The dark clouds staining the sky cast a sullen mood all across the city. Rain drizzled lightly from above, steering the populace into nearby buildings, far from this weather.

Then there was Rin-Rin who enthusiastically hopped around the boundless puddles. Utilizing my umbrella, he gazed out at the small lake, and at the countless wildlife that frolicked about. He truly resembled an exuberant toddler possessing not a care in the world. I didn't know whether to give it to his idol livelihood, but his ability to make the most mundane things invigorating was surely one of his strengths.

"Shii, this frog kinda reminds me of you. Its cheeks are all bloated like yours when you stuff your face with sweets."

Having taken shelter beneath a park gazebo, watching this unfold from a distance, I petulantly narrowed my eyes. "Why are all your comparisons of me related to eating?"

He howled with laughter. "It's a compliment."

"Sure."

Skipping class definitely was not something I was proud about. However, Rin-Rin was insistent about talking to me for at least a tiny bit before then. He promised to take full responsibility by apologizing to Miss Akagi personally afterward. Considering his reputation and silver tongue, even that demon troll would have no choice but to let me off the hook.

After managing to successfully escape the swarm of fans, Mrs. Junpei, Rin-Rin's manager whom was parked right outside Hoshizaki, had given us a quick lift here, to a nearby public garden. Our brief exchange still replayed like a record in my mind.

"Mr. Rin has worked nonstop for a long time, balancing homeschooling on top of his heavy workload, and taking care of his health. His work ethic is admirable and as a result he's made remarkable strides in a short time frame. However, he is still a teenager. He turned down an extremely bright offer—put the most pivotal increment in his career on hold—so he could squeeze time in to come home and be with you.

"He pleaded with the company's president himself and had us reorganize his entire schedule to take reasonable time off to be here for your upcoming concert and your family's wedding ceremony." She nudged up her frames. "All throughout our time together, Mr. Rin hasn't gone a single day without mentioning you. As committed as he is to his idol duties, he wouldn't make these kinds of decisions lightly. Seeing how far he has gone, though, proves just how important you are to him, wouldn't you say?"

A breath left my mouth. I wrapped my scarf tighter around my cheeks. Kamakiri had surprised me with it a while back, excusing it was to prevent me from catching a cold due to my "terrible immune system." His domestic hobbies were a stark contrast to his tyrannical personality. I wonder if there was anything he wasn't good at.

"Shii, don't freeze on me!" Rin-Rin cried, dashing toward the shade I was under and to my side.

"Too late for that." My teeth chattered. "Why are we outside in the first place? We could have went to a cafe or shop."

"And expose delicate-hearted civilians to the Rin Mizota?"

Good point. Getting bombarded by my peers was one thing, but the general public? That was a recipe for disaster. We were only safe now because bitterly cold weather and people were not an ideal combination. Also because Rin-Rin had all witnesses at Hoshizaki promise not to tell anyone about him being there (those diehards deleted any and all pictures—proof—instantly).

"Your charm really is a crime," I sighed, recalling Tsumugi's words.

Heat enveloped my shoulders. His long coat supplied me much needed snugness.

"Now you're going to freeze," I argued.

He planted himself into the seat beside me, taking my hands into his gloves and rubbing them to provide them insulation as well. "A small price to pay if it means you don't turn into an icicle," he said, smiling softly. "I've built up enough endurance, so I'll be fine. The music videos I've done where I had to get drenched in the rain for unspeakable minutes or surfing and swimming in numbing water. Even having to perform through technical difficulties and horrible weather conditions in flimsy outfits. All whilst ensuring my smile and voice doesn't waver."

"Must be tough having to constantly pleasure people for a living, huh."

"Don't make it sound like I work at some red-light district."

I blew air from my nose in amusement, never tearing my gaze from his face and fraud spectacles and beanie. "It was a compliment."

"Sure," he snorted.

My lightly thrumming heartbeat heightened in my ears when his eyes met mine.

"Shii," he said. "I'm sorry. Yesterday, my emotions got all tangled. I wanted to surprise you yet you're the one who ended up surprising me. Then, the realization that maybe one of those guys in that room was yours. . . scared me. Hurt me. I got jealous, but that's still no excuse for putting you in that kind of situation without considering your feelings."

