I loved to learn, but I've come to hate the institutions put in place to teach me. I stared at the ugly blue sign that displayed the name of the ugly university and then began to walk along the sidewalk to the main campus. I know I have the potential to become something great and I'd do whatever it takes to get there...

...but I'm tired. I'm tired of being chastised for spending majority of my time behind my desk where I slave over textbooks and put a pencil to the page, write until my hands ache. 'You never spend any time with us anymore,' my eomma would say. She's right, and I could give them more of my time...

...but I'm tired. I'm tired of getting lectured every time I'm caught doing something other than school or work. 'You're always wasting your time,' she would tell me, 'How can you have time to watch TV with your brother, but not clean my house?' My brother only gets thirty minutes a day, enough for us to watch one episode while we play. My grades suffer when I study less and yet I sacrifice them for him...

...but I'm tired. I'm tired of always thinking that I could be a better brother. I could be a better son. I could be a better student. I could be a better employee. I could be a better friend. I could be a better human being...

...but I'm tired. I'm tired of breathing. I never really lived for myself anyway. It's always been about my family and my friends, never myself. I don't want to continue living for them. I need to be selfish for once. I owe myself this much.

...because I'm just so tired of trying. I'm just too tired to care anymore.

My muscles seem to deteriorate little by little with every step I take towards the admissions office. I pull open the abnormally heavy glass door and step into the chilly threshold.

The cool tiles bring sweet relief to my blistered feet. It's a nice feeling, but I'm already missing the pain that the concrete brought them.

after all,

pain

is the sweetest relief

I walked up to the counter and asked about the unenrollment process. The young lady behind the counter wasn't unattractive by any means. Her wavy black locks rested upon her small shoulders. She wore bright red lipstick; a stark contrast to her pale face, free of blemishes. She pushed her thin metal frames higher up on her nose and began reciting instructions as she stared at the computer screen in front of her. "Just log into the portal and go to the..."

Her voice trailed off once she took a look at me. "Are you okay?"

I forced the most convincing smile upon my face that I could muster, despite how painful it is to smile at this point. "Just tired," I croaked, my throat suddenly dry.

"Alright," she replied hesitantly, not entirely convinced, I'm sure. "Under the student banner you'll see a tab for enrollment. Click on that and at the bottom, it should have a link to your enrollment status. Go there and click the red unenroll button. It's simple. You can use one of our computers if you need to," she said, gesturing towards the small room of computers.

Without another word, I sat down at the same computer I used when I first enrolled in college years ago. It brought along a heavy nostalgic wave. I remember it being such a pain in the butt to try and get eight classes to fit around my work schedule. It took about an hour with my advisor to get everything squared away that day. So much work was put into my education.

I chuckled dryly. How stupid I was to believe education could actually save me. I logged into my account and followed the woman's instructions. Nothing can save me.

i'm far too broken

to be saved...

not that there's anything

left to save anyway.

Done. I closed out of the browsers and left the building without so much as a 'have a nice day,' not that that woman cares anyway.

nobody cares,

and i'm simply

too tired

to care myself.

If my feet could speak, I'm sure they'd be hissing at the sting of my new blisters bursting on the harsh pavement. They'd beg me to go back inside or to purchase a pair of shoes. Anything to save them from the torment of concrete lava.

Of course, I'd ignore them. I want this pain. I deserve it.

i deserve

much more

than just pain.

i deserve

to disappear

without a trace.

What's the point of being here when I don't care?

in order to care,

i have to be strong,

but i'm tired

and just too

weak.