Hello.

I'll be honest, I don't know what happened. I have no idea what this chapter is - it's way too long and a complete mess ('specially for Tenma, poor dude) - but I'm actually really happy with it? Soo I'm uploading it (and yes I'll try to upload it on FFN later today too, although I make no promises)!

On another note, I promised angst, didn't I? Hope this is good enough for y'all. Anyway, enjoy~~

Yeah, no, I didn't proof read it so any mistakes are because I'm lazy and not planning to reread 8700 words, cuz I'm like 100% done with it at this moment and I'm too impatient, I wanna upload it now!

~'0'~

Tenma's new team has started training in their new formation, settling into a rhythm of morning and afternoon practices. Now that their first match has been announced and Yuuichi has created a training program, albeit a rigorous one, they're finally starting to feel like an actual team.

By Tuesday, the other four first-years are visibly hyped up for the next day's special training, and it's affecting everyone. Tenma, when taking a break from his exercises to drink some water, ends up a few feet away from his new captain and one of the other midfielders.

''-think it'll be good for them,'' he overhears part of the conversation and glances at Teruya. The captain doesn't seem to have noticed him and the brunet quietly prepares to move away. He's not about to eavesdrop on what could be a private conversation. ''It'll get them in shape, used to Raimon's way of doing things.''

The midfielder next to him, Fukui, hums in agreement. ''Yes, working closely with the first team will lessen the usual hero worship,'' she says. Tenma pauses unwillingly. ''It always makes the new players relax a bit.''

Teruya laughs. ''True. I wonder who will sign up for it.'' Then he raises his arms above his head, stretching. ''Well, I suppose we'll see in a few hours! Let's get back to training, Yamaki seems to be having too much fun torturing poor Shinji-kun!'' with that, he takes off in a quick sprint onto the field.

Left behind, Fukui covers her soft laugh with a hand, shaking her head slightly. Then she turns around and blinks when her eyes meet Tenma's.

The first-year is frozen for just one second and then quickly stumbles over an apology. ''A-ah, I'm sorry senpai, I didn't mean to listen in on your conversation!'' he waves his hands wildly, a bit of water splashing out of his bottle and spilling onto his hand.

Hurrying to reassure him, Fukui shakes her head with a gentle smile. ''Oh no, it's fine, Kaze-san! It wasn't anything private anyway!''

He returns her smile with a hesitant one of his own, putting his bottle aside and wiping his hand on his blue shirt. ''In that case, may I ask if you were talking about the special training coach announced yesterday?''

''Yes, that's right,'' Fukui nods. ''Are you planning to join?''

Tenma's smile shrinks a little as he shakes his head. ''Ah, no, I will pass for now. Perhaps later?'' he makes his way over to stand next to her, looking at his teammates as they train. ''I think I'll focus on my new position for the time being.''

His fellow midfielder tilts her head curiously. ''You haven't played wide before?'' a headshake is her answer. ''May I ask what position you played before, then? You said you were part of a team at some point, right?''

''Yeah, in my first year of junior high,'' he nods. ''I played center midfield, sometimes attacking.''

''Ever played as anything other than midfielder?''

Shrugging a little, Tenma thinks back to his time at Raimon before. Besides his little stunt as goalkeeper and unofficial forward those few times – which he's not about to mention – he can't remember any. ''Not really. Never really wanted to either, I suppose.''

The older student hums to herself. ''Well, I can understand. You're really fast!'' she smiles warmly at him.

''Not as fast as you, senpai! But thank you,'' the brunet grins. ''It's been a while since I played on a team, so I'm still getting used to having teammates again.''

They both pause when Teruya's voice reaches them, waving Fukui over. The girl raises a hand to let him know she'll be there soon, before focusing on the first-year next to her again. ''I think you're doing great! Just keep practicing, and it'll be like you never stopped playing in no time!''

Nodding, Tenma grins. ''Thank you, senpai,'' he tells her honestly. ''But I think you should go to Teruya-senpai before Yamaki-senpai bullies him too much. We wouldn't want him to start crying again.''

Fukui chokes on her laughter, covering her mouth with a hand. She controls herself a moment later and, mirth still dancing in her eyes, she waves him goodbye to join the other older students. Tenma follows her example quickly, making his way over to continue his exercises.

Training doesn't carry on like that for long, for Yuuichi calls for a practice match soon after. Time passes like that and before they know it, the sky is turning pink in the distance.

The team gathers at the bench, as has become an unspoken rule, both to cool off and to listen to any announcements. As expected, their coach lets them relax for a few minutes and then claps once to disrupt the quiet chattering. ''All right!'' he says, once he's got everyone's attention. ''A few things! Special training will, as you know, start tomorrow. Please sign your name on the list I've passed around if you want to join.''

Said list has just reached Shinji, who quickly scrabbles his name down before passing it to the player.

Yuuichi continues on. ''And moreover! Since our first match is coming Sunday, I've scheduled several practice matches with the other teams. Tomorrow we're facing the third team, so make sure you're all fit! Our honor is at stake,'' he jokes, earning a few laughs. ''If we lose, my brother will disown me.''

More laughter, there, just as the list is passed to Tenma. He glances at it for barely a second before handing it and the pen over to the next player. Yuuichi finishes his short talk, and then directs them into cleaning up the field.

After a few minutes, courtesy of all cleaning up together, the team starts making their way to the club building in small groups. Tenma stays behind for a bit to wait for Shinji, only for the redhead to be called over by their coach. The redhead turns to his friend, an apology on his tongue, but the brunet waves him off. ''No, it's fine, it must be about the special training. Is it alright if I go on ahead?''

