I didn't make it in time to see them remove the body. When Eric and I finished, I went to my room, bathed, and changed quickly to get there. As I exited, Eric was waiting for me outside. We were waiting on the top floor because the corpse was going to be incinerated. And here we were, Max, Eric, Freya, Hill, and I in a room with a huge oven on one side, a metal table with a black bag, and inside it, the lifeless body of Ian.

Ian had jumped during the night, the sharp rocks had pierced his skull sideways, his lips were purple with blue touches, his lifeless eyes were open giving a gloomy appearance. My throat was tight, forming a rather bitter knot, no matter how many times I tried to swallow saliva, this feeling didn't go away. I didn't feel guilty, he made his decision. He took my place. But I hated him, I hated seeing him like this. Why was he so cowardly? Was it my fault? After all, I threatened him with death.

I took the button I had cut from him out of my pocket, passing it through my fingers as I couldn't stop thinking that the man who gave me my first kiss was the same one who tried to kill me and is now dead.

"...Grace will do it." Max said. "It's a good start for her, to win over Dauntless."

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I hadn't paid attention to his words. "Do what?" I asked absentmindedly.

Freya grimaced. "It's the same every year." Hill spoke. "A Dauntless dies, can't bear the faction's burden, and won't allow themselves to become factionless. One of the leaders gives some touching words so that others feel loved and think we care. Freya usually does it." she shrugged.

I frowned. 'I can't. I can't give touching words about Ian, it's absurd." I said. "Do I have to do it?" I asked, looking at Max, hoping for a way out.

"I'll do it." Eric intervened. "Let her learn how it's done and let her do it next year." he shrugged as if the suicide of a Dauntless was the most common thing.

"Alright, then let's continue with our normal activities, tonight we'll have an open bar and the speech will be given." Max spoke indifferently, the situation didn't seem relevant to him. "Let's go so they can cremate him."

I gave one last look to my friend whom I broke his heart, who attacked me, and who committed suicide.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked, looking confused at my insistence to see his corpse.

I approached what used to be Ian, placed my fingers on his cold eyelids and closed them, then I left the button on his chest and walked away. "Yes, I'm fine." I responded. "Thank you, I didn't want to give any speech." I grimaced.

He nodded, I walked out the door with Eric following behind me. Once the room was empty, a Dauntless entered and closed the door behind him.

I suppressed a sigh.

Don't cry.

He doesn't deserve it.

I swallowed hard.

"After this unfortunate incident, we can continue with our activities. Grace, shall we show you your section?" Max was in front of me, signaling for me to follow him.

"I'll give her the tour." Hill interjected. "After all, I started in that position."

Max nodded in approval. "Good idea."

The four of us rode the elevator in total silence until we reached our floor. "Grace, let's go. This is our floor, don't lag behind." Hill exited the elevator, and I followed behind her.

I turned to look at the three of them. Max had a smile, one filled with satisfaction, happy that I was the leader and not Mike. However, his smile didn't convince me, there was something underlying, a glint in his eyes that gave me the impression he already had my future planned out.

Freya had a smile, a genuine one. I knew she didn't agree with Hill's ideology, and she wasn't pleased that I associated with her. But she was happy for me, ignoring everything around her. Meanwhile, Eric maintained an expressionless face, characteristic of him. It didn't reflect what he was thinking or feeling, something common for him. I noticed all of this before the doors closed. "Why did you offer to give me the tour?" I asked Hill, who had me under scrutiny, similarly without expression.

Hill smiled. "Because Max is an idiot. Come on, let's go." She turned around and walked, and I did as she asked, walking quickly by her side.

"This is easy. There's always a leader supervising the initiates, and they're responsible for seeing who's worth being a leader. The fact that Max and Eric agreed for you to be the new leader caught my attention, I was undecided, not sure if it's because of your pretty face and coming from Amity, as they are easily manipulated, or because you're worth it." She stopped, we were at a hallway from the control room. "You fight well, I've seen it. You have cunning, and I like that." She crossed her arms. "But you won't be more than just a leader chosen by Eric and Max if you continue to follow behind them, being their shadow."

