be make believe, not actually existing, but just the imagination of some author who sat around all day plotting and planning.

A story doesn't end until the last page and even then the climax doesn't happen until near the end. The main character doesn't understand everything going on or doesn't have all the pieces to the puzzle until that ground breaking moment where everything clicks and you all of a sudden know what to do. The story is starting to come to a close and that's it. You move on, pick up a new book, start a new journey.

But this isn't a story. This is life and it doesn't work the way we wish it did.

If it were, then my troubles would've ended with the fall of Voldemort and I would have lived happily ever after.

Instead, I am sitting in the abandoned library on a Saturday evening, reading books and stories that do not help me in any case. I still sit here and suffer.

This is no story, but this is no way to live either. As depressing as it is right now, it only seems to go downhill from here. My third year of Hogwarts was the last form of traveling uphill I will ever experience. Only from there did it feel more like a fairy tale rather than a nightmare.

I sighed, shoving the books away from me and groaned. I am getting nowhere. I think I've read more books in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life.

I can't keep living like this! It's killing me! The wounds, the destroyed rooms, avoiding my friends, the people who treat me like family.

I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to always be on guard and have to practice breathing in and out just to stop myself from accidently killing everyone around me! It's infuriating! I'd rather be back on the hunt for horcruxes.

I banged my head on the wall behind me and closed my eyes.

Do I have to keep doing this? Is it worth it? Am I stuck like this forever?

Is this just my curse? The deaths I've caused because I was too weak to take Voldemort down sooner, is this my punishment?

If so, how much longer will I be punished? When will I get to move on?

I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

There's not much else I'm gonna learn with this raging migraine right now.

I pulled my wand out and muttered a spell to have the books levitate themselves back to their places on the bookshelves.

Afterwards, I got up and left, heading for the common room, ready to just go to bed and forget dinner. When I made it to the common room, my friends were already seated around the fire place, along with Ginny. Who comes to visit from time to time.

"Hi guys." I called.

"Hiya Harry, where have you been?" Ron asked.

"Just taking a walk." I responded simply.

I sat with them and Neville soon joined us.

"Hi guys! What are you up to?" Neville asked.

"We were just planning on chilling if you wanted to join us." Ginny told him.

"Great! I just finished my herbology homework."

"You're still taking herbology? I thought you got all the credits you needed to become a herbology professor?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, I know, but I still wanted to continue taking some of the more advanced classes. You can never be too prepared." He commented, obviously very excited about anything relating to Herbology.

Ron made a look of disgust. "More classes? No thank you."

Hermione rolled her eyes before shoving him lightly. "You should follow Neville's example. If you're wanting to be an Auror, it would be much better to take more classes so that you're prepared for every situation. Right, Harry?"

"Huh?" I asked, not really paying attention to what was being said.

Hermione gave me a very pointed look.

"Oh! Right yes. Good idea."

Hermione sighed. "You weren't listening. Is everything alright, Harry? You've been very distant with us lately." She leaned in and placed her elbows on her thighs.

"I'm fine." I responded simply, knowing that giving them any details may lead her to the truth sooner than I'd rather have.

Ron snorted. "It's probably all that time he's been spending with Malfoy. Has anyone else noticed that usually when Harry's missing, so is he?"

"I have." Ginny spoke, with an irritated expression. I thought the two of us were doing fine, but a couple weeks after coming back to Hogwarts, she's been very distant again and has refrained from talking to me.

"It's just a coincidence. I haven't been hanging around Malfoy. I just like being alone from time to time."

"You used to hate being alone." Ron muttered.

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously things change, Ron."

"Right. Like disappearing around the same time as that death eater and probably off gossiping with him in your free time. Are we not good enough for the famous Harry Potter anymore?"

"Ron-"

"I think you need to check your facts before making inaccurate assumptions, Weasley." By this point in time, anyone can recognize that voice as Malfoy himself.

This is not looking good.

"Bug off Malfoy, you're not apart of this conversation." Ron stated, leaning back into his seat with a look of irritation.

Malfoy, Parkinson, and Zabini came down the stairs from the dorms, hovering not very far from us. Malfoy's arms are crossed and he had a stone cold expression, maybe not angry, but Ron's words definitely effected him.

"You're talking about me, so it looks like I am."

I'm a little confused. Malfoy usually doesn't care about what Ron says, usually he chooses not to engage.

He used to, yes, but since the war, he just tunes Ron out. Why is he now starting to get defensive?

It's not that I don't blame him. Ron shouldn't be saying these things, but I'm just surprised he actually reacted this time, especially since we didn't know he was around.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Shove off, Malfoy. No one wants your death eater scum around."

"Ron, come on. Lay off it." I defended, knowing a fire was waiting be ignited.

Ron looked taken aback. "Why do you keep defending him? I thought you hated him!"

I shrugged. "Life is too short to be filled with hate. It's not worth it." Besides, if you guys start a fight, everyone in this room might regret.

But of course, I didn't say that last part out loud.

"I swear, you're not even the same person anymore!" Ron protested.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I was shocked. Here is my best friend, criticizing me just for choosing to save someone's life.

"You know what I mean! It's not just the whole, defending Malfoy thing! You're different, something's off about you. Did he hex you or something that day in the bathroom?"

"I didn't do anything, Weasley. Have you ever considered that maybe he's just sick of you?"

"What? Like you're any better? If anything, you're worse. I don't understand how you even have friends."

"Watch it, Weasley." Zabini stepped in.