''Yeah, of course!'' Shinji looks relieved he isn't upset. ''I'll see you tomorrow?''

Tenma grins. ''See ya.''

With a quick wave, the redhead makes his way back to the bench. Tenma himself sets off for the club building, sighing quietly to himself as he reaches the stairs. Half-sprinting to the top – soccer always has him energized, no matter how intensive the training is – he casts a last glance over his shoulder.

Only to pause when he notices another one of his teammates, waving to him.

The brunet pauses, blinking a little in surprise. It's another one of his fellow first-years, although they haven't really spoken before. Tenma had actually expected all four new players to be joining the special training, but apparently he was wrong.

The other teen is quickly making his way up the staircase and gives the brunet a smile. ''Thanks for waiting, Kaze-san!'' he says as he joins the brunet.

''Of course, Maeyama-san,'' Tenma returns as the two set off. ''I must say, I expected you to sign up for the special training.''

Maeyama shakes his head, raspberry red eyes twinkling. He doesn't say anything.

The brunet suppresses a smile. How could he complain about the mystery, considering all the secrets he's keeping from his team? Instead he turns to another question. ''Any particular reason you wanted to talk to me?''

His teammate shrugs. ''Not really,'' he admits. ''But since we were both last on the field... and besides, first-years should stick together, hm?''

Tenma catches a hint of a smile, the other boy's eyes turning into crescent moons to finish the expression. The brunet hums. ''If you say so.''

''Great!'' Maeyama chirps, a skip in his step. ''So, what do you think of the team? I'm pretty excited for the match tomorrow!'' without even giving the brunet the chance to protest, he continues. ''I mean, I know it's not official and all, but it's a way to test our skills against a real opponent! I can't wait to see what everyone can do. Maybe we'll see some hissatsu!''

Taken aback by the word storm, Tenma offers a hesitant, ''maybe,'' not sure what to do with all this enthusiasm.

''I hope so!'' the other emphasizes his words with a slight jump, seemingly brimming with jittery energy. ''I don't have a hissatsu of my own yet, although I've been working on it...'' all of a sudden, Maeyama's chipper mood takes a turn and he reaches up to tug at a lock of ashen blond hair. ''I just don't know what to do, you know?''

His sudden change in behavior, especially the downtrodden look, has Tenma blurting out his next words before thinking it through. ''Maybe we can work on it together?''

The blond's head whips up in surprise.

''Ah...'' Tenma chuckles awkwardly, not sure where that came from. ''I mean, I don't really have a hissatsu either? At least not anything I'd want to use in a match,'' which is true, considering that would be a dead giveaway. ''So, maybe we can figure it out together?''

A smile is forming on Maeyama's face. ''Really? You'd do that?'' he rubs the back of his head sheepishly. ''This isn't because I'm overwhelming you, is it? I've been told I'm a little intense sometimes...''

Tenma hurries to reassure him. ''No, I'm serious.'' He gives a little sigh, stretching his arms above his head and glancing at the purpling sky. ''I mean, I do need to start on hissatsu techniques, and brainstorming together is better than doing so alone, right?'' he lowers his arms and sends Maeyama a cheerful smile.

It's returned easily, his teammate nearly beaming in excitement. ''That'd be amazing! Thanks so much, Kaze-san!'' and he's back to his previous spirit. ''Is tomorrow okay for you, after practice? I know you usually leave with Sawaki-san, but since he's got special training...''

''Yeah, that'd work,'' Tenma agrees easily, thinking it over. He'll have to let his dad know, but he won't mind, the brunet's sure of it – besides, his father is working late anyway. The more he thinks about it, the better the idea seems. ''If we want to work on it after tomorrow, I'm sure Shinji wouldn't mind. He'd probably join in, actually.''

Maeyama skips a few steps ahead, twisting around to keep Tenma in his view. ''That'd be great! The more the merrier, right?'' he waits for the brunet to catch up to continue walking again. ''So, I already had a few ideas, could you tell me what you think?''

He proceeds to start another word storm, but this time the midfielder is prepared for it. They fill the way to the soccer building like that, chatting about hissatsu techniques, until they reach the clubroom. While Maeyama is distracted by whatever conversation the senpai are having, Tenma makes his way to the changing room. As he's finishing up there and packing his bag, he wonders at his teammate's behavior.

Seems like he's made another friend, however unconventional it started out.

~'0'~

As expected, Kichirou doesn't have any trouble with Tenma staying late after school, since he himself is also working later than usual. He seems to encourage it instead, saying it'll be good for the younger brunet to hang out with people his own age.

Morning practice is filled with an excited energy. Despite it not being anything official, no one can wait to play a match against a different team – it'll be their first performance together, after all, and everyone's hyped up for it.

That restless mood continues to bother Tenma the rest of the morning, although he forces himself to keep focusing in class. Shinji's barely doing any better, maybe even worse, considering he also has special training on top of the practice match. By the time lunch rolls around, the redhead can barely stay still and excuses himself, saying they're supposed to check in at the information desk to make sure they're signed up for this afternoon.

The brunet waves him with a quick reassurance and sets off to find a spot to eat his own lunch, managing to hunt down some of his library committee friends, and they manage to get him to relax enough to make it through the day without too much focusing problems.

Shinji isn't so lucky and when the school day finally ends, he's twitchy and talking a little too fast. Still, Tenma lets him, understanding the reaction completely – god knows he's been in similar situations before, after all.

The team, after changing into their uniforms, gathers quickly at their destinated field for the day. Yuuichi is there already, talking with another man – one of the other coaches, most likely. They cut their conversation short when the teenagers arrive and focus on them. ''Everyone!'' calls Yuuichi, and gestures to the man next to him. ''This is coach Harada, from the third team. They'll be here shortly, so go start your warming up!''

