Dylan

The schools visitor was some actor named Alex Hill. I had been briefed about him by Kai, who had described him as 'inconceivably hot' and one of the best actors of our generation. Who the other best actors of our generation were, I had no clue. Alex Hill was known for acting in horror films, according to Kai, and had been doing so for the last ten years. He had tried to get me to watch one of his films last night, but I was too busy rehearsing for my performance to check one out with him.

I didn't really understand why he was asked to guest lecture at a university. This sort of thing definitely wouldn't happen in the law department. Kai had said that he was a local star, and that a lot of people studying film were actors themselves or wanted insight into how the film industry works from an actors point of view. I still didn't really get it. Sure, he's successful in his field of work but what would university students who major in Physics benefit from a lecture from this guy? Why is everyone else going?

I bopped my head as people rushed around me, my fingers twitching as I thought about my piano piece. I was about to run through my performance with a music professor who oversaw the societies performances and helped mentor me.

Looking back, I could see Kai beaming at me in support, sending me a thumbs up and mouthing 'knock 'em dead'. Once again, I frowned at that. The professor then made everybody get into place for our final practise before the real thing.

It went well, which helped to dispel some nerves, but not entirely. I was still nervous. More nervous than when I had come out as gay to my parents. It was funny, really, how people get stage fright, or rather it's funny that it's called stage fright. I mean, it's not like I'm actually scared of the stage itself. Just performing on it. Shouldn't it be called performance fright? Or audience fright? Since the audience aspect was what was the most daunting.

Standing up here took a lot of vulnerability because music was so personal for me. It was my interest that I used as an outlet for everything. My passion. Not being able to gauge their reactions from this distance with the lights blaring in my eyes was troubling me; how would I know if they hated it?

The auditorium was filling up slowly with thousands of unrecognisable faces. I had never seen this many people in a lecture theatre before; usually my lectures were pretty empty, bar a few sleepy faces that always sat in the back. Especially the morning ones.

I pulled at my collar, wishing that I didn't have to wear a button down. It felt claustrophobic to have something so tightly buttoned around my neck and I was scared I would start choking or something. What if it effected my singing abilities? I should have rehearsed with a shirt on to see if it made any difference; I'd have to do that next time, but now it was too late. I had been fine during rehearsals, so it should be okay.

Making my way out onto the stage, my fingers twitched as I took a seat at the grand piano. Adjusting myself on my seat, I bopped my head and let my fingers rest on the keys. Breathing deeply, I pressed down on the first chord before moving into the song.

As I was playing, I began to forget that the audience even existed, losing myself in the song. The words flowed out of me and I bopped my head along to them, filling the entire auditorium with the help of the microphone that rested on top of the piano. As I finished my solo section, the curtain behind me opened up and the rest of the choir joined in to assist me in finishing the song.

Now that my solo was over, the attention was off of me slightly and I relaxed, my fingers continuously flying over the keys to accompany the choir. The sound they made together was flawlessly rehearsed, which had taken a lot of practice with the music professor. At one point I was sure that he was going to rip out his own hair with frustration.

It was the kind of sound that you could feel inside your bones, as it rumbled through you and settled in your chest, leaving goosebumps on your skin. As the song reached its diminuendo and the choir began to fade out, I continued with my chords on the piano, singing the final few lines by myself once again as a spotlight moved above me.

The lights above felt hot and the brightness in my eyes was making me increasingly uncomfortable and irritated. I may have misplaced a finger on a key because of it, but I don't think that anyone noticed. Even still, the fact that it happened irritated me when I had been performing flawlessly in my rehearsals. I hadn't considered the fact that there would be invasive lights, I suppose.

The song finally came to an end and the audience had gone quiet, staring up at the stage. Standing up from my piano, I did the requisite bow and went to move off of the stage when everybody started clapping, but the music professor gestured from his place conducting on stage to remain still. I didn't quite understand why I had to stay, but I did as I was told.

"That was a fantastic performance from our music society. Another round of applause, ladies and gentlemen?" Ms. Bream stood at the mic, "Now, I would love to welcome Mr. Alex Hill to Nylon University!"

My heart was still absolutely hammering from the adrenaline of performing. The feeling of it pounding against my chest was making me feel skittish and I really just wanted to get off of the stage and away from these hot, bright lights. I didn't like it one bit and now that I wasn't playing my music, I was focusing too much on the audience staring up at me on stage. It was making me feel nauseous.

I realised that everyone else on stage was clapping, welcoming the guest lecturer onto the stage. Being relatively close to the wings of the stage, it wasn't hard to slip off and duck around the back of the curtain. Being on stage for that long was too much for me. Kai tackled me in a hug, telling me that I had done really well, which made me seize up slightly.

Realising this, he backed up and apologised. Sometimes I was okay with his impulse hugs, but right now I was a bit agitated. While he had waited to congratulate me, to be a good friend, he was a bit worried about missing the start of the lecture by Alex Hill, so he ran off to find a seat in the back of the auditorium to watch from there.

Deciding not to follow him, I headed through the wings to go change out of this stuffy collared shirt. I wasn't going to wear it any longer than I had to; it was uncomfortable. Pausing at a vending machine along the way to my dorm, I bought myself a cold drink to sooth my throat and continued my walk while I sipped. I knew that cold drinks were actually bad for your vocal cords, but they were more refreshing, so I often overlooked this fact.

When I was back at the dorm, I shrugged off my shirt as soon as I was behind closed doors. Splashing water on my face in my ensuite, I stared at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed from the panic I felt while on stage and I looked jittery, to say the least. Breathing deeply and counting my breaths, I refocused on my surroundings and pulled my favourite shirt on to make myself feel better.

The familiar fabric did sooth my skin and I pulled on my headphones to listen to some calming music. I felt bad about leaving Kai to watch that lecture by himself, but it wasn't exactly my cup of tea. I mean, I study law; what use would watching a lecture by an actor be?

I kicked back on my bed while I finished the rest of my drink, savouring the last few droplets. They were sweet and gave me a kick of much needed energy; now that my adrenaline rush had worn off, I was feeling pretty beat. Blood sugar levels usually drop after an adrenaline rush, so it was a good thing that I had chosen a sweet drink.

Playing some video games while my music soothed my body through my headphones, I waited for Kai to text me to let me know it was finished. Bopping my head, I mashed my fingers into my controller rhythmically. It was another hour before I got that text, and I made a quick move out of my dorm. As I closed the door behind me, I saw Nate leaving the kitchen carrying a bowl.

Unsure of whether I should greet him or not because of the other day, I stilled and waited to gauge his reaction. His eyes flickered up to glance at me, but he didn't make any kind of verbal greeting. He did, however, nod his head slightly in my direction, which I suppose was progress from before. I copied his motion, exchanging a nod to be polite.

I went to say something to him but held my tongue, realising that if he wanted to talk then he would have said something. That was something that my older brother quite often pointed out to me when we were younger. So, I dropped it and moved past him to the door.

Heading down to the student quad, I quickly spotted Kai outside the University theatre and headed towards him, having to step around crowds of people swarming the side door in the process. It seemed as if everyone was trying to force there way to the front of the crowd, and it looked pretty scary to me.

"What's up with the zomboid hoards?" I nodded my head towards the groups, furrowing my eyebrows.

"They're trying to get an autograph from Alex Hill." Kai explained, "Probably to sell."

We took a seat on the bench and watched the scenes around the university unfold in morbid curiosity. I didn't really understand why people were swarming him and I couldn't really rationalise it. An incredibly tall woman with very broad shoulders and arms was separating the crowd, trying to control the university students who were pushing to get closer. As the students parted, and the muscular woman stepped out of the way, I caught sight of who everyone was circling.

"Is that guy Alex Hill?" I asked Kai, eyes wide.

"Yeah, hot right?"

My mouth had dropped open in surprise as our eyes locked across the quad. The actor, Alex Hill, was the same man that had returned my notebook to me the other day in the park. The godly good looks now made sense, but I was surprised that a celebrity was so nice to me. He also seemed to recognise me as he stepped forwards.

"Why is he coming this way?" Kai's voice was almost a squeak with panic.

"I know him, sort of." I mumbled, bopping my head.

"Shut the fuck up." Kai gasped, "You know Alex Hill?"

"He's the one who returned my notebook the other day in the park."

"You lucky son of a bitch. I'm jealous."

"No, Kai, he has a kid." I sighed, "He was playing with her in the park the other day."

"He has a niece but, as far as I'm aware, no kid." Kai laughed, "That would be pretty scandalous, wouldn't it? Secret child hidden from the media."

"It wouldn't be the first time." I frowned.

"Shut the fuck up, Dylan! He's coming over. Be cool."

"I'm afraid I don't know how to do that, Kai." I cried, turning to him with panicked eyes and twitching hands.

"It's too late." Kai squeaked.