Chapter Seventeen

Regret

Namangha ako nang makita ang loob ng penthouse ni Wesley. I didn't know that he's living in such a luxurious home. Pero kung iisipin ay malaki na rin ang kinita niya sa pagiging kilalang international singer. Aasahan mo na nga siguro na sa ganitong klase ng bahay siya nakatira. I smiled as I felt proud of Wesley for his achievements. I turned to him who was behind me as he showed me his place. I hugged him which he returned by his affectionate embrace.

Wesley carried me up in his arms and brought me to his bedroom upstairs. It's one of the days when we finished early at the recording studio and I'd ride with Wesley in his expensive car. Iniwan lang namin ang kotse na ginagamit ko sa parking ng istasyon at babalikan ko rin iyon mamaya. Ngayon dinala niya ako sa tirahan niya.

"I regret leaving you..."

"It's my fault. I left you during the time when you were still depending on me. I knew that more than anyone else I was the only one whom you can lean on. If I was just more patient then. I should've given you more time. I should've waited, too." he said as if he wanted to go back and change things in the past.

But it's all done now.

Regret is always at the end.

I met Wesley's eyes. "You shouldn't... because you've reached your dream..." I said as I smiled faintly.

"Isn't all of these are worth it...?" marahan kong tanong sa kaniya.

After thinking about everything that had happened in the past... I also realized some things... I realized my shortcomings... and mistakes. I had the choice back then. Like what Tita Joyce said, I can stay with her at that time. I didn't really have to leave and go to my father. But maybe the truth was I just did it out of rebellion... I wanted to rebel against Wesley. Gusto kong pangatawanan iyong sinabi ko sa kaniya na wala na siyang babalikan... But after everything I'm here in this position now. I'm still in love with Wesley Rivera.

"It's worth it..." he answered. "But it's not enough. It will never be enough without you. Everything in my life would always be lacking without you in it, Aryanne."

I can feel hot tears forming in my eyes and my heart thumping with pain.

I breathed quietly and tried to calm myself down. "How about Savannah...?"

"Yeah? What about her?"

"Akala ko noon may kung ano na sa inyo..."

"There's nothing between me and Savannah, Aryanne. It was just all for work." he clarified.

I smiled with my lips closed. "Eh, iyong mga babae na nakilala mo abroad?"

"Hmm? There's none, Aryanne."

Bahagya akong umangat para makita ang mukha niya. "Really?" I asked with doubt in my head. Impossible! It was still 8 years! At maraming pwedeng mangyari sa maraming taon ding iyon! "It's okay, Wesley. Hindi naman ako magagalit."

"But I'm telling you the truth, Aryanne. All those years... there's no one else but just you. Since then until now it's only you, Aryanne. Do you really think I can look at other girls the same way I look at you?"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Wesley. Alam kong nawala na agad ang mga pagdududa ko. I believe him. Some things may change through time and some things will remain the same. Like our love for each other and Wesley's honest eyes whenever he looks at me.

We cuddled in bed after making love. I knew I was doing wrong every time I think about Art... But I can't stop myself from being with Wesley. Masaya ako kapag kasama ko siya. Pakiramdam ko ay nabalik na sa akin iyong nawala ko noon. The past years I was just trying to survive. Right now I've been feeling so alive. I didn't anymore feel like living was just a mere survival.

"Oh!" Napabangon ako mula sa pagkakaunan sa hubad na dibdib ni Wesley nang mamataan ko ang gitara na bigay ko sa kaniya noong mga bata pa lang kami!

Hindi ko agad ito napansin kanina dahil naging abala na kami ni Wesley sa paghahalikan nang makapasok kami rito sa kwarto niya. But now I saw it clearly na nakalagay lang doon nang maayos sa isang part ng kwarto ni Wesley. Umalis ako sa tabi niya para puntahan iyon. Bumangon din si Wesley para sundan ako ng tingin.

Kinuha ko ang gitara at hinarap siya na nanatiling nakaupo na sa gilid ng kama. Bumalik ako sa tabi niya dala na ang gitara and tried to play it a bit. Marunong akong mag-gitara dahil tinuruan din ako noon ni Wesley.

"I have watched you strumming a guitar while singing your songs." ani Wesley na yumakap sa gilid ko.

I smiled. "Saan? Sa videos ko ba sa internet?"