''Yes, coach!'' they echo.

Doing as they're told, Tenma takes the chance to pull Shinji along to where he spots familiar ashen blond hair. The redhead is surprised, but lets him, and his face scrunches up in confusion when one of their fellow first-years suddenly waves at them. He's even more startled when the brunet returns the gesture – he didn't know Tenma was close to anyone else on the team.

''Shinji, I'd like you to meet Maeyama,'' the brunet says when they've reached the other boy. The redhead nods and stammers out a greeting, glancing between his two teammates.

The blond boy gives him a timid smile. ''It's nice to finally talk to you, Sawaki-san!'' he says, bowing slightly. ''We haven't been formally introduced before.''

''A-ah, yes, it's- it's nice to meet you too, Maeyama-san!'' Shinji stutters. ''Um, I, I wasn't aware you two were friends?''

Tenma gives a sheepish laugh. ''Actually, we weren't until yesterday,'' he says, smile shrinking to something smaller. ''But we ended up talking and we're going to work on hissatsu techniques today. Maybe you'd want to join us another time?'' he offers and the redhead nods enthusiastically.

''Nice!'' Maeyama hums cheerfully. ''Ah, the third team has arrived.''

Indeed, when his fellow first-years turn around, it's to the sight of the white-clad uniform that mirrors their own in design. Tenma's eyes narrow slightly as he scans them, looking for any familiar figures, and there's the barest relieved exhale when he doesn't recognize any of them.

Thank the heavens. He's not exactly interested in meeting anyone he knows for his first match with his new team.

He turns back to his own teammates, catching the slightest hint of hesitance on Shinji's face and a curious glance to Maeyama's eyes. Ignoring it, the brunet smiles instead. ''Let's get back to warming up!''

''Ah, yeah!''

''Of- of course!''

It's not long after that Teruya calls for them to confirm they've finished their exercises and tells them to gather at the bench. Both coaches are already waiting there and, once both teams are complete, coach Harada steps up.

''Alright everyone, although this is only practice, we're expecting you to treat this like it's an actual match!'' he nods to a girl of his own team, clearly a manager. ''Sato-san here will be referee.'' He looks at Yuuichi, giving the younger coach the change to say something too, but the elder Tsurugi brother shakes his head with a smile and gestures for the players to take their positions.

A mere minute later, the whistle sounds.

The match has begun.

~'0'~

''Amazing job everyone!''

It's Yuuichi who addresses them first, his grin lighting up his whole face. The two teams have gathered at the bench again, most of them still catching their breath and with dirtied uniforms.

Tenma himself is finally starting to breathe regularly again. He's not as bad off as some of his fellow first-years, though – he may not have played in an actual match for years and it shows, his stamina not being as good as it once was, but his daily practice has kept him fit enough to keep up with the older players.

Coach Harada steps up next to Yuuichi. ''You all did great, it was a joy to watch!'' he tells them, grinning, and nods at his fellow coach. ''Congratulations at your win. Your team is definitely one to look out for.''

''Your players did great too,'' returns the younger man, turning back to the teenagers. ''Third team, I wish you all the best in your training and I hope you'll accept another match at some point,'' he tells them, smiling gently. ''As for my own team... I'm proud of you, everyone.''

The blue-clad players grin, a ripple of warmth going through them at their coach's words.

Tenma's smile shrinks to something a little melancholy, for just a moment.

No one notices as the teams say goodbye, practice having come to an end. While most of the older players head back to the soccer building, several first-years move in the direction of the first team's usual practice field. Shinji waves quickly at Maeyama and Tenma, then disappears up the staircase, and the other two first-years are left behind.

Yuuichi is the only other one left and waves them over quickly. They join him at the bench and the coach shoots them an easy smile. ''Alright, you two have permission to use the field for another two hours,'' he tells them, having heard the request from Maeyama that morning. ''Just make sure to clean any supplies you decide to use, alright?''

They both nod, and just for a moment, Yuuichi seems to hesitate, smile faltering.

Then it strengthens again. ''Kaze-kun, could I talk to you for a minute?''

For a second, no one reacts.

Then Tenma's expression tightens, lips thinning as he jerks his head down in a sharp nod. He's half aware of Maeyama's curious gaze, but thankfully the blond boy doesn't say anything, merely excuses himself, and the brunet has no reason anymore to avoid looking at his coach.

When his eyes – blue, this time – flicker up to meet Yuuichi's gaze, the older male's smile melts away completely.

Neither of them say anything, neither of them seems to know what to say. Despite asking for a conversation, Yuuichi now seems at a loss for words.

Tenma clutches at his blue uniform shirt, averting his eyes. ''What... what is it?'' he should be more polite, he knows, but this is... it's Yuuichi, someone he called a friend once, and despite everything he finds himself slipping into old habits.

''I...'' now that the brunet has broken the tense silence, the other seems to have found his voice too. ''I wanted to ask how you were doing.''

Blue eyes glance up, half in surprise and half in wariness. Yuuichi grimaces, just a little, at the look, and it causes Tenma to sharply look away again.

''I'm fine.''

''Tenma-kun-'' Yuuichi cuts himself off sharply. ''Matsukaze-kun.''

No.

No.

The barest of gasps escapes him, one that he barely manages to silence.

What...?

Something in him burns and he trembles with it, until all he can do is stare at nothing and try to breathe.

It's true, then.

He's fallen so low that they can't even call his name anymore.

His lips quiver as he tries to find something, anything to say, but his words have forsaken him. Because what can he say?

What could he possibly say...?

