Chapter Thirteen

Talk

When I got my pay I decided to treat Art on an overnight stay outside Metro Manila. It was a short trip dahil hindi pwedeng matagal na maiwan ni Art ang trabaho niya. He's really busy at sanay na rin naman ako. And whenever he has time he really spend it with me, too. Kaya naging okay na rin sa akin.

"Thank you, love. I appreciate this." ani Art na nasa likuran ko habang nakasandal ako sa hubad at basa niyang dibdib galing sa pagligo sa dagat at pinagmamasdan namin ang magandang palubog na araw.

I smiled peacefully... But it was short lived.

After watching the sun set we went back to our rented villa and started kissing each other's mouth as soon as we entered our private room. I wanted so much to stay by Art's side no matter what... Wala siyang ibang pinakita sa akin kung 'di kabutihan. He was there for me when I was feeling lost and didn't know what to do with my life... He gave me some direction... He appreciate my love for music and he supported me with everything. I can't hurt the man who showed me nothing but kindness and love...

I felt the soft bed on my back as Art laid me there after removing my bikini top leaving only its bottom. Pumaibabaw siya sa akin habang patuloy kaming naghahalikan. I tried to be present but I was betrayed by my own self when not so long I was already seeing Wesley's face even with my eyes wide open. Alam kong si Arthur ang nasa harapan ko pero bakit...

I didn't know if it was... longing or what. But I certainly didn't like the realization. Na para bang pakiramdam ko pinipilit ko na lang ang sarili ko... Na alam ko naman ang sagot sa mga tanong sa isipan ko pero pinipilit kong huwag nang isipin. And that I'm just trying to make myself deaf and blind of my own feelings...

Art was already sleeping soundly beside me in bed. While I was still wide awake and was just staring blankly at the room's ceiling. I slowly turned to Art and watched him as he sleep. Until I got up from bed and went to the bathroom. And there I stared at myself in front of the mirror.

Nakapulupot lang ang isang manipis na kumot sa hubad kong katawan. I watched my reflection. I also aged like everyone else. Payat pa rin ako pero hindi na siguro kasing payat noong mas bata pa ako. And my dark hair was still as long as before. I closed my eyes tightly as memories of me and Wesley kept on occupying my already tired mind. Kung bakit parang hindi na siya nawala sa isipan ko simula noong nagkita kami muli...

I wanted to thank Sir Oliver again especially after I was offered more recording contract. Pero pinag-iisipan ko pa ang mga iyon. Baka kasi maging abala na ako para sa kasal namin ni Art... Busy si Sir Oliver kaya pinuntahan ko nalang sa TV station nang sabihin niyang nandoon lang siya sa araw na iyon.

"You are most welcome, Aryanne." Ngumiti sa akin si Sir Oliver.

Ngumiti rin ako at pinag-usapan pa namin ang ilang offers pa sa akin. Until he asked me about Wesley... "Nakapag-usap na ba kayo ni Wesley...?" Sir Oliver asked.

Marahan akong umiling.

He sighed a bit. "I witnessed you two when you were young as I was your teacher then. Noon pa man ay nakitaan ko na talaga kayo ni Wesley ng talent sa music. Years ago when I met Wesley again who's already a member of a popular band, I kind of expected that you two were still together... Ah. Ewan ko ba. Naisip ko lang noon na mukhang hindi na kayong dalawa mapaghihiwalay pa... But, well, we don't really know what will happen... But I'm positive that you and Wesley can be offered to work again soon since many liked your music together. Mas mabuti siguro kung mas maayos pa ang pakikitungo ninyo sa isa't isa kapag nangyari iyon. I believe mas maganda pa ang magagawa ninyong music sa susunod." Ngumiti si Sir Oliver.

Bahagya nalang din akong ngumiti sa sinabi nito.

And when I was about to leave the TV station after thanking and talking to Sir Oliver, I saw Wesley who looked like he just arrived at the station and walking in the opposite direction. Pareho kaming natigilan. Until I decided to talk to him. If he has time then we can talk. I don't really look forward to working with Wesley again, but Sir Oliver's right when he said that me and Wesley should at least talk. Para na rin ito sa akin. Para sa aming dalawa.

"Hi," I tried to greet him in a civil manner. "Can we talk?"

