I sat on my bed eating hot cheetos while scrolling through my timeline on twitter. I hadn't been to school in the last 2 days and I didn't plan on going for the rest of the week.

With my mom being in the hospital was a lot on my plate. I had so much on my mind I honestly didn't know what to do. I still couldn't believe my mom tried to take her own life away.

Stokeley's been coming around trying to comfort me but I hardly said anything to him. I hardly said a word to anyone at all.

My room door opened and Indya walked in. I glanced at her then focused back onto my phone.

"Hey..." She said awkwardly.

Since my mom went into the hospital and me and her had that little moment from her taking up for dad we hadn't talked once.

Although we were both living in the same house, we acted as if each other didn't even exist. I cooked for myself, she brought her own food, we walked down the hall past each other and never even made eye contact.

I did feel alone but I didn't care. I was upset. I was angry and I couldn't think straight.

"Im going to stay with Jahseh until mom gets out of the hospital. I can't stand to stay in this house much longer. Its so dull, and I need to get away from the depression" She says.

I continued to scroll down my twitter, clicking on peoples profiles.

"I'm sorry by the way. Whatever dad did to you in the past im sorry. If you need me or need anyone to talk to you know im always here" She says quietly.

After I didn't reply, she turns to leave out. She stops and turns back around to me-

"I love you"

I hear the door close and look up from my phone to see her gone. I lock my phone and sigh.

Great. Now I really was alone, even though its been felt that way I still needed to be in someones presence.
•••

"You want anything to eat?" Stokeley asks coming to sit next to me on the couch.

An hour after Indya left I decided to call Stokeley. I told him about Indya going to stay with Jah and how I was going to be alone. he offered to come stay with me but I insisted I stayed with him instead.

Indya was right. Being in that house was very depressing and I needed to get away as well.

"Im not hungry" I told him.

"When was the last time you ate?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"You need to eat" He said getting back up.

"No. Why are you so concerned about me?" I snapped.

He stared at me then sat back down.

"Im sorry" I said after realizing I was snapping on him for no reason.

"Asia I worry about you because I care about you." He says.

"I want you to talk to me open up to me because I feel like i'm losing you more and more everyday"

I look at him and I can see the desperation in his eyes. I shook my head and look down at my fingers that I were playing with. My eyes were burning and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"Can I tell you that secret I told you I was going to tell you about?" I ask him.

"Go ahead" He says.

"I didn't have a good childhood when I was growing up. I had always been quiet, and shy around other people. I barely said a word, people thought I couldn't talk. I was my dad's favorite before he started to like Indya more. When I was like 5 or 6, My dad started to touch on me when my mom left for work and Indya was asleep." I began as a hard lump formed in my throat.

I was trying my best not to cry in front of him.

"He told me that since I was his favorite, he had to touch my girl parts. I looked up to my dad a lot because he was the only one who gave me attention, so I didn't want to disappoint him or let him down. I never understood why he wanted to touch me anyways. He did it because he knew I wouldn't say anything because of how quiet I was, but he was wrong."

"He went on to touching me and making me touch him up until I turned 8 or 9. Thats when he wanted to have sex with me"

Stokeley studied my face, paying close attention to every word I was saying.

"One night, he decided he was going to take my innocence away. He came into my room and told me I was his favorite girl, once again. And then he said if I loved him, I would let him do something to me. He laid me down and told me it was going to sting only for a little bit. He struggled to get it inside of me, and it hurt so bad" I said beginning to let it all out. I started to cry causing Stokeley to come and sit right next to me.

He pulled me into a hug while I sobbed.

"Why would he want to do anything like that to his own daughter??? He told me I was prettier than Indya and that made me feel good because she would always get all the attention from people. No one paid attention to me like they did to her so I've always felt alone. She wasn't shy like I was or scared and quiet like I was." I shook my head.

"Before he could completely force himself inside of me, we heard my mom yell that she was home early from work downstairs. He quickly got off of me and got dressed and told me to pull up my pants. Then he told me if I told anyone I wouldn't be his favorite anymore and he wouldn't love me"

"When I turned 12, I decided that I had enough. He never tried to have sex with me again but he did touch me and make me touch him. I told him that if it continued to happen, I would tell mom. He came back with the same line, If I told I wouldn't be his favorite anymore, but by now I was older and I knew better." I sniffled.