Before he can find it, Yuuichi is speaking again, quiet and detached. ''I'm your coach, Matsukaze-kun,'' and it hurts because he understands, understands it better than anything. They're not friends. They're only coach and player and they need to stay professional, keep a respectable distance between them, can't get to familiar and-

And this is what he wanted, isn't it.

''It is my job to look out for your wellbeing,'' his coach continues and the brunet allows himself to close his eyes, for just a second. ''I just want to know how you're settling in.''

He pauses, waiting for an answer, and Tenma forces himself to ignore the jagged edges of his composure, prying his eyes open. We're not friends, he reminds himself, and meets Yuuichi's gaze before he can second-guess himself.

At any other time, he'd smile, but right now it just feels too raw. So instead he settles on keeping his face blank and his voice steady as he responds, ''I promise I'm fine.'' He wants to say more but the words that always came so easily are failing him now.

And it isn't enough, he can see the doubt in Yuuichi's face at the silence that lasts just a few seconds too long between them. Bracing himself for the interrogation that will certainly follow, he's instead surprised when his coach sighs. ''Alright,'' the man says, a little dismayed. ''But if you need anything, no matter what, you can come to me, alright?''

He seems very focused on that point.

Tenma finally allows himself to break eye-contact again, glancing away because he can't do this. Whoever decided to offer Yuuichi this job was smart; he's a perfect coach, with how he cares for people, undoubtedly cares for his players.

But Tenma is done being a burden.

He's done depending on other people when they've let him fall so many times already.

So he steels himself and nods, not daring to look up again. ''Yes, coach,'' he says instead, every inch of his being to cut this conversation short. ''May I... be excused?''

He can hear Yuuichi sigh, but his request is granted. ''Alright. I'll... see you tomorrow.''

Tenma nods and doesn't look at the man even as he gathers his things and moves towards the stairs, his footsteps first hesitant before gaining surety. It's only when they've faded away that the brunet lets the tension flow from his shoulders. He presses a fist against his forehead and hugs himself with his free arm.

He takes a moment, just a minute, to compose himself.

How can I expect to get through this year if I can't even face one old acquaintance?

It startles a quiet, wry laugh out of him, and then he shakes his head to clear it. Taking a last breath to calm himself, he twists on his heel and jogs over to where Maeyama is setting up a short obstacle course.

When the blond boy notices Tenma, he pauses, his brows furrowing slightly. ''Is everything okay?'' he asks quietly.

For a second, the brunet stays silent. Then he nods. ''Yeah, it was nothing.'' He fixes a smile on his face. ''So, what about those ideas for your hissatsu?''

~'0'~

They've been working on a rough outline of a new technique for over an hour already, mostly just throwing their thoughts around and testing their limits – one of the most important things before creating a hissatsu.

It's going decidedly well – nothing actually usable, but they know what they're working on. They both agreed to work on individual techniques first and maybe go to combined stuff when they're more used to each other's playing styles.

Tenma must admit, he's impressed – Maeyama's technique is good, his control iron strong. It's almost comparable to Kariya, although the tealhead's greatest strength comes from his agility, whereas the blond teenager is all quick reflexes, the mastery he has over his own movements truly impressive.

''That's your advantage,'' he'd told his friend, thoughts running almost faster than he could keep up with. ''Sharp angles. Make something your opponent couldn't possibly keep up with, make them trip over their own feet if they try. Something like Kazemaru Ichirouta's Gale Dash.''

It'd certainly gotten Maeyama excited and the obstacle course he'd placed proves to be a good training. While he's doing that, Tenma lets himself brainstorm too for possible new techniques.

He supposes he should go mostly defensive, now – it would be a pretty new style for him, considering he'd always focused on his dribbling and therefore, offensive. His new position probably won't allow for that much, though – and to go on the attack probably isn't smart anyway, with his leg in the state it is, at least not until he reaches a physical level more reminiscent of what he used to be.

As for defensive techniques, the only ones he can really think of would be Spiral Draw and Wonder Trap, both meant to steal the ball from an opponent. He's not about to start weakening his hissatsu just to protect his identity, although he should probably stay away from dibbling, at least not at the level he used to.

Both because he isn't sure his leg could handle it, and because... well, on all teams he played, no one could really keep up with him if he went all-out.

That's ignoring all other details though – speed, strength, stamina – which mostly played a part in his dribbling not being infallible. If it came down to just that skill, though- yeah, then he totally owned everyone else, one only had to look at the personal stats their managers and coaches usually gathered on everyone.

If he can't rely on his innate talent, though, then what?

Fukui's earlier words echo through his mind.

''You're really fast!''

Well, perhaps that's the place to start. Not like he has anything else to count on anyway.

Before Tenma can work out any real details, someone calls to them. ''Hey there!''

The brunet freezes, eyes going wide.

He knows that voice.

He hears Maeyama respond to the greeting, surprised but welcoming. ''Oh, hello senpai!''

''Hello! What a surprise to find people practicing this late,'' says the newcomer – one of the newcomers, if the sound of footsteps is any indication.

Tenma braces himself, knowing it'd be both rude and weird if he kept ignoring them. So, inhaling quietly, he gets to his feet and brushes the dirt off his shorts. Then he turns and comes face to face with Kirino and Kurama.

He forces a polite smile and bows slightly in greeting. Kurama's usual scowl doesn't change in the slightest but the brunet doesn't take it to heart – that, if anything, is just a sign he doesn't recognize him.

It's Kirino that has his heart miss a beat.

The defender is frowning at him, as if he's trying to figure something out.

Before Tenma can even start to internally freak out, the pinkhead's eyes light up. ''Ah, didn't we speak at the information market?''

''A-ah, yes,'' the brunet returns, holding back a sigh of relief.

