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Chapter 20

Together

"Liz..."

Agad akong palihim na nagpunas ng mga luha ko. Nakahiga na ako sa kama at nakatalikod sa direksyon ni Hale na galing lang bathroom at ngayon pa lang hihiga na rin sa tabi ko sa kama namin.

I silently cried thinking about his kids. I thought that I made a mistake when I took their Yaya Celsa away from them... Kung wala naman akong sinabi kay Hale ay hindi siya magdedesisyon na paalisin na lang ang nanny ng kambal. And now I doubt if I could really be a mother... Muli pang tahimik na bumuhos ang mga luha ko.

Naramdaman ko na si Hale sa likod ko at ang sumunod na yakap niya sa akin. "What's wrong, hon?" Malambing na tanong sa akin ni Hale.

At lalo lang yata akong naiyak sa yakap at lambing ng boses niya. "W-Wala..."

"You can talk to me..." Marahan niya akong pinaharap sa kaniya na hinayaan ko naman.

Ngayon ay magkaharap na kaming nakahiga sa kama namin. Hale wiped away the tears in my eyes. "I noticed that you looked down, kanina pa sa dinner natin... May problema ba? May nangyari while I was not around? You can tell me, please. I'm worried, Liz."

Bumuhos pa ang luha ko. Hale's eyes widened a fraction seeing me cry. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Hale. For making you worry about me... Nagkamali ako, Hale..." I cried. "Mali ako. Dapat hindi ko hinayaang mapaalis si Yaya Celsa dito sa bahay..."

"Liz... I told you, it's not your fault. At ako naman ang nagpaalis sa kaniya. Ikaw nga ang nagpabalik sa kaniