The dining table is exquisite. There are Candelabra above the carved oak table. I am holding polished silver cutlery that shines brightly in the evening light. On my right side stood a red wine glass and beautifully folded napkins to match the runner. In front of me is a plate of steak? Lamb? I am not sure.

  I tend my eyes towards the man sitting across me with infinitely keen.

  “I would like to take you to expensive restaurant but you will feel uncomfortable if I did. So I cooked instead and took you to Mr. Yoon’s house,” he said with nonchalant baritone voice. “Please enjoy the food.”

  Once again, I looked at this unfamiliar dish.

  “You can’t eat it because you don’t know how it’ll taste, right?” he explained so I diverted my eyes back to him. “That is Cabrnet sauvignon red lamb meat. It is perfect with Lacoste Borie Pauillac wine that only cost around $33.”

  His handsome facial features are well-detailed as well as the person himself. 

  “Ahmmm mister Wonu,” I called him undertone.

  “Yes?” and replied so fast while looking at me with his fox-like rigid eyes.

  “M-Mister Yoon had told me that you will pay me for my cooperation. Then he said that some guy will treat me for a dinner as part of his payment.”

  I am not yet done with my words but he cut in. “And I am that man. This is a dinner date.”

  There was no romance vibe mixed in his sentence. It’s true that he is handsome and he made my heart fluttered when we have met for the first time. But the more I observe him, he looks and sounds like an automatic robot. His expressions are only based to the duties he has received. Thus, I assume that he is treating me like this because Han told him to.

Mr.Yoon isn’t crazy but this idea is crazy.

  ‘I never asked for this. I am so tired that I just wanted to go home. Even though he’s handsome, I am not comfortable eating with him.’

  “I received my monetary payment a moment ago.” Dropping the fork and knife, I then tucked my hair behind my ears. I sharply inhaled before I uttered, “And to be honest, this date is meaningless if we aren’t couple.”

  “We don’t need to be a couple. As long as I’m handsome, this date is good,” he answered without shifting his expression.

  ‘How egocentric!’ I am flabbergasted by this thought. 'Fine. Let’s just finish this meal and go home.’

  I picked up my cutlery and dig on my food. To my surprise, it tastes so good. Wow~

  “Miss Xindy, thank you so much for helping mister Han,” I was caught unprepared by his sudden expressing of gratitude.

  ‘Help.’ I only accepted helping him because I am scared. So I really wonder if I am allowed to accept this sincere gratitude. 

  “I am only doing this because I was threatened by him,” I uttered, dropping  my knife.

  “Do you think that Mr. Yoon is a bad guy?” he asked after he took little sip on his wine.

  I did. He told me before that the normal he is someone who can kill. And the he came to my house with knife on his hand. I had no choice but to see him as the bad one. However, when I learned about his mom, empathy is slowly taking over my emotion. 

  “He had no choice,” Wonu shared.

  ‘Why did I hear the same reason I had?’

  “For him, you are his one and only option. So he threatened you because he had to.”

  The image of his mom receiving such torture at the underground facilities came into my head. Does it mean we are both taking a bridge with no return?

  After our so-called ‘dinner date’, mister Wonu brought me home. We didn’t talk that much on our way as if we never did during our meal.

  Just as what Han and I have talked, I tried sketching a blueprint like map for the underground facilities even though it doesn’t look exactly as architectural like the real one. I lied down on my bed with pencil in between my pouted lips and my not so pointed nose.

  Wonu’s words linger in my mind, like talking stuff toy a 5 year old kid keeps on pressing.

  ‘I am Han’s one and only choice huh.’

  Well, I received his mom’s necklace so out of hundred employees around the hospital, he picked me. No. He saw me and he needs me.

  It would be good if I wanted to help just because I want to. But risking my life? I can’t. Now that I think that our hospital are doing hideous thing behind the justice’s back, I am aware how dangerous my situation is.

  ‘I wanted to escape.’

  “But if I did, Han won’t meet his mom.”

  My night went longer than I expected.

  I fell asleep while making decision to unknown answer over and over again.

  When I woke up, I head over my workplace. I am acting as if everything around me is okay; greeting my co-workers a jolly ‘Good Morning!’, enjoying my breakfast at the cafeteria, preparing foods for the patients and walking leisurely at the mental ward’s hallway.