"I'm not their shadow..." I laughed.

"Of course, you're not." Hill interrupted, rolling her eyes with obvious sarcasm. "Darling, men are idiots. Stop thinking like them and following them, it won't serve you. I'm doing you a favor, offering you my advice. You have to show all those men who only think with their dicks that you're worth more."

"Why are you helping me?"

"Grace, this faction is designed for men. A woman has to be smarter and bolder to stand out, one that has to be superior to them to earn their respect as equals. Look at Freya and Shira, they're lovely, and they're loved, respected. But when it comes to adult conversations, they're not welcome." She smiled mischievously. "Do you accept?"

Being the adult, quite an interesting proposition. It was like making a deal with the devil, selling my soul in exchange for education in this faction.

"I accept."

"Perfect, let's go to the control room." She continued walking. "We are the guardians, the protectors of the city. If there's an attack, we, as Dauntless, defend and create strategic plans. Here you'll find everything, and you'll control everything."

As we arrived, the guards saw us and immediately opened the door. Hill didn't bother to thank them or even glance their way, she simply entered the vault. At first glance, it was a computer system, screens displaying the cameras of Dauntless and important sections of the compound.

"You have heard about fights among the factionless, haven't you?" she asked, but didn't let me confirm, knowing I would. "Well, that's beside the point. Dauntless delves deeper when fights end in murders or when there's a pile of corpses. We prevent rebellions, coups, bombs, wars, and we take care of the compound. As the leader of the intelligence center, you'll apply defenses and strategies to these problems."

We continued walking, then turned down a hallway and went up the stairs. "Four months ago, there was a rebel group of factionless. They defeated Erudite's security system and killed several of them, they were located, brought before Abnegation. That's what you'll do, when there's a problem, you solve it. You have the final decision on this, but Freya, Ronald, and sometimes Raymond give their opinions. You have to take them into consideration and present it to Max for authorization. Is that clear?" I nodded. "Yes."

"Perfect, I don't plan on repeating it." She chuckled. "This is your place."

We entered through a door, and inside there was a desk at the back, the room was cold with a table in the middle for cardinal points. "This desk is top-notch, you just need to place your fingerprint, it's already configured for you."

I approached and placed my finger, a holographic color map of the compound was displayed.

"This is all you have to protect, it's a holographic scale map, and only you can move it with your hands."

With curiosity, I touched the map, drawing an imaginary line in the air, and the map moved.

"Now, those problems don't usually happen every day. At least four times a year they occur, we believe it's due to the lack of a leader here." She shrugged. "I advise you to have people you trust nearby, working here with you and doing fieldwork, it's really useful. You can't be in two places at once, and they'll be your eyes and ears. Four is in this section, I stopped training them, so they'll be back, and you'll be their leader. You've been assigned electronic devices, your cell phone and two touch screens, they're on your desk, all three are connected, you'll see the list of initiates looking for employment, choose wisely and assign them a place."

"Is that all? Do I just have to wait for an attack, gather a team, and sit down?" I asked as I walked to the desk, which was now mine, and took a screen.

"That's what Mike would have done without hesitation. But you won't. Go and take the advanced training, request two pistols and a knife kit, keep it in your room, don't be stupid. Now you're a leader, those below you are your enemies. In the storage room next to the bathroom, you'll find the Dauntless regulations, we're not Erudite, but we're not idiots either. Start reading them and get ready for some heavy work. Get involved with us and be smarter than them. Soon, you'll be given the chance to modify the rules, and before you know it, you'll be hunting for divergents and may even get to kill one." She smiled.

I tensed up, trying to sound indifferent and even surprised. "Divergents? I've heard of them, but I thought their existence was almost nonexistent." I tried to maintain my composure.

"Pff. That's also the responsibility of this faction, not to let people know that there's always one lurking around. They're wild and rebellious, some more than others. It's been six years since there was a divergent attack, but it doesn't mean there aren't any, at least one initiate every year is divergent. This year, a guy named Xavier was discovered." She said.

