Warning! Toxic Relationship and Domestic Abuse!

I look in the mirror, chuckling dryly at myriad of scars now adorning my midsection. Two years, at least that's what I think its been. Estranged from my friends and family, paranoid and insecure. A shell really. An empty shell that once held so much light. Am I even me anymore?

I move, gripping some foundation for the lovely bruise blooming across my cheekbone. My fault really. Had I not angered him, he would not have needed to strike me. I do make such silly mistakes sometimes.

"Darling, dinner is ready." A gruff voice responds a quiet "busy" in return. I sigh and comb my hands through my hair. I gently push open the door to see Kyoya hunched over, furiously scribbling at the pages. "It will get cold."

His eyes flash to meet mine and I froze at the harsh cold I am met with. My loving husband stood and tossed a book in my direction, hitting me in the cheek. The same horror crosses his face, as per usual, and he gets me ice and we eat and laugh the rest of the night.

That really is what makes me stay. The genuine horror every time he realizes his actions. The incredibly real tears that fall down his cheeks as he spirals within himself. As a psychologist, I really should know better than to stay, but it really is fascinating and heartbreaking all at the same time. He honest to God regrets it every time.

Maybe it is just wishful thinking. A hope somewhere in my mind that he doesn't do it on purpose. Maybe I am just projecting my pain onto him. An overactive imagination can really be a dangerous thing. But I like to think it is real. Because if it is, I have a reason to stay. I love him and am helping him. Some sick justification it is. I really do hate to be so doubtful of my husband's love.

I wish I could really talk to him. Dissect his brain for the truth. I wish I knew why he acts like the father he so loathes. But I may never.

Maybe he does love me. Maybe he has moved on. But this box is uncomfortable. And eternity is a long time. I wish it had happened in a meadow so I could drift among the flowers. But no. I did not wake up from that book to the face because my head hit the shelf on the way down. We never laughed and ate. Silly me with the wandering mind. I died, and he fled. I wish he would come back though. I really do miss him.