I groaned.

Why does everything have to turn into a fight? It's like they're all testing me or something.

My head was starting to hurt and I put my hands on my temples in hope of distracting myself. Hermione looked at me worriedly, like she had a suspicion of what was going on. 

That only escalated my anxiety. Allowing myself to lose control, especially here, is out of the question.

"I'm just being honest. What? Lost too many of your friends that now you're hexing mine to follow you around like a love sick puppy?" Ron exclaimed.

"I didn't hex your precious savior! What makes you think I'd want anything to do with him anyways? I hate him just as much as he hates me!"

My stomach dropped. We've been spending so much time together lately, that part of me wants to consider us friends, but I know he is just using me. He wants to figure out what I am hiding. Malfoy had been throwing in every effort to do so, but I know that's all it is.

He doesn't care about me or wants to move past our stupid rival. He just wants to do what the two of us have always done best, get into each other's business.

After he finds out what's wrong with me and see how damaged I am. He'll be gone and I honestly don't know how I feel about it.

Do I really mean that little to him?

I balled my fists tightly, a sudden rush of adrenaline pushing through me, running up my veins. My eyes closed and I breathed.

"Really? Then why are the two of you sneaking off together all the time, huh?" Ron jabbed, standing up and facing Malfoy head on.

"Come on guys, let's just leave it alone." Neville tried to calm down the tension, but it fell on deaf ears.

Ginny smacked me on the arm. "Ow! What was that for?" I turned to her sharply.

"Is it true? Why have you been spending time with Malfoy? After everything he's done to us." She was upset, probably for the same reason Ron is, but if I'm right, there's more to it.

There was a look of jealousy running through her eyes.

Why would she be jealous? It's not like I'm dating Malfoy and besides, I already told her I'm not interested.

"I don't think it's any of your business, she-weasel." Malfoy sneered.

"What did you just call my sister, you arse?!" Ron yelled, now getting the full attention of people that were previously in their dorms. His face was turning slightly red in anger.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know I needed to speak slower. She....Weasel." He drawled out, just to annoy both Ron and Ginny.

"Guys, can we just calm down? There's no need to start a fight. It-" I groaned and doubled over slightly as another wave of adrenaline hit me. My lungs felt like they were now on fire and my vision was growing slightly blurred. My body was tearing at the seams, ready to unleash the surplus of magical energy that had been produced through my emotions.

"You're just going to let him insult me like that?" Ginny geared her yelling towards me. I was having such a hard time focusing that it took me a minute to process what she was saying. 

"Ginny, it wasn't that bad of an insult and besides, Ron called him a death eater, which is way worse." I evoked to her with a side glance, but I felt dizzy, I knew that if I were to stand up, then I would only fall over and lose my balance.

"Yeah, because he is!" Ginny accused. I glanced up to look at Malfoy with fogginess still covering my eyes. His gazed was fixed on mine with a searching look, his jaw was slack and his shoulders were tense.

"Seriously Harry, why is he so important to you lately? He's a git! He's probably two facing you or something." Ron stated.

"Ronald! That's enough!"

"No Hermione! Malfoy's a death eater, he's insulted my family more time than I can count, and he has treated the three of us like scumbags since the first day we met him! He's evil and he's probably going to follow the same footsteps his pathetic father did."

In a flash, Malfoy stopped focusing on me and pulled out his wand, charging towards Ron, holding the wand to his throat. "Say that again. I dare you."

Both Hermione and I jumped up from our seats, followed by Neville and Ginny. I wavered where I stood, but I knew I needed to put an end to this before blood was spilt.

"Look what he's doing! He's going to hurt him if we don't stop!" GInny cried, trying to get me to see her side of reason.

"Do it, Malfoy. You'll just prove me right. You're insane anyways, you deserve to be locked up in Azkaban." Ron mocked, with a look of wry.

"You're right, Weasley. Insanity runs in my family, so I wouldn't test me more if you want to live." Malfoy snarled with a slight hostile gaze.

"Okay! Malfoy, let him go, please. Ron, apologize, Harry's right, we shouldn't be causing fights anymore, the war is over! It's time to move on." Hermione intervened once again, trying fruitlessly for the two to listen.

"You should listen to your girlfriend, Weasel. It would seem you've got both of your best friends against you."

"You asshole! Ron pushed forward and tackled Malfoy to the ground. He didn't have enough time to react and his wand flew off to the side. Ron punched Malfoy square in the face before I jumped in and pulled Ron back.

"Stop it! Ron, you're better than this!"

"He just insulted me. I'm sick and tired of him just getting away with it!"

"Draco!" Zabini came in and pulled Malfoy back before he had a chance to strike back at Ron.

The left side of his cheek was red and starting to swell. No doubt a bruise will be left there by morning.

Although the two were being held back, they continued to yell and throw curse words at each other. The others were trying to get them to calm down, but they continued to act like children.

A waft of air swept passed me and I lost grip of Ron before falling to the ground. My stomach was turning and the room was spinning.

Even though this was the longest I had lasted, I think it was probably for the worst. I could feel the intensity of my magic coming off of me in waves. My breathing was winded and lost, like I was about to have a panic attack.

The two were still arguing in the background and it only fueled my rage. "Enough!" Several of the many windows in the room shattered at once, including the chandelier that was right above us. Glass rained down and people covered their faces up quickly to avoid getting cut. I was outraged and all eyes turned to me, the arguing finally ceasing.