"It's beautiful"
I said as I looked at the painting.

"Would you buy it, Mam?"
The man standing beside the painting asked.

"Um no. Just appreciating the art"
I replied.

"Care to appreciate the artist too?"
I heard a voice coming from behind. The man came and stood beside me.

"Would love to."
I replied and walked away. And while walking I saw a glimpse of him smiling.

I walked out of the gallery and started walking towards my home. I live in a very small town. There are hardly any people I don't know. I shifted here last summer. My life is pretty simple. 

I walk through the market a get some veggies for dinner. I came home to find the same painting in my drawing room. One of the Maid said someone dropped it off.

I look through the painting and found a letter.

To the one who appreciated this artist and his art

      From,
                   Ish

I took and hung the painting in my reading room.

-----------

I entered the bakery and stood in the queue.
As my number came, I ordered a blueberry muffin. That's when I realized that I forget my wallet.

"I forget my wallet. Just keep that muffin aside I'll just bring the cash."
I said as I stood aside from the line.

"Don't worry. It's on me"
The guy after me said.

"No, you don't have to."
I spoke.

"I insist"
He said with a smile.

"Okay, then I'll have a coffee too."
I ordered.

"Same for me. Bill on Ishan"
He ordered.

We both sat in the booth by the window. The view outside was normal, people walking, children going to school. Old ladies talking and gossiping. I saw the man, he was smiling and looking at me.
"Why are you smiling?"
I asked.

"I'm shocked. Like, you are having coffee with a stranger."
He replied.

"I like to believe in people."
I spoke.

"What if I was a serial killer?"
He asked.

"I know you are not, Mr. Ish"
I said with a smirk.

He was shocked. And asked,
"How do you know-"

"Know that you are the artist who sends me the painting?"
I interrupted him.

He nodded.
"I Remembered your smile when I walked away from the gallery. And your name is Ishan. The gut who sends me the painting, his name was Ish"
I explained.

"Beauty with brains"
He complimented me.

I smiled and asked,
"So why the change from Ishan to Mr. Ish?"

"Long story short my name is Ishan Kishan no family support, no money. Just talent and passion for art"
He spoke.

"Don't worry you have the talent. You just need that inspiration. "
I told him.

"Yes, searching for her. Searching for inspiration"
He said.

"So, blueberry muffin? I love it too."
He continued.

"Oh, this. This is not for me. It's for my husband."
I replied.

"Husband?"
He asked.

"Yes, he's returning home today. I'll see you around Ishan."
I said and took my bag.

-----------

I made dinner and was sitting by the table. Waiting for my husband. We aren't a perfect couple. I mean I don't love him. It was an arranged marriage. He is a nice guy. My thoughts were broken when I heard the front door open.

I saw him walk and keep his luggage aside.
He walked towards me, and I said,
"Welcome home, Mr. Gill"

"How many times have I told you not to call me Mr. Gill? My name is Shubman, Mrs. Gill."
He told me.

"Well, you call me Mrs. Gill."
I said.

"That's because I like calling you Mrs. Gill, Mrs. Gill."
He said and I try not to blush.

He gave me a book like he does. We both eat our dinner and Shubman went to the bedroom and I went to my reading room. I kept my book according to its Alphabetical order. I look at my shelf and think, "It's growing."

I went back to our bedroom. Yes, we share a bedroom and a bed but never cross each other. I go get changed and come out to Shubman writing in his book. Every night he does that. I don't know what he writes but He carries his book everywhere.

"What are you writing?"
I ask.
"Nothing. Just some random stuff"
He replies and closed his book.

I just shrug it off and go back to sleep when Shubman calls my name.
"I saw this in the market and thought it would look pretty on you"
He said and gave it to me.

It was a round shape pendant with beautiful artwork on it. It was actually gorgeous.
"It's very pretty"
I said

I turned around and took my hair in front So Shubman can make me wear the necklace. He put the necklace around my neck. I could feel his hands on my back. I don't know but goosebumps interrupted my whole body. I'm pretty sure they are on my back too and Shubman could see them.

I tried to hide and not talk about it further so we both went to sleep.

-----------

It's been quite some months since I meet Ishan. We meet once every two days. He is so creative and different from others. The way he sees things is so pure. We sometimes meet at our bakery, or something near the park. Today he has invited me for lunch at his place. He has been inviting me for lunch for some time now, but I keep canceling because of Shubman. Shubman doesn't know about him. I don't feel comfortable sharing that with him. I took a blueberry muffin for Ishan. Right now, Shubman is out of town. He is a policeman and I'm proud of my husband. He spends most of his time serving his nation. Shubman and I talk about basic things. But with Ishan, I can talk about everything. No filters. I don't feel judged by him.