Kirino's expression gentles into a smile. ''Nice that you've joined the club! I hope you're enjoying it so far!'' when Tenma nods, the defender loses his sole focus on him. ''May I ask what you're still doing here?''

The brunet lets Maeyama take the word as the blond boy explains how they're working on hissatsu, trying to steady his breathing again.

His attempt ends in failure when Kirino's smile widens as he nods along, and he offers a friendly, ''would you like our help?''

Maeyama instantly perks up. ''Really? That'd be amazing, senpai!''

No, no it really wouldn't be.

Kurama, thankfully, seems to agree with that assessment. ''Kirino...'' he sighs, expression souring.

The defender shoots him an imploring smile. ''Ah, come on Kurama-san! Let's do a good deed for the day, alright? Besides, I've still got some energy left.''

''Ugh. Fine.''

If Tenma wasn't feeling sick at the thought of facing his former teammates, he'd be feeling nostalgic at how Kurama hasn't changed a bit – harsh on the outside, a softy on the inside.

But there's nothing he can say, is there? He's tongue-tied and all he can do is silently help set up a small match field for a two-on-two and listen as they discuss the best way to do this. ''You said you're a defender, right?'' Kirino asks Maeyama. ''Kurama-san's a forward, so he should be attacking, mostly. It'll give you some good experience!'' then, to Tenma, he says, ''what about you?''

The brunet hesitates. ''I... haven't really thought of anything yet,'' he admits, not meeting Kirino's gaze. ''I want to base my technique on speed.''

The older boy smiles encouragingly. ''Well then, we'll just try and test your reflexes, is that alright? Maybe it'll give you some inspiration!''

All his former captain can do is nod and go along with it, which he does. They take up their improvised positions and, seeing as everyone's ready, Kirino gives the start sign.

The first team players are good.

Of course they are, whispers a spiteful little voice to him, what did you expect?

Kurama and Kirino are a perfect match, despite not being remotely close in positions and therefore not usually directly playing together. It's no doubt their experience – they've played on the same team for so long, how could they be anything but completely tuned to the same rhythm?

As promised, they focus on helping the two second team players. Kurama starts a face-off with Maeyama, although he probably could've broken past the defender with ease. Instead he lets the blond try to react to their battle, follow the forward, demanding the most from his reflexes.

Since they don't have real goals, Kurama doesn't follow through on his attack, instead passing to Kirino. Their timing is perfect and the defender moves forward.

The intention is clear. Tenma has no choice but to intercept.

He tries, he really does; but Kirino is good, his ball control only having grown over the years, and he's not even going full-out. No matter what the brunet attempts, he can't steal the ball.

He tries his hardest not to listen to the automatic, smooth lines his body wishes to follow to turn this into a dribbling battle. It's so tempting, and he wants nothing more than to go all-out against an opponent who could match him. He hadn't expected it to be this hard to resist.

But he has to.

Not even because it'd be too big of a hint, but also because he can't overwhelm himself like that.

So instead he forces himself to use his speed to get in front of Kirino, throwing himself into straight lines where he could've used his favored twists and feints. He ignores the opportunities to steal the ball from the side, to get in the way of his opponent and start a sharp dance of intricate moves, even though he knows he could've won their battle at least two times.

Kirino is watching him sharply, all the while. ''You're fast,'' he says, twisting away again to keep the ball out of Tenma's reach, passing to Kurama afterwards, ''but you must be agile. Speed alone isn't going to cut it – don't be afraid to attack too!'' he encourages as they take a moment, the other two players working on their own one-on-one for now.

''I can't,'' the brunet brings out, panting.

His opponent isn't even out of breath.

Kirino's brows furrow. ''You can,'' he disagrees. ''You're holding yourself back, aren't you? There's a hint of agility in your movements, you're cutting yourself off – why? You shouldn't hold yourself back!'' he smiles. ''I'm sure that if you gave it your all, you'd be great!''

Tenma averts his gaze, knowing it's useless to argue.

They continue like that for long minutes, the first team players pushing Maeyama to his absolute limit. Tenma refuses to fall for the same trap – he can't, and he knows it. It leaves him behind, the others' high-paced plays something he can't keep up with.

Kurama goes in for the attack, focusing on Tenma this time. He's fierce, eyes narrowed in disdain and frustration as he suddenly moves with intent. This, this is too much, it's of a higher level than either of the senpai have been showing this entire match – and a clear sign the teen is mad. ''You're not even trying!'' he snarls as he blazes past the brunet, twisting a few feet behind the boy and stopping the ball with a tap of his foot.

Tenma bites his lip, daring to glance up. Kurama's teeth are gritted in anger. ''What are you trying to prove?'' he demands instantly when they make eye-contact. ''Where's your resolve? It's as if you refuse to take this seriously!''

''I am!'' protests the first-year.

''You're not!'' barks Kurama.

Kirino interferes, his expression troubles. ''Kurama-san, that's enough.'' Then he glances at Tenma. ''He's new to the club, go a bit easy on him.''

The older boy snorts, glaring at the brunet with contempt. ''Tch.'' He passes the ball to his teammate, moving back to their side of the improvised field.

Tenma keeps his gaze averted, all too aware of the hesitant look Maeyama shoots him and the frown on Kirino's face. Kurama doesn't even bother to look at him anymore.

The game continues, but it's clear only Kirino is trying to involve Tenma anymore – Maeyama attempts it once, with a pass, but with how easily that's intercepted he realizes it's futile.

The brunet pretends it doesn't bother him, pretends there's not a flash of hurt every time Kurama turns away from him – but isn't this exactly what he was expecting? The exact same as what happened before?

Tenma balls his fists.