Hindi agad nakasagot si Wesley pero unti-unti rin siyang tumango. We agreed to talk just inside the station since hindi pwede sa labas at dudumugin ng fans si Wesley. We settled in the empty recording room now kung saan din kami nagre-record noon.

"How... How are you..."

When I looked up to him I saw that he was already looking at me, too. Ilang sandaling nakatingin lang kami sa isa't isa. I can feel the pain in my chest because of the as if abnormal beating of my heart...

"Fine..." he answered.

Unti-unti akong tumango. Nagbaba na rin ako ng tingin for I don't think I can still stand it. I just thought I wasn't prepared for it pero nandoon na ako. I was already in front of Wesley in a quiet room and we were already trying to talk after many years.

"How 'bout you..." he asked.

Nag-angat muli ako ng tingin sa kaniya. "Fine, too..." I answered in a small voice.

Wesley nodded his head. "Good then..."

Naghari muli sa amin ang katahimikan. Until I shut my eyes tight for awhile and then I bravely faced him. "Good. Mukhang naging maganda ang buhay mo... May maayos ka na career..." But I still trailed off remembering what Justin had told me about Wesley.

Hindi siya nagsalita.

Suminghap ako. "Is it true that... you tried to harm yourself, Wesley?" I confronted him.

I wouldn't like it if he really did. At bakit parang kasalanan ko... Gayong una sa lahat ay siya naman ang nang-iwan sa akin...

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ni Wesley na nakatingin sa akin siguro dahil hindi niya inasahang malalaman ko. But Justin already told me about it. At base sa reaction niya ay mukhang totoo nga na nagawa niya iyon sa sarili niya.

"Why would you do that? Please don't tell me it's because of me. Dahil, Wesley, sa ating dalawa ikaw naman ang nang-iwan..."

He nodded. Bahagya akong natigilan. "I know... It was my fault, I'm sorry."

I gritted my teeth.

"I just couldn't accept..." he trailed off and shook his head. "Don't anymore think about it, Aryanne. It's done. It's my fault, I'm sorry." Nakayuko siya habang sinasabi ang mga ito.

"I told you, Wesley... The moment you left me, sinabi ko rin sa 'yong wala ka nang babalikan." My lips trembled after saying it.

Nag-angat ng tingin si Wesley sa akin. He nodded his head again. "I remember you said that... But... I still hoped that you'd soon understand..." His voice became weak as he lowered his gaze on the floor. Hindi ko agad napuna na namumuo na pala ang luha sa mga mata niya kaya nagbaba siya ng tingin.

My eyes widened when I saw tears already pooling in his green eyes when he lifted his gaze to me again. "I thought you'd understand eventually... Because you were there, Aryanne. You saw me dreamed. You knew how much I wanted it. So I thought... And I went back for you and my mother. It just took me some time but as soon as I was able to I immediately went back for you!"

Tears welled in my eyes as well. I was just looking at Wesley as he tried to explain his side... Pakiramdam ko ay nasasaktan din ako para sa kaniya... Dahil nararamdaman ko rin ang sakit sa kaniya...

"But you're true to your words... You weren't really there where I left you anymore when I came back. You went to your father and... You're already with someone else..." he said it as if it truly pained him up until now.

I shook my head as tears already ran down and it wet my cheeks. Tumigil si Wesley at isang hakbang na lumapit sa akin nang makita ang mga luha ko. Pero umatras ako.

"What do you expect, Wesley?!" I shouted at him. I cannot contain it anymore. "Tingin mo ba madali lang sa akin noong iniwan mo ako? I've never felt that alone in my life! Alam mo naman, sinabi ko naman sa 'yo na hindi ko kaya noon kapag wala k-ka..." I cried.

Mabilis na akong nilapitan ni Wesley at mahigpit na niyakap. I tried pushing him but my strength was nothing compared to his strong built. At nanghina na rin ako sa yakap niya...

"I hate you so much, Wesley. I hate you." I hate him for leaving me. And for coming back now and creating chaos to my heart...

"I'm sorry, Aryanne. I'm so sorry... I'm sorry..." he kept on apologizing to me as he hugged me tight.

