“LOVING SOMEONE may not only bring boundless joy but also a piercing pain.”

For Kenzo Yamamoto, it was a journey filled with contrasts. His love for her brought moments of joy but often left him feeling as though he were teetering on the edge of despair.

***
 
Kenzo didn’t wait for Senthie’s response. He walked away, slipped into his car, and started the engine. Thoughts of her gripped his heart, making him gasp for breath. His chest tightened painfully, and he pressed on it, hoping to alleviate the ache.

This pain was expected but cut deeper than he thought. Perhaps, because she never reciprocated his feelings. Battling tears, he parked the car at the driveway’s corner and sought solace. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes for a fleeting moment.

After several contemplative minutes, Kenzo resolved to collect himself. Inhaling deeply, he continued his journey until he reached the building housing his condo. Without delay, he made his way to his unit, his fingers expertly tapping on the lock code.

Upon entering, he quickly unbuttoned his shirt, striding purposefully towards the bathroom. Placing a steadying hand against the wall, he let his head droop forward and turned on the shower faucet. Water cascaded over his nape and shoulders, a ritual to lift the weight of his emotions. This is nothing. I’m fine, he thought.

Determination fueled him; he had held on for nearly two years, and he resolved to persevere for another. He desired to nurture their bond until those elusive three words escaped Senthie’s lips, and then he’d take the next step - he’d propose.

 ~

At 10:47 PM, Kenzo stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel, with water droplets trickling from his damp hair onto his bare shoulders. He grabbed another towel to dry his hair. His gaze shifted to the bedside table, where his phone’s blinking light drew his attention. He reached for it and found two messages from Senthie.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I just didn’t feel good, maybe because I didn’t chew the steak well. But I’m fine now. Hahaha. By the way, can we meet tomorrow? I have something important to tell you.”

Her apology brought a smile to his lips, even though he recognized it as a fib. Senthie wouldn’t fall ill from something as mundane as under chewed steak. Kenzo shook his head and continued to read her next message.

“Are you asleep?”

At 10:50 PM, he replied, “Sorry, I was taking a shower when you texted me. Sure, let’s meet tomorrow. Is Café-tea-Ria at 8 AM okay for you?”

 ~

The coffee shop was quiet that day, with only a few scattered customers. Senthie sat by the window, her view of the street outside was clear. Kenzo approached her, holding two cups of coffee, and offered the one in his right hand.  “Here’s yours. I ordered your favorite, hot choco-mocha,” he said with a warm smile.

She expressed her gratitude and responded with a sweet smile that charmed him. Her beauty was striking, from her dark green hair that complemented her porcelain skin to the way her large almond eyes matched the green contacts she wore.

As Kenzo gazed at her, he felt a blush creeping onto his cheeks. She had a natural charm that captivated him, even in the simplest moments. His feelings for her had evolved on an elusive timeline, developing naturally without his consent. Initially, he had tried to halt this emotional cascade, fully aware that it would only lead to heartache. Despite his best efforts, he found himself falling headlong into affection.

Kenzo settled into the chair opposite Senthie, taking a contemplative sip of his coffee. “So, what’s this important matter you wanted to discuss?”

Senthie clutched her cup. With an awkward smile, she turned her gaze toward the window. “Uh, the weather is nice.”

“I’m fairly certain that’s not what you wanted to share.”

She chuckled nervously. “Uh . . . you see . . .”

Kenzo recognized this pattern all too well. He interrupted her with a firm tone, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I know you never hesitate like this unless it’s about that certain thing.” Avoiding her eyes, he turned his attention to his coffee cup on the table and continued with measured resolve. “So, no. Don’t say it. I think I know what you’re going to say.”

Senthie appeared taken aback by his statement; a lingering silence followed. Then, she asserted, “No, I have to say it.”

“I’ll leave if you do,” he warned, his knuckles tightening as he pushed himself to stand, causing the metal chair to screech against the floor.

“I need to say it.”

Struggling to contain his emotions, Kenzo turned away, preparing to depart. But before he could take a single step, a restraining hand halted him.

“Kenzo, please,” she implored, her grip on his hand unyielding.

He inclined his head slightly, willing his emotions to remain concealed. However, a solitary tear escaped from the corner of his eye as he blinked. Taking a deep breath, he brushed away the tear with his free hand.

“Okay . . .” He sighed, aware of his perceived weakness, turning to her. “I just can’t refuse you.”