The red-haired guy, the one I fought with for the second time and slammed his face with the boxing ring, is also a divergent. "What happened?" I knew I had to stay indifferent, but I couldn't help it.

"I killed him." She shrugged. "Four isn't allowed to get involved in divergent matters, only the leaders."

I nodded, my skin tingling. So Andrea and I were the lucky divergents who managed to go unnoticed by the leaders. But I became a leader, I'm under scrutiny.

Did I really go unnoticed? Or did Freya achieve it, and Max knows?

"I have a lot to learn." I laughed, trying to change the subject. "I've never interacted with a divergent before."

"There are all different, and that's what makes it difficult to identify them." She sighed. "But well, that's not your concern yet. This is your job, but that doesn't mean you don't have jurisdiction in other sections of the faction. You can use your power wherever and however you want, but wait at least a month if you want to dismiss a Dauntless, don't come off too intense." She rolled her eyes.

"Any questions?"

"I don't think so." I replied.

"Good, you can settle in. Go and wander around." She sounded indifferent, walking towards the door and taking the doorknob, but she stopped. "I didn't want to ask, but I will. Who was that Dauntless who jumped from the chasm? It affected you." She narrowed his eyes.

I pressed my lips together, Ian came back to my mind. This whole conversation with Hill helped me forget about him until she brought up the topic.

"Not only Genesis tried to kill me, it was also him, he was my friend. Yesterday he apologized, told me that I managed to torment him even in the simulations and that he was manipulated, I threatened him, told him that if I saw him again, I would kill him, and he was found dead the next morning."

She let out a nasal laugh and smirked. "I understand, I wouldn't want to give a speech for the man who tried to kill me either." She shrugged. "Enjoy it, they don't usually end up dead once you threaten them."She left the room, leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth.

Tiana, Dean, Chris, Roy, and Hall worked for me. Their task was to inform me if there was a problem in the city; they were my eyes and ears. They also needed to undergo advanced training. Four was not in my field of work; Max had him spoiled, and I could practically say he had Dauntless at his disposal.

I stayed in my office cleaning, it was very large and spacious. I had a personal coffee maker and a large, spacious bathroom, a living room with black colors and a beige carpet. I set about organizing the storage room, the regulation was a thick book, the one Raphael had given me, which I had in my room, so this one would stay here. The history of Dauntless was recorded in another book along with papers labeled "encrypted.

Despite the tiredness, I was happy and excited about what awaited me: hours of reading and the new advanced training. Everything was good until I came across a couple of photos, and with them, Norman smiling; it was at that moment that I realized. I had the same job that my dad had when he was here, I was his legacy. I had a pleasant feeling, I wanted to go to Amity and tell him, but it was a waste of time and something completely risky. He wouldn't welcome me with open arms, and he might not even recognize me.

I had gone for two weapons, apparently, it was more difficult than I had thought. Having my own weapon was a decision that the leaders had to make, despite me being the leader. The Dauntless who attended to me assured me that as a leader, it would be approved immediately. However, I needed to have the authorization, and tomorrow I would have the firearms along with my knife kit in my possession.

I was determined, I would take Hill's advice. She would help me survive this, I just needed to make sure she didn't find out that I'm divergent.

"There are rumors that Eric and you are starting to date." Raphael spoke beside me.

I had gone with him, I wanted a tattoo, the Dauntless logo on my wrist. After being disappointed with the weapons and seeing how most people were starting to drink heavily, I went with Raphael. The place was in mourning; the lights were dimmer than usual, and there were few Dauntless tattoo artists working because Ian was supposed to be one of them, and they were fond of him.

Raphael didn't ask or make any comments about the topic, I knew he had kept it from Eric, and he knew it wasn't to my liking after what happened.

"Is it true?" I asked, letting out a chuckle.

"Yeah, they say you caught his attention with the dress you wore yesterday." he said as he removed the stencil, revealing the Dauntless logo imprinted on my wrist. "I don't know whether to worry or congratulate you."He sighed.

"For Eric?"

"For him and because you're a leader. Take care of yourself, even though you sometimes drive me crazy, I like you."

"I will." I smiled.

