Omar Ali khan.
That's me.
That's it.
Nothing else.
I don't have much to say about me.
I am a introvert. I keep it to myself.
No one knows me like my mother does. She is the only one who can hear what my eyes speak.
I have only one bad habit which is my anger. I lose control of my anger very easily. I have punched all of my brothers atleast few times and almost punched my dad. That was a mistake. My dad came from behind and I thought it was one of my brothers. Ofcourse, after that I started working on my anger. But I can see everyone is afraid of me. I try to show that it doesn't effect me but it does. I mean no one talks to me and keeps their distance from me.

I have a very large Indian family and I think my family singularly contributed to the population of India. I mean my parents have 7 sons including me. I am the eldest.
My mom comes from a family of 3 sisters and 4 brothers.
My dad is the eldest of 4 brothers and 1 sister.
And let's not count their children and grandchildren. Please don't make me do it.

You may be thinking I have too large of a family so I must be surrounded by people all the time.
Yes and no.
I avoid every single one of them.
Including my brothers.
I wasn't always like that. I liked attending wedding and family functions which were a every weekend event.
I don't remember a weekend we didn't have a function.
What changed?
I changed.

My dad's side of the family was not always rich. My grandpa believed in education and taught my dad and his siblings to study and be self made. That was the only inheritance my grandpa gave his children. Education.
Everyone worked hard and are well settled in their lives.
My dad didn't want to work under anyone so, he opened a shop for sports items.
We were struggling as the money only came home when the goods sold in the shop.

My mom was from a rich family but she never showed off her money to my dad and stood by him in all the ups and down in his life. My dad loves her and both of them bought us up with a humble lifestyle.
After I had just completed my 10th board exams, my father had a minor brain strock.
He was paralyzed for few seconds and recovered quiet easily as he was an active person and was young.
But I could see that he was working hard. So, I decided to join him in the shop and not go to college. My father didn't agree to it. And we finally settled in me taking night classes.
I saw to it that my brothers didn't leave their studies.

I didn't have friends. I just got uncomfortable with people around me. I am closest to the my youngest brother, Adil. He is 9 years younger than me but is the most fun to hang out with. My other brothers are fun too. They tell me everything and I listen.
Yes, that's all I do. I only listen.
I don't talk much. I don't sit down and talk to anyone about my feelings but I write.
I write shayaris. Shayaris are Urdu poems. Short but have deep meanings.
Writing is the only way I can express myself.

When I was 20 I used to love to go to my mom's side of family functions.
Why?
Because I wanted to meet Husna.
I always used to watch her and she would watch me from a distance.
I think she may be a year or two younger than me.
Neither of us ever approached eachother for a whole year.
After a year she talked to me for the first time. She was the sweetest girl in the world.
I didn't have time most of the time to talk to her. But , we texted eachother and sometimes spoke on the phone.
I really really liked her.
It had only been few months that we were speaking to eachother that it was her birthday.
I had bought a beautiful finger ring for her and gave it to her.

She refused at first but then accepted it as a friendship gift.
I didn't mind her friendship.

It was just another day when dad and I came back from our shop and we saw mom sad and her brother really happy.
My dad asked what was the matter and my uncle said "Shaikh Saab has sent his daughter's marriage proposal to your son"
I could not believe it.
Shaikh Saab was Husna's father.
I was so happy that I wanted to smile the widest smile but I couldn't do it in front of everyone. So, I excused myself and went to my room and covered my hand on my mouth and laughed.
This was the happiest day of my life.
I was going to marry Husna.
Wait, why was mom sad. Oh god, hope she doesn't say no.

I freshen up and come out of my room to see my younger brother Zayan having a heated argument with my uncle.
Zayan is a year younger than me and is studying business management.
"How can you think that I would agree to marry Husna when bhai is the one who should marry first"
The floor beneath my legs started shaking. I could not stand.
"They don't want Omar. They want you. They want an educated boy for their daughter" said my uncle.
I had not entered the room completely so I backed off and ran to my room.
Husna's marriage proposal came for Zayan.