"It wasn't easy for me, too. Leaving you... It was the hardest thing I did. But... it's my dream... And it's for you, too. It's for us, Aryanne. I knew that life would be hard for us soon, so I needed to do something for us." he said.

Nagkaroon na ako ng lakas para maitulak siya at mukhang nanghina rin siya. Nagkatinginan kami sa mga mata ng isa't isa matapos maghiwalay sa yakap. I tried to put on a brave face. "I didn't ask you of anything else, Wesley... I only asked you to just stay by my side no matter what! Kasi kaya naman natin 'yon!" Tumulo pa rin ang kuha ko na mabilis ko ring pinalis.

Wesley was about to say something more pero hindi ko na nakayanan at mabilis na akong umalis doon at iniwan siyang mag-isa. Mabilis din akong nakarating sa parking ng station. I cried inside my car as I drove home. I can feel the as if already literal pain in my chest. I had to open my mouth for I found it hard to breathe. I feel like I was suffocating. Pakiramdam ko mamamatay ako sa sakit nang mga sandaling iyon...

Weeks had passed na nanatili lang ako sa condo ni Art. He was busy with work and I just let him like always. I cannot respond to emails containing good news for my career in music. As if I just let each day pass...

When it was time that the movie was released, I watched it. Arthur was busy so I went to watch alone. The story was actually quite familiar to me. Wesley wasn't the one who wrote the story. Nagkataon lang talaga. The story was about two best friends who grew up together in a small town. Parang gaya lang noon sa amin...

Both had dreams... especially the male lead. So he had to go and follow his dream leaving the girl behind and alone... "Mga bata pa naman kayo kaya tama lang na unahin muna ang mga pangarap. Kung kayo talaga sa huli ay magiging kayo pa rin." This was a line from the movie that made me think...

At the end their love endured. The male lead promised the female lead that he will return for her. Savannah Ortega, who was the female lead didn't answer back to Wesley's promise, her leading man. Wesley left... and she was left alone in their province. But she loved him enough that even though she didn't promise him she'd wait, she still did. She waited for him because she love him... And when he came back... nandoon pa rin siya... Naghintay ang isa habang ang isa ay tumupad din sa pangakong babalik. The main conflict of the movie was the time—the main characters being young and would follow their dreams first. And then keeping a promise as a theme to the story. It was said that true love can keep a promise. That the love of the main characters endured because of their understanding...

I can't help it but to think... Hanggang sa natapos ko nalang ang movie at ang iba ay nagsisitayuan na, halos matulala pa rin ako sa pag-iisip ng mga possibilities na mahirap nang isipin ngayon. Na hindi ko na dapat iniisip pa dahil tapos na. But... What if just like the female lead in the movie, naghintay nalang din ako...

Tumupad naman si Wesley sa pangako niyang babalikan niya ako... Like he said he returned for me the second he was able to. Pero ako ang wala na doon sa kung saan niya ako iniwan... Ako ang hindi nakapaghintay... I was the one who didn't endure...

Pinahid ko ang luha na tumulo sa pisngi ko. Tumayo na rin ako kalaunan para umalis na doon. The music from a certain part of the movie was still playing as the credits were shown on the big screen. I can hear Wesley's voice singing the song that's too familiar to me as I try to make my way out of the cinema. Halos wala pa ako sa sarili...

"Talking with you all day... We were walking around... We were laughing..." This wasn't the first time that I heard of this song. It was a song that Wesley composed years ago when we were still young. We were boyfriend and girlfriend when I heard of this song. At lahat ng mga kantang nagawa ni Wesley noon ay ako ang unang nakakarinig.

"When we're weak... Would you still say I love you... If I'm gone would you miss me like I do..." The music continued to play.

"Baby look me in the eyes... Please tell me to truth... would you still love me when we're old..."

Author's Note: I had to edit Chapter 12 and added few scene. If you'd like to listen to the song in this chapter you can check and listen to it on Spotify. Thank you to my talented friend, Jay, for letting me use his original music in my story. Thank you for supporting Our Song!

Here's the song link: https://open.spotify.com/track/5LmY6OUaAd0W6WbYpkQUVQ?si=u6quli19QKCInkbd9_gWAg

Or just search
When We're Old by Jay Jammang on Spotify!

Thank you, readers!