Lightnings not sure what made him do it. whether its his overwhelming crush on the older, the desperation for his approval, or the adrenaline high from winning that caused it. he can't pinpoint the reason it happens, but the moment he jumps from the car and Doc hugs him, excited for his win, Lightning kisses him. Lightning grabs Doc and kisses him, stilling the older man immediately. he holds it briefly, then Lightning pulls back laughing a little, before he realizes what he's done. his heart drops and his chest starts tightening. he's about to have an anxiety attack. he shoves away from Doc immediately and runs off as fast as he can, face bright red, and leaves Doc standing there utterly shocked. he stares after the younger, absentmindedly licking his lips.

Lightning runs to Macks semi and climbs into the cab. he's hyperventilating. his chest his heaving so hard and his heart is pounding so hard it might beat out of his chest. he can't breathe. he can't fill his lungs at all. he curls up in the back and sobs into his knees. his anxiety through the rough, he can't believe he did that. he curls up in the bed Mack has, clutching his knees and biting his tongue so hard, trying not to scream, that he tastes copper. he wants to scream about what an idiot he is so Doc doesn't have to do it for him.

the teams immediately confused when they can't locate Lightning though. no one can find him, but Doc assures them he's probably in the Hornet, changing into his normal clothes. its not until Macks getting in the semi to leave, that he finds Lightning, still curled up in an anxiety attack.

"boss?" Mack asks.

"I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home." Lightning says tearfully.

"hey, are you alright?" Mack ask.

"I wanna go home." Lightning whimpers.

"uh, okay." Mack says. he leans out of the cab. "hey, he's in here. we're gonna head back home." Mack calls. Doc looks over at him, relieved, and like he wants to say something. Mack doesn't give him a chance. he shuts the door and starts up the semi. its a 2 hour drive back to Radiator Springs, but it seems longer with the silence of the younger.

Mack expects Lightning to head straight for Docs house, where he's been staying in the spare room, but he doesn't. he stays curled up in the back.

"I want to leave." Lightnings says. Mack looks back at him.

"leave...?" Mack ask.

"find somewhere new. I don't want to stay here anymore." Lightning mumbles. Mack swallows hard at that.

"but, boss, I thought you liked it here? what about the team? what about Doc?" Mack ask, watching him.

"I don't care anymore." Lightning mutters, wiping at his face.

"Lightning, we can't just leave our friends." Mack says softly. Lightning stays quietly. he sighs and jumps out of the semi. he unhooks his trailer, but Lightning doesn't leave. he refuses to leave. he stays curled up in the back, looking anxious and sick. "hey, are you okay?" Mack asks, walking over. Lightning flinches back away from him and Mack sort of understands. somethings set him off, he'll be okay in a bit. Mack decides leaving the windows down will be alright until Lightning leaves the cab. the best thing for him right now, is to leave the younger man alone and let him calm down enough to talk to him. he closes the door and listens to Lightning choke back a sob as he walks away. he feels guilty as hell, but knows this is the best thing to do.

Lightning hurts. his chest hurts and his heart hurts so bad. he wants to leave and find a new place to live. he can't stay here anymore. Docs never going to want to see him again. he's going to step down as Lightning chief. Lightning feels like he's going to puke, he wants to scream. he wants to hurt. he wants someone to hurt him. he wants some physical pain. he wants to hurt in a different way. he can't be in this semi. he'd rather be in the trailer with his car, so he makes a break for it. he climbs into the trailer and closes it, curling up in his car. he briefly wonders if he'll be able to grab his things from Docs house, or if Doc will refuse to allow him in. if Doc will even look at him. he whimpers lowly, bringing his hand up to hold his chest. his heart hurts. he can't stop the sobs. he gives a hoarse cry and punches the window as hard as he can. it doesn't hurt the window at all, but it makes his fist ache almost as much as his chest.

"you idiot!" Lightning cries, punching the window again. "you fucking idiot! you... you... you ruin everything!" he screams, punching the window again. it hurts more, so he does it again. he sobs, pulling his hand to his chest and crying. he can never show his face to Doc again.

