AN: Do you know what's coming? Codenames time is coming! so here I'm asking-- what are yall's suggestions on Kuma-sensei's codename? No guarantees I'll use any specific suggestion, of course. Can't please everyone, unfortunately. 

But I'd appreciate to hear you guys' opinions on it! :) 

37. Middleman

To: Me

From: Asano-san

Investigate this.

Image27.jpg

It's a picture of the very same news article the students are currently making a whole fuss about-- rumours of a notorious yellow-headed, tentacle-ridden, perverted underwear thief.

"Nah, that's too many adjectives," he muttered, frowning, "what was the journalist thinking? That's a terrible sentence. Were the editors blind? How did this get past the drafting stage?"

...is probably not the investigation Asano wants, but he'll send it as a joke.

(Quickly followed up by the actual explanation, of course.)

He's in the midst of choosing between two of the more obnoxious-looking kaomoji on his keyboard when he looked up to see Karasuma scowling at him.

"I'm surprised you can still send texts like those when he terrified you so much," the government agent points out, evidently displeased when Nao only squeaks in surprise, immediately removing his phone from sight so Karasuma couldn't look again.

His point still stood however.

Nao recomposed himself, clearing his throat. "It's a different matter when I don't have to actually face him," he said. "It's hard to express tone in text, after all. Even if he says something scary, I can pretend the tone did not come across well and Asano will awkwardly have to explain himself. That is fun."

"That is mental torment," Irina's reply was instantaneous. Nao had no idea she was even in the room. "Imagine how many times that was pulled on me when I tried to get out of work from Lovro-sensei."

Nao stared at her in bewilderment "Did you try to flirt or something?"

Karasuma cleared his throat, "as professional as the Board Chairman is, I can't imagine that working on him often. Or at all."

To that, Nao chortled nervously. "Yeah..." he admitted, "Sometimes he just tells me to contact him again when I'm significantly more lucid."

Which is honestly just corporate tongue for 'if you don't want to lose your head (not your job, no,) you should apologize right now so we can get back on track'.

"So why are you still messing around with your texts with him?" Karasuma groaned.

Nao looked away with a pout, "oh, mind yer own business."

Irina signed something inappropriate from her seat, and Nao's face immediately heated up. He got up, sputtering as he yelled something incomprehensible that was probably a warning about academic misconduct, but Irina was always like that anyways so-- agh.

Karasuma turned away, closing his eyes in annoyance. "You better not teach that to the kids," he warned, "we might get PTA called on us."

"If we were getting any of that, Ms Jelavic wouldn't even be here have you seen her," Nao sat down in despair, "she's a walking NSFW warning."

"Oh come out, my cleavage isn't that daunting and my skirt is just barely in permissible territory, mind you," Irina retorted. "I can still pass as a teacher without suspicions that I'm just cosplaying, you know."

"Please don't call it that."

"Speaking of barely legal things..." Karasuma decided he'd had enough of this nonsensical conversation that didn't seem to have a point, and turned to Nao. "Can we leave you to divert the Board Chairman's attention from the octopus situation until it is solved?"

Ah.

"Speaking of that situation..." Nao looked toward Korosensei's desk.

He pulled open Korosensei's drawers, revealing an assortment of loudly-coloured lingerie tucked inconspicuously between books and papers.

Irina's brows furrowed. "Those are some of mine that I keep in the staff closet," she said, irritated. "I know the octopus peeks into it sometimes, but he's never taken any of them out before."

Even Korosensei had morals about pornography, after all. He appreciated some Irina cleavage any day, but he would never intrude on the bathrooms and changing rooms.

Okajima and some of the other boys may have peeping endeavours into girl's changing rooms sometimes, (especially on school trips,) but the whole point of it was that they wouldn't succeed, whether it be delivered via Kataoka bitchslap or some oneshot gag.

In contrast to that, Korosensei, the Mach 20 superbeast who could do anything, could definitely get away with plenty of his problematic voyeuristic habits-- which is exactly why he doesn't take them too far. He's responsible, thanks very much.

So leaving so many sets of lingerie right out in the open, stealing underwear and harassing women to a genuine, serial degree-- that's something he would never do.