If they ever realized who he was, it'd be even worse than this, wouldn't it? The ignoring, the silent annoyance... they'd shown it before, that he was worth nothing in their eyes.

No.

A flash of anger courses through him.

How dare Kurama? How dare he judge him, dismiss him, when he doesn't even realize they were once teammates?

Not that that had mattered much to the older teen – hadn't he made that clear, back during their time travel stunt? In King Arthur's story, he said it outright.

Tenma has never been, and never will be, his leader.

He grits his teeth.

No!

Whatever possesses him in that moment, somehow it manages to spur him on. Kurama is going in for an attack again, crossing the distance between him and Maeyama quickly, and Tenma must be insane because-

Because he puts on a burst of speed to catch up with him, spinning around his former teammate until he's in front of him. Kurama pulls back just in time, eyes wide, and Tenma takes his chance.

He moves in, getting too close for the other player's comfort and goes for the ball. The forward jerks away, twisting so that his back is to the brunet.

Said brunet is prepared.

With a hint of speed, he gets next to Kurama, moving in from the side. Completely unprepared for the attack, the other barely manages to avoid it and tries to move away – which nearly fails, until Tenma holds himself back at the last moment, unwilling to go all out with his dribbling.

He chases Kurama, though, and when the forward realizes he's not getting away easily, he passes to Kirino.

The brunet takes it in stride easily and, for the second time, attacks. It goes much like his little standoff with Kurama did, except Kirino is better at countering him, less avoidance and more actual dribbling.

It takes all of Tenma's concentration to keep up with his former teammate, twisting and turning as they make use of all the space on their small playfield. The brunet grins when he notices the focused look on Kirino's face, the defender breathing more heavily before – keeping up isn't all that easy, it seems.

But he's starting to notice it himself as well. He hasn't played this passionately, on such a level, for a long time.

How long can he keep this up?

It's when Kirino suddenly counterattacks that Tenma has to hold back a curse, going on the defensive almost instantly. Neither is sure who's in control of the ball at this point and their one-on-one is becoming too fierce.

As proven when the brunet tries to twist away and Kirino knocks into him, not with much force but enough to shift his balance just so and-

Tenma yelps as he slips, his ankle aching in protest. He doesn't even think about it, immediately letting off the weight on his bad leg. It causes him to fall, but he doesn't care- rather a few bruises than the consequences of pushing himself too far could have.

''Woa!'' Kirino exclaims when his opponent goes down, quickly putting a stop to their standoff. ''Are you alright?''

Taking a moment to breathe, the brunet shuts his eyes tightly. Half-sprawled on the ground as he is and with his head bowed, his expression can't be seen by the other three.

How stupid is he?

He knew.

He knew he couldn't handle this! He knew he couldn't keep up with his former teammates, that he's not anywhere near the level he used to be on! And yet... and yet-!

''Yeah,'' he pants, clenching his fists in the grass.

Why, why did he give in to the temptation of facing them?

He blinks against the burning of his eyes, desperately clutching at the seams of his composure – he can't give in to his emotions now.

So, focusing just once more, he forces himself to his knees and then to his feet, fixing a polite smile on his face that feels more like a grimace than anything else. He keeps his gaze averted as he bows to Kurama and Kirino. ''Thank you for your time, senpai, but I- I think it's best if I go home right now.''

''Hey, are you sure you're okay?'' Kirino asks worriedly, taking a step forward but then hesitating. ''You seem a little... upset.''

Tenma nearly huffs out a laugh at that. Upset is an understatement. ''Yeah,'' he says again, ''yes, I'm fine, thank you senpai. I... just don't feel so well. Maeyama-san,'' he glances at his teammate for a short second, ''could... could you please clean up here? I'll make it up to you tomorrow...''

The blond boy nods, his brows furrowed in concern. ''Of course, but Kaze-san, are you really alright? You're really pale.''

He nearly starts sobbing right there in relief. Instead he nods, hoping they don't notice the trembling of his hands. ''Thank you,'' he mutters instead, then bows again to the two older teens. ''Senpai.''

Then, without another word, he twists on his heel and makes his way towards the staircase. It takes every last bit of control he has not to instantly start sprinting, but somehow, he manages to keep his calm until he reaches the club building.

It is, thankfully, empty and he crosses through the hallway and into the second team's clubroom. That, too, is abandoned. He's grateful for it – his vision has gotten blurry and the last thing he wants right now is more questions.

He doesn't bother changing out of his uniform and instead just grabs his bag, and then hightails his way out of there.

The minutes it takes him to leave the school premises feel like torture. When he does, he finally gives into the urge to run.

He sprints down the streets, as if trying to get as far away from everything that happened today as he can, and that's when the tears finally spill over. He doesn't try to wipe them away, all too aware it'd be useless.

It's not far to his house but it feels like an eternity.

When he finally, finally arrives, he fumbles with the keys, half remembering his dad isn't home. His breath is starting to come out in gasps and he slips inside quickly, not having enough energy to care about the door slamming closed behind him. He kicks off his shoes and then he's up the stairs, stumbling into his room.

There, surrounded by the calming, sky painted walls, it feels like he can finally breathe.

He sags against the wall underneath the window, letting himself slide down until he's on the ground with his knees pulled up.

Tenma lets his head fall back, staring at nothing as tears roll down his cheeks. He's still heaving for breath, whether from the crying or the running, he isn't sure. He doesn't really care either.

That's when it all crashes down on him.

I'm so stupid.

He was so, so aware of it, he knew full well he wouldn't be able to keep up with them and yet he still tried. He knew the disappointment would be worse than anything else yet he still-

He really is so, incredibly, stupid.

