Gloom had taken over everyone in the household and we all turned in early for the night. I'm pretty sure Grandma cried herself to sleep. I wished to do the same, but breaking down walls is a hell of a lot harder than building them. After hours of thought induced insomnia, I slunk into slumber.

I was back in New York, in my old apartment. Everything was in place. Lin wasn't here and I was alone. Calmly, I walked to the bathroom and swung the door open and froze.

Mom laid in the tub, her face pale and her eyes were close. Bile rose in my throat.

"Mom?" I choked out through my cries. Suddenly, her eyes flickered open and I relaxed. She was just asleep.

"It was your fault," Mom said unemotionally. My eyebrows lowered in confusion. What was she talking about?

"You're the reason they're all dead," mom explained. Her waxy eyes glared at me.

"Whose dead?" I asked even though I knew what she was talking about.

"If you wouldn't have been born, Layton and Logan wouldn't have had their birth disorders. You deserved the disorders in the first place. You should've been in the car, not Lucas. And you're the reason your dad got sick. He got it from you!" My mother screamed. Tears flooded down my face.

"It's your fault, everyone knows it!" She yelled venomously. More tears fell.

"Admit it!" She shouted.

My shoulders shook and I trembled, "I-I know. It was my fault, all if it."

Satisfaction swept over her face, "Good, because I was your fault too."

The real image of mother flashed. All the blood... I screamed and cried.

"I know. I know I know.."

I burst awake and tried to sit up, but found I couldn't. Panic from my dream and the sudden paralysis made me want to scream, but I couldn't. I could hardly breath, something was in the room, I knew it. U had to move before it got me. I had to, I had to, I had to. Panicking, I tried over and over to get my arm to move. What felt like hours seeped by and the monster in the corner moved closer. I couldn't move to see what it looked like, but I instinctively knew it's appearance.

It had black, soulless eyes that resembled the depths of hell. It's face was a deathly white with a large smile of fangs. Draped around it was a wispy cloak. I wasn't sure what it'd do if it got me, but I didn't give it a chance, I never did. At the last second, my arm moved and the movement scared away the monster.

I've had bouts of this before, sleep paralysis, but never after a nightmare. Waking up from a nightmare into a waking one was slightly traumatic. Still, I turned over and went back to sleep.

My alarm woke me up three hours later. I sat up in bed, the action immediately draining me. I dragged my wet palms across my face, the only evidence of my nightmare filled sleep. Slowly and methodically, I kick the black and white flannel blankets off myself. And stumble out off of the couch. Like a drone, I gather my items to shower with and ready for my mother's funeral.

After my shower, I slinked upstairs in a black tank top and a pair of gym shorts with the Huskers insignia (the football team for Nebraska). Grandma was up and getting ready in her room. Breakfast was eggs, sausage, and a bagel. The same as yesterday. I twirled my for absentmindedly. I didn't get much. A tablespoon of eggs and a sausage link. I wasn't hungry after the ordeal of yesterday and the terrors that plagued me all night.

I finished my plate as 6:30 neared. The funeral was at seven. Sluggishly I put the plate in the sink, grabbed my steamed dressed, and went downstairs to get dress.

Just as I got down there, Lin left the bathroom. He was dressed already.

"You're not eating?" I asked. Lin shook his head.

"It's too early to eat."

I agreed, but for other reasons. I couldn't handle all the emotions flowing through me. I couldn't handle emotions in general. Nodding, I skidded past him into the bathroom to change.

The black dress stopped about an inch above the knee and the flats cut into my ankles. I brushed through my brown hair, making it look string-like. I placed in my stud earrings. I chose purple ones, purple was Mom's favorite color.

A knock resonated on the light oak door.

"Yes?" I asked hesitantly.

"Are you ready?" Lin asked, "It's time to go."

I glanced at my image, sadness raking through my heart. This was it.

"Yes."

The base of my black flats thumped against the tile parlor of the church. The church had changed. The pews had been repainted, the parlor and stairs tiled, the carpet changed from its pinkish red to a sophisticated dark gray.

We were the first to be here, excluding the priest and members of the church that had come to help. The priest was at the alter, preparing the essence. He spotted us and came to give his condolences. He wore white and shook my hand.

"I'm Father Jones, I'm sorry for your loss," he said sincerely.

I gave him a light smile, "Thank you, Father."

"Your Sarah's daughter, Lark, yes?" He asked.

"Yes, this is my grandmother, my mother's mother." I introduced,

"Oh yes, I know Katherine. I'd give communion to your great grandmother's. I also did her funeral," he explained whilst greeting Grandma.

He turned to Lin, "And your relation?"

Lin waved his arms slightly in front of him, "Um, no relation. I'm Lark's foster father. I never got to meet Sarah, unfortunately."

Father Jones looked at Grandma in slight confusion, but didn't delve further. Instead, he lead me to the front if the pews.

"We weren't sure if you wanted an order in the pews, Lark," he explained. My mind wandered to my cousin's funeral a few years prior. We got stuck in the back, crying our eyes out, while others who had just went there to be respectful were upfront with dry eyes. They looked at Liz and I, wondering why were crying so much.

"Ah yes. I want closer relations up here. So me and my siblings, parents, grandkids, and siblings," my gaze wandered to Lin, who didn't fit the criteria. I just really needed my sisters.

"That sounds excellent," Father Jones, rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezed, and hurried off. Grandma Katherine sat down in the pew and pulled out packages of Kleenexes. She handed me one.

"Thank you, Grandma," I said quietly and headed up the altar to prepare to greet people. I kept lining the cement walls around my heart. Suddenly, an Arm was around my shoulders. I looked up to see Lin trying to soothe me. I smiled lightly and leaned into his side.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You don't have to thank me," Lin whispered back. Our conversation was cut off by Lizbeth, Mason, Adam, and DJ walking in. I put on a smile.

"Hey," I said softly as Lizbeth wrapped her arms around me.

"Hey," she cooed back, "you've done so much, Lark. I'm so proud of you."

"I try," my voice broke slightly.

"Where do we sit?" Mason asked innocently.

"I'll lead them," Lin offered. Mason and Liz followed him up the row of pews and to the first pew by Grandma. DJ waved, magazine flashing, and went to sit up by his mom.

Adam stood in front of me, making me initiate the hug.

"Adam, you're one of the pallbearers," I told him.

"Okay, who else?"

"I'm not sure, probably Carlos, Scott, and Trevor."

Trevor and Scott are my mom's half brothers. Scott is Grandma Katherine's son and Trevor is my Grandpa's son. Grandpa had also had Tracy, my aunt.

Just as Adam went to go sit by Liz, Madeline and her crew walked in. The girls were cute with their black leggings and pink tutus. At the ages of 6 and 8, I was pretty sure they didn't grasp the whole death thing. Elliot, who was 10, might've.

"What's up," Carlos greeted, baby carrier in hand.

"Just this, you?" I asked sincerely.

He shrugged, "Same as you, I guess. Where do we sit?"

I nodded my head to the front of the pews, "In front, Lin will show you."

"He's cool, man," Carlos brought me into a side hug, "see you in a bit Lark."

"See you," I replied softly. Elliot waved at me, but followed his father and little brother to the pews. Isabel and Carly giggled and hugged my legs. I smiled down at them.

"How you doing?"

The giggled.

"No," Madeline said, wrapping me into a hug, "how are you doing, Chica."

"Alright," I said, my voice breaking. Madeline held me tighter. Tendrils of her brown hair, the same as mine, created a curtain around me. I felt safe.

"I gotta go," Madeline whispered. Her voice was lighter and full of grief. I unwrapped her from my embrace and rocked on my heels. Carly and Isabel smiled up at me, but followed their mother to meet their father.

Those kids had awesome parents.

I clenched my jaw and coated my heart in another wall of concrete.

Some relatives passed me without saying a word. Some gave a small smile or a wave. I relished the small break of socializing.

"Lark," a deep voice grabbed my attention. I turned to see my uncle Scott. He reminded me slightly of Lin with his jeans, dress shirt, tie, and blazer.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked politely. Scott and I never really talked. He was amazingly good at science, but I wasn't. You could say we weren't close.

"I'm alright, you?" he asked equally polite.

"Fine, but I was wondering if you could be a pallbearer," I ask hopefully.

"Yeah, of course," he said sincerely before waving to go find a spot far enough from Grandma so she wouldn't notice the lack of dress pants. I noticed Father Jones and another man coming my way. Instinctively, I stand up straighter and give Father Jones my whole attention.

"You've been doing lovely, Lark," Father commented.

"Thank you."

"But, Mr. Genages will be taking over for you, so you can get to your spot," Father placed a hand on my shoulder in a friendly and fatherly way.

"Oh, okay," I replied quietly. Father removed his hand and I moved up the aisle to where Lin-Manuel stood. I felt his gaze upon me, full of concern and helplessness. He wanted to help, but couldn't because there wasn't anything for him to do.

"Where do you want me?" Lin asked, trying to take on a light tone to battle the dismal event.

"Um, I don't know, but I want to be by my siblings," I replied hesitantly. I played with the end of my black dress.

Lin placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a small smile, "Okay, I'll be near you."

"Okay," my voice felt like it wasn't my own. I couldn't believe what was even happening. I lived with Lin and Vanessa, I was at my mom's funeral, my grandparents would gladly see me dead. All of this was an impossible reality.

Lin left me to find a spot in the "friend" section of the church. My mom didn't even know I was staying with him while she went off by herself. A sudden flash of fury went through me. Why! Just why the fuck did she make all of this happen? Maybe she should've been a good mother, then none of this would happen. She could've lived in New York with me, she could've been happy with me. Why wasn't she happy with me? Why wasn't I enough? Is there something wrong with me?

Full of despicable self-pity, I take a seat next to my nephew Elliot. I don't pay attention to any of the people around me. I just stared at the gray carpet while I was entrapped in my mind.

I shouldn't have thought those things about MOm, she was a good mother for the most part. She had just lost her way. My thoughts on her just hardened the fact that I was some sort of monster. Everyone around me died or busied themselves to the point of not actually being around me. That was mostly the point of me staying with Lin, right?

One inevitable day, Lin and Vanessa will leave me too. They will tire of the little white girl they pitied. I'll either be placed with Sally and Darrell or into a group home. I was living on borrowed time.

"Hey, Girlie," Lizbeth whispered as she sat down next to me.

"Hey"

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

It wasn't until they were preparing to close the casket near the end did Lizbeth start to cry. She pressed her face onto my shoulder and her teardrops cascaded into my hair and down to my collarbone. It wasn't until I felt those drops did I start to cry.

Hurriedly, I tried to memorize my mother's face. She seemed years younger than what I remembered. Her blonde hair was nicely brushed and she wore make-up. Her hands were crossed peacefully on a nice blue dress she used to wear. She looked like she was asleep. Last time I saw her she was floating in a pool of her own blood. I wonder how they got all of the blood out of her blonde hair? But the casket was closed before I could go over her appearance again. I prayed to God that I'd remember her face.

Before I knew it, we were dismissing to go to the cemetery. I caught a glimpse of Lin, but kept my head down and followed Lizbeth out of the church.

"Lark," a voice called. I turned towards the source. My blood fell cold. Sally and Darrell stood away from everyone else and looked towards me expectantly. Hesitant, I pulled away from Lizbeth and walked towards my father's parents.

"We wanted to talk to you about our behavior last night," Sally explained lightly. She looked up to the crowd exiting the church, "Can we go over here? It's a bit more private."

I glanced out at the crowd and quickly contemplated my choices. I followed them. Sally and Darrell lead me to the back end of the small church that was shaded away from everything else. In fact, there was a small praying garden twenty feet away.

"So what do you-" my sentence was cut off as I was shoved against the church wall by Darrell. My head hit the brick and the world swum for a couple of seconds. Darrell was strong for an older man. He leaned against the arms shoved against my sides. His feet overlapped mine, trapping them. A cool feeling tickled my neck. A knife.

Word Count: 2490

Finished at: 3:55 am

Published at: 4:05 am

So cliffhanger. I'm sorry this took longer than normal to get out, but the next one won't take nearly as long, I promise. Thank you so much to all of those who've commented or voted or both. They keep me motivated to keep writing, so thank you.

Does anyone have any questions for me, Lark, or any other character (including real people)? Don't be afraid to ask.

Thank you so so much for reading!

Ever yours,

hlwing