"I told my mom. And she didn't believe me... They tried to make it seem like I was crazy and was having fucking sexual fantasies about my own damn dad. My dad did stop touching me though, and he also stopped talking to me and giving me attention and now I was completely alone. I didn't regret telling though. At 13 he apologized to me and asked me to forgive him. He was my dad and I loved him, so I did forgive him. But now I do regret forgiving him because he almost made my mom take her own life away". I said.

"Damn... Asia I'm sorry" Stokeley mumbled.

"Til this day, Indya still doesn't know. I just felt like I could tell you that because I trust you, and so that you could finally understand me" I tell him.

"I always understood you, because I know you were hurting. I know pain cause I've gone through a lot of pain too" He says.

He held me and wiped away my tears with his thumb. I felt so safe in his arms I didn't want to let him go.

I'd never thought I would open up to anyone like this, especially to a guy.

My dad made me afraid of boys, and made me feel like sex is all they wanted from me. But I was wrong about Stokeley. He actually listened, and actually cared about me.

After sitting in his hold for 30 minutes and listening to him talk we decided to go to bed.

I was woken up to Stokeley's phone ringing on the night stand. I could feel him remove his arm from around me and the bed shifting from his movement.

He grabbed his phone off the small dresser and answered the phone in his sleepy voice.

"Yo?" His raspy voice said into the phone.

I closed my eyes and was about to go back to sleep.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Yeah im home by myself, but i'll just come to your place"

My eyes popped open as I try to listen and see who was on the other end of the line.

"I won't be able to stay with you tonight, I gotta go somewhere with Jahseh and the gang early in the morning" He says.

"Ight, im on my way"

He hung up the phone and slowly got out of bed careful not to "wake" me. I laid there silently pretending to still be sleep.

I woke up the next morning to see Stokeley sound asleep. I slid out of the bed and walked down the hallway to his bathroom.

I did my business and washed my hands before washing my face and brushing my teeth. I left the bathroom and went into his kitchen to fix me a bowl of cereal. I grabbed a box of cocoa puffs from off the top of the refrigerator, and grabbed a glass bowl out of the cabinet where all the bowls and plates were located.

After pouring the cereal I grabbed the milk out and drowned my cereal with it. I put the milk back and decided to eat my cereal at the table.

I unlocked my phone and went to my messages as I put a spoon full of cocoa puffs in my mouth.

I had over 30 messages from Indya, Mya, Red, and Antwan all together.

Mya's message read "call me asap!", So I went to my call log and clicked her number. She picked up on the third ring.

"Asia! I haven't heard from you in days and you haven't been at school whats been going on? You okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, im sorry Mya. So much has been going on I needed a break from reality" I told her.

"Talk to me now. You're my bestfriend, I thought we told each other everything" She said into the phone.

"Okay... You know how my mom and dad divorced and my dad moved out? Well my mom tried to commit suicide and she's been in the hospital for three days"

"You're lying"

"I wish I was" I said eating another spoon full of cereal.

"Oh my god! Why didn't you tell me? I would've stopped by and stayed with you!"

"I know but like I said, I wanted to be alone"

"Where's Indya? Is everything okay?"

"Everything is okay, my mom is fine and Indya's with her boyfriend"

"So you're home alone?"

"No. Im gonna be staying at Stokeley's house until my mom comes home"

"Thats good at least you're not alone. But don't do anything I would do"

"Mya, not now" I say.

"Okay okay. I've missed you, when are we going to hang out again?"

"Im going to visit my mom today so if you wanna go somewhere after that then we can"

"I wanna come with you. You know she's like my second mom"

"Fine. Come get me at-" I pulled the phone away from my ear and checked the time. It was 11:50 A.M.

"12:30"

"Good. We have so much to talk about" She says.

I look up and see Stokeley entering the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'll see you later though" I tell her.

"Okay boo, bye" She says ending the call.

"Who was that?" Stokeley asks going over to the refrigerator.

"Mya" I answer.

He opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. He closes it back and opens up his water, gulping it down.

"Where were you last night?" I ask him.

He hesitated on answering.

"Isaiah needed me to come over. Nigga was drunk and wanted me to pick him up from your sister's friend house. I stayed with him for like 2 hours and listened to him trip" He said.

I nodded.

After I finished with my cereal I got up and put my bowl in the sink.

"Im gonna go get dressed" I tell Stokeley leaving out of the kitchen while he sat at the table eating.

"Where you going?"

"To see my mom. Mya's picking me up"

I went into his room to find what I would be wearing for the day.

<>

I really hated this chapter butttt another update :)