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Allura and Lance strolled through the royal gardens slowly, talking about nothing. He couldn't stop looking at her, drinking her in, reclaiming the memories he'd poured over for so long he'd lost the ability to distinguish between reality and his own imagination.

Things returned to him slowly and all at once- the way she walked, the lines of her jaw, the texture of her hair... He didn't know how to feel except that it was too much. He felt high. He felt drunk. He felt like he was dreaming.

He'd spent so long, too long remembering the way her hand fit in his, the way her breath caressed his cheek when she whispered in his ear, her strong determination and confidence that left him speechless. Allura had turned into an unhealthy obsession and he couldn't let her go. Not after this long. Not after sleepless nights leading to endless days, the only thing on his blank-slate mind being her blue, blue, blue eyes.

Everything Lance did, everything he knew, it was all in the After. He didn't know how to get out.

Lance looked over at Allura and found her looking back at him expectantly. "Huh?" Lance asked, startled and embarrassed that he'd zoned out.

Allura laughed softly. "I asked if you wanted to go sit somewhere."

"Oh, um, yeah." Allura took the lead. The Altean flowers were even more stunning at night. Their bioluminescent petals glowed softly in the setting sun, casting ghostly hues of pink and blue over Lance's ankles.

The Royal Gardens was more of a maze than a garden, with waist-high walls that twisted and turned until they reached the center, which was a beautiful fountain. Lance had seen the fountain from the balcony where he and Keith had eaten with the royal family, but it was even more stunning up close.

The fountain was a huge pool of crystal clear water, in the center a raised pedestal that held a strikingly beautiful Altean warrior on the back of a rearing animal. The creature looked like a mix between a stag and a horse, but it also had a sweeping fishtail in place of its hind legs. The warrior who rode it was holding a bow and arrow, but the arrowhead was a blooming flower.

Surrounding the two were waves made of glass that looked like they were at their zenith as if they could crash down and shatter at any moment. The cherry on top was the actual water of the fountain, which curved and splashed around the centerpiece, casting elegant reflections and refractions of light along the flat stones of the walkway and the walls of the maze.

Allura sat down on the lip of the fountain and patted the spot behind her, an invitation for Lance. He sat hesitantly, his knee bouncing with anxiety.

"I can't help but notice..." Allura started slowly, "that something is wrong."

Lance didn't say anything.

"And I want to know if it's something I've done."

Lance recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "Something you've done? Why would you think that?"

Allura shrugged, a very un-Allura-like gesture. "I would have thought that you and my brother would have been similar in aspects other than appearance. But you've been jump and anxious and sad and all sorts of emotions since you've arrived. And I want to know if it's something I've done."

Lance looked down at his shoes. He inhaled deeply, smelling the alluring fragrance of the flowers of the Royal Gardens. And he began.

"It's something you've done, but not you you. My you. The Allura from my reality. You... She... Well, back in my reality, you and I aren't siblings. And I'm not Altean."

Allura frowned and reached up to Lance's face. Her fingertips skimmed his cheeks and she frowned. Lance felt his breath get stuck in his throat. "What are you talking about? You certainly look Altean."

Lance lifted his own hand to his cheek and pressed Allura's hand against the markings. He closed his eyes. "You gave me these. She did, I mean. I'm from Earth. My Allura was from Altea, like you. Keith and I explained the baseline of the story to you and your family but-"

He felt the familiar prick of tears behind his closed eyes and shut them tighter. "I know this is weird to hear because I'm supposed to be your brother, but I loved my Allura as something more than a friend. For so long, I tried to show her. When she finally realized, we only had a few months left together. I loved her as long as I could, I did anything to keep her smiling. I would give my life for her. But she made that decision for me."

Lance's tears escaped his eyelids and rolled down his face. A shuddering sob wracked through his body, but he couldn't stop. "To save the universe, she sacrificed herself. She died. She left."

Lance opened his eyes and sobbed, "Allura, you left me."

All at once, he was being pulled forward. All at once, her soft hair was against his cheek and her shoulder was at his chin and her arms were around him, holding him tightly. She smelled like juniberries. Her voice was soft and beautiful against his hair.

"I never left you. I'm always with you. Always."

Allura let Lance cry into her shoulder until his eyes had dried and his shaking body had calmed. Even after that, she stroked his hair and told him he was safe.

Lance eventually and reluctantly pulled back, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm sorry," he said meekly, his throat raw from crying.

"No need to apologize," Allura said softly. Her knowing eyes did not leave him. "But I need to tell you something."

Lance sniffed and nodded.

Allura let out a long, deep breath and took Lance's hands in hers. "Lance, I am always here. I am always looking over you and I am always with you, guiding you, making sure you're okay. But..." She paused, searching for the right words. "You need to remember yourself. You need to remember that you are someone outside of me. You need to remember that you're valid and beautiful and loved. You are your own person. You are Lance. I cannot be with you, but that doesn't mean that you must be without yourself.

"I fear that you've lost your own soul in the cycle of grieving. You went through the stages. Denial, anger, bargaining... but you're stuck on depression. You need to move on. You have to accept, Lance. I don't want to see you hurt, alone, a shadow of yourself. I want you to be happy.

"Think about the happy memories you had with me but don't linger. Think about the hardships and the struggles and the past but don't stay there. Think about me but move on. You are yourself. Return to yourself. You have a home in your heart and it's time to move back. Trust in yourself but lean on the people who love you. They're there for you but only if you let them know you need it."

Allura held a palm to Lance's cheek, her ocean eyes pools of hope and beauty. "Live. Live for me and live for you."

Lance felt his eyes well up again. He nodded.

"Promise me." Her voice was low and pure.

"I promise."

The night was silent save for the quiet burbles of the fountain and the rustling of leaves in the soft breeze, but Lance felt like the whole world was making noise again. It had opened.

Lance allowed himself to smile. The After was leaving him. He was moving forward.

...

(((: y'all

hey hey!! howre you doin? school is ending soon for me, i believe i only have like,,, 20-something days left until summer. but with the end of school brings with it finals. and finals means more studying and less writing, unfortunately. updates should be normal for the next two weeks, but after then, i might need to take a mini hiatus until summer- i hope that's okay with yall

heres another fix!! i dont ship allurance and if yall read my season 8 review chap in hnh, then u know my opinion on allura, at least for the last season, but either way i want canon lance to be happy and i wish that the show could have given him that ): the whole rant is in the review but i wont get into it here

also i totally blanked on putting pics from the bahamas in the last chap n y'all wanted them so here's a few(:

(keep in mind i have sHIT camera quality so just imagine ur seein it in person k )

(ps the water looked exactly like blue kool-aid - it was uncanny)

anyways qotd: do yall have finals too? if you do, good luck! i'm sure you'll do great (:

i love uuuuuuuuuuu sm !!