“PITY is the act of extending compassion towards someone, displaying sympathy for their misfortunes in life. While it may be considered a positive emotion, its true value depends on the perspective of the person receiving it, as they are the sole judge of whether it proves beneficial or not.”

 ***

Sta. Elena Fun Farm in Cabuyao, Laguna, was Senthie and Jimhuesh’s first date location. This charming farm offered a range of attractions, including party and picnic areas, pockets of natural playgrounds, a serene lagoon, a vast sandbox, spots for feeding animals, horse stables, and an amphitheater.

Senthie was so captivated by their date that she never checked her social media accounts and only used her phone to capture precious moments.

Jimhuesh had put a lot of thought into this outing, and she wanted to cherish every second of it. Her heart warmed when he revealed that he remembered her fondness for fresh air and nature from their previous hiking adventure, explaining why he chose this location. The fact that he retained such small details about her left her feeling touched and her heart aflutter. He had a knack for surprising her, and these surprises were the ones she cherished and could never grow accustomed to.

Throughout this first date, she sensed something unusual, a new and inexplicable feeling she had never encountered before. She couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but it was undeniable.

After enjoying their picnic, exploring the farm, and participating in various activities, they delved into a deep conversation about their dreams and aspirations.

Senthie had a dream of establishing a charitable foundation dedicated to helping homeless individuals. Her vision went beyond just providing shelter; she wanted to create a supportive environment where the homeless could find not only a home but also opportunities for employment. Her dream was driven by her desire to not only alleviate homelessness but also empower individuals to rebuild their lives and regain their sense of dignity and purpose.

On the other hand, Jimhuesh harbored a childhood dream of becoming a detective, inspired by the legendary Sherlock Holmes. At one point, he even contemplated pursuing a degree in criminology to fulfill this aspiration. However, he ultimately made a practical decision and pursued a business management degree to eventually take over GMC. Nevertheless, deep down, he still held a flicker of that detective dream. Given the opportunity, he would love to establish his private investigator agency or lend support to an existing one. The thrill of solving mysteries and uncovering the truth continued to resonate within him, even as he pursued his more practical career path.

In those moments, Senthie would often catch herself gazing at Jimhuesh, much like she would be captivated by the beauty of the moon. His unexpected qualities intrigued her, and as she got to know him better, her attraction towards him grew stronger.

 ~

Their second date left Senthie feeling absolutely enchanted. When Jimhuesh initially mentioned a date at a cafe, she hadn’t expected it to be a book cafe. She couldn’t ask for more; it was one of her dream date locations.

She wondered how he had discovered her preference for such a place when she hadn’t shared it with anyone - it turned out that this was his ideal date too. He explained that he wished to date someone who shared his passion for reading, but he made it clear that he wasn’t trying to impose anything on her. This time, he simply wanted to reveal a part of himself to her.

Senthie had assumed that he enjoyed reading novels as she did, but to her surprise, he had a different taste. He favored non-fiction stories, newspapers, history, and articles that allowed him to absorb knowledge.

Jimhuesh also shared his aspiration to build a network of public libraries across the nation, aiming to provide free access to knowledge for the less fortunate. This surprised Senthie, as she had been a frequent visitor to the Grand Library, which he mentioned was his. His aspiration stemmed from his profound belief in the power of education and the transformative impact it could have on individuals and communities. He had already established Grand Libraries in Manila and Laguna and was planning to add more in other provinces. By establishing these libraries, he envisioned creating a space where people from all walks of life could come together to learn, grow, and expand their horizons.

Senthie was deeply impressed. She had never met a man quite like him before, one whom she found incredibly attractive because of his beautiful mind. By the end of the day, she concluded that he was the most attractive man she had ever encountered. For her, it was undeniably the best date she had ever experienced.

 ~

Their last date had been postponed for a while, and when Jimhuesh made an unexpected and nerve-wracking request, Senthie agreed to it. However, before proceeding, she felt the need to talk to Kenzo. Even though they had already broken up several months ago, she believed it was necessary to let him know about her love life. Whether to clear the air, affirm that their chapter had closed, or encourage him to move on.

 ~

Senthie descended the stairs to answer the door for Kenzo, inviting him inside and offering him a seat. She asked him to wait briefly while she prepared some snacks, which were cupcakes Jimhuesh had bought for her from the book cafe. For drinks, she made a pitcher of Nestea iced tea lemon, added ice cubes, and gave it a good stir. She arranged the snacks and the pitcher, along with two glasses, on a tray before serving them.

