YUVEN

"Yuven, it was refreshing to see your handwriting again. I think you slipped some Navee script in the last one. I'm not quite as fluent in Navee as I'd like to be, but it looked like you wanted to say something else, but changed your mind halfway through. Maybe I don't need to wonder though, considering what you said before. I've compiled everything I've learned in Elvkana. The library here has so many books, and I think you'd like it there. I know you've read all the books in the Euros Annex multiple times.

Be sure to take your medication per my instructions. I'll see you home. I know it's been a turn and a half, and I miss you dearly, Ice Knight."

Signed ~ Maria Ollain.

Yes... a Turn and a half, but it feels longer. He put the letter with her neat scrawl beside his washing bin inside the Naveeran captain quarters. He ignored the rosy designs on the walls, meant to invoke a sense of home, but it brought him nothing but pain. How much longer... I cannot say. Footsteps outside the door made him turn. "Yes?" He frowned when Fenrer opened the door, alone and without another person beside him. "Where is the Anima?" A scoff escaped his lips and he headed up to Fenrer. "Don't tell me you left her to her own devices. You know it is dangerous."

Fenrer folded his arms. "I took her to a free room. I doubt she's going to get up to trouble when we're not watching her. I came to check on you."

"Why?" Yuven moved to the washing basin to brush cold water through his feathers. "I'm not the one liable to explode, I am quite well." He sucked in a breath and tucked the letter deeper behind the washing bin, out of sight of his Oathbound. "You should go get some early sleep. We'll have to get up early in the morning to see the Elder Conclave and head back to Fallholt. It is imperative that we get the Anima out of here as fast as possible and in the safety of Euros." Home... and maybe you'll wait for me even if I made you wait for so long... Yuven dipped his fingers into the waters embrace, but the ice crawled up his knuckles.

Fenrer's gaze lowered to the floorboards, and he said nothing.

"Fenrer?" Yuven removed his cold hands to face him. "Is there something on your mind? If you have something to say to me, say it. You know I don't like flurry fighting — bush beating — whatever the ridiculous idiom is." Yuven shrugged and came closer, and Fenrer drew his attention away from the smooth flooring. "What is it?" At Fenrer's insistent silence, he growled out his growing frustration. "Don't tell me you're still tearing yourself over what happened in Tebora — there is nothing we could have done."

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"What are you expecting the Elder Conclave to do?"

That... is not what I was expecting. Yuven folded his arms. "I do not know. Is the Anima worried?"

Fenrer closed his eyes and folded his arms in an echo of himself. "Worrying about what is to come is putting it lightly."

"Is her aura bothering you?"

"Whether it's bothering me or not is not the issue. You know the Elder Conclave will not want to give up an Anima so easily — not after all the effort they made to make sure there was none." Pained empathy filled the greens as he drew back.

"Different Elders since that time, Wolf Boy."

"Not so different views, or else they'd have let us take Adara without discussion."

Yuven sighed out, and stifled a cough. "There's not much we can do, Fenrer," he repeated and wandered back to the basin, clutching onto the edges as rustic waves beat down across his brow. His reflection taunting him through beaded pupils. "We can only see this through." Fenrer shuffled behind him, and he huffed. "I do not plan on giving them the Anima that easily, if that's what's bothering you. We take her to Euros as per Warden Commander Faehariel's instructions."

"She might not be willing to comply if you keep referring to her as something she is, and not who she is."

Yuven groaned and eyed Fenrer, who returned to his firm stance. "Very well, I shall strive to refer to her by name on the morn. Now." He waved his hand at his Oathbound. "Isn't there something you need to be doing?"

"I plan on going to the shrine to pray for the evening—"

Yuven flicked water at Fenrer, who dodged. "You should sleep instead."

"I'll sleep after." Fenrer gave him a softer smile. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Are you asking because of what happened before, or asking because of my aura?" Yuven threw back.

"Both."

Yuven drew his wet fingertips through the length of his feathers, from the young down he had yet to rid himself off, up the long gray ones to signify his age. Every one drew out, and the pain in his temples intensified as he scrubbed and pulled for life.

"He has until his twenties, Nev."

He drew back his hands, and in his palm, one of his almost grown feathers rested in it, detached from him, and a signal of the incoming end. Out of sight of Fenrer, but in the view of a short world. He bit down on his tongue, always tasting blood.

"Yuven?"

He choked the feather. "I'm fine, Fenrer." He craned his neck at him. "Do what you must, but I will be coming to retrieve you and the Anima whether you two have slept or not."

Fenrer relaxed, never imposing what he hid behind his words. "I understand, then I will see you in the morning, Yuv. You know where to find me if you need anything. Remember to take your medicine." He raised his hand and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Tendrils of gray smoke escaped his clenched fist. Embers hushed from between his fingers as he opened them, and allowed the burning, blackened feather to flutter to the ground, crinkling to nothing but ash, returning to the world from whence it birthed. Free from the pain and despair life gave it. Yuven dropped his hand back against his side as the silence filled the room again. Maria's letter remained hidden behind the basin, her worry stretching through every looping letter.