"Thank you."

*********
In Amity, death is different, there's no alcohol. Instead, they laugh, they're happy, and they try to make the relatives who have to overcome a loss happy. They laugh around a bonfire and sing songs until dawn. They have the belief that the deceased wouldn't want to leave if their family is sad because one should always be happy. Here in Dauntless, everyone is drunk, laughing out loud, except Jim, who has a bottle in hand, drinking alone in a corner. I don't know where Tiana or Andrea are; we're in the pit, and there are too many people. I was on a fence, sitting on a giant rock with several Dauntless, maybe including Ronald.

"It's a shame." Ronald commented. "None of his old faction's relatives showed up."

I turned with a furrowed brow. "Can you do that?" I asked in surprise.

"Yes, Dauntless does it mostly out of courtesy, although we know they never come, or well, last year's did, his mom attended, a woman from Abnegation." he chuckled mockingly. "Dauntless sends the report to Erudite, the journalists, and they take care of sending a bulletin inviting the relatives."

I nodded. "The only family he had here is Jim, his best friend."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Mmh." he commented uninterestedly, turning to look at me. "And you, Grace? What is your stance on suicide?"

I sighed. "It's a very cowardly act, whatever his reason for doing it doesn't justify it. It's not Dauntless of him." I cleared my throat.

He smiled. "What if his reason is Dauntless? Many fear death, he overcame his fear." he shrugged.

"Having a fear of death isn't a reason to kill yourself. It's daring when you have to jump off a building to enter Dauntless without knowing if you might die and you overcome that fear. It's cowardly when you know you can't have a future in the faction you chose and you take an easy way out."

"I like you, Grace. Not everyone sees it that way." he nodded.

My pulse quickened, not everyone sees it that way?

"Freya usually gives the speech, I disagree with giving a Dauntless farewell to someone who doesn't deserve it." I nodded, unsure of what to say.

I didn't know what speech they gave, but it was something Ronald disagreed with, and he agreed with me.

"It's the first time I'll hear a speech."

"I forgot about that." he raised his eyebrows. "You've adapted very well, and you're an exceptional Dauntless who I forgot is just starting in this faction." he chuckled. "You chose very well, despite your results."

"Did you see my results?" I asked timidly.

"Of course I did, I had to look more closely into the opponent Mike was going to face."he sighed, shaking his head. "Turned out to be a disappointment." he shrugged.

"He's one of the first ones, don't you feel affection or compassion for him? He's your son after all." I frowned slightly.

"No." he denied without hesitation."I raised him to be the best Dauntless, and yet I gave him the option to choose according to his aptitude test. He chose Dauntless and didn't meet my expectations." he shrugged.

"Your son rubs me the wrong way." I admitted.

And now I feel sorry for him.

"Quiet! Keep it down!" Eric's voice echoed, accompanied by a sound resembling a gong. Despite the reduced volume of shouts, murmurs persisted. As I glanced downward, Eric stood atop a large, black-draped box in the center of the pit, meeting my gaze with his own.

Ronald whispered, "It's surprising that Eric is giving the speech."

I ignored it, flashing a smile at the man who had me under his sway."Thank you. As you all know, we're here because Ian jumped from the ledge last night." his voice boomed, commanding silence from all the Dauntless. "We don't know why, and it would be easy to mourn his loss tonight." he continued, as if the news was relevant to him despite his impassive expression. "But we don't choose the easy path when we enter Dauntless, and the truth is..." he added with a smile.

I furrowed my brow, it was so easy for him to feign, for a moment I believed he felt the death of the boy who threatened."The truth is that Ian is now exploring an unknown and uncertain place, and he jumped into the cruel waters to get there. Who among us is bold enough to venture into the darkness without knowing what lies beyond? Ian was one of us, but undoubtedly, he was brave!" Eric continued.

The crowd went wild, cheering euphorically. They drank, laughed, and shouted his name, Ian. I felt Ronald's elbow, turned, and he handed me a bottle. I laughed, taking it and taking a big swig from the bottle of alcohol.