I looked around my room and searched for the admission form Zayan had brought me to study business management with him.
I was angry that I said no at that time.
I started filling the form and decided to do business management.
If her father sees I am studying, he may wait for few years till I graduate.
I didn't leave my room that night and the next morning I went to the college and did the admission. And after that went to the shop.
Dad didn't come to shop that day and I didn't receive any text from Husna.
I went home in the evening and my parents said "we have fixed Zayan's marriage with Husna. Her father wants them to get them married soon as Shaikh Saab in unwell and wants to see his daughter married. Are you okay, if Zayan marries before you?" Asked my dad.
I nodded and walked away.
I went to room and that day I cried the whole night.
You know what I really wanted to do? I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell my parents I loved Husna.
But I just couldn't speak and no one heard my unspoken words.

Zayan and Husna got married right in front of me.
I still remember the day when Husna looked at me with those eyes asking me why I didn't speak out.
I had started seeing a dream where she came to my home as a bride.
She did come to my home but not as my wife.

I had signed in for the studying so, I studied and did my degree.
Studying did open up my mind to the possibility to expand our business and that's what I started to do.
I expanded the business and started making deals with high level brands which supplied sports items.
Now, we didn't have a shop.
We have many showrooms. And not just here in Bangalore but all over India.
I bought a huge house where all my brothers and their wives with my parents lived.
Yes, after a year Zayan got married.
Huzaif, my second eldest brother got married and year from that Zain, my third eldest brother got married.
And year from him my forth brother Suhail got married.
Yep, you guessed it. It was my fifth brother next after a year.
Now only two of my youngest brothers were left.
Oh, me?
I just concentrated on earning and making my family comfortable.
Mom showed me girls for marriage but I just couldn't say yes.
Husna was the best thing that had happened to our house. She was the eldest of all the girls and was managing the family standing strong next to my mom.

I visit them all sometimes.
No, I don't stay with them.
I live in a apartment near my family house.
Why?
You see Zayan came to know I liked Husna. One of Husna's sister teased them and spilled out that Husna and I used to text.
Zayan didn't say anything to me but I could feel the distance increasing between us.
One day when I came home late from work. I heard Zayan and Husna argue.
Husna was waiting for me to serve me dinner late at night and Zayan accused her for cheating with me.
I didn't want to create misunderstandings between them so I moved out.
Dad didn't like it and said "just cause you are getting rich day by day you don't value family any more and want to stay away from us?"
Mom knew it was not the case but she didn't say anything.
What did I say?
Nothing.

I left and now here I am standing alone in the balcony of my pent house.
I am 30 now. Alone.
How is it possible that I have such a large family and still feel alone?
I eat my dinner alone. Sleep alone. Wake up alone. I don't have friends. All I do is work and come back home and then leave for office the next day.
I usually don't attend any family functions anymore. They all look at me like they feel sorry for me.

But today was an exception.
Yes, my sixth brother is getting married. Wedding ceremony was nice which I paid for. Now it was the reception.
I had listened to many people today.
I would call it talked but no. I listened to what they said.
I was now looking for something to cool off and saw a bowl of ice cream in a tray. I picked it up and took a spoon full and ate it.
Nice ice cream.
"Enjoying the ice cream?" Asked someone from behind me.
I turned to look at the source and saw a girl with her hands folded across her chest and looking at me with creased eyebrows.
Why is she angry?
I raised my eyebrows and nodded.
"Good, cause it took me 10 minutes to get it" she paused and continued "for me"
I look at the ice cream and smile at her and offer it back to her.

She looks at the ice cream and says "no need . I have nothing to do. So, I'll go stand in the line for another 10 minutes"
I laugh and says "okay" and continue eating the ice-cream.
"Seriously, you are not going to apologise?" She asks.
"I don't know your name to apologise to you." I say.
"My name is Sarah Syed. Now you know me. So apologize." says the most beautiful grey eyed girl I have ever seen. Okay, let's not forget fiesty. She sure was ready to make me apologize to her.
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Cover by @ms_elimonroe