Enjoy!

~'0'~

''How was school?''

Tenma pauses at his father's question, his chopsticks hovering uncertainly halfway between his plate and his mouth. He looks up, meeting his father's inquiring gaze, and mutters a, ''it went fine.''

Kichirou frowns and puts his own chopsticks aside at the obvious lie from his son. ''Buddy?'' he asks carefully, not wanting to somehow make the younger brunet uncomfortable. When the teen doesn't react, he frown. ''Tenma, what happened?''

The brunet bites his lip and hesitantly looks up again. ''I just... I met some of my old friends,'' he says, his voice soft and careful.

Kichirou's eyes sharpen. ''Are you alright?'' he makes sure his voice is steady and doesn't give any of his sudden apprehension away.

Tenma nods and his father would almost think he's lying, if it wasn't for the almost confused look on his face. ''I... yeah,'' he replies after a few seconds. ''They honestly didn't do anything, or something. To be honest, they- they didn't even recognize me.''

The teen smiles, but it's an empty one, and albeit the bitter tone in his voice is carefully concealed, Kichirou knows his son well enough to hear it.

He's not sure whether to be relieved or angered at the apparent lack of interest from Tenma's former friends.

''I joined the library committee.''

The older male blinks at that and quickly smiles. ''You did? Well, it's not such a surprise, with how much you hide in your books nowadays,'' he jokes and is rewarded with a slight smile. Barely there, but a smile nonetheless. ''So, what does this library committee do?''

As Tenma gives his father an outline of his new club activities, Kichirou tries to ignore the heaviness settling in his stomach. He can barely contain the urge to march to Raimon High and tell every single 'friend' his son had exactly what he thinks of them.

But he knows that the teen wouldn't accept that and as he looks at the careful upwards tilt to his son's lips – so different from his beaming grins – and the dark bags under currently brown eyes, he also knows that no matter what, he could never do it.

Not if it means destroying that last shadow of a smile, however faint it may be.

  ~'0'~  

Tenma's second day at Raimon High starts as uninteresting as possible.

Or, at least, that's what he likes to think.

Truly, nothing really noteworthy happens, but the brunet can barely drag himself out of bed. The thought of seeing anyone he used to know makes him feel almost nauseous and if it didn't mean prolonging this torturous wait, he would've asked his father if he could stay home.

But he's perfectly aware that that would only make it worse, so instead he dresses in his new uniform and gathers his books. Soon after he finds himself in the bathroom, looking at his quite impressive collection of contact lenses.

After a few moments of hesitation, he decides on a bright aqua and only a few minutes later, he joins his father for breakfast. ''Nice color,'' comments Kichirou with a look at Tenma's eyes. ''Remember, we have an appointment at the hospital this afternoon.''

The only answer the brunet gives is a quick nod and he barely speaks with his father, too caught up in his thoughts about the coming day and therefore missing the concerned glances Kichirou shoots him.

  ~'0'~  

When Tenma eventually reaches Raimon High, with ten minutes to spare until classes start, he's almost disappointed by how... boring everything is. If he expected to run into his former teammates, he's thoroughly disappointed, and he's not sure whether to be happy about that or not.

He doesn't think about it any longer and instead makes his way to his new classroom.

Hikaru, Kariya and Sakura seem to have lost all interest in him, even though he can see them stiffen when his name is called during roll call.

Have they told the others about the classmate with my- with Tenma's name?

He ignores that thought and instead forces himself to focus on what the teacher is saying.

Lunch eventually rolls around and as the brunet hunts for a good spot to eat, he stumbles across a large group of people – first years, mostly – gathered. He barely has time to wonder what they're looking at when he hears it.

The thumping of footsteps on ground. Laughter. Shouts.

''Pass!''

''Come on, score!''

''Nice one!''

Tenma's throat is suddenly very, very dry.

Without being completely sure what he's thinking, he pushes himself past the group of students and towards the front and sees, for the first time in three years, a live soccer game.

The yellow shirts give away that it's a practice match – or rather a demonstration for the new students – of the first team.

Tenma's not actually sure who is part of said team, but he can guess, and as he stares at the figures in yellow running around, it's all too easy to notice the familiar sights.

