The cars echoed in the distance, their bright tail lights just dots from this high up. She stared out at the light polluted night sky and smiled at the few stars that she could see, bright white and spread apart randomly. She exhaled the smoke and looked up as it swirled high above her before dispersing.

Besides where she sat on the concrete of her balcony, her phone buzzed on the small wooden table. She squinted to see who was texting her at this hour, not having her contacts in.

IMOGEN- Hey Jess, you awake?

JESSIE- I am.

IMOGEN- yeah I'm still having trouble sleeping.

JESSIE- Welcome to my world, you can come over if you want, Pete's fast asleep.

IMOGEN- are you sure?

JESSIE- course :) I don't think we should both be feeling lonely when we're both in quite...well, bad places (I guess...?)

IMOGEN- that's true...okay, be there in 15.

Jessie placed her phone down onto the table beside her and looked behind her in the direction of the hallway where Peter was sleeping. She couldn't hear floorboards creaking, or the sound of the tap if Peter was getting water, it was quiet.

Her cigarettes sat on her lap, the same packet that she had kept under her bed for six months now. In a different time, in a completely calm world that she once lived in, where Marie was single and just a receptionist, Adam was happily in love, Jay has just started dating Sophia, Eddie was one of the medium-level ability tennis players  and Max made far less puns, her and Eddie would sneak out of the fire exit at the back of the centre and would climb up the ladder in the side of the building  that had been a design error on the centre when a plan for an upstairs had been mixed up with the plans for the existing building. Sometimes Jessie would bring cider or beer and they would lie there, staring at the clouds whilst smoking, laughing, drinking and talking about the universe making sure not to get so tipsy that Marie would notice.

Jessie sighed, her eyes clothing as she raised her chin up to the sky and watched as an aeroplane crossed across the sky leaving a trail of grey smoke behind it. Oh how she wished she was on that, to get away from the situation. She swung her legs off of the lounger and rose to her feet, her curly hair swaying in the wind as she made her way over to the balcony and peered over the ledge of the rail at the carpark, so that she would know when Imogen got here so she could be ready at the door.

Jessie watched with steady eyes as Imogen's car drove through the barriers of the car park which were raised to let her through. She tapped her fingers impatiently against the metal of her balcony that railing that Peter often leant on when having a conversation with their Mother.

Imogen hopped out of her car and closed the door behind her, the sound of jangling keys audible in the deserted grounds around her. She didn't see Jessie looking down at her but kept her eyes focused on the walk ahead as she stepped up onto the pavement. From what Jessie could tell, Imogen seemed to be wearing pyjamas, as she wore white and she hardly ever wore anything that wasn't neutral or towards the darker end of the colour palette.

Not that Jessie could talk, her wardrobe consisted mostly of grey, black and white.

Jessie straightened up and walked as quickly as she could without making too much noise open to the door, so that she could open it as Imogen arrived. And when she did, she smiled and held up a hand in greeting "hey Jess" she whispered and then leant forward to hug her which Jessie accepted slightly grudgingly. She stepped back to let her in and nodded in the direction of the balcony.  Imogen nodded and brought her plastic bag through with her through the living room through to the glass doors and sliding it open.

Jessie pulled her much too granny like cardigan around herself as the cold night air crept in and spread around the room. Down the corridor, Peter's bedroom door was creaked open by the wind and Jessie froze with panic.

"Jess...?!" Imogen whispered from where she stood, Jessie placed her finger to her lips and signalled for her to close the door. Imogen nodded and she pulled the door across and sat herself down.

Creeping towards the bedroom door, Jessie kept her eyes focused ,her breathing steady and slow. But because she was thinking so hard about breathing so slow, she was finding it hard to breathe and kept taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down.

She could still hear Peter snoring, and when she crept in, he lay on his stomach with his navy duvet covering half off him. She sighed in relief and closed the door as quietly as possible, then tip toed back out to the balcony, shutting the door behind her.

"So, anxiety then?" She said, glancing over at her late night companion who shook her in confusion of her recent diagnosis and raised her hands to emphasise it further.

"Apparently so"

"You never crossed me as the...anxious type. I mean I know you're shy in some instances, but I've never seen you have a panic attack or get overwhelmed...?"

"I've had panic attacks before, but they weren't really regular. Every so often. But I never thought much about it. The Doctor said that it's quite mild, but has still given me medication as it's the cause of my sleep deprivation" Imogen fumbled around in her carrier bag, handed Jessie a cherry alcopop that she had grabbed from the corner shop that was miraculously open, and then pulled out the box of tablets.

Jessie took the box from Imogen's palm, running her thumb over the Braille on the back of the packaging as she read over the label.

"Doesn't sound dissimilar to my PDS medication" she said, handing the box back to her. "Except yours looks more sleep targeted and mine is just supposed to numb or stop any thoughts of..."

There it was again.

Flashes, flickers, the thump of her heart. Fire thrashing about in his arms, on his arms. The fear on his face, the fear in her chest, rumbling and loud as it rattled her ribcage. The sound of an ambulance. Peter's face. Foam. Eddie's face. Raw skin.

Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.

"J-Jessie, he-help"

She clenched her hands into fists and realised that Imogen was shaking her. She opened her eyes and Imogen's pale blue eyes stared back at her, concerned, searching her as she retreated back to where she was sat before, facing where Jessie sat.

"Had me worried there...god, are you okay?"

Under the shelter of the balcony of the flat above, under the dark night sky and due to the lack of lighting, Imogen couldn't see the tear streaks on Jessie's face. One of the things that her new therapist had told her was that when her mind wandered and she began to relive it all again (especially in terrifying flashes and clips of the worst bits) that she had to concentrate on the world around her, remind herself that she was grounded and that she was here and not there. Her therapist had then given her a thin, soft, band to wear in her wrist that she could ping against her wrist without causing any pain, but giving her a sensation that kept her in the present.