Nao gestured at them, as if he was proving a statement. "I'm guessing the kids are in for a mildly dangerous adventure soon."

"Adventure, you say," Irina rolled her eyes, "whoever would go so far just to catch the attention of the octopus better have some actually worthwhile attempt."

Nao chuckled, "in a way, it's the same thing as the psychological warfare trick the student did back in Okinawa, isn't it?"

Karasuma's shoulders sagged. "More overtime for me, huh..."

-

To: Asano-san

From: Me

camera_class28.jpg

Transfer student (alien)
Has been successfully captured.

\(● ﹏☉)/

To: Me

From: Asano-san

...is that the one that was a
Genetically modified soldier?

To: Asano-san

From: Me

Achievement unlocked!

+1 Problem child acquired.

Requesting official registration of
Child's updated status in school.

Horibe_Itona(1).doc

ヾ|*ﾟωﾟ|ゞ Leavin' that to u!

To: Me

From: Asano-san

Does the government not
Take charge of his wellbeing?

To: Asano-san

From: Me

⊂((° x。))⊃ error 404
Government not found.

pls try again after
Moon is fixed...? (-﹏-。)

-

"With all due respect, Kuma-sensei," came Gakushuu's voice through the phone, "your texts with my father activate my flight or fight responses and they haunt me as my sleep paralysis demons. Please stop."

When Nao heard that, he laughed heartily.

-

Second Semester:

Lovro -- ❌? (Grim Reaper? Current whereabouts unknown.)

Takebayashi -- ✔️ (Still don't know how he broke the trophy...)

Korosensei scandal -- ✔️ (Itona appearance #3)

Itona joins the class -- ✔️ (fucking finally? (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻-┻ )

Sports Festival (Pole topping?) -- ❌

-

"Here, your new school ID."

Horibe Itona had only barely gotten used to the new school environment.

Most of the boys had warmed up to him after their hilarious escapade of trying to build a tank yesterday (the event which Nao simply watched from his office and wondered if it could be used as a drink caddy,) so all was going well.

But Nao and Itona have not spoken yet.

So when the teacher casually walked in during self study simply to deposit a clean, pristine card on Itona's desk-- the entire classroom recoiled.

Reformed Itona or not, they all knew what he was going to say about Nao.

"Oh, you're the weakling teacher, aren't you?"

A classwide facefault occurred. Oh Itona, you have quite a ways to go before you're back to the conversation standards of a normal human being...

"I'm Kunomasu, the Modern Lit teacher," Nao introduced himself, undeterred by his impolite nature. "Nice to meet you, Horibe-kun."

Itona blinked in acknowledgement, taking the card into his hands.

"Understood," he simply said.

Beside him, Yoshida leaned over to look, "you mean the government didn't give you one already?"

Terasaka gawked, "even the box of bolts has one, but you don't?"

Of course they didn't. Itona was sent to succeed, after all. So at the time of their entrance, an exchange student certification with 'home-schooled' as their apparent previous affiliation was enough for that.

"Mine was only provided to me the week before the first semester finals," Ritsu says, turning to them. She showed off a digitally structured imitation of her card as well.

Of course, Nao settled that matter as well. But mainly for Nise-Ritsu, to be honest. 

Unlike Itona, Ritsu didn't need any papers aside from a verbal notice toward the principal and a technical registration as a student. The government could care less about legal procedures aside from the bare minimum-- what are they going to do, fight for the education rights of an AI? It was easier for everyone to close an eye on it.

However, they needed to get Nise-Ritsu approved to take the exams, so Nao called in a favour with the principal and got her a proper ID with full details to make her properly passable as an apparently human student.

"The government doesn't really care what their special agents do after they're overstayed their welcome," Nao explained. Heck, they were probably expecting them to run off or shut down or something. "If you're planning to take final exams and apply for high school, you need a proper ID-- which means, paperwork submitted with your actual details, not the one that government filled in for you."

"My paperwork... was it not already properly filled?" Itona asked. "I was not aware of that."

Nao sighed, holding out a hand. Itona, sensing the unspoken directive, reached into his bag and retrieved a lanyard with a card inside of it.

It's a laminated piece of paper, his temporary pass into school grounds.