“What’s up?” Senthie greeted with an awkward smile as she placed the tray on the center table and settled on the couch.

“I’m good, I guess,” he replied, offering a small smile. “I heard you’re still going on dates with the VP of GMC.”

“Oh, did Cecilia tell you?” she inquired, to which he nodded. “Well, she’s right . . .” She took a deep breath and chose to switch off her emotions, something she was quite adept at. “Do you still have feelings for me? I hope you’ve moved on by now. It would mean a lot to me if you have. I want you to open your heart to someone who truly deserves you.”

Kenzo gave her a sad smile, his eyes glistening with a hint of sorrow. Senthie could tell her words had wounded him deeply, but she believed honesty was the best approach.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong with me, Sen?” His smile faded, and his lower lip quivered as tears welled up in his eyes. “Is it really that difficult for you to love me? I’ll do anything you ask, just please don’t leave me.”

No matter how hard she tried to suppress her emotions, she empathized with him. She understood the source of his desperation.

Kenzo had a propensity to give abundantly. His family history was marked by brokenness; his mother was accused of having an affair, which led to his parent’s divorce and their relocation to the Philippines when he was just a nine-year-old boy. His parents had made an agreement - he would stay with his mother, and after completing his studies, sponsored by his father, he would work for his father’s company in Japan.

In the ensuing years, Kenzo’s mother remarried the man with whom she’d had an affair and started a new family, while his father invited him to his wedding in Japan.

Both of his parents had built new families, and he had grown up going to great lengths to please them, constantly afraid of their potential disdain or abandonment if he didn’t. He bore no resentment toward his parents and possessed an exceptionally compassionate heart, having endured so much already. Senthie couldn’t bear to see him suffer any further.

“You see, Ken . . . I don’t want you to stay like this. Just because we’re not in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you. That’s not how it works. I care about you deeply, and I’ll always be here as your friend.” She gently placed her hands over his. “Sometimes, we give our all to our loved ones, and yet, they may not feel the same way. Excessive attachment can be destructive, especially when the other person decides to leave, whether in a romantic relationship or from our lives.”

“It’s like a piece of paper stuck to tape for a long time. When the tape is pulled away, the paper tears apart.” She chuckled. “I’m not sure why I chose that analogy, but think of it this way: you’re the paper, and I’m the tape. Now, imagine me as the paper, do you want to see me torn apart?”

He shook his head. “No, I won’t allow that. I won’t let you tear apart.” His grip on her hands tightened.

She offered a faint smile. “You see, I’m not asking for that. I understand that people enter and exit our lives, and I’ve come to terms with that reality a long time ago. However, if you ever find someone who wants to stay, and if you feel the same way, then that’s what you truly deserve - someone who’s clearly committed to you. Don’t settle for less, Ken. You deserve someone who can match your capacity to love and give you more than I ever could. I believe that you will meet her soon, or perhaps you have already met her. When you do, cherish and love her as much as your heart desires. Just remember, though, that excessive attachment can sometimes lead to unfavorable outcomes.”

 ~

The next day . . .

Senthie, while flipping the scrambled eggs, received the news from Walter that Kenzo had departed for Japan.

“Really? I suppose his father needs him,” she casually remarked as she attended to the eggs. “Do you already miss him?”

Walter stood beside her, arms folded, watching her intently. “Really? Is that all you’re going to say?”

She rolled her eyes and turned to him, surprised by his seriousness, a departure from his usual demeanor. “What’s going on? You don’t like my scrambled eggs?”

“This isn’t about those damn eggs,” he replied sternly. “It’s about how you hurt my best friend. Do you honestly believe he left for work? He went there to move on, and we have no idea how long he’ll stay, it might be for good, you know.”

Senthie turned off the stove and carefully plated the scrambled eggs. She brought the plate to the dining table and covered it. She assumed her brother wanted to talk, so she gestured for him to follow her to the living room. They settled on separate single sofas, facing each other. She took a deep breath before broaching the topic.

“I’m disappointed that you think so little of Kenzo’s ability to move on. Can’t you support him instead? I don’t see anything wrong with him trying to move forward. It could be good for him, don’t you think?”

Walter sighed, his expression softening. “I understand that, Sen. It’s just . . . considering everything he’s been through; don’t you feel pity for him?”

“Pity? You think Kenzo deserves pity? He deserves all the good things in life, and you’re telling me to feel pity for him? Are you even listening to yourself?”