Mack walks over to Doc and shoves the older man hard against the Hornet. Doc winces and pulls back the best he can, looking up shocked.

"what the hell are you doing? let me go!" Doc snaps.

"what did you do to him?" Mack snaps back.

"what are you talking about?" Doc ask.

"he's curled up and terrified. he's having an anxiety attack. he flinched back like he was afraid I was going to hit him. did you hurt him?" Mack growls.

"no I didn't. he hugged me and freaked the hell out, before running off." Doc mutters.

"well he's fucking terrified." Mack snaps. he storms off and down frowns after him confused. he heads into his house. he opens the door and frowns, he's got to make this right.

"kid? are you in here?" Doc calls, positive the youngers hiding from him, afraid. scared Doc will hit him. hurt him. abuse him like his father did. the house is empty though and Docs honestly semi relieved. he needs to think. he needs to understand. he needs to talk to the younger of course, but he needs to think and figure things out first. he sighs a little and grabs his good whiskey, plopping onto the couch.

its nearly 9 PM and Docs debating heading to bed, when the front door slowly creeps open. he looks over, but Lightning doesn't seem to notice him. he carefully closes the door and sighs a little. Lightning turns around and immediately freezes, looking sick and scared. he whimpers, pressing himself against the door. Docs drunk, pretty sloppy, and not completely in control of himself anymore. he shouldn't have drank so much. Doc gets up and walks over to Lightning. Lightnings eyes widened and he tears up.

"no. no. wa-wait wait! I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Lightning whimpers, backing away from him quickly. Docs going to hit him. he knows it. the younger mans chest starts heaving. he's trembling and trips backwards, falling onto his ass. "I'm sorry! Doc I-I'm sorry..." Lightning says. he's pale and sobbing and, despite the fact Docs drunk, Doc knows he doesn't need to get any closer to the younger. Lightning knows he's drunk. he chokes on a sob and scrambles backwards, rolling over to get up quickly. Lightning decides his best way to get out of this without getting the fuck beat out of him, is just to run. he scrambles off the floor and towards the spare room as fast as he can. he shuts the door and immediately pushes the dresser to block the door chest heaving harder. he just needs to get his things. he just needs to grab his emergency bag. its got two sets of clothes, his favorite bear Tommy, and $2000 in cash. he always keeps an emergency bag. his chest is heaving harder but he knows how to get out of here. he's always got an escape plan. the window in here opens just enough he can squeeze out, so he does, nearly falling on his face. Lightning immediately turns to look in the room when theres a knock on the door.

"kid?" Doc mutters.

run. run. run. RUN! GO! RUN!

Lightning scrambles up off the ground and takes off running back to Macks semi. Mack doesn't want to leave with him this time, so he goes for the 95, hoping to drive off. only, to his absolute dread, Macks already locked up the semi and trailer. he can't stay. he doesn't have his car. he's gotta go by himself. he's gonna have to run, like he did from his father all those years ago. he looks back at the house tearfully and turns to run, but slams into Red, who looks a little sick and was probably heading back from a poker game at Luigi and Guidos.

"Lightning?" Red ask softly. Lightning chokes a little, jerking back and flinching. he's absolutely certain the whole town knows by now and are waiting to just hurt him, but Red looks worried. "hey, come on." Red murmurs softly, scooping him up gently. Lightning whimpers, a fearful sound coming from his throat. "its okay." Red murmurs tiredly, heading back for his house.

"m'sorry." Lightning says quietly.

"no. its okay. you don't need to be sorry for anything. come on Lightning." Red says softly. he takes Lightning into the house and carries him into his room. "you just stay here with me tonight, alright? everything will be okay." Red murmurs. he doesn't give Lightning a chance to fight him on this. he locks the door and takes Lightning into his bedroom, laying him on the bed, before curling up with him.

"I-I wanna leave." Lightning whimpers.

