Chapter 8: Boy, Am I Good To Go?

When I awoke the next morning Ray was no longer snuggled next to me, or rather on me. He was gone and his side of the bed was still warm, revealing the fact that he was previously by me. That wasn't the only evidence I had from last night, Ray decided instead of leaving me a note like a normal person he should write in black Sharpie "Thanks." in big black letters. I remember giggling once I saw it; it was something that Ray would do.

Although, I couldn't help myself from thinking about last night. What if the cuddling had turned into kissing? What if there was a reason for me to feel guilty looking at my parents the next morning. But, all my 'what ifs' were in vain because I knew that that would never happen with Ray and I. After all, from the two times we almost kissed we got stopped and it was sign that we shouldn't kiss. That we shouldn't be intimate with each other, that we shouldn't be with each other.

My sister was looking at me weirdly that morning; she kept smiling at me and had mentioned Ray plenty of times during our walk to school. I decided to ignore her suggestions, refusing to say anything about it since I've already voiced my opinions many times. Ray didn't like me like that. From all the information I could gather Ray hasn't even had a girlfriend. So, why-out of all people- would he pick me to be his first girlfriend?

These thoughts were running through my head as I sat in History waiting for Mr. Henley to start the class. He wasn't even in the room yet, late as usual. Lily sat next to me, telling me about her time with Mr. Haynes, even though I wasn't really listening. I couldn't really focus on her dream date where she and Mr. Haynes kissed under the rain and she went to sleep next to a pile of clothes bought by him, I was too focused on Ray.

"He's looking at you again." I turned to Lily, face scrunched in confusion. I hadn't noticed that she stopped talking to me and I seemed to have been staring at nothing for awhile.

"What?" I asked her. She motioned her head to the back of the class causing my eyes to follow the movement.

"He's looking at you, Ray; you're such a lucky bitch." And indeed he was, Ray was looking right at me, our eyes meeting each others. Ray didn't blink, didn't quiver, or show any type of expression, he just stared. But, why is he staring? Why is he looking at me?

"Because he likes you dumb ass. 'The Gang Leader and the Good Girl', has a nice ring to it don't you think?" Yeah, a nice ring of trouble. Ray and I could never be together, and again he didn't like me. Us being together would shock and upset my family, meaning my parents, would shock and upset the school; causing me to be the center of attention. I didn't like to be the center of attention. It just all wouldn't work out. Not that I thought about it anyway.

"No, Lily, not gonna happen." I told her sternly and she rolled her eyes in response. Just as she was about to say something else Mr. Henley walked in.

"Alright class!" His voice boomed across the room and I watched everyone jump from the sudden noise, including me. "I am not in the mood, for the talking, the kissing, the flirting, the laughing, the shuffling, the walking, the breathing, none of that today!" Mr. Henley looked disheveled and aggravated, characteristics he never showed before. I wouldn't say he was the happiest teacher, but he wasn't like this. "You will be working on your project, this is the last time I'm letting you work on it in class," he warned. "I will pair you with partners, so you get no satisfaction from this but work. Except," his eyes moved behind me, to I assume Ray, then to me. A scary smile spread across his face and I felt mine switch into an expression of uncertainty and confusion. "Ray and Blake will be working together today. Just to give Ray a head start on his flirting as seeing his staring thing isn't working out." The class let out a load of snickers but quickly shut up when Ray started to glare at them, or well, stare. "The rest of you will be working with people you don't like, hardly ever know. I want quiet, Ray you know what I expect from you." Then he began choosing partners.

I was blushing from head to toe. Did everyone think Ray liked me? Was I the only oblivious one? I watched Lily smirk at me before walking to her partner, a lap top already set in front of me and them. I looked up from the hands of the lap top to find Mr. Henley. "The boy really likes you, give him a chance. I know he has a bad history, but trust me. I know more than you think, even though I'm an old man. I guess I'll leave you to it." Then he walked away back to his desk. What teacher says that to a student? What teacher says that?