I felt him quietly nodding on my shoulder. I just smiled. "You kept this." I said pertaining to the old guitar.

Hinawakan ni Wesley ang kamay ko na nakahawak din sa gitara sa lap ko. And then he guided me into playing a familiar tune we used to play when we were young.

But everything was short lived... Nang abutin ko ang phone ko sa may bedside table ng kama ni Wesley ay nakita kong may message doon si Arthur. Tumingin ako sa pinto ng bathroom kung saan nandoon pa si Wesley. He was taking a shower while I just finished bathing. We actually bathed together at hindi lang pagligo ang ginawa namin sa loob ng shower room. Pero nauna na akong lumabas sa kaniya para makapagbihis na rin because it's already getting late...

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang bigla ko nalang naramdaman ang yakap sa akin ni Wesley galing sa likod. Hindi pa ako tuluyang nakakapagbihis and was still in my underwear. I calmed myself down and just smiled and feel his body against mine. "Wes, nababasa mo ako." He was still wet from the shower and only a pearly white towel was hugging his waist.

"Do you really have to leave...?"

Natahimik ako ng ilang sandali. I faced him. "I will... talk to Arthur, alright?" I assured him.

Unti-unti lang tumango si Wesley. I know he's giving me this. Pero alam ko rin na nagtitiis lang din siya sa sitwasyon namin dahil sa akin. And I can't keep doing this to him.

I've been trying to really have the talk with Arthur. But he was always busy with work. Umuuwi pa rin naman kami sa parehong bahay pero palaging kapag dumating siya ay tulog na ako and when I wake up the next day he's already gone to work.

"Huwag mo na akong ihatid." pigil ko kay Wesley. "Just eat your dinner, pinagluto na kita. At magpahinga ka nalang dito sa condo mo, okay?"

Tumango nalang muli si Wesley.

Kailangan din naming mag-ingat sa mata ng media.

Binalikan ko ang sasakyan ko sa istasyon at pagkatapos ay mabilis na akong umuwi sa condo ni Art para makapagbihis. He texted me that we'll have dinner at his parents' house tonight dahil birthday ng mommy niya. Naabutan ko rin siyang naghahanda para sa maliit na dinner party nang dumating ako.

"Your parents and your brothers will be there."

I turned to Arthur as I was putting on some earrings. I also have to look formal. Nasanay na ako pagdating sa pamilya namin. "Sino-sino pa ang mga imbitado ng mommy mo ngayong gabi?" I've never really been comfortable ever since until now. I still feel like it isn't for me despite living with it for the past years. I'd always still feel like I don't really belong here. Events like this never made me comfortable.

"Just your family and some relatives."

Tumango ako. Tumingin sa akin si Arthur. "Wear our engagement ring." he said.

Napatingin din ako sa kamay ko. Gusto ko na talaga siyang kausapin pero may pupuntahan pa kami at birthday ng mama niya. Ngayon lang kami halos nagkita at nagkaroon ng pagkakataon para sana makapag-usap pero ayaw ko rin na makasira sa selebrasyon kung hindi makakapunta ngayon si Arthur sa birthday celebration ni Tita Alma. Kaya kinuha at sinuot ko nalang ang engagement ring na bigay niya sa akin noon pa.

Pagkatapos ay nagpunta na kami sa bahay ng parents ni Arthur. Nandoon ang pamilya ko kaya binati ko rin sina dad at ang mga kapatid ko. And I greeted Tita Alma a happy birthday. I wasn't able to prepare a gift for her but may dala rin regalo si Art para sa mommy niya at kaming dalawa na ang nag-abot no'n. Art's mother didn't smile or anything at me. Pero sanay na rin naman ako. Diretso lang siyang bumaling kay Art at dito lang ngumiti at humalik din siya sa pisngi ni Art. "I missed you, son."

Bahagya nalang akong umatras.

"Oh! Grace is here! Come and greet your tito and tita!" Dinala na ni Tita Alma si Art.

Grace... I knew her as Art's childhood friend and her parents is also Art's family's friend. At alam ko rin na si Attorney Grace Avenida ang gusto ng mama ni Art para sa kaniya.

My eyes widened when I saw Savannah at the small celebration. I didn't know that she's Art's cousin. I just realized that Art's mother was also an Ortega before she married Judge Laurel. She was a model na mukhang nasa dugo na nga ng mga Ortega ang pagiging modelo o artista.