"Mack told me you wanted to leave, but you can't. we love you." Red murmurs. Lightning sobs and Red pulls him to his chest gently. "do you want to tell me whats wrong?" Red ask. Lightning flinches away whimpering.

"n-no..." Lightning says.

"hey, you know I won't hurt you. its okay." Red says, squeezing him gently in a hug. "I wanna help Lightning. please?" Red ask. Lightning curls up more.

"I didn't mean to. it-it was an accident. I just, I got so excited. I really... he... I never meant to..." Lightning tries, chest starting to heave again. Red squeezes him again gently, pulling the younger to his chest tightly.

"hey, one word at a time." he murmurs softly.

"I accidentally... I... I kissed Doc in the pits...." Lightning finally manages. "I... h-he... he...h-he looked so... disgusted.... he... I didn't mean to. I swear. I really didn't but he... I..." Lightning tries. Red pulls him closer, shushing him gently. "he was so... I-I didn't mean t-to, I promise..." Lightning tries, before breaking into sobs, burying his face into Reds chest. Red pulls him closer. he's not sure what to do, holding him tighter. Lightning is sobbing his broken heart out and Red seems to understand some.

"you love him." Red says softly. Lightning pulls away, tensing up more. he ducks his head away, bringing one of his shaky arms up to block his tear covered face, like he's afraid Reds going to hit him now that he realizes the dirty, disgusting truth.

"m'gay." he chokes. "m'sorry." he sobs. Red moves the younger mans arms away from his face gently, then pulls him closer. he holds the younger man to his chest tightly.

"you're gonna be alright. its okay. you don't have to run. I promise." Red assures. he doesn't know what to say, or do, to help the younger.

"he looks so disgusted." Lightning sobs quietly. "I'm disgusting, filthy. m'dirty an broken and he's... I... I can't stay... I... it hurt when my dad.... but... b-but if Doc ever... I... I can't stay. I need to leave right now." Lightning sniffles, trying to get up. Red holds tighter.

"Doc would never hit you like that." Red says firmly. "and you're not going anywhere." Red adds, holding tighter. Lightning chokes again. "its gonna be alright. its alright. shhh." Red murmurs.

it takes Red a few hours to soothe the younger man enough he can sleep, but he can't really sleep himself. he's afraid if he sleeps, Lightning will escape and run away into the night, and he'll never see him again.

Red slowly drifts off as the time passes. by the time 5AM rolls around, Reds asleep. Lightnings too afraid to move when he wakes, afraid it'll wake up Red and the older will be upset, so he stays curled up in Reds arms silently. he's not sure how Red can even stand to let him in his house, let alone, share a bed with him, knowing what he is, but Red really doesn't seem to mind.

when Red wakes up, he doesn't get out of bed immediately, he lays there. he holds Lightning for a bit, trying to figure out what to do.

"you need to talk to Doc." Red says. Lightning immediately tenses up and curls up in Reds arms more.

"a-are you kidding?" Lightning ask. "he's going to beat the fuck out of me." Lightning adds. Red shakes his head.

"you know Doc wouldn't do that." Red assures gently. there's a knock on his door and Red frowns, getting up out of bed. "stay here, I'll be right back." Red murmurs, ruffling Lightnings hair gently. he heads over to the door and pulls it opened confused. Macks standing there, looking terrified.

"we can't find him. his emergency bag is gone. I think he left in the night. just walked off down Route 66." Mack says in a panicked tone. Red shakes his head.

"he's in here. I caught him last night trying to leave and brought him inside." Red says. Mack looks relieved.

"is he okay? can I talk to him please?" Mack ask. Red bites his lip nervously.

"um... I dunno... he's still pretty upset...." Red frowns.

"what happened? at least tell me that so I can fix this." Mack says.

"you can't." Red frowns.

"look, Docs over there about to grab his Hornet and speed off down Route 66 to find him." Mack frowns worriedly. Red shakes his head and shuts the door.

"I'm sorry Mack." Red sighs. he heads into the kitchen to make something for them to eat. the foods almost done when he gets another knock. he sighs and opens the door. "Mack I said- Doc?" Red squeaks.