He abruptly stood up, his face a mix of guilt and frustration. “That’s not what I meant. You should’ve given him a chance! Kenzo did everything for you! Do you even know that he nearly emptied his savings just to help you achieve your dreams?”

She felt her heart race, and her body trembled. “What?” She rose from her seat, her voice shaking. “What are you talking about?”

Walter sighed heavily as he placed his hands on his waist. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you this, but now it’s come to this, you need to know the truth.” He sighed once more. “The investor who kept depositing money into your account without asking for anything in return . . . it’s Kenzo.”

Senthie couldn’t comprehend it; her knees felt weak, and she collapsed back onto the sofa. “No . . . that can’t be,” she murmured. She stood up again, struggling to keep herself from falling apart. “Why would he do that? He knows I’d hate it if he did! I don’t believe you!”

“That’s why he never told you.”

“Then you shouldn’t have told me either! You should’ve kept it a secret!”

Senthie sank back onto the couch, her mind racing to process what she had just learned. If what Walter said was true, then her sense of independence had been a facade. She hadn’t achieved all her success through her talent alone. Instead, she had been handed help to climb the ladder.

Did Kenzo doubt my abilities? Did he see me as incapable, in need of assistance? Did he think I wasn’t good enough? She felt betrayed, her boundaries violated. She felt small, like a failure and a disappointment, and she was deeply disappointed in Kenzo.

Walter settled at the edge of the long sofa near her and spoke gently, “I’m sorry, Sen. You know, he had good intentions. He just wanted to see you happy, and he believed in you. He recognized your talent, and, well, I did too. We knew that you’d succeed with or without his help. Kenzo did that not because you needed it, but because he wanted to.”

She let out a weary sigh. “Thanks for saying that.”

A warm smile appeared on his face as he patted her back. “You also know that Mom, Simon, Cindy, and I, all love you, right?”

She snorted in disbelief. “I find that hard to believe. Simon is the only one who treats me like a sister.” She shook her head and shifted her gaze away. “Mom doesn’t care about me, much like Cindy. And you . . .” This time, she locked eyes with him and scoffed. “You seem to relish seeing me miserable.”

He shook his head. “You know that’s not true.”

“And you also know that’s not true. Why do I always feel like an outsider? You know how Mom treats me. She won’t support me in anything. She never gives me compliments, never asks how I’m doing, and makes me feel like I wish I’d never been born.” She breathed heavily, her eyes welling up with tears. “I’ve learned to accept that as normal. I’ve accepted that I only have myself. The only person I can rely on is me. I’ve learned not to place my happiness in anyone else’s hands.”

“I didn’t realize you felt that way. I’m sorry. I should’ve tried harder to understand you.”

“Why bother when you don’t even like me?”

Walter shook his head. “No, Sen. I like you. Honestly, you’re my favorite among our siblings. I admire you for being you. You’ve been through hardships, especially when Uncle Narciso left. I knew you were bottling up your feelings inside, and you wouldn’t open up to any of us. That’s why I kept bothering and teasing you, it was my way of giving you an outlet for your frustrations. I love you, Sen. We all love you.” He smiled warmly, tears glistening at the corners of his eyes.

Senthie could hardly maintain her composure. When Walter drew closer and hugged her, she burst into tears. She embraced him tightly, her tears soaking into his shoulder. She heard him sniff and take a deep breath as if trying to control his own emotions. Eventually, he pulled away and wiped her tears, which made Senthie feel slightly uncomfortable.

“You know this is awkward, right?” she remarked with a hint of humor.

He gazed at her teasingly as he continued to wipe her tears. Senthie shot him a playful glare, and he eventually stopped, leading to shared laughter.

Once their amusement settled, Walter sat upright, his expression turning serious. “About Mom,” he began, heaving a heavy sigh. “Mom may not ask you directly how you’re doing, but she always asks me about you. She may not offer her compliments to you directly, but she brags about you to our relatives and neighbors. She’s extremely proud of you, Sen.”  He chuckled. “And just so you know, she’s the one who suggested that I live with you so you wouldn’t feel lonely. She might not express it openly, but she loves you very much. Sometimes, I even get jealous.”

Senthie’s tears continued to flow, but more silently now. She was overwhelmed with a whirlwind of emotions - hurt, happiness, guilt, confusion. Why hadn’t they shown this side of themselves before? Why did it have to remain misunderstood for so long? She wanted to ask these questions, but the only word that escaped her lips was a simple, “Why?”

Walter smiled at her and shook his head. “Only Mom can answer that question.”