"Yeah...I'm fine" she began to pluck the band against her skin in her lap. "Sorry, sometimes it comes so easily, I guess it doesn't help that I'm tired...sorry you had to say that"

"Stop saying sorry Jess" she smiled a warm and comforting smile and shifted in the lounger she sat in. She opened to her arms as an invitation, Jessie sniffed, then smiled and got to her feet, moving to snuggle up beside Imogen. She wrapped her arm round her shoulders and sighed.

"Was Peter asleep?" Imogen questioned, looking down at where her slightly smaller friend was resting against her shoulder. She figured changing the subject was always the best idea, and normally she would have said something about Leonardo DiCaprio, or tried to use him to relate to Jessie's situation. Maybe she could start talking about how he has ACD, or maybe how that when he was a toddler his parents divorced and lived with his Mother. But in all honesty his life wasn't really that bad at all.

"Yeah" Jessie mumbled.

"Has he been supportive?"

"If it wasn't for him I'm not sure I'd be as stable as I am, he gets me out of work and helps me keep going, he's amazing...but it's times like this when I don't want to worry him"

"He treats you like a delicate flower" Imogen smiled. "He's a good egg, have your parents been in touch?"

She sighed. "Yeah" she shifted to get more comfortable and Imogen's fingers started to twist at her hair. "But they don't...they don't know it's as serious as it is, I begged Peter not to tell them, they still live up north and Mum has high blood pressure. Besides, it's nothing I can't deal with"

"Right" Imogen said uncertainty. "But I do understand, I haven't told my Mum about my anxiety, my aunt knows through, I was closer to her growing up"

"And your Dad?"

"My Dad died when I was twelve...that why we're not close, she couldn't handle it, terrible Mother, not that it was her thought of course"

Jessie froze and glanced up at Imogen, who stared ahead, eyes glazed, in another world. Eventually she broke out of it and looked down at Jessie who stared back at her concerned.

"I...I'm so sorry...I didn't.."

"It's fine honestly, I never really think about it that much...I think a lot of my anxiety comes from the fact that when I lived with my Aunt my mum turned up drunk, banging on the door. Then since then, every night, I'd sit awake at night waiting for her to come and take me, my Aunt would find me shaking with fright at all. I've nothing to do with my Mother now"

"Oh Immy..."

"Yeah" she smiled, slightly tearfully. "Just remember, you're not alone in all of this Jess. We all want the best for you, especially Peter and-"

"Eddie" Jessie continued, nodding her head in understanding, so many people had told her this. Eddie was one of her closest friends and yet, she couldn't even really look at him anymore, she couldn't think of him feeling guilty as she stepped into a room. It made her feel sick. He hadn't done anything wrong. "I know"

Imogen continued to stroke her hand through her coils of hair, twisting the tiny curls between her pale fingers and lacing thin strands around her fingertips. It seemed to be working though, Jessie's once tense shoulders were relaxed and Jessie seemed to be leaning into it.

"We're all a bit messed up Jess" she smiled and Jessie laughed. "Sometimes you just can't see it".

***

Peter's bare feet padded down the wooden floorboards of the hallway. He yawned and stretched, rubbing a aching part of his back as he knocked twice on his sister's door. When no one replied he said with a raised groggy and half- asleep voice "Jess?! It's six thirty!"

When no one responded, his heart skipped a beat and his stomach dropped. He pushed the door open to find an empty bed, with covers strewn on the floor. The polka dotted design seemed offensive in the situation, harsh, almost laughing at him.

Both bathroom and the toilet doors were open, Peter sucked in a breath and pulled at his curly black hair, anxious of her whereabouts. He walked through the living room to the kitchen and spun in a circle.

"JESS?!" he yelled, brow creasing as he took deep breaths, resting against the cabinet on the side of the room. Should he call her? Would she pick up?

Then he saw it. A foot. A singular foot. Wearing an Adidas trainer. But once again, his mind did not go to her sleeping out there, but worse and much darker places.

He rushed towards the door, heart thumping loud and obnoxiously as he pushed the handle down and burst out into the sunlit balcony. Eyes wide, hair hectic and breathing erratic.

There, on one of their woven loungers which were cheap from Homebase and took them about ten seconds to find, lay Imogen, her face covered in the black coils of his favourite little twin sister.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Peter exclaimed, sighing a massive sigh of relief at the sight. They both shot up, awake, with shocked expressions.

"Pete! What the fuck?!" Jessie shrieked at him, getting to her feet and pushing him. Imogen looked around, bewildered.

"We fell asleep?!"

"Imogen? What the fuck is going on here?" Peter yelled, looking back and forth between his friend and Jessie. "Excuse me for being worried, about my sister's wellbeing...no offense Imogen".

"None taken"

"I couldn't sleep, and neither couldn't Imogen, so we sat up talking and I guess we fell asleep" Jessie began to calm down and smiled wearily. "I'm...sorry?"

"Don't apologise, I'm sorry if I suffocate you sometimes being so protective" he said and she nodded, her smile spreading across her face slightly more.

"Okay, I'm going to go get changed, you coming Imogen?"

"I will in a minute, do you mind if I make a coffee or something?" She looked back and forth between the two of them. The air was still tense as both twins had different worries about each other. Imogen the middle man, or woman in this sense.

"Yeah sure" Pete nodded and Jessie got to her feet, leaving for her bedroom. He looked down at where Imogen was sat.

"Immy, last night, did Jess..."

"Yeah, I had to shake her to get her to come back to me"

He sat down beside her, head in hands. "I don't know what to do...I just don't know what to do"

Imogen sighed and placed her hand on the pane of his back. "All you can do is be patient and wait".