I balled my fingers on my lap. I wasn't sure if I was blushing or the cold was nipping my skin. "I'm the one who didn't consider your feelings. I strung you along for months. It wasn't intentional but I caused you anguish. That's why if anyone should be sorry, it's me."

Rin-Rin sighed, leaning against the cement table behind us. "It's so like you to find a way to make yourself the villain. None of this is your fault."

His lips caved downwards. His next works came after much deliberation.

"You've. . . changed a bit, Shii."

My eyebrows elevated on my forehead.

"I noticed it the moment I saw you again," he solemnly said. "I can deny it all I want. Though, the true is clear. You. . . fell in love with one of them, didn't you?"

My shoulders tensed.

"You won't deny it?"

"I," I said, "had a crush on one of them in the past. But, I left the feelings from back then behind me. Now I. . ."

"So while I pranced around on stage, boasting left and right about us to my coworkers. . . While we talked on the phone, all our messages, you. . ."

"Rin-Rin."

"It's. . . fine." He cut me off, pressing his eyelids shut. "I'm the one who got the wrong idea. Still, even still, I love you. I love you so much I can't help it."

Mouth agape, I stared, stupefied.

"You can reminisce the past all you want, Shii, but I don't think I can bury this entire thing like it never happened," he confessed. "Maybe before I could conceal my feelings for you, play it off with a laugh, but I'm not so coolheaded now. I can't stand by unaffected when I'm so close to losing the girl I care about."

My heart sunk to my stomach.

"Since the day you offered me those animal crackers and promised to always be with me. . . While you repeatedly brought me into the warmth of your home, with your mom, dad, and Mao. I've always kept it dear to my heart. Every word you've said, every laugh or tears we've shared. . . Everything. I held it all close, convinced you'd only show those sides of you to me. That I was special. But the truth is, you've shown others, too. That while I cherished you so much it drove me mad, you saw me as nothing."

"That's not true! I—I love you Rin-Rin!"

"Do you?"

My voice stalled.

His bangs shielded his eyes. "Frankly, I'm sick of platonic love. I don't want you to hate me, Shii, but just as much, I want you to love me. It's selfish, and ugly, but that's how I feel. The others may have me beat in a lot of areas. I promised to become a guy worthy of you while being nowhere near that. But it hurts. It hurts so much I can't bear it. Why can't it be me? Why can't you love me?"

I couldn't formulate words. The tears in his eyes at this moment crushed me.

The heaviness in my abdomen, the lump in my throat. I compressed my lips.

"I do love you, Rin-Rin," I whispered. "I meant everything I ever told you. I've never once saw you as nothing. I don't think I ever could. But, I still have to figure out my feelings."

He expunged a heavy breath, watching the rain cascade against the ground in suspended intervals.

"You're cruel, Shii. Are you telling me to selfishly cling to you until you do figure it out? By giving me this sliver of hope, it's going to make it that much harder to get over you if you turn me down."

"I know," I murmured. "I'm being extremely cruel right now. Nonetheless, I want to give you a proper response. I owe you that at least."

Rin-Rin was quiet. "That side of you is loveable too," he eventually drawled. "As the super idol who's captured practically every girl's heart across Japan, this stings. My spell doesn't work on the one girl I want it to most. Is this my punishment for being so darn irresistible?"

I smiled. "Just because you said that, I'm gonna say yes."

He dramatically sighed. "I'd rather have been born ugly if it meant I could be yours."

"I've seen tons of your ugly sides," I replied. "Know things about you that would ruin your career in an instant if I sell it to the paparazzi. Oh, like the time—"

He emitted a shrill cry, slapping his palm over my mouth. "I'm sorry. I won't be cocky again. I'll humbly live so don't bring up my shameful past."

I tittered. "If you beg so earnestly, fine. Although, you do realize you wield an equal amount of dirt against me too. My ugly sides from childhood, all of them are to your disposal."

His grin broadened. "I'm sorry to disappoint, but you don't have ugly sides. Everything about you is precious; always has been."

Not expecting such a response, my heart clenched. Cradling the back of my neck, he rested his forehead against mine, tone oozing nothing but sincerity.

"And, as far as I'm concerned, you always will be."

__________

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