Wherever Ian is, and despite the idiot and coward he was, I plan to forget him with this drink of alcohol.I lowered the bottle and handed it back to Ronald, looking down and visualizing Jim, who looked at me with disdain, annoyance, sadness, and shook his head while taking a sip from his bottle.

"Today we will pay tribute to him and always remember him!" Eric shouted again, as they handed him a bottle of alcohol, raising it. "For Ian the Valiant!"

"For Ian!" everyone shouted.

The crowd began chanting his name continuously with joy and excitement. I felt disgusted; no one knew him. None of them knew who Ian really was. I stood up, climbed down from the rock, ignoring Ronald, and walked away from the crowd that continued chanting his name. I want to cry; ever since they incinerated him, I've wanted to, but I can't. I refuse to cry. Why does it affect me? I hate him; he tried to kill me, aimed for my disqualification, and insulted me.

"Ian the Valiant" is stupid. It was hypocrisy, not even half of the Dauntless knew him and they took advantage of his death to drink for free. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I wanted to be alone and forget the situation a little bit. My place was the same, one of the entrances of Dauntless. I climbed the stairs and entered, opening the door with violence, needing air.

"Grace." Four was at the bottom of the stairs.

I turned to look at him, shook my head, leaving the place with tears about to burst. I can't cry, Dauntless is not for that. Four followed me, closing the door behind him as I closed my eyes, turning my back and letting the cold breeze hit my face. "Go." I ordered.

"I can't." he slowly approached me.

I turned with annoyance, crossing my arms. "What do you want?" I asked. "You should be drinking and giving condolences like all the hypocrites down there." I made a grimace.

"And you?" he approached me, to the point where I could smell his breath with a hint of alcohol.

"Me?" I laughed bitterly. "I hate that idiot, that coward who committed suicide. I have no reason to give my condolences."

"Do you believe that?" he asked calmly.

"Yes." my words hurt, it was like a burning iron in my throat, I wanted to cry. "And why does it affect you so much?" he tilted his head. "Did you see his corpse? Did it affect you to see him lifeless?"

"He tried to kill me!" I yelled, grabbing my hair.

"You should be happy, shouldn't you?"

"Enough." I stopped him with difficulty, pleading for mercy.

"I can't." he denied. "Tell me, why does it affect you to see dead the man who tried to kill you?"

I couldn't help it, the image of Ian dead flooded my mind, and I let out a sob of pain. I covered my face, turning to avoid at least letting him see me cry. I released the knot that had been stuck in my throat, and Four's arms embracing me made me cry even more, giving me the comfort I didn't know I needed. He didn't let me fall, he hugged me tightly, resting his cheek on my head, letting his black shirt soak with tears.

"It was my fault." I whispered amidst the sobs. "I hurt him, I forced him to hate me, and he killed himself." I closed my eyes tightly, letting the accumulated tears fall.

"He made his decision." Four spoke. "It wasn't your fault."

"He was a good kid, I corrupted him."

He separated from me, turned to look at me, and took hold of my cheeks, wiping away the tears. "We all have our demons, some bigger than others. He made his decision, his demons caught up with him." He hugged me tightly again, unafraid of anyone seeing us, embracing me deeply to let me know he'd be by my side.

I felt terrible, but I hugged him, hoping the guilt would fade away. "Forgive me for insulting you, you're a good person, Four." I whispered from his chest.

He let out a nasal laugh. "I forgive you." he stroked my hair. "You know you can't tell anyone what happened here, right? No one can know that you cried for him, especially not Eric."

Hearing his name sent shivers down my spine. He's right. Eric won't be happy to know I hugged Four and cried for Ian, not only because we agreed on exclusivity from both sides, but also because a Dauntless doesn't cry over something like this, that's what a divergent would do.

"I know." I whispered.

My new phone vibrated, I had kept it in my pants pocket. I moved away from Four, clearing my throat, it was a text message.

"I'll wait for you in my room in 15, I'm bringing food and dessert." -Eric

I lifted my head, looking at the brunette who had a grimace that seemed to be trying to smile.

"Yeah, you have red eyes." he teased, letting out a nasal laugh.