Ishan is the sweetest person I know. He makes these amazing paintings. Once he tried to teach me how to paint but we both ended up having a stupid paint fight. Ishan is like a weather of calm and happiness. I know I shouldn't, but Ishan makes me feel things that I haven't felt in quite some time. His laughter echoes through my mind all day.

"Why don't you leave him?"
Ishan asked me.

We just completed Lunch and were talking about ourselves. He told me how his family removes him from his house because he was not bringing a fixed income. How he had spent days at his friend's home and days when he didn't have a roof over his head.

"It's not that simple."
I said trying to avoid this.

"Why? You don't love him."
He spoke.

"Yes. I don't. But sometimes marriage is not about love. It's about respect. I respect him. And I owe him."
I told him.

"You owe him?"

I nodded my head and said,
"My family was not financially great. He helped us. He helped my father and my brother in business."

"So, he can marry you."

"No. He helped us and asked me. He told me I can say no. But I felt obligated."
I said while standing up.

"He tricked you one way or another."
Ishan said.

"No. He is the nicest guy I have ever met. Yes, we are married but there is nothing between us."
I said.

"Nothing? He never -"
Ishan spoke as he stood up too.

"Never"
I told him and turned around, but he holds my wrist and asked,
"What if you fell in love now?"

He asked me the question that I'm scared to ask myself. Ishan was looking at me with his brown eyes. His eyes were so magical, anyone would love to dive into those. I tried to control myself.
"Ishan please do-"

"No. Answer me. What if you fell in love?"

"I can't"
I replied.

"Why?"

"Because it's wrong"
I let out.

"Yes it's wrong but do you know what's life without love?"
He asked.

"No. And I don't want to know"
I replied.

Ishan took both of my hands and hold them.
"Close your eyes"
He told me.

"No-"

"Close"

And I closed my eyes and Ishan started speaking,
"Love is simple. Love is pure. Life with love is like getting a free toy with candy. It's like you want to wake up early, so you could see that person's face first thing in the morning. You don't compromise, you just do things to make that person happy. You go out, you gift each other, and you complement each other. You LOVE each other. You start a family. Your family. Your kids. And watch them grow old. You watch them start their life and you remember yours. That'd love"

By the end, I had tears in my eye. This is what I dreamed of. As a kid, this is what I dream my marriage, and my future would be. And I still hope for it. Deep down I do. I keep lying but I do. And I will always do. I slowly opened my eyes to see Ishan so close to me. I don't when he started holding my cheeks. I could feel his soft hands. 

We were too close. I could feel his breath on my face. I know this was wrong but I don't care.

"I care to offer you that. We can go away from this. We can start our life, our world somewhere really far. We can grow old together. I love you. I loved you the day I saw you appreciating my art. You were and are the most beautiful lady I have come across"
Ishan said while maintaining the distance.

"Ishan this all looks like a dream. I'm scared to open my eyes. I'm scared of all the reactions"
I said.

"Don't be. I'm there. Love is difficult but when you are with the right person it's simple"
Ishan said and came closer to me.

"Ish-"

"Don't worry I won't kiss you. I'll wait for you. At the bus stop. Sunday at 10 AM"
Ishan said and took a step back.

"What? I can't. I can't leave Shubman"

"It's high time. Before marriage, you thought about your family. After marriage, you are thinking about your husband.  But no more. Now it's time to think about yourself"

"But why are you leaving?"
I tried to change the subject.

"I'm an artist. I move from place to place. I came here for 3 months. That's my life"
Ishan explained

I look at the time and said,
"I'll go"

"Yes. But think about it. I'll be waiting for you, my love"
Ishan spoke and kissed my hand.

On the way home I kept thinking about everything. Maybe Ishan is right. I can't lie to myself. Shubman and I are just not meant to be. Shubman doesn't love me. I don't love him, I guess.  I have 4 days to think about it. Maybe I can talk to Shubman?

"You looked lovely tonight, Mrs. Gill"
Shubman complimented us as we came home.

"Thank You"
I said as we stood in our drawing room.

We had just come from a formal dinner. Yesterday when I came home, I was surprised by my husband. I haven't talked to him. It didn't feel right.

"Mrs. Gill?"
Shubman asked.

"Yes, Mr. Gill"
I said.

"I want to talk about something. Something about us"
Shubman said.

I nodded for him to continue.
"Mrs. Gill I know we didn't start as a married couple but lately I feel different being with you and staying away from you. I'm not asking for anything in return. I'm just confessing myself"

I was dumbfounded. What is happening? First Ishan and now Shubman.