"This one says that you're affiliated with the government, and your registered guardian is the man only known as Shiro," Nao explained, "you're joining this class as Horibe Itona, son of Horibe Electronics, aren't you?"

With a practiced move, Nao tossed the plastic aside and slotted in the proper card, before handing it back to Itona as a counter worker would a business card.

"So..." Itona inspects the card with a little more light in his gaze this time, "I gather that you, despite having nothing to gain, have submitted the necessary paperwork in my place."

Nao poked him in the forehead.

Seriously, his speech was stiffer than his shoulders.

"A simple thank you would suffice," he chided. "Keep the card safe, at least until exams are over. You'll probably be able to get a couple student discounts from hardware stores or something."

Turning away, his hand brushed against Karma's table for a brief moment before he made his way out the door.

"He already knows you're a machine geek?" Terasaka blanched.

"Was he in school when we made that tank?"

"Dunno. He's got less presence than a house fly sometimes."

"Isn't student registration papers like, really tedious? And if it's mid-semester, he'll have to go through the Board Chairman personally, too," Kayano wondered, "how does he do all that so easily?"

"He is in charge of all communication we have between here and main campus, after all," Isogai turned around from his seat, "I think he's used to it."

Being used to the Board Chairman? Nagisa shivered at the mere thought. "Kuma-sensei's a terrifying man, alright..."

Itona was still staring at his card, entranced. Even the picture had been updated-- when did he take this picture, anyways? He lifted his head at the mention of the teacher's name.

"Kuma?" he asked, "is that what he was called? I can't remember..."

There's a pause as a few people look at him in surprise.

Karma snorted. "Yeah, he's Kumanosu!"

A few people give him a startled look.

"Karma-kun," Hara chides as Ritsu chops him on the head with a robotic hand. "Don't lie to him. It's Ku-no-ma-su."

"Kunomasu?" Itona repeated with a frown.

"Everyone calls him Kuma-sensei, so you can go for that, too," Maehara assured, and there were no rebuttals there. "Even we forget his actual name more often than not."

"He doesn't really mind if you mess up his name, so don't worry about that either," that's Nakamura, raising an OK sign in one hand.

If he'd ever minded, the 'Kuma-sensei' trend would never have happened, after all.

"Oh, and his stamina is so bad, he'll actually get a heart attack if he runs a lap around school," Yada told him. "He's usually fine though."

"How is someone as weak as that still alive?" Itona asked, completely serious.

"Uhh, some sort of miracle, I guess?" is Sugino's guess.

"Hey, don't raise any flags," Fuwa warned them, "Kuma-sensei's a walking tragedy plot device, don't test it."

"Plus, he may be weak, but he's strong enough to lift a car," Kimura said.

There's a shocked whirl of heads as they all went, "what?!"

Kimura held up his hands, "not completely! Just like, he got half of it off the ground to get a ball stuck under. I swear I was just passing by when I saw it in the distance."

"Are you sure that was him though?"

"Yeah, he was home, so he had on that bear headband thing he wore during the trip."

"Seriously, someone should burn that thing. It's sacrilegious to fashion."

Itona hummed at all the new knowledge.

Then he set down his card on the table, and stood up. "I guess I must, then. I'll go express my gratitude or something."

"Ooh, Itona's learning how to be polite!" Nakamura teased.

Hara wiped a tear away, "our boy is growing up."

"Who are you and what have you done with Itona?" an offended Okajima exclaimed.

Karma laughed, "don't worry, guys, even Itona has to do something nice to Kuma-sensei. We've all been there." Then a jeering look. "Right?"

Itona briefly considered the consequences of classroom massacre 2.0, but he'll put those plans on hold.

"Speaking of which," Itona turned to the redhead. "Your Kuma-sensei took away your wasabi and mustard on his way out. Is that fine with you?"

Karma freezes-- and in his frantic attempt to check his own pockets, his legs cluttered disgracefully from their spot on the table. He nearly fell from his chair, but he stood up in discomposure.

Then in a most insulted voice--

"--when the hell?!"

Karma dashed out the door in a panic, and the class joined in laughter at the class delinquent's ire, so that was great.