I managed a smile. "I have 15 minutes to get rid of the red eyes."

"Take care." he said.

"I will."

I knocked twice on the door, and it hadn't been five seconds before Eric opened it. He observed me for a long time, squinting, then let out a nasal laugh and stepped aside to let me in. "Where have you been?" he asked, closing the door.

I couldn't tell him I was with Four on the roof, waiting for my red eyes to fade. "I got annoyed, he didn't deserve that speech." I commented bitterly, walking towards his kitchen where it smelled delicious.

"Yeah, it's stupid. But Freya insisted." he sighed. "Besides, it's an excellent excuse to drink."

Crying with Four had drained me, I felt downcast and tired. Since I woke up, I've been dealing with quite conflicting emotions, and all I wanted was to sleep, hoping that by the next day, Ian's issue would be in the past. Eric seemed pretty calm, Ian's death didn't affect him at all, and I hoped for the same from me.

I entered the kitchen and saw two pairs of white cardboard boxes, emitting the smell of food, and two black cases beside them. I turned, waiting for Eric to do the honors. He smiled as he saw me turn and approached the other side of the counter, placing his hand on the black case. "You've adapted quite well. So much so that the request for a weapon possession has already come in for you."he opened the case, revealing a black firearm. "Why did you request it?" he asked.

"Hill advised me." I shrugged. "It's comforting... in its own way."

Eric scoffed. "She's the devil incarnate, don't trust her too much."

Coming from the saint...

I laughed. "Of course." I nodded. "So, is it mine now?"

"Yes, I authorized it. In the other case is the knife kit, I chose both things." he made a grimace, nodding. "They're of good quality and support."

I nodded, taking the gun out of its case, it was shiny black, and my name was engraved on the base. "I asked for two weapons." I commented, putting it back in place.

"Yeah, I think Max has the other one." he shrugged, circling around the kitchen island to reach my side. "One is to keep in your room, and the other to carry on your waist. He wants to talk to you first, the issue was Hill, who jumped the gun."

"Was there a problem because Hill gave me the tour?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, I didn't intervene because she held that position for a few years, her advice will serve you. The problem is that I don't fully trust her."

"Why?"

"There will be a war, Grace. Ronald is recruiting the Dauntless, and I'm not entirely sure whose side Hill is on." he brushed his fingers over a lock of my hair.

"But you yourself accused her. Ronald hurt Hill so much that she was on the verge of suicide. She wouldn't be so stupid to believe him or even speak to him."

He let out a nasal laugh. "Yeah, that's exactly why I'm worried. She may be older than us, but she's still stupid."

"But why don't you distrust me?" I asked, lost in his gaze.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, leaning closer to me. "Should I?" he asked.

I swallowed, I couldn't betray him. I'm defensive because I'm sure that when he finds out I'm divergent, I'll be his enemy. I'm watching my back to stay by his side and be part of Dauntless. Being with Ronald won't serve me.

"No." I whispered, giving him certainty.

He smiled halfheartedly, pleased, he knew he was the only one who made me give loyalty to Max and to him."Take care of Hill and Ronald, keep them close but don't trust them. I don't want you to wake up at the bottom of the abyss." his words touched my heart and sweetened my ears, he was protecting me in his own way, and I'm sure that if he finds out what I am, he'll see it as a betrayal, and I'll hurt him.

I nodded, lost in his blue eyes. He took hold of the ends of my black shirt, pulling it off my arms and tossing it to the floor, leaving me in a black tank top. He delicately caressed my arm without breaking eye contact. I definitely want to have sex with him right now, but I'm hungry, I haven't eaten today. "Aren't we going to eat?" I asked with a half-smile, letting myself be manipulated by his hands.

He lifted me by the waist, carrying me and sitting me on the kitchen island beside the food."Of course." he showed a mischievous smile. "We'll start with dessert." He leaned in to my lips, kissing them.

Well, his soft lips with a hint of alcohol were a good appetizer to start with. I could feel his light stubble, barely visible but still felt it, slightly tickling. But it didn't matter, his kisses were my downfall.