It's Christmas.

My first Christmas without my father.  God, I didn't know how many days I had been trapped inside Hydra, but I knew how much I was missing.  I missed seeing the bright days of summer, the changing leaves of autumn, the snow that fell to signal the start of December, and the birds and flowers that flourished in our little house in Alaska.  I wanted to leave, a voice inside was screaming at me to escape.  All that was on my mind was the need to be free.

"I want to escape," I declared to Oliver one night after training.

Oliver replied, "No, I don't think that's a good idea, Liss."

"Why not?"

"You'll get yourself killed."  

I grinned and said, "Not if I do it carefully.  I'm so much stronger than I was before, I think I can do it."

Oliver shook his head and told me, "Now's not a good time.  As soon as we can though, I promise you that we will get out of here."

"Why is now not a good time?" I cried, "I've been here for pratically a year!  I haven't seen sunlight, I haven't had a proper meal, and-" 

Oliver cut me off.  "No, I like you and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm hurt every minute I stay in here," I pouted, my eyes welling with tears.   Oliver stayed silent, and a dark cloud covered his face.  Finally, he opened his mouth and said quietly, "You're ten, Elissa.  What could a ten-year-old do by herself in Russia?"

"I don't care, I'll find a way to survive." I said.  "I'll go tonight,"  I stood up and began to walk towards the exit of the training centre, but Oliver darted in front of me and grabbed my arm.  "What the hell are you doing?" I hissed.

Sternly Oliver pleaded, "I can't let you do this.  Please, when the time is right we'll go."

"You keep saying that we'll go when the time is right but you never actually pick a right time!  What if there is no right time, Oliver?  This is Hydra, they'll train us and then kill us when they're done with us.  They killed my father, next they'll kill me!" I was screaming but I didn't care.  "I've got to get out of here, I don't care if you join me."  I brushed past Oliver, whacking his hands which tried to grab me away.  I don't need him, I thought.  Sure, he was a good friend, but I've grown stronger and I think I could last on my own.  I started running- I was going to escape, and no one was going to stop me!

Corridors became blurs as I ran through the Hydra base.  I was giddy with excitement, laughing and sprinting with an energy that had been dulled out through training and torture.  Oliver didn't think I was going to make it on my own, and I was going to prove him wrong!  I would escape; and maybe one day come back and save him.  

Strangely, no one followed as I ran.  None of the soldiers were guarding their usual spots, but I just assumed that something major had happened in the outside world and Hydra was busy.  Escaping was a bit difficult considering I had not a clue where I was going, but I kept trying different halls and doors to find a way out.  The sides of my stomach ached with forming cramps, and I stopped to catch my breath.  I walked slowly down the halls, fingering the rough, brick walls.  This was the furthest I had been in almost a year, and I was as much nervous as I was excited.  Nervous if I was going to make it on my own.  Maybe Oliver was  right, I thought-

I'm ten years old.  What on Earth can I do alone somewhere in Europe?  

Then, I looked up.

Along the wall to my left, there was a row of framed pictures.  Girls the same age as me, some fair some dark, but all were stern and serious.  

Galina Ivanov

Lelyah Kotov

Karine Alexeev

And above them there was a plaque with a title enscirbed:

"Black Widow Training Program #1 Candidates:"

"They're what I'm supposed to be," I breathed, "And they all made it through."  Suddenly, a new, assuring confidence overcame me as I knew that if these girls could survive Hydra as young as me, then surely I could escape it.  Smiling, I bid goodbye to the pictures as if they were new-found friends, and I continued down the hall.  There I was met with another stroke of luck, for I was face to face with an elevator.  The only button to press was up, and I quickly did so and stepped inside the tiny room which would now be my route to freedom.

As the elevator moved further and further up, my heart swelled and beat rapidly.  In a few short minutes I would be running into freedom.  My next objective would be to get to the nearest town to find a boat.  I would sail overseas, endure its worst storms, and I would survive.  I'd make it to America- there'd have to be work for me somewhere- and then when I'm older and have a gang of my own, I would go back and rescue Oliver and prove him and every damn Hydra officer who thought I was a brat and weak that I could survive on my own.  The doors opened to reveal the natural light of the sun that I had not seen in months, and with a bounding step I sprung forward to run.  I could see the bare land leading down a mountain, which led to woods that would be the perfect coverage for me.  But, I barely made it three steps out into the land of the free when I was choke slammed down onto the ground.

Looking down at me were the dead eyes of the Winter Soldier.

Gasping for breath, I sat up and saw a group of Hydra soldiers surrounding me, their guns loaded and pointed.  And in the crowd, Alexander Pierce stepped forward.  Glancing at the Winter Soldier, he said, "Good job, soldier."

No response.

He then turned his attention to me and said, "Well Miss Fleur, I see you've had your first escape attempt.  And because you think you are as strong as one of the Black Widows- our finest soldiers- we will punish you as such.  But learn this, no one escapes Hydra and expects to not pay in some way."

I felt two strong hands grip both of my arms, and my face met mud and dirt as I was shoved to the ground.  Before I could pick myself back up, I was dragged away from Alexander Pierce and the Winter Soldier.  Soon, I was met with the dark, damp, familiar walls of the Hydra base.  I didn't cry, I didn't want to let Alexander Pierce have that kind of authority over me.  All I was thinking was that I was weak, and I was not capable to escape the clutches of Hydra.  

Bright lights blinded me as I was brought down a different corridor, one I was unfamiliar with.  Doctors with labcoats and masks looked like ghosts as they hauled me up onto a cold, hard table.  As my hands and legs were bound, my heart started beating crazily, and my breaths quickened.  I shut my eyes as the lights were positioned, and my top was cut away.