Wiping futilely at his eyes, Tenma eventually gives up on that too and merely hides his face in his arms. Sobs wrack his frame, although his crying is quiet.

He's learnt to be quiet.

After his accident, in the hospital, when his parents divorced, and every time after that, he kept himself from making a sound. Now it's so easy he doesn't even have to think about it.

He's not sure how long he stays there, too drained to attempt to stand. After a while, he reaches for his bag, which he dropped next to him, and takes out his phone in hopes of a distraction.

With his blurred sight, it's a little hard to unlock it, but he manages. There's nothing that can keep his attention though, and he takes another shuddering breath. Clenches his eyes shut.

He wants... he wants to talk to someone.

Komuro is the first one to come up but- even if he had the teen's number, it's not as if he could actually call him. They're not friends, only in the library committee together.

And... it's not like he has any other friends to talk to right now.

Who could he call? It's a bitter realization, but an unsurprising one. No one knows him as Matsukaze Tenma. No one would understand.

Tenma freezes.

Wait a minute.

The beginnings of a plan start to take shape in his mind and he shakes his head, as if to physically reject the thought. No. No, that is beyond stupid, that's insane.

Is he really going to throw away all sense of rationality?

And yet, he's already raising his phone again.

Trembling fingers dial a number he knows by heart. The tears blurring his vision don't matter; he would be able to dial this while blind.

He stares at the bright screen for a long moment, silent.

And then, before he can change his mind, he hits call and lifts the device to his ear.

One ring, two.

Three.

Four.

A beep and-

''Tsurugi Kyousuke speaking, who is this?''

The brunet takes a shuddering breath at the familiar voice. It's not like he hasn't heard it at all in the last years – heck, he heard him talk only a few days ago – but this seems so much closer.

For the first time in years, he's not hiding.

''Who is this?'' repeats Tsurugi, puzzlement clear in his voice.

There are so many things he could say to that.

Tenma.

Your former captain.

What about the best friend you abandoned?

Each one more sarcastic and hurtful than the last.

Part of him yearns for that, to hurt and to destroy.

But in the end, there's only one thing that makes it past his lips.

''I wonder,'' he starts and his voice is so soft, he'd be surprised if the other could actually hear it, ''did you ever look for me?''

He leans his head back against the wall, phone clutched loosely in his grip, eyes staring up at the sky-like ceiling.

''What?'' there's confusion in Tsurugi's voice, and a hint of caution.

Tenma's lips twitch up in a bitter smile. Even now, he can still read the other's voice like the back of his hand. ''Did you ever bother to search for me?'' he repeats, his whisper a little more audible this time.

There's a pause, and then Tsurugi's voice again, wariness almost palpable. ''Who are you?''

He can't help but snort.

Oh please.

''Like you don't already know, Tsurugi.'' There's no mistaking the bite in his voice.

Nor the challenge.

Do you dare? Do you dare say it?

Silence, silence for a long moment.

He's almost expecting the other to hang up, when he gets an answer.

''...Tenma.'' It's not a question, but there is a pained surprise in his tone that causes the brunet to close his eyes for a moment.

He hums.

It's all the confirmation the other needs. ''Why are you calling me now? After so long?''

The truth is, he's not completely sure why. But he's not about to admit it.

''Don't,'' he growls and his own tone takes him aback. He shoves it aside. ''I asked you a question first.''

The other stays silent.

And as the seconds stretch on, Tenma's fury builds. ''Well?'' he demands, unusually impatient.

''I...''

Tsurugi trails off and something snaps.

''Three years,'' he whispers, tightening his grip on the phone. ''Three years, Tsurugi, and none of you ever contacted me. And don't tell me it was because you couldn't reach me, because that's bullshit and you know it. You could've gone to Aki, asked her for my number or my new address- as a matter of fact, when exactly did you even realize I moved away?!''

Silence.

Goddamned, cursed silence.

''Three years! Did I literally mean so little to all of you?!'' his voice is getting louder and he. does. not. care. ''I had plans to move away for a month. I would've told you, but I wanted to tell you to your face and yet you didn't know when I left. And why? Because none of you were there, even though I gave you thirty days! So why, pray tell, didn't you visit me?! Did I truly mean so little to you, Tsurugi?!

''And don't give me the crap of hating the hospital! You were my best friend and I trusted you with my goddamn life!'' he's screaming and fresh tears are spilling from his eyes, and yet he can't stop, can't stop, can't stop- ''I would've done anything for you – I did! For so long, you shunned me, you hurt me, and I stood up for you when no one else did! And this is the thanks I get?! You abandoning me when I needed you most?!

''Do you have any idea how much it hurt?! When no one, not my parents, not my team, not even you could look me in the eye? Do you have any idea what I would've given for someone to talk to me?! I'm not stupid, I knew I lost my ability to walk forever but guess what? I COULD'VE FUCKING HANDLED IT IF EVERYONE I KNEW AND CARED ABOUT DIDN'T LEAVE ME TO ROT IN THAT GODDAMN HELLHOLE!''

He's left gasping for air, sobbing for too many different reasons – the memories, the weakness and vulnerability he doesn't want to show to anyone, ever again, and most of all, the cursed silence.

The only reason he knows Tsurugi hasn't left is because he can hear the other's slightly erratic breathing.

He wants to scream some more, but there's a deep weariness settling in his bones that stops him.

''I hate you,'' he whispers instead and there's a sharp intake of breath.

For a long moment, neither of them says something, their breathing the only thing breaking the silence. Tsurugi's, soft and unsteady, Tenma's, gasping and heavy.

''...I know.''

The brunet laughs bitterly through his tears, slowly loosening his grip on his phone. ''I seriously doubt that.''