"where's the kid?" Doc ask. Red swallows hard and uses his body to block the door.

"h-he's... he's asleep." Red says, watching Doc nervously. Doc seems to realize he's lying.

"I want to talk to him." Doc said.

"he's scared of you." Red says.

"I just want to talk to him Red." Doc frowns.

"no." Red says, shaking his head. "he's scared of you and I'm doing this for him." Red says, shutting the door. he locks it and goes to check on breakfast. he heads to check on Lightning, who is curled up on his bed still. "Lightning? are you okay?" he asks softly.

"yeah. I'm gonna go curl up in Macks semi." Lightning mumbles, getting up. Red watches him worriedly.

"do you want me to walk with you so everyone will leave you alone?" Red ask softly. Lightning shakes his head with a half smile.

"I deserve whatever comes my way." Lightning mutters, getting up and heading out of the house. he heads for the semi, backpack on his shoulder, ready to leave. he climbs into the back of the trailer. he's leaving with his 95, he's leaving with everything he owns. even if its just a small backpack of things, his cellphone, and his car. he lets out a sigh and puts his backpack in the car, before leaning against it. "what have you done idiot?" Lightning mutters. he loves living here. he loves his friends. he loves Radiator Springs, but he's fucked everything up. he's got to leave.

"kid." a voice comes from behind him. Lightning tenses and turns around quickly. he swallows hard and backs away.

"l-look Doc. I-I'm sorry. really. y-you don't... I... I'm leaving, I promise." he says nervously, putting his hands up. he backs up until the 95 is between them, pressing himself against the back wall of the semi trailer.

"kid, we need to talk." Doc frowns.

"I know the kind of talking people like me get." Lightning says quietly, looking down at Docs hands nervously, then back up to his face.

"m'not going to hit you kid." Doc assures gently. Lightning tenses up more when Doc closes the trailer door.

"Doc, please, I'm begging you. I-I'm sorry. m'so sorry. just please, let me grab my car. I'll leave. you'll never have to see me again." Lightning mumbles tearfully.

"kid, I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not just going to let you leave." Doc says, walking closer. Lightning backs himself into the corner, sinking to the floor of the trailer. he's trapped, there's nothing he can do, so he covers his head with his arms and cowares in the corner. he's sobbing at this point, begging quietly for Doc to just leave him alone. Doc watches the younger man and gets down on his knees in front of him. "kid, look at me." Doc says.

"p-please Doc, m'sorry." Lightning mutters. Doc shakes his head and reaches out to the younger, who flinches when Doc grabs his chin. Lightning doesn't pull back, clenching his eyes shut so he doesn't have to watch Doc hit him.

"kid, look at me." Doc murmurs. his voice is calm and even as ever, but it doesn't seem to help. Doc needs Lightning to look at him or he can't do this. he needs the younger to see that he's not going to hurt him. Lightning looks up slowly, finally meeting Docs eye. the fear in the youngers eyes is overwhelming. he presses back into the wall of the trailer as hard as he can, watching Doc tearfully. "I'm not going to hit you." Doc says softly.

"I've heard that before." Lightning mumbles quietly.

"have I ever hurt you?" Doc ask. Lightning sniffles.

"n'really." Lightning mutters.

"I'm not gonna start now." Doc says.

"m'sorry. I-I didn't mean to. I won't make things weird, I-" Lightning goes silent when Doc leans towards him.

"did you mean it?" Doc murmurs. Lightning pulls back more, shutting his eyes and flinching away.

"I... I would never make things weird between us on purpose." Lightning mumbles. "but you... you hugged me and I lost control of myself... I... I swore t'myself I'd never... I don't want you to hate me...." Lightning says quietly, voice full of self loathing, self-depreciation, and fear. Doc listens carefully, he's waiting for the regret. "m'sorry. m'disgusting. m'filthy, gross. I'm-" Lightning tries.