  “It’s Alien's invasion!”

  “Give me back my banana! I am not a woman! I am a banana!”

  “Let me go! I need to dance at the nightclub! I wanted my freedom!”

  “Starts spreading the news ~ Our daily in times~ To be the biggest part of me, New York New York~”

  I kept on hearing screams and sobs around. Other patients are singing loudly as if they have their own microphone to rule the stage.

  That’s right. This is my normal world. However, when I stood in front of  Han’s door, it feels like I am entering another dimension.

   I unlocked the door and pushed the cart inside his room. There I saw him sitting on his bed, looking at the sky by the window.

  Morning sunlight showered on his face. His gentle expression is priceless to look at. Even if I have the chance to spend a day describing how pretty he is, it isn’t enough. It is the same as memorizing the starts above the night sky.

  “It’s time to eat Mr. Han,” I called him in gentle manner.

  He is the man I liked before simply because of his face. I remembered promising myself that I will court him if he isn’t crazy (even though it’s a selfish joke).

  Han tilted his head towards mine and planted a smile. “Good morning miss Xindy,” he entitled me familiarly.  

  But now, for me he is monster I pitied, I wanted to embrace even if his arms are full of thorns. Of course I am still afraid of my future. But my life is already a pathway of no return.

  “How did you manage to stay silent for long months?” I murmured while placing his food tray above the table. Then I put back his empty plates that I delivered last night.

  “My days were really hard and suffocating. So I am glad to have you now.” He lied down on his bed and stared at the white ceiling. “Or else I might go crazy for real.”

  ‘Who’s in the right mind who will admit himself inside the mental hospital when he’s completely normal?’ is what I wanted to drop but I didn’t and remained wordless for a while.

  “How’s your date last night? Did Wonu treat you well?” he asked in a very low tone. We are still wary around us in case someone saw us talking with each other.

  “He did. But how did you see that dating him is a good prize? I never ask for a date with a handsome guy,” I said while getting the map I drew last night from my pocket.

  “I remembered when you said that if I am normal, you’ll like me as a man. Well Wonu is a handsome fellow so I thought you’ll like him as a reward.”

  Hearing his answer made me wanna crawl myself behind the white curtain beside me. I can feel the heat rushing on my cheeks; I think I can use these to boil water from the spring. 

  As I kept my eyes downcast, I saw him sitting up using my peripheral vision.

  “Do you like him more than me? His facial features look very manly,” he asked. I couldn’t lift my eyes because if I do, I’ll see his face. If I see his face, I’m afraid I’ll blush even more. Looking at him feels like winning against a logical argument where I won’t win.

  Instead of answering his question, I handle the map I drew without looking back. “This is the map that I promised. I am not a good artist but it’s understandable.”

  “Miss Xindy.”

  “Y-Yeah?”

  “I changed my plan.”

  I squinted my eyes towards him who just changed his voice.

  “Just like you thought, this hospital is doing hideous thing by hiding not just my mom, but other people because of unknown reasons. This isn’t a hospital anymore, but a prison.”

  My heart began to pound when I heard this detailed explanation straight from him. I am sweating cold bullets and my stomach is in turmoil.

  “I wanted to get my mom out of this damn place but…”

  We looked at each other, eye to eye. In the door of his mind, I saw the hatred that burns in there, sort that goes for eternity.

  “It would be better if we burn this place down. Have you ever seen a huge ant house? If you trampled it by your feet, ants will go out voluntarily.” He showed me a kind of smile that doesn’t indicate compassion. “We will take everything out. Shall we?”

  I stood firmly and took a deep breath. “Will you give me a job if ever I’ll lose this place in the future?” I asked.

  His right brow rose. He didn’t give me a quick response.

  We both knew that I am not asking just for a simple job. Taking this hospital down means we are allies in risking both of our lives. If we failed, we might also become prisoner against powerful people behind all of these. So what I am asking is… his protection.

  “I’ll give you a place… outside this crazy world,” he murmured.

  Love and hate are both trains. The difference is that they are separated by forward gear and reverse gear. Just when I stepped inside the reverse gear of hate, the train stopped and the announcer  through the speaker said that I should transfer to the second one.

  When my heart flutters while looking at him… I knew it – that I am riding the love train.