*Trigger warning* Only when you flopped onto your hotel bed, did the gravity of your current predicament hit you harder than it ever had. You thought you could do this but you really couldn't. You couldn't watch your best friend from your old life get married to the man who was supposed to be yours. You couldn't move on. You couldn't live this life knowing you had a better one. You hadn't even had time to think about your old family. They were probably still alive. You couldn't just go on living without talking to them. But you couldn't just pop up. They thought you were dead. You should be dead. This wasn't natural. Maybe you wanted to be dead. You moved to run your hand down your face, and realized it was soaked with tear. Pathetic. Loser. Unwanted. Broke. Useless. You hadn't hated yourself this much since you were fifteen (In this life.) And you hadn't wanted to die since then either. But suddenly that seemed like the best idea you had ever had. 

Everything was a blur, and somehow you found yourself opening the window that led to the fifteen foot drop, your heart pounding furiously. You were really doing this. Wow. You swung one foot over the edge. You felt weirdly numb. You were no longer crying. "Have a nice wedding Lin." You whispered. You took a breath, and prepared to swing your other leg over the window ledge but a series of loud knocks on your door inturrupted. Pippa probably. You'd hate her to see you on the ground, but u didn't have a choice. You ignored the noises as the knocking persisted, and soon you were sitting on the ledge. You were so close. Knock. Knock. Shut up, Pippa. I'm sorry. Should you write a note? That hadn't occured to you. No. The first time you had died you didn't get to write a note, so you wouldn't now. In ten. 

Ten. 

Nine. 

Eight. 

Seven. 

Six. 

Five.

Four.

You fell suddenly.

But not fifteen floors down. Not forwards, but backward, onto the hotel floor. Arms were wrapped around your now shaking body. How did Pippa get in? You looked up.

"Vanessa?" You whispered, shocked. She knew how to pick a lock. You were the one who had taught her. She nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"Y/n, I know who you are. Not now. But before." She cried. Oh my god. Vanessa knew who you were. "Please... y/n, why?" You were sobbing again now, and you yelled at yourself internally for it.

"The World isn't wide enough for me, Ness." You sobbed, using her old nickname. "I love Lin, but I can't. I don't belong here. I'm not supposed to be here. I can't. I can't. I can't. He's yours now. I can't."

"No, y/n no. I think I only love him as a friend. That's why I didn't say much at dinner. And either way, the love you two had was so much more. You need to tell him sweetheart." She rocked you gently. You now had your head buried in her shoulder. 

"Your just saying that. I can't just show up and mess everything up. I can't. I need to die. I wanna die."

"Oh Y/n. I'm not just saying that. I've been thinking that before you even showed up. I just didn't want to hurt Lin. You have to believe me hon. God I missed you so much. You have no idea." She rubbed circles on you back.

"H-how did you know it was m-me?" You stuttered finally.

Vanessa shook her head. "I'm not really sure. It- It just clicked." She looked down at your trembling frame sadly. "I'm calling Lin." You tried to stop her but she was holding you too tightly. You heard the phone ring three times and then the receiver clicked.

"Ness?" You sobbed harder. He probably loved Vanessa more than he ever loved you. Vanessa took a deep breath. 

"Lin. I... I can't really explain this quickly. But you need to come to y/n'as hotel. Now."

A/N This is a shit chapter but I don't really feel like rewriting it so here