Kanina pa nag-v-vibrate ang phone ko at alam kong si Wesley ang tumatawag sa akin. Patapos na rin naman ako sa pagkain ko kaya nagpasya na akong i-excuse muna ang sarili ko. Hinawakan pa ako ni Arthur kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Where you going?" he asked.

"Washroom lang, Art." paalam ko. Abala naman ang mommy niya sa mga bisita at ganoon din ang mga ito sa isa't isa kaya hindi na ako mapapansin na umalis saglit doon sa long dinner table.

I went to the washroom and carefully answered Wesley's call. "Wesley—"

"Yan..." Sa boses pa lang niya alam ko nang may nangyari.

"Wes, what happened? Are you all right?"

"Yan, can you come here, please?"

Agad na akong um-oo na pupuntahan ko siya. Nasa gitna pa kami ng pagcecelebrate ng birthday ng mommy ni Art pero gagawan ko ito ng paraan. Wesley need me. Magpapaalam nalang ako kay Arthur.

Nagulat ako nang paglabas ko ng washroom ay nandoon na si Savannah. Akala ko ay gagamit lang din siya ng banyo but she seriously stood in front of me. "Savannah?"

"Hello, Aryanne. Hindi natin nabati nang maayos ang isa't isa kanina. Busy sina tita... Bigla ka yatang umalis sa mesa?"

"Uh, nag-washroom lang ako,"

She nodded and she remained looking at me. Alam kong may gusto pa siyang sabihin sa akin base sa kinikilos niya. Sinundan din ba niya ako rito...? Did she heard me talking to Wesley on the phone... "Ikaw pala ang girlfriend ni Kuya Art. I was mostly abroad before and became busy since I started acting kaya hindi nakaka-attend noon sa events nina tita kaya siguro hindi pa tayo nagkakilala noon..."

I nodded. "Yes, hindi ko rin inasahan na cousins pala kayo ni Art."

She nodded her head slowly. "May boyfriend ka pala... oh, no, fiancé." She looked at my hand where I wore the ring Arthur gave me. And then she looked straight into my eyes with a serious expression. "Then what are you doing with Wesley Rivera?" She asked me this straightforwardly.

My lips parted. "What do you mean?"

"That night, at Sir Shawn's bar... I saw you and Wesley..."

My eyes widened. I can remember it clearly. Iyon iyong gabi sa bar na pagmamay-ari ni Sir Shawn, ang aming music producer, kung saan naghalikan kami ni Wesley. Nakita pala kami ni Savannah... I feel like my mind went blank.

I took my steps and was ready to leave Savannah there. Pero inabot niya ang braso ko at mariin akong hinawakan. "You're a two-timer! A cheater!" Hindi siya nakasigaw pero mariin ang pagkakasabi niya sa mga salita. "I didn't expect you're like this, Aryanne Cruz." She gave me a disgusted look.

I looked at her. "You don't know everything."

"Aryanne, oh, Sav!" Arthur arrived.

Agad akong binitiwan ni Savannah. She turned to Arthur and gave him a smile. Nag-usap sila habang halos wala naman ako sa sarili. "Yeah, you've worked together on a project before." Art said remembering his cousin's movie and I as one of the singers for the movie theme song.

Nag-uusap pa sila nang magsalita na rin ako. "Art, I have to go..." I interrupted.

Bumaling siya sa akin. "Where? Something's wrong?"

Umiling ako. "Uh, it's Tita Joyce," Nagkatinginan kami ni Savannah pero hindi naman siya nagsalita o wala pa siyang sinabi.

"Oh, what happened? Let's go—"

Maagap kong pinigilan si Art. "No, no. You don't have to, Art. Kaya ko na. You should stay here. Hindi pa tapos ang party ng Mommy mo. Baka magtampo siya sa 'yo."

Halos hindi ko na hintayin ang sasabihin pa ni Art. Hindi na rin ako muling tumingin kay Savannah. Kung may sabihin man siya kay Arthur then... Wala na akong pakialam. I didn't really care anymore. I don't care what will happen after this. Wesley need me right now. At pupuntahan ko siya ano pa man ang mangyari pagkatapos nito.

Author's Note: I might not be able to update tomorrow until Thursday. Baka sa Friday na po ako uli may update. I'll be busy with a work starting tomorrow so I might not be able to write you an update. Thanks, readers.