Kirino's pink hair. Nishiki's long ponytail. Tsurugi's pale complexion.

No.

(Get away.)

The brunet flinches back as if burned and whirls around. Again, he pushes past the other students, but this time to get away (away!) from the field. Once he has room to actually move again, he walks quickly, barely stopping himself from breaking out into a run.

Only when he's inside the school again (away), does he calm, if only slightly, and balls his fists furiously. Part of his anger is directed at Raimon, something he thought he let go of years ago, and he's fuming with the realization that after all this time, they can still get to him.

The other part, the larger part, is angry at himself, for that exact reason.

He came here to resolve his issues, to accept what happened and move past it, but all the progress he's made since he left has been undone.

He forces the thought out of his mind and tries to focus on his previous objective. Food.

He's looking for a possible spot to eat when a voice calls his name. ''Matsukaze-kun! Wait up!''

The brunet whirls around and comes face to face with the girl from the library committee. ''Katsuragi-senpai?'' he asks quietly.

The older student tilts her head as her eyes move up and down his face, a frown forming as she does so. ''Are you alright? You look a little pale.''

Tenma forces himself to nod and smile politely. ''Ah, I'm fine, thank you.''

Katsuragi lets it go. ''Alright then, I just wanted to let you know that we'll be meeting the day after tomorrow as a meet-and-greet. You don't have to come, but I thought I'd just let you know. We'll send you an email with the details later today.''

''Thank you,'' says the brunet again, more than a little grateful for the distraction. ''I think I'll be able to join you.''

The girl smiles. ''Great! Anyway, I'll see you soon, so bye for now!'' with that she hurries along, not even giving the younger student a chance to say anything.

Tenma watches her go and then sighs, putting the short conversation aside in favour of finally finding a spot where he can eat.

  ~'0'~  

Tenma stares blankly at the white wall in front of him, pretending not to notice the world around him. He's aware of his father next to him and some other people scattered around the waiting room, but he doesn't acknowledge him anyway.

Kichirou, more than aware of his coping mechanism by now, lets him and merely focuses on the magazine he's reading. They have to sit there for a while, but both father and son are used to it and merely wait until their name is called.

They enter a small, white office. A black desk with papers and a computer, some chairs and an observation table. A man in a long white lab coat greets them. ''Good afternoon, Matsukaze-san,'' he shakes both of their hands, ''it's been quite a while since we last saw each other.''

''Indeed it has been, Takahashi-sensei,'' says Kichirou as they all take their seats at the desk. ''I hope the years have been good for you?''

The doctor smiles and nods. ''They have been,'' he confirms and looks at Tenma, ''and I believe they have been for you as well.'' The teen nods, a little sharply, and forces a polite smile on his face. ''That's good. Now, there are some test we want to run and some things we wish to talk about.''

  ~'0'~  

The drive back to their house is silent and Kichirou can't help but look at his son out of the corner of his eyes. Tenma is quiet, staring out of the window with an unreadable look on his face.

''Buddy...'' Kichirou trails off, wondering what could ever make this better. He would've gone for an ''I'm sorry'' in any other case, but he's more than aware that his son has heard those words way too much in the last years.

They've never done anything for him.

''They might be sorry,'' Tenma once told him, one late night where they both stayed up watching old drama movies, ''but it doesn't change anything. And besides, they'll just move on with their lives like everyone else.''

''It's fine.''

Kichirou sighs, already expecting those words. ''It's not.''

The teenager keeps his eyes on the world outside his window. ''I expected this, honestly. Really, it's fine. You know what everyone said, it'll always be this way unless I get that surgery.''

His father bites his lip. ''You should get it. If I just work-''

''No, Tou-san!'' Tenma finally looks at him, stormy aquamarine eyes harsh and determined. ''You're doing enough. Even if you did work harder, it could take years before we have the money.'' The fire from a moment before dies down and the brunet looks back to the road in front of them. ''Besides, I can walk. I can run and play. That's more than anyone ever expected, so... I'm fine with it. It's not perfect but it could be so much worse.''

Kichirou wants to push, but they've had this conversation so many times before and repeating the old arguments won't change anything.