I looked behind me to see Ray with his head in his hands, banging it repeatedly against the table. That's un-Ray like. He then stilled, his head staying rested in its position on the table. I watched him take in a deep breath and slowly sit up, his hands easing its way from his face; I turned back around, not wanting him to know that I had been watching him the whole time. I didn't even think he wanted me to see what I just did. Was Ray nervous to work with me?

I heard the clanking of the desk next to me before I saw him, his eyes didn't dare to look at me and I felt blush reach my cheeks at this knowledge. Maybe Ray did like me? Just a little.

"So, uh, did you do any research on the topic?" He asked me, finally moving his hazel eyes to mine. I nodded my head, pulling out my notebook with the notes I took on the war I chose. The Persian Wars, the war between the Greeks and Persia.

"Uh, yeah, I chose the Persian Wars." He nodded at my words, looking down at the book and taking it from my hands. He skimmed over the words, looking actually interested in the topic. I mean, Ray was smart. "I took a lot of notes so I wouldn't forget anything." I blushed as he turned pages over pages of my script handwriting.

"You're an over-achiever I like that. I picked the American Revolution, typical, I know, but the concept of it and then the ironic after-math always strikes me. The war was based on freedom, but right after that, they continued to have slaves, marketing them and such, becoming the most enslaved part of the world. And then they say their 'country' was built on freedom. It just always makes me wonder on what they thought freedom meant. And no, Blakey, I didn't pick it because I'm part black." I chuckled at his last comment, taking my book away from him and placing it on my desk. "About what Mr. Henley said." Ray started, after awhile of us surfing the net and taking down more notes. I stopped writing and looked up at him; he was biting his lip, which I assume was a nervous antic of his, and was looking down at his paper.

"What about it. I already know you don't like me, we're just friends. People just misread us, right?" I asked, his eyes showed no sign of his thoughts; his face was stone and blank. Almost as if I upset him. Did I say something wrong? Didn't boys dislike expressing their feelings? I saved him from doing something uncomfortable, right? Suddenly, I felt like what I just said was wrong, that I shouldn't have said it. He looked quite upset, he looked nervous before, but now, now he showed no emotion. He looked away from me and began typing on the computer. Was he ignoring me?

"Yeah, we're just friends. I don't like you like that, I mean, you're so innocent, boring. Why would I like you? Of all the people I could like, why would I pick Blake Limington? Right? I mean, I'm obviously not good enough for you anyway." He exclaimed through gritted teeth before getting up from his desk and stomping out the classroom. I sat in my seat confused; everyone was staring at me as if this was all my fault. What did I say? What do I say?

"I don't know what I did." I said quietly, my answer to all the unasked questions given by the students. Mr. Henley looked at me with sympathy. I let out a loud sigh and dropped my head into my hands. I didn't deal with boys, boys were not my thing. Yes, I know how they worked scientifically, but not emotionally. Not romantically. Why was everything so confusing? Why are boys confusing?

"I think you should go talk to him Blake," I nodded at Mr. Henley and got up, whispers following my every step. Ray and I weren't even dating and people were already starting to talk. I guess all I have to do is interact with him to become the center of attention. Great. I closed the door quietly behind me and began my walk to find Ray. It shouldn't be hard since I could hear his angry footsteps from in front of Mr. Henley's door. I quietly followed my ears to the angry boy, hesitation leaking through my head the closer I got. What if he yells at me? What if insults me, tells me to leave him alone? I mean he already did that. What if he rejects me? It's not like you didn't reject him.

"Ray," I called, he was leaning against his locker. I assumed it was his; it could've been anyone's really. His black boot banged against the metal red door and his arms were crossed tightly across his chest. "Ray," I called again, hoping for him to look at me. He didn't budge and I sighed before walking to stand in front of him. "Ray, I'm sorry, for whatever I said. I didn't mean to upset you, although, I don't really know what I did. But, nonetheless, I didn't mean to upset you. Is there so-"

"Am I an idiot? Am I ugly? Am I not funny? Am I mean, to you I mean? I know I'm mean generally. Am I?" I couldn't answer him; I couldn't even open my mouth. The way he was looking at me, the intensity was too much for me. His eyes were fierce, his pupils were growing larger and his mouth was pressed into a determined line. I didn't know how to answer, am I just supposed to flat out say no. Am I supposed to say yes? I didn't know what to do.