She released his hand, expressing gratitude, and they resumed their seats, letting their emotions cool. Senthie broke the silence. “Let’s go back to just being friends.”

Her directness struck him like a storm. Did she not consider my feelings?

Kenzo’s tears overflowed. He loved her deeply; she was his first love. “Sen, we can-- I mean, I can try again. I’ll do better. Please. . . .”

She bit her lower lip, her eyes red and teary. “You’re already more than I could ask for, Kenzo.”

“No. . . . I left you for work in Japan for almost six months. Maybe that’s why you feel this way. Let’s think this through, okay?” He reached across the table, gripping her hands firmly. “Come on, babe. Please.”

Her hands slipped from his grasp, and she shook her head. “You know that’s not the reason.”

The sadness in her voice signaled Kenzo’s defeat.

“I know you would understand, especially since we’d anticipated this possibility from the start. We were just trying to stay positive,” Senthie added.

She was right. This outcome had been expected. It had played out similarly in her previous relationships, all following the same pattern. Kenzo had set this course by persuading her to be his girlfriend, hoping she might eventually reciprocate. Now, he saw it as wishful thinking. Still, he couldn’t deny the happiness when she had given him a chance. If, by some miracle, she’d offer another, he’d seize it instantly, though it was unlikely.

The pain, excruciating, demanded acceptance. He reacquainted himself with the harsh reality, compartmentalizing his emotions. He drew a deep breath, suppressing the lump in his throat, and mustered a smile.

“You’re right,” he admitted, extending a hand. “I’m Kenzo Yamamoto. Glad to be your friend again.”

Senthie seemed taken aback, staring at his outstretched hand.

“Is staring your response? Come on, shake my hand before I change my mind,” he teased, offering a more genuine smile.

She returned the smile and shook his hand. “My pleasure.”

“But if you ever change your mind . . .” Still holding her hand, he gently squeezed it, and continued, “I’m still here, always available for you.”

Senthie presented the most formidable challenge he’d ever encountered. If she were to open her heart to him, he’d be the happiest man alive. He clung to hope, unyielding and unwavering, vowing never to lose it.

 
~

Tears streamed down Senthie’s face, following a path from her eyes to her chin as she sobbed in a corner of her room. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose.

“I feel terrible for hurting Kenzo. I won’t date anyone until I’m sure of my feelings!”

As she prepared to discard the tissue, she noticed her phone on the floor vibrating with an unknown number on the screen. She reached for it, paused her sobs, took a deep breath, and answered, “Hello? Who’s this?”

“Is this Ms. Salvador?” a man’s voice inquired. Without delay, he continued upon her confirmation, “This is Liam Rivera from Grand Mall Corporation. I’m pleased to inform you that you’ve successfully passed the initial screening for a tenancy at Grand Mall Sta. Rosa, Laguna. The next step in the process is an interview, after which we will be able to confirm your acceptance.”

His words sounded like sweet music, and Senthie nodded in response, her heart pounding with excitement. In this moment of joy, she momentarily forgot her earlier emotional turmoil. It was an unexpected turn of events. My dream could become real. I can smell it!

Her excitement radiated in her exclamation, “Really? Of course, yes. Thank you so much!”

“Please check your email for more details. Regarding the interview, kindly keep your line open or regularly check your email for updates on the interview schedule.”

The call ended with Senthie saying, “I will. Thank you!”

She struggled to comprehend. Is this for real? It had to be, right? To confirm her wakefulness, she pinched her cheek. “Ouch! So, this is happening in reality. This is a miracle!”

Overwhelmed with joy, Senthie couldn’t contain her happiness. She couldn’t wait to share this incredible news with Cecilia. Friends since high school, their bond had grown deep and enduring. Cecilia consistently supported her, encouraging her to chase her dreams and persevere. She wasn’t just a friend but also a sister and business partner. Senthie quickly checked the email and forwarded it to her.

Armed with a fashion design degree earned in college, Senthie planned to focus on selling women’s tops and gowns. They found a factory to produce the tops, while Senthie herself would craft custom gowns. Becoming a fashion designer had always been her childhood dream, a passion that appeared suddenly. She remembered the day her mother found her notebooks filled with sketches on the back pages. Her mother’s angry reaction and stern warning were memories she could laugh about, but they also carried sadness.

Her mother had not supported her dream.