So instead he drops the subject and instead asks what Tenma wants for dinner.

  ~'0'~  

That same day, Tenma is lying on his bed and staring at his ceiling.

The light of the setting sun paints everything in colors of gold and turns the orange part of his wall into a glistening inferno, but he pays no attention to it.

Instead his mind is occupied with one, simple question.

Should I join the soccer club?

Even after three years, Tenma still loves soccer, loves the feeling of wind rushing through his hair and the sound of his heartbeat echoing loudly in his ears. He doesn't think he'll ever stop loving it.

But joining the Raimon team means seeing his former friends again.

He may have gotten away with playing dumb in front of Hikaru, Kariya and Sakura, but that was flimsy at best. A first-year soccer player with no small amount of skill, especially when it comes to dribbling, who goes by the name Matsukaze Tenma? He doesn't even need to use his hissatsu techniques to be found out.

And while being found out is one thing (a thing that makes his stomach clench uncomfortably and his hands shake and his throat feel tight), not being able to avoid his former team is something else entirely.

And there's no doubt about it – if he joined Raimon, he would have to be there for practice.

What's more, he's afraid.

He's terrified. Of what, he's not sure. Facing his former team? Having to face them without a mask to hide behind once they find out who he really is? Being rejected, again?

Perhaps a bit of all three. They're so closely entwined that he can't fear one of them without fearing the others as well.

But at the same time, there's just this... nagging thought, which he eventually can't ignore anymore.

It makes no sense.

He knows Raimon, has known them through all their adventures and during the three years he only saw them on the news. He knows them and maybe they have changed, just like he has, but at the time of the accident, they were the same.

There is a reason they were his friends.

Maybe he was wrong about some of them – he might be a good judge of character but he's not flawless, and he'll never pretend to be – but it's not just Raimon. It's Taiyou and Yuuichi and Endou and his mother. It's all of them.

He never thought that any of them would leave him. They were to kind, they were important to him and he thought that he was important to them as well.

And if none of them were who he thought they were, was his life here before just a lie?

No.

He's been here for so long, lived that life for years before everything fell apart, and if there's one thing he knows about it, it's that it was real.

So it makes no sense... why Raimon walked away when he was stuck in place.

They cared for him. After everything they went through together, there's no way they didn't care for him. So was it just not worth it to continue caring after he turned out to be useless?

What was it? What, exactly, was it that made them feel justified to just leave?

And if he joins the soccer club again, will he have to face that... thing? Whatever it is?

If it's because he was useless to them, a black stain on their glorious story, would they change their minds if he proves them wrong, if he shows them I'm still here, or would they pretend he didn't exist?

Not that that would be much of a change. They've been doing that perfectly for three years now.

He saw them, after winning both the Holy Road and the Winter Road again and again and again, and there was no regret, no hesitation, no acknowledgment that they used to have another captain, another friend.

It's not like he's been following them so closely that he knows every single thing about them, but in the things he did see, they never even mentioned him.

The rest of the world has gotten really good at pretending he doesn't exist.

And if he joins Raimon now, that cover will be broken. His safe haven– not Okinawa, no, but the anonymity that has hidden him for so long – will be gone. Torn to shreds, like the muscle and flesh and skin of his leg all those years ago.

Maybe that's what scares him.

Lights shining into the shadow corner he has created for himself, revealing him to all those who have thrown him away and laughed at him and told him you're done for.

He might be walking again, he might be running and playing, but he's not where he used to be. He's not at the top he used to be, the shining golden platform raised above everyone else that Raimon occupies.

It's still just a question if he can ever reach it again.

And if he joins the soccer club, if he reveals who he really is, all eyes and cameras will be turned towards him, towards the fallen captain or whatever name they come up with, and he'll be haunted by pitying looks and fake-supporting smiles and voices saying no matter how hard you try, you won't ever reach them again. You're done for.

It makes him want to throw up.

Somewhere he wonders if he'll ever reach the stage he used to stand on, the stage his friends still stand on, and the sheer impossibility of the task makes him clench his eyes shut and hug his pillow close to him.

He buries his face in the soft material and pretends the darkness of his closed eyelids will always be there to hide him from sight if he needs it.