A Turn and a half.

Yuven slumped onto the bed after taking the medication Maria had given him, but couldn't bother to curl underneath the warmth of the blankets with its disgusting taste.

How long...? He closed his eyes from the world, but saw nothing but the burning, black feather he condemned to his magick fire of white. Guilt plagued and birthed sorrow within his uneasy stomach, setting the flurry within into a blizzard. Trapped on all sides by nothing at all. Derelicts hissed and growled in his ears as he tried to hide himself in the disappearing light of winter. Home, out of his grasp. The sun, fading into a crimson dusk.

Over and over and over—

"Captain?"

Yuven snapped up at the sudden voice, and light burned into his head. Oranges cast over the clouds of a new morning. He leaped out of bed, then slammed the door open to his visitor. A young Warden, who leaped back to rest against the wall, trying to get away from him. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you!" they squeaked.

"How long?" he snapped, rushing out. "How long has it been morning?"

"A couple bells?" the young Warden squawked and slapped their hand against their chest. "Um— Fenrer Pyren was asking about you. He is currently waiting in the great hall with Adara, the Anima that you two retrieved. He also mentioned that if you happened to be awake to not forget your medicine — but that if you didn't answer to let you sleep."

You are going to get it, Fenrer Pyren. Yuven ran back into his room, slamming the door on the young Warden, dressing himself before packing everything he needed away before rushing back out, pushing past them without another word. A Turn and a half. A couple bells. Too long. It's all too long. He steadied his pace, refusing to stumble around those who viewed him in pity. Pain stabbed his stomach. Blood filled his throat as he sipped one of his phials. Every second I waste, is every second I cannot get back. The taste bit harder than the last, a reminder.

The one thing I cannot forget.

Fenrer and Adara stood in the lodge's great hall, where the morning Wardens were sent out to their duties. Neither showed exhaustion. But who's to say Fenrer didn't get any sleep at all.

Fenrer gave him an odd smile. "You feel any better?"

He shoved Fenrer's shoulder, causing the Anima to step back. "You should have woken me." He shoved past both of them to lead the way out of the lodge. "I hope you both are ready for what is about to come." He considered the Anima — Adara — who hugged herself in fresh clothes. "I see that you have taken into consideration your state of being."

Adara pursed her lips. "Before we start this — you haven't told me what the plan is if this Conclave of yours says no to the very idea of my existence."

"It's not my conclave," Yuven pointed out. "Your primary concern should be proving to them that you are not the great danger that Anima are often seen as."

Her fists clenched, and she stopped following them with a sharp shake of her head. "Sorry, but I don't think so," she growled. Stubborn. Insistent. Wasting time arguing. "Why should I have to prove that I'm not a monster again and again? I thought at the most, basic respect here would be better than it was in Tebora." Her nostrils flared, and silver embers bounced in the browns. "You're the ones that hunt monsters, why don't you prove it?"

Yuven froze, and Fenrer frowned. He sighed. "Because... People are ignorant no matter where you flee. You cannot avoid it, and trying to find this mystical place without it is a fool's venture. You'd have better luck finding the entrance to the Echo Obscura," he pointed out. He fought to run from pity. Spare me your sympathy. "You may accept that fact, or ignore it, but it changes nothing. We don't have time to waste on the philosophy of it. It's just the way it is."

"It doesn't make it right," she snapped, and Fenrer closed his eyes. "I'm not a monster, and I shouldn't have to prove that to people who don't even care to know me." Her hand pressed against her heart, her fiery will turning into nothing more than a plea to be understood, to find a place to belong.

"You are naive if you think simply stating that you are not will change people's views," Yuven bit. "Welcome to our world, Adara. People find monsters in anything. Get used to it." Everyone wanted to fight monsters, like the medication battling for dominion over the taint which would inevitably take away his life. Nothing more than a burnt feather. Shadows full of pity that would never remain. No one wanted to fight Storm Wardens. He ignored Fenrer's expression of distress as he stomped back to the main square.

It'll be easier if you ignore them. You'll forget their faces — their names — if you even bothered to learn them. It won't matter, because you'll be gone. Waste away. A ghost. Yuven clenched his fists. Let them have their views. Most of them will refuse to change. There's no point wasting time.

"I shouldn't have to get used to it, and that doesn't make me naive. I know the difference," she continued to argue against the ticking clock on Fenrer's belt. "It isn't right anywhere. I'm not a monster. I'm a person. I'm going to be judged for magick I have, like I asked for this. I didn't ask for any of this."

Yuven stopped in the middle of the painted street, nothing more than a ghost to the lively activity within the shops. Fenrer twisted away from Adara, shutting his eyes tighter as his own fists clenched.

Does that infernal band burn you as much as my blood twists in me? I'm a ghost. I will disappear, forget... forgotten.

He breathed in the flower-scented air. "Tell that to the Conclave and see how it goes. You are going to be disappointed in the reception you receive. I have warned you... but I suppose a little entertainment will be needed." He pushed through the crowds and headed to the navy spire's entrance.

"I will tell them."

And that's all I'll ever be.