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-

It hit me like a hangover on New Year's day.

I groaned, rubbing my face with my hands. I turned under my covers and grabbed my phone. I expected a text or a call from someone; my dad, Ashton, or Luke. Nothing.

I got up from my warm bed and dragged myself to the bathroom. I was emotionally exhausted. I stared in my mirror and examined my look. A sloppy bun and too big t-shirt. My eyes were darkened underneath. My left over mascara I couldn't get off all the way last night was smudged around my eyes.

I turned on my faucet and splashed my face with cold water. Droplets ran down my forearms and fell from my elbows.

I peered up again as the color drained from my face. Snippets from last night rushed in from every corner of my brain. I could distinctively hear the sound of my zipper being tugged down and Ashton's heavy breath intertwined with mine. My lips buzzed in remembrance of where his met mine only twelve hours ago. The damp pads of my fingers touched my bottom lip softly. It had felt like I just taken shot of vodka. Burning, tingling, numbing.

I pushed away my thoughts and dried my hands and face off on the neatly folded navy towel sat my counter. But those thoughts creeped right back in my mind.

Ashton's gold necklace had felt overwhelmingly pleasant against my heated skin last night.

I shook my head. No, it didn't.

And his hands knew exactly where to grab on me.

But Luke grabs me better.

God, and the roughness Ashton had used with me. It felt it had been long overdue.

But it was never due.

-

Two weeks had passed since Ashton and I's incident, for a lack of better word.

It was Friday night again, and I was sat on my couch. 14 days was how long it took for Luke's roses to wilt. A few brownish petals laid on my wooden table, where Ashton's jacket had been.

I still hadn't told him. Luke, that is. I didn't want to. My guilt was eating me alive. Sure, we weren't officially dating, but that doesn't mean that what I did was okay. I was too scared to lose Luke. Prom was coming up, he had pledged his sincerity and kindness to me on that cold morning on those rocks. Rushing water may have made some of Luke's words incoherent that day, but I understand every word of what he meant and his intentions. I didn't want to mess up what Luke and I shared, even though I already did. I knew I would eventually tell him, just not now.

"Andy?" Luke firmly called out.

I broke from my thoughts, innocently looking over at him.

"You good?" He asked, chuckling this time.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I calmly replied, with my most sincere smile. I glanced over to my phone on the table, still not a single text or phone call from Ashton. My anxiety told me he'd call soon.

I was too nervous to call Ashton. He told me to only if I wanted to repeat the round, and I didn't. I didn't want him getting the wrong impression. Which I guess, I already gave him, considering I kissed him back and led him on for our half hour session.

I felt lonely. I couldn't be honest with Luke, and I didn't have Ashton by my side. Not at school, not at my house, no where. I had Calum here and there, and that was it really. But he was oblivious. I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell him.

Prom was the next day. My dress hung flat in the hallway leading to the guest bedroom. It matched Luke's bow tie perfectly. We had gone together to purchase it tonight.

I sat still as Luke pressed a soft kiss against my neck.

"Are you sure you're doing alright?" He stared up at me. His eyes were glassed over from the half empty bottle of moscato we were sharing.

"Luke," I cooed, being as sweet as I could be. I cupped his face, enjoying the soft side of himself he didn't like to show often. His stubble tickled my fingers. "Everything is fine. I'm just thinking about prom tomorrow."

Which was true. But I was more so thinking about Ashton and who he was going with and what we were going to do when we saw each other. How do I casually avoid my best friend of so many years at a massive public gathering? Or do I avoid him? I didn't know. It was sticky situation.

Hours passed, and it was late now. 2:46am. Luke was sound asleep in my bed, a heavy arm draped around my waist. Like an anchor weighing down a boat.

I tossed and turned for hours, contemplating if I should call Ashton. Not to make out with him again, but to get a better understanding of where his thoughts were with us. To apologize to him. To make amends with him. I missed him.

I was eventually able to wriggle out of Luke's grip.

"Where are you going?" Luke sleepily asked as I stood up from my bed.

My breath hitched. I could lie to him again in this moment or be as truthful as I could. "I'm going to call Ashton. Talk about prom stuff," I replied, holding onto his hand that was extended out for me.

He was silent for a moment, his eyes slowly opening. Especially in the moonlight he was overwhelmingly attractive. "Okay." His voice was tired and hoarse, something I loved about being with him at night and early in the morning.

I made my way downstairs and out my front door. I dialed Ashton's number once, my heart racing. I didn't even know what I was going to say to him. I spent two weeks rehearsing and going over my lines, as if this was all a scene from Shakespeare. It had gone to voice mail. I dialed once more. Voicemail.

I sighed in frustration, turning back around to push through my front door. My phone buzzed just as I was about to shut it. My eyes widened at the screen, a photo of Ashton with a dorky smile and cake all over his face from his birthday last year was blinking at me.

"Hello?" I quickly answered, an unintentional smile plastered on my face as I stood outside my door again.

"Hey," Ashton replied, sounding as awake as he normally did.

"What's up?" I asked, feeling so thankful to hear his voice once more.

"I could ask the same." His response was cold. My heart ached at the silence on the line.

"Um," I stammered, trying to keep myself from crying. "Prom is tomorrow." I said. Silence. "And I-" I sniffled in attempt to keep my tears in. "Sorry," I shakily laughed, my waterline brimming with tears. "I was wondering if I was going to see you. I wanted to take pictures and stuff, you know?"

"I'll be there." Ashton's voice was calm. I needed those words. It gave me a sense of relief that everything was going to be okay. In the end, if I had Luke or not, it felt like I still had Ashton.

I sniffled again. "Okay." We sat in silence for a brief moment. Thoughts were flooding my mind. I wondered if thoughts took over his brain too. "Ashton-"

"We can talk about it tomorrow," he interrupted. Even after not speaking for two weeks, our brains still worked like telepathic twins.

"When?" I asked in curiosity. I feared talking to him about it with Luke around.

"There's an after party at Michael's. He invited me. He said I was cool with you, so I was cool with him," he explained. His voice was mellow, as opposed to his normal chipper tone. Awake, but calm.

"Wow," I laughed again, and another sniffle to contain myself. "You and Michael being friends." I smiled widely even though he couldn't see me. I blotted the tears streaming down my cheeks with the paw I made with my hoodie.

"We're not friends," He informed me. I even got a laugh out of him. A laugh.

I inhaled sharply, "Okay." The word shook, just like my whole emotional state.

"Tomorrow is a big day for you. Will you do me a favor?" Ashton questioned.

"Anything," I quickly responded. I patiently waited for his next words.

"Take a breather and go to bed."

Even in the darkest scenarios, he still cared about our friendship. He proved it day in and day out. But the next task in line was tricky. Talking to Ashton. Who knew how the conversation would go? We never argued. Especially not about this.

Not about being together romantically.

-

A/N:

early upodate!!! i surprised my friend with russ tickets and we're getting LllLLLiiitttTtTttt

i hope u guys like this, it's a filler and sucks buuuuuuut whateva

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ILYSM if you guys have  continued reading this, it means everything to me!!!!