He's been hiding for so long that simply the thought of stepping into the light makes him want to laugh bitterly.

As far as the world is concerned, Matsukaze Tenma never existed. They moved on, lived their lives happily, are still living their lives happily, as if the captain of the team that saved their planet never existed.

But, Tenma supposes, they've gotten their wish.

As far as he's concerned, Captain Matsukaze Tenma stopped existing when he finally let go.

  ~'0'~  

Tenma makes his way to the library, where the committee is supposed to meet up for their first, unofficial meeting. He pushes one of the double doors open and slips inside. The library is very large, with shelves filled with books and tables for students to work at. Large windows provide natural light and left of the door is an information counter, where he can see several people already gathered.

He walks over to them and recognizes both Katsuragi and Komuro, surrounded by a bunch of other students. When the club president notices him, he waves cheerfully. ''Matsukaze, glad you could make it!''

The brunet returns the wave with one of his own, although it's more timid. After a moment of hesitation, he walks behind the long bar and seeing as no one protests, he joins the rest of the group. Komuro pulls up a chair for him and when Tenma has joined them, the president stands up and grins. ''Well, everyone, as you already know I'm the president of this club! Anyway, not everyone is here, since some people are busy, but you'll meet them later. Schedules and rules will be worked out later as well, this is mostly just a friendly introduction and a way to answer possible questions.''

The rest of the half hour that was scheduled for the meeting is filled with introductions and small talk, some questions to clear things up and basically just getting to know each other. By the end of it, Tenma can honestly say he's looking forward to it – the friendly atmosphere makes him feel right at home.

As people start to leave, the brunet is approached by Komuro. ''Yo, Matsukaze, I was wondering, how is the whole club thing going for you?'' he asks curiously.

The former captain pauses and involuntarily, the grip on his bag tightens, even as he plasters on a fake smile. ''Ah- um, I still haven't decided on that.'' Or, more like, he hasn't given it any thought yet.

On one hand, the idea of joining the soccer club and having to face his former teammates makes his stomach churn, but at the same time, it's so tempting. To play matches, on an actual team, to celebrate victory and smile and laugh and play.

Komuro must've seen something in his face, for he purses his lips thoughtfully. ''Hm... walk with me for a moment?''

Seeing no reason to refuse, Tenma nods. The president leads him out of the library and through the school. The hallways are barely occupied, yet Komuro doesn't talk. Instead he leads them to a side entrance of the school and onto a small, almost garden-like part of the school terrain.

They find a bench where they sit down and Komuro fixes the brunet with an unreadable gaze. Tenma averts his eyes uncomfortably, hyper aware of the older boy's scrutiny of him.

''From what I've seen,'' says Komuro eventually, voice serious unlike his usual, cheerful tone, ''there is something you really like, a club you want to join, but you're scared of something.''

The brunet swallows and turns his gaze – currently a burning orange – to his new... friend? Colleague? Komuro is leaning his chin on his fist, elbow resting on his knee, and watching him with curious eyes. The silence is turning just a bit awkward, yet Tenma still doesn't speak.

The older student sighs, realizing the younger teen won't say anything, and shoots Tenma a smile. ''You know, if you don't want to tell me, just say so,'' he tells him. ''But remember, I'm your senpai. It's my job to help you! So if you want to talk, I'm here, alright?''

Tenma bites his lip but nods slowly, appreciating the offer. After a few moments he sighs, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his legs. ''I... I want to join a certain club because I really like what they do there, but... there are some people there. People I knew from middle school.''

He stares at the ground, at the small petals of a nearby flower. ''We were friends,'' he adds softly, and he has to pause for a second to find his composure again. ''But... something happened, and... it didn't end well.''

''And now you're scared of facing them again,'' Komuro fills in softly, a sympathetic look in his eyes. ''That's... rough.''

''I suppose it is.'' Tenma's lips quirk up into a humourless smile.

The older boy sighs. ''I won't say I know what you're going through,'' he says eventually and Tenma looks up half-heartedly. ''But if you really love that club, would you avoid it just because of the past? If you get stuck in memories, how are you ever going to move forward?''