I won't look down, I can't open my eyes.

The first bloodcurling scream happened when a knife slashed into my lower abdomen.  But, the pain didn't stop after that.  Again and again I was cut into, and again and again I screamed in agony.  Fire seemed to rip through my veins, and I thrashed, trying to get away from this pain.

"Stop!" I screeched at the emotionless labcoats around me, "Please!"

My head hit the table and blood pooled around me.  I saw my vision go fuzzy, heard a ringing in my ear, and everything went black.

"Elissa,"

There he was, in my sight again.  My father, my papa.  His blue-grey eyes were warm and full of light, and his hair was as golden as the sun.  Papa smiled gently down at me and said, "Liebling,"

"Papa-" I cried.  I tried to step towards him, but it was as if I was frozen in one spot.  His face began to fade, and I called, "Papa, Papa!"  I wanted to hold onto him and never let go!  And all of a sudden, I awoke to my usual dim cell in the Hydra base.

My stomach ached as if rocks were stuffed inside of it, and my whole abdomen felt bloated and stretched.  But, I was lying on a cot with a blanket and pillow- that was a plus.  I quickly threw off the blanket and noticed I was wearing nothing but a white gown.  A new copy of ordinary clothes lay in a folded pile at the foot of my bed, folded and cleaned.  Curiously, I peered down at my wounded stomach, and recoiled at the sight.

There was a jagged, red line that stretched from one end of my waist to another.  It was crudely stitched up, and it had swelled to become very puffy and large.  Softly, I ran my fingertips over it, but even the gentlest touch caused me to buckle over in pain.  What the hell were you thinking, escaping like that?  "What was I thinking?" I echoed, repeating my thoughts.  The pain that I endured was all my fault.  I collapsed onto the cot, covered myself with the blanket, and lay still for a very long time.

Hours passed before I could even pick myself up from lying down.  However, once one step was taken another one followed, much more easily.  And another.  And another.  I was able to change into my regular clothes, and I flung the white gown across the cell in disgust.  It landed at the feet of someone who had entered through the doorway.  But as I looked up I saw the gaunt, warm, familiar face of-

"Oliver," I choked, and collapsed in his arms.  

"Oh, Elissa," he said, hugging me tightly.  "I didn't know if you'd make it,"  We sat down on the floor, still holding each other close.  I leaned on his shoulder, saying, "You were right, you were right, Ollie.  I shouldn't have escaped, they punished me."  

Oliver wiped away my tears and told me, "You were brave, Liss."

I sniffled, "But, how did they know I was wanted to escape?"

Oliver sighed and said, "Hydra bugged us."

"Bugged us?"

"Used their technology to listen into our conversation.  And that's why they did this."  Oliver lifted his shirt to reveal new wounds, red and puffy slash marks that seemed to scream angrily across his pale, thin back.  I stared at them in shock.  "They hurt you too?" I asked.

Oliver nodded, and I immediately embraced him and cried, "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

Oliver pulled away and looked at me, blue eyes stern.  "You didn't choose this, Elissa.  It's not your fault.  We just have to be more careful about saying things when we don't know who's listening."

"Okay,"

We sat beside each other, leaning against the wall, and Oliver explained that he was sent over here to check on me after my procedure, sparking another question in my mind.  "Ollie," I whispered, "What did Hydra do to me?"

Oliver hesitated, unsure if he wanted to tell me.  Finally, he said softly, "You don't want to know."

"Please," I begged quietly.

"It was sterilization," Oliver said quickly.  "A Black Widow ceremonial procedure."

"Sterilization?" I repeated, looking down at my wounded abdomen.  That word seemed familiar, Papa mentioned it to me in one of my lessons, it was the complete killing of all life forms.  But, I was still alive.  How was that possible?  Unless...

Unless they sterilized something that could create life.  I thought back to my lessons with Papa, I had to have to learnt about the human body.  And there is something very different about a woman's body than a man's body, a woman can bear a child.  "I can't have children," I breathed, a dawn of realization settling in my mind.  Oliver merely nodded, looking sullen and sad.

It's not like I was planning to have children in the near future- I was only ten- but to have that taken away from me was a shock.  I would never have an offspring, never have a child to care for, and never have the fascinating experience of becoming a mother.  When Papa was killed, the tears didn't come at first, and the same thing happened here.  No tears, not even a lump in my throat!  Nothing.  

"Elissa?" Oliver's voice snapped me back into the present.

"The other Black Widows survived, how come I can't?" I asked, staring off into space.

Oliver raised an eyebrow.  "What are you talking about?"

I looked at him intensely and said, "The wall of Black Widows.  Galina Ivanov, Lelyah Kotov- they all made it."

Putting an arm around me, my friend asked, "Where did you get this information?"  My blank face was the only answer he needed, for I had realized that the information I found was all make believe.  There were no facts confirming the Black Widows survived.  I had just made it up, like I was playing pretend.  

"All the Black Widows were killed off in training." Oliver explained, "Only one survived, but she lives under an unknown identity so no one can find her."

This time the tears began to fall as I choked, "So then there is no hope.  I will never escape."

Oliver smiled at me, blue eyes warm with kindness, and said, "There is always hope, Liss.  I've been watching, and someday soon, we will be able to get out of here for good.  And we'll run away."

"Run away?"

"And we can be together," Oliver promised, holding his hand in mine.  "And live in a world of our own,"

"A world of our own..."

My first Christmas without Papa was hard, and the sterilization certainly did not help.  But, sometimes Christmas isn't about the gifts you receive under the tree, sometimes it's about the people that help you.  And I realized today that Oliver was helping me, and would continue to help me as long as he can.

And that's better than any present underneath the tree.