There's a soft exhale from the other side of the line.

''I'm sorry.'' Tenma scoffs at that, but he doesn't say anything, instead allowing the other to talk. ''I'm sorry and I know it will never be enough, but I am. I should've visited you in the hospital, I should've called you or emailed you or something. I should've done so many things, could've done so many things, and I didn't. I'm sorry.

''I don't have an excuse for my actions,'' whispers Tsurugi and the brunet would accuse him of lying if he couldn't hear the undertone of uncharacteristic vulnerability. ''I just... I don't know. I was hurting and I knew you were too, but I just... it was almost as if I could pretend nothing was wrong if I- if I didn't have to see you. And once I found out you moved away, I couldn't bring myself to contact you, I- I didn't think you'd want to hear from me, I didn't think I deserved to talk to you again.

''I was just... I couldn't do it.'' His voice is barely audible now. ''Not again, not after Nii-san- I know it's no excuse, I know, but I just-'' he pauses, breathing in deeply to calm himself when he notices he's losing his composure too much. When he speaks again, his voice is small. ''You're right, we were best friends and that's- that's why I couldn't do it again. I couldn't see you like that or- or deal with the pain again.''

Tenma understands.

He hates it and he'd rather believe the other is lying, but he won't lie to himself about this.

Tsurugi has always, always blamed himself for his brother's accident and that guilt only hurt him more over the years. Even when he finally accepted it wasn't his fault, he'd never really gotten over that pain.

Even if he knew the brunet's accident wasn't even close to being his fault, subconsciously, it reminded him of his brother, and of the shame and fear and hurt.

''You goddamn idiot.''

From the other side of the line, there's a sound that could almost be classified as a strangled laugh.

''Trust me, I know.''

Tenma digs his nails in his palm and closes his eyes.

Tsurugi stays silent for a moment and then, hesitantly, starts talking again. ''Scream,'' he whispers softly, ''tell me you hate me, or whatever you want to. I deserve it.''

The brunet snorts.

''Damn right you do.'' He's calmer now, the hot fury from before gone, but the urge to hurt is still there.

He doesn't care enough to stop it.

''Do you guys ever talk about me, or do you just pretend I never existed? Because trust me, I'm aware that that's what you do when talking to other people – pretend the black stain on your glorious history isn't there. Funny, isn't it?'' he laughs, sharp, short and harsh. ''The only reason any of you are where you are now is because I convinced you to revolt-''

Not true, not true, not true, it wasn't just him, it was all of them. They'd done it together-

''-and yeah, there were other factors, but if I hadn't come to goddamn Raimon that day, it never would've gone the way it did, would it? We stopped Fifth Sector, saved the future and saved the entire galaxy from Ixal Fleet's rule. And for every fight, I've been there, standing next to you, and this is the thank you I get? To be thrown away the moment I become a liability?

''So tell me, am I just a dirty little secret everyone tries to forget? Are you still sprouting those pathetic lies about being friends before teammates and not leaving anyone behind?'' there's venom in his voice in a way there's never been before and he's sure he'll be horrified by his own words later. ''And I bet everyone believes it, right? The current soccer saints would never hurt anyone, no matter who they are, would they?

''Because to the rest of the world, Captain Matsukaze Tenma doesn't exist anymore, never existed in the first place. Tell me, were you relieved when you found out I was gone? You didn't have to pretend to be sad anymore, didn't have to find excuses not to see me. I bet it was such a goddamn blessing when I was gone, when you could act as if everything we went through together was just a nightmare.

''Wasn't it? Wasn't it? Because I was in the middle of it all, back then, and if you were so happy to leave me behind when you had the chance, I don't want to imagine how much it must've tortured you to pretend to be my friend. It must have been hell, right? Perhaps it would've been kinder of you to tell me you didn't want to see me anymore, because at least then I'd have had some closure! But I bet you didn't have that problem, did you?! Because at least then you didn't have to pretend to goddamn care about me anymore!''

''Tenma, I-''

He laughs bitterly, sharply, and Tsurugi's voice wavers and cuts off. ''Oh, so now you're going to defend yourself? Because I'm the one in the wrong, is that it?''

''No, that's not-!''

'''That's not it'? Then what is, Tsurugi?!'' he demands, a hint of the desperation he feels breaking through the sharp note in his voice. ''I was left behind by all the people I cared about, without any warning or explanation! What did you expect me to think?!''

Tsurugi takes a shuddering breath, deep and pained. ''I-'' he sounds hesitant in a way Tenma has never heard him before, ''I'm sorry.''

''Well, I'm afraid sorry isn't going to cut it this time.''

His statement is quiet, but rings true all the same.

Tsurugi's breath catches, but he doesn't object to it.

They are both silent for a few moments.

Then Tenma smiles bitterly. ''Don't call me,'' he says quietly.

Part of him hopes Tsurugi can still read him as well as he can read the striker.

The other part really just doesn't care.

''Okay,'' whispers the other, barely audible.

For a few seconds, they're both silent. Then Tenma lowers his phone and ends the call.

He leans his head against the wall, phone lying on the ground next to him, and allows the tears to escape his closed eyes, in the closed safety of his room where no one will be able to see him.

In silence.

To be continued...

~'0'~

Yeah, I'll be honest, I have no idea how this happened. Buuut Tenma's reaaally starting to break now, isn't he? Muhahaha~~

I have no idea how this will continue, I'm winging it. Although, I have to admit - I've been complaining about Out of Sight because I was having a hard time writing it, but I'm actually really hyped for it again now that I've got the ''introduction chapters'' out of the way!

Also, I'm planning to include a picture of Tenma's new team in the next chapter, so look forward to that!

- Yara Meijer