"Mr.-"

"It's fine Mrs. Gill. I'm not asking for your answer Now I'm not forcing you. I just wanted to start a new life with you"
He said.

"New life?"

"Yes. I'm getting transferred. We are moving. So I thought maybe when we move to another house, we could start our life differently. No force. Just a suggestion"

"When are we moving?"
I asked.

"Sunday morning. I know it's short notice "
He answered.

As I tried to process this information, Shubman came close to me. He was taller than Ishan. I didn't dare to look up at him.

"Think about it, my love. Good night Mrs. Gill"
He said while kissing my forehead and left.

I stood there with a life-changing decision to make.

----------

It's been 24 hours since Shubman confessed something which I wasn't expecting. Before that, I was sure that I won't be hurting Shubman because he doesn't feel anything for me but now it's different. If I choose any guy I  would end up hurting the other. Both of them have such a superior space in my heart and life. They are people who changed my life in one way or another

I try to remember the first few months with Shubman were so different and strange. We didn't know what to talk about. We didn't know that was the right decision. And that month he was promoted, so we had a dinner party to attend. I was really nervous as we had to show people that we are happily married but, in this case, it was just married.

Every couple around us were dancing so Shubman and I had to.

"Just follow my lead and smile"

He told me. He had put his hand on my waist and mine was on his shoulder. We started swaying slowly to Pal pal dil ke pass. My whole nervousness went down the drain when Shubman came close to me and asked, "I know this isn't what you dreamed of, but we can make this work. You just have to bear me for 15 days every month. My job doesn't let me stay in one place. You can do whatever you want. I will never stop you or restrict you. So, are you okay with this?" I tried to understand the whole situation and work from every aspect. This was not bad. So, I said yes. And here we are and from that day on Shubman used to bring books for me from wherever he went.

I went to sleep with thoughts of both the man. My whole bag is packed. I came out of the room and saw Shubman standing near the door. He looked the same when I saw him standing for me at the Mandap during our wedding. He had this smile on his face which reflects his dimples so well. I walked towards him.

"Good morning, Mrs. Gill"

"Good morning, Mr. Gill"

"I know you haven't said your answer yet, but I'm waiting for our life to begin. With the new place, our new phase is going to start, and I want it with you."

He said and came close to me with every word. And by the end, he was a meter apart from me. He asked me with action Can he kiss me? and I don't know what happened but I nodded. The moment his lips touched mine I could feel the sparks. It was like that's what I ever wanted. That's what's missing. In that kiss, I forgot about everything, Ishan, us moving, new life, our decision, and just feel like soft lips on mine and his rough hands on my cheeks.

he broke the kiss and said,

"I'll be there at the train station. I have some work with the train commissioner. I'll see you"

"Okay"

I replied and he kissed my lips again but this time for a short period.

With this kiss, it is more difficult to make a decision. I try to Compare both choices.  

Shubman came into my life when I had nothing, and he didn't expect anything in return. Ishan came into my life when I was all alone.

Shubman is a gentleman, who respects me since the day I met him. never misbehaved or got angry. He is the man I dreamed of. On the other hand, Ishan made me feel alive again. he brought back the younger me and made me feel emotions again.

One is my duty and the other is my choice. One with whom I am supposed to stay in sickness and in health. one is my Love affair.

was I expecting Shubman to fall in love with me?

Yes.

Did I ever think it would happen?

No.

If I choose one, the guilt of having a love affair would haunt me. If I choose the other, the guilt of breaking one's trust would kill me.

If I choose one, then I would have to live the life I dream of. If I choose the other, then there is Struggle but with someone special.

I always judged people who were there with 2 people at the same time and how they can't decide but now I can understand them. How it is difficult to choose and not break someone's heart. 

okay, I have made my decision. I know that this decision of mine will stay with me forever. No backing out. No breaking down. I have to choose, and I have chosen. This decision, this answer is final. I have come to conclude that I love both of them, but I can't stay with both. I love and respect them equally. But there is one person I love in a way I should and the other is Love as a friend, Family. I don't know if my decision is right or wrong. Will I be happy or not? But this is the first time I'm making my own decisions. I have to do this. 

For me. For him. For us  

Authors Note

It's time for you to make a decision.

Who will you choose?

Your Duty or Love Affair?
The one who was there for you or the one who made you feel alive?
The one who respected you or the one who showed you what love is?
The one who you are supposed to be with or the one who's offering himself?
The life with luxury or the life with Struggle?The discipline one or the Adventurous one?The guilt of having an affair or the guilt of breaking someone's trust?
The sparks fly or the feeling?
The dimple man or the contagious laughter man?
Rough hands or soft hands?
Pendant or Painting?

The Policeman or The Artist?

To be Continued...

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