:January 4th, XX47; Saturday.

:ENCOURAGEMENT TO COMPLETE QUEST.

•~~~~•

"Logan, honey, come sit down."

Logan bit his lip, turning on his heel and beginning to walk in the opposite direction that he had been walking. When he got close to the wall of his bedroom he turned once more, and he continued this process, pacing, a hand in his messy hair and his husband watching from their bed.

"I am not able to sit, Patton, as much as I do want to."

It had been maybe a week since he had last heard the voice- or, maybe it had been two. Perhaps it had only been a day. Logan really wasn't sure, it was all he thought about lately. Well, that wasn't the only thing he thought about, because the voice wasn't the reason he was currently too antsy to sit down and take a deep breath.

No... it had been months since he had dinner with his mother, and every moment since the blades of the knives in his kitchen were gleaming oh so prettier.

"I know you've got a lot of pent-up energy but you should spend it bouncing your leg or something similar instead of walking. If you sit you can try a bit harder to relax and then we can talk about what you're feeling."

"I'm trying to explain to you now, I truly am," Logan huffed. "I'm telling you this: my mother is-"

"Uhm- y- y'know, Shoe's in his bedroom, across the hall, still," Patton suddenly whispered, raising his eyebrows. Logan stopped pacing for a moment, sighed, and continued.

"Then, I'm telling you Weed is an absolute abomination of a human being. Shade is only in existence because of her inability to have a moral compass. My mind is currently trying to convince me that water-ing Weed would cause my anxieties about Shade to go away, but I know that is not true, yet I also know water-ing Weed would be one way to get this weight of having her as... well, more just her existing as Weed off my shoulders forever. For the long run."

"And I'm saying that's not true," Patton stood up, walking over to his husband. He placed his hands on his shoulders, halting him, and Logan groaned a bit. "Water-ing Weed will not cause you any good in the long run. You'd regret it the moment you went through with it. Get in the head of highschool-Logan for a minute here for me, now- what did he feel after he did that?"

"He felt good, Patton, and that is another reason why I am terrified because I feel as if I'm turning back into-"

"Hey. Take a deep breath. We're going to talk about one thing at a time here, okay?"

They both stared at each other, and Logan took a deep breath, as requested. He realized as he exhaled that his husband probably shouldn't be the one he relies on to keep himself from literally murdering someone, but... he supposed that was how his life worked.

"...Alright. What is your current point, then?"

"I'm saying, that... well, I guess this might answer your other thing, too, actually. But I'm saying that you're not highschool-Logan. You're not. You've moved past that and that can be seen because you're taking a lot more time to think about this instead of deciding to just do it, all because you can. You don't panic over it for only a day or two and then go through with it and never have much turmoil over it afterwards if you do do it again... that's not you. You're grown now, you've moved past that, this has been bothering you for two months and if you can realize that then you can see you're a better person, and you can sit down and we can figure out together more reasons for you to not do this to her."

Logan's eyes twinkled, a mixture between sadness and fear and admiration, and then he sighed, moving forward to embrace his husband. Patton hugged him back, eyes closing with his nose resting just above Logan's shoulder.

"...I don't deserve you," Logan muttered. "You're far too good for me."

"I don't deserve you either, Logan."

"That's not true."

"Then you're not right, either," Patton pulled away a bit to look Logan in the eyes. He moved his hands to hold the former's, and he squeezed them. "Come on. Let's sit down."

"Alright... alright."

Patton moved a hand to Logan's back, and he led him over to their bed. Logan sat down slowly with a sigh, and soon their hands found each other's once more.

"She's a monster, Patton," Logan mumbled.

"You know dehumanizing her isn't gonna do you any good," Patton frowned. "The more you do that, the more you don't see her as human and the more comfortable you feel with water-ing her."

"You're right, but I just can't... you know it's true. She's horrible."

"She is, but that isn't an excuse to do this. Think of it this way- she's living alone right now because she's divorced and her son hates her guts. She might not show it, but she's probably really sad on the inside. She's human, just like you, and just like me."

"Seeing her sad would only make me happy."

"Well then think of it like water-ing her would only remove sadness from her life, or really get rid of it completely, since she'd be water-ed. Which- that's probably not a good way to view it, but if it'll get you to stop doing it for now then that's what we'll think."

"We?"

"Well, you. I'm saying we because I want you to know I'm here for you right now. I get what it's like to have this much pent up frustration for someone that you just want to... yeah."

Logan huffed. "But that's the thing, Patton- you're not going through it at the moment. I am," Logan ran a hand through his hair. "I appreciate the help, but you are a good person. And at this point? I'm not. I'll never be a decent, moral human being. So I might as well screw it up even further."

"Don't say that," Patton furrowed his eyebrows, placing his hands on Logan's arms. "You're not a good person? Then I'm not a good person either, because I've done this more than you have. You... you don't actually, truly want to do this, do you?"

Logan sighed. "...No. No. Never. I don't." God, and now he was getting emotional again, wasn't he? "I- I never want to do that. Ever. Never again. It was horrible. And you were right when you said earlier that if I did do this, I would feel guilty as soon as it was done and over with. It's not even that I feel obligated to, I just... I can't even describe it."

Patton scooted closer to his husband, leaning his head against his chest. "So don't do it, then."

"God- I'm losing my own sense of self-control... Patton, look at me for a moment."

Patton looked up. Logan gulped, feeling like there may be frustration-driven tears in the corners of his eyes at that point. He placed his hands on his husband's shoulders.

"...You have to promise me you will not let me out of your sight at least for the next week."

"What about work?"

"I may be able to handle myself there because we only own one car and I would feel too horrible leaving you stuck there if I left without you. But I need you to drive. And I need you to constantly keep me in your sight when we're home. Do you understand me?"

"I understand you. I won't leave you alone."

"Are you sure? If I make an excuse for us to be apart you need to force me to be by your side. At least for the next week. I need you to be sure you understand this because if you leave me alone for even a minute I'm not sure what will happen."

"I understand. I promise, okay, honey? It's gonna be okay," Patton cupped Logan's face. "We're gonna be okay."

"...Alright."

•~~~•
suspicious? yep

see ya in the next chapter!💭
    ~Maxx(SanderShipper)