"No you're not mean to me, you're surprisingly very nice." I let out in a low whisper. He nods, pushing himself off the wall he stands up straighter, his large eyes now looking down at me, his eyebrows furrowed deep into his eyes. The new position was even more intimidating.

"Am I nice to anyone else?" He asked his next questions and I looked down at my feet while I thought of my answer. I couldn't really tell if he was nice to people or mean to them other than from what I heard and the three times I've seen him encounter a person. He yelled at that mean girl from the party, he shoved people roughly out his way without saying sorry, he growled at my sister. No, no Ray is not nice to people.

"No."

"So, from these speculations, what does that tell you?"

"It tells me that you treat me how I treat you?" I let out lamely. He sighs, shaking his head slowly. He was starting to get frustrated, I could tell by the way he kept clenching and unclenching his hand. He finally looked down at me and grabbed my shoulders in his strong firm embrace; his hands clenched the two joints and moved his face close to mine. Very close to mine.

"It means I fucking like you Blake, I like you like you, not just as friends. I-L-I-K-E-Y-O-U. I like you as in romantically, as in dating, 'girlfriend and boyfriend', as in I would fu-"

"Don't say that word," I quickly said even through my shocked state.

"Don't say what, like?"

"No, the 'f' word." Even though he was angry his lip still itched showing he wanted to smile, he was amused by me. I amused him, even if I didn't try to. "Ray, I still don't get it, I mean-"

"Know what, just forget I said anything. I'll see you later on tonight." Then he walked away from me, leaving me in the middle of the hallway flustered and confused.

~

"You might be smart but you're also so stupid." I huffed at my sister, turning around to face the TV and not her. "He literally spelled it out for you. How do you not get it, how are you confused. The whole school gave you hints, I gave you hints, mom gave you hints, dad gave you hints, who else do you want to send you a message? God? Sorry to break it to you boo, but I think he's busy." I rolled my eyes at my sister and continued to watch Unpretty Rapstar.

"I'm trying to focus on Jimins rap, I can't understand what she's saying if you keep talking." I muttered emotionlessly.

"I will plug out the cord from the computer, no one cares about your damn Korean show. We're talking."

"Ray likes this show," I muttered. She sighed and walked over to where I was seated on my bed. Ever since I got home I have been depressed. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Ray was mad at me, he had left school right after he confessed his "feelings" to me, something I still didn't get. Ray couldn't like me, wouldn't like me. He just couldn't.

"Blake, you need to give him a chance. You're the first person Ray has ever liked, he probably doesn't know how to approach the situation and that's why he got angry. Give him a chance Blake and stop denying him and yourself." I stayed quiet and refused to look at her. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to sit and think. "But, seriously Blake, this show is annoying, and so is her voice."

"I think her voice is pretty cool, unique." I looked away from the TV to Ray who stood at my door step. "You're mom let me in." He said, not moving an inch from the frame. Traitor.

"Well," my sister started, slowly climbing off my bed. "I'm gonna go." She quickly rushed out of my room and left me alone with Ray. Alone. He stood by the doorframe while I watched my show; neither of us said anything for a long while. And I knew I wasn't going to break the silence. I was scared of Ray right now, more than I have ever been. No, it wasn't because he was a Gang leader, no it wasn't because he was a man, or because he was Ray, it was because he liked me. I have never had anyone like me before, I had never liked anyone. I didn't even know if I liked him.

"So," he said, walking away from my door. "Let's talk." And that ladies and gentlemen, was the start of one of the most awkward conversations in my entire existence.

Can you guys private message me or comment how you think the book is so far what it needs and whats good about it, please. Thanks.