Komuro smiles encouragingly at him. ''What you do with your former friends is your choice, but you can't let them dictate your life. Stay away from them if you don't want anything to do with them anymore, confront them if you want answers, forgive them if you believe they deserve a second chance.

''But, whatever you do,'' says the president, not an ounce of amusement in his voice, ''don't forget. Don't let those memories rule you because that will only hold you back, but don't pretend they never happened either.'' Komuro pushes himself up from the bench and turns to the brunet, looking down with a warm half-smile. ''You're the only one who can create your path, Matsukaze, the only one who can determine where it will go. Don't let others decide that for you. And remember,'' his voice turning gentle, ''as long as you're alive, you can shape that path however you want.''

The president's smile turns into a grin again, and he salutes jokingly. ''Anyway, I'm off, or Katsuragi is gonna have my head! Hope my advice can help you somehow!'' and he's running off, leaving the brunet behind.

Somewhere, through the mess of thoughts in his mind, he can find it in himself to wonder if it's a library committee thing to run off without a greeting.

The thought is so ridiculous that Tenma cracks a smile, finally tearing his eyes away from where Komuro disappeared inside the school again, and instead lifts them to the sky. He leans backwards, fingers curling around the edge of the bench to keep himself from falling.

His smile melts from his face and he sighs softly.

Komuro's right. He knows that.

But like most things, it's easier said than done.

''As long as I'm alive, huh?'' the quiet words are barely audible and Tenma closes his eyes.

Because isn't that just interesting?

(Matsukaze Tenma? He's done for.)

Even after he lost his ability to walk without crutches, when it seemed desperate and hopeless, he tried.

It didn't matter that he kept falling, or that he succeeded in the end. He tried.

Everyone said that he was finished. His friends ignored him, his mother left him, his father tried but didn't believe. And yet...

And yet he tried, anyway.

And look where that got you.

He's at Raimon, once again. In Tokyo, in Inazuma Town. Wondering if he should join the soccer club.

Should, not could.

Because I can.

The realization strikes him and his breath catches.

I can. It's not a matter of if it's possible or not, it's if I want it or not.

A choked laugh breaks past his lips.

His eyes burn and his hands tremble and his throat is tight, and he laughs. It's strangled and uncontrollable but it's genuine and what might have been signs of crying – tears, trembling, choking – are, at the same time, signs of victory.

(Tears of joy, too excited to sit still, unbelievably speechless.)

He has made it this far already. Against all expectations and doesn't that describe him perfectly?

Against all expectations he convinced Raimon to fight.

Against all expectations he made captain.

Against all expectations they won.

And again. They won.

They defeated Fifth Sector, they defeated the Second Stage Children, they defeated Ixal Fleet. They fought and were defeated and they fought and they won. Every single time they were brought down, they climbed their way to the top with their bare hands, holding on to the slightest thread of hope to rise.

Against all expectations, against all odds, they rose to the top and stayed there.

But he didn't.

He fell from grace when he was at his highest. The higher you climb, the harder you fall, and he fell to the very bottom.

Yet, against all odds, he climbed and he may not have reached the top he once stood on, but he has reached another.

There's something, a part of him he thought he let go of already, a shadow of the former Matsukaze Tenma, that has always connected soccer to Raimon.

It all started that way, didn't it?

(A small, furry body clutched in his arms, a shadow blocking out the sun. His mother's voice, desperate in a way he never heard before, and then something- a ball -out of nowhere.

A ball, a soccer ball, and a lightning logo.)

His path started with both soccer and Raimon, but maybe it's time to change it. ''As long as you're alive, you can shape that path however you want,'' is what Komuro said, and he's right.

Tenma has hold onto both parts of that memory for as long as he can remember, and eventually Raimon changed to The Team. To Shindou, Tsurugi, Shinsuke, Aoi, Hikaru, Kariya, to Everyone, but that's not how it started.

Maybe he's been so focused on reaching the place he once was at, that he's lost sight of the other ways he can go.

After all, he doesn't have to be Captain Matsukaze Tenma to play soccer, right?

To be continued...

  ~'0'~  

Until next time!

- Yara Meijer