"an idiot." Doc mutters, resting his forehead against Lightnings. Lightning flushes dark, eyes snapping open to look up Doc. Doc leans forward bracing one hand against the wall of the trailer, like he's afraid the youngers a flight risk, and kisses the younger deeply. Lightnings cheeks burn a bright red and Doc brings his other hand up to cup his face gently. he holds the kiss for a solid minute, before pulling back and resting his forehead against Lightnings again. "you, are an idiot." Doc says firmly, panting softly. Lightning stares at him a moment.

"m'an idiot." Lightning repeats. Doc snorts a little.

"if you would've given me two minutes yesterday, instead of running off, I would have told you that I love you." Doc says, rubbing his thumb gently over the youngers cheek.

"but...." Lightning trails.

"but?" Doc ask softly.

"you... you looked so disgusted when I kissed you." he mumbles. Doc sighs softly.

"I... I wasn't disgusted kid... I wasn't..." Doc tries softly. he sighs and shakes his head a little. "kid, I wasn't disgusted with you, I was shocked and... disgusted with myself for wishing I'd held onto you so you wouldn't leave." Doc mutters. Lightning watches him a moment, before tearfully pitching himself into Docs arms with a cry. Doc winces, landing on his back with Lightning clutching him and sobbing into his chest. Doc wraps his arms tightly around the younger man and holds him. he understands. he has the same deep seated fear the younger man has. he understands. "I gotcha baby." Doc mutters softly. its easy for the nickname to slip right off his tongue, because he's thought about Lightning like this for so long. he's absolutely relieved to have the younger man in his arms.

"m'sorry... I-I was afraid... I just... I thought..." Lightning trials quietly.

"m'not your dad kid. I'd never hurt you. I love you too much." Doc murmurs. he pulls himself up, leaning against the 95, letting Lightning curl up between his knees, clinging to his stomach. Lightnings trying to choke back sobs and Doc pulls him closer, holding his head against his chest. "its okay baby. its okay. I got you." Doc soothes softly.

"I'm sorry." Lightning sniffles quietly.

"don't be sorry. I'm so sorry that I scared you like that. I didn't want to hurt you or upset you." Doc murmurs, holding tightly. "its okay." Doc murmurs softly, nuzzling his face into Lightnings hair and inhaling greedily.

eventually the younger man calms down enough for Doc to coax him out of the floor.

"are you okay to come back home?" Doc ask. Lightning sniffles and nods a little, wiping at his face. "okay. c'mon." Doc murmurs, throwing an arm over his shoulder. he leads the younger man out of the trailer and back to his house. he shuts the door behind them and leans against it, looking at Lightning. the other is just staring at him, looking slightly lost, not sure what to do now that he has exactly what he wants. Doc reaches out and grabs him, pulling him to his chest and holding him there. Lightning slowly brings his arms up and hugs Doc tightly. "are you okay kid?" Doc ask softly, reaching up to hold the back of the youngers head gently into his chest. Lightnings quiet a moment.

"I... I dunno. can you... can you just hold me a bit...? please...?" Lightning asks after a few minutes. Doc reaches behind him and locks the door so they won't have unexpected visitors.

"yeah baby. I'll holds you as long as you want." Doc murmurs, leading him towards the couch. he sits down and pulls the younger into his lap gently. he holds the man tightly. "I'll hold you forever if thats what you want baby." Doc says softly. Lightning holds tighter to him.

"y'gonna laugh at me later for crying?" Lightning ask.

"no. you were scared kid. I'm not going to laugh at you. I'll never laugh at you for being scared. I promise you that, unless its being scared over something stupid like bugs or something." Doc murmurs. Lightning cuddles closer to him, dropping his head on Docs chest, curling up in his lap. he listens quietly to Docs heart beat.

"m'so tired Doc." Lightning says quietly.

"you just sleep right here. its okay. I'm not letting go." Doc says firmly, kissing his head. he's content to hold his boy. to hold him as long as he needs, forever if thats what it takes. he'll hold the young man and love him as long as Lightning allows him to.