Oh hi. You can leave now ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No, seriously, I'll post this but it's more to myself than anyone else. I'm so pissed off at some things and I need to let it all out so I can have some peace of mind.

Are we clear? Do you still want to read this? Well, shit.

Now, I wish I was writing this under happier circumstances, but honestly, the world just makes me feel horrible. How alarming it is that I've been feeling like shit for four weeks now?

I thought I was on my way to healing, I really did, but the world was like "Yeah, bitch, that's not happening, sit the fuck down." And I'm like, "Jeez, okay"

(Warning: loads of memes, cursing and sarcasm to hide the hatred I have for my life.)

I think I talked about feeling like I'm not important and I don't matter before. Well, guess what? Some people made me feel like that again, when it took me weeks to finally get over it. Weeks of work got easily undone in two days. Two bloody days.

Yesterday, dad decided it'd be a good idea to bring a family member who hurt me a lot in the past over to our house. Me, being the stupid ass bitch I am, said nothing and went to my room and kept crying and having a small panic attack in silence.

Then, the anxiety from my upcoming music festival hit me today at 2am and I haven't been able to calm down ever since. Oh wait, it gets even more stupid. (I swear to gosh all my problems are stupid and I'm a basic ass bitch for complaining about them.)

Tomorrow, my friend from out of town is coming for said music festival. My parents, being the way they are, want to make sure the house it all cleaned and "perfect" for her. Not for us, not for the respiratory allergies mom and I share, for my friend that's leaving on Tuesday. Well, I'm not saying it's okay to have people over at their dirty house, but jeez, did the lady have to clean the room my friend isn't stepping in?

And why the hell did mom go behind my back again?

But it's okay, right? Who cares about my feelings as long as my friend gets accommodated at Angel's Hotel? You know, why would my mom care about her bloody daughter's feelings? This is starting to feel like Germany and me being treated like an animal so mom can pretend she's perfect all over again.

So not only I'm still stressed over the family member who was brought into my house, when my parents are somewhat aware of how uncomfortable I get when she's around, and under a lot of anxiety caused by this music festival; mom ignores my words and decides to do whatever she wants with me. I'm sorry this seems like such a ridiculous problem, but if it was me and I even thought about doing what she did to me, she'd talk my ears off until I cried. But it's okay when she does it to me? Hell no.

On a more serious and less angry note, I don't know what to do. I can't be a bitch to my parents, because they'd dismiss me as usual, and mom hurt her foot so she's coming back from a work trip in a wheelchair. A WHEELCHAIR. Again, A WHEELCHAIR. I'd be a pretty shitty daughter if I picked a fight while she's in a w h e e l c h a i r.

And I can't be a bitch to anyone else, because the few people I usually bitch to make me feel guilty and try to shut me up by saying that none of this will happen again. Bitch?! I come to you with these problems almost every month and you tell me it'll never happen again?! I'm sorry I don't sip your ignorance drink, sir. (Props to you if you got what I really wanted to say.)

Oh yeah, speaking of mom coming home in a wheelchair, she tried to guilt talking me into getting her at the airport when knowing damn well I spent the whole day crying because she went behind my back. At this point, I just want to step in front of a train so I won't have to deal with this bullshit anymore. Actually, I just hope I die. That's it, I want to die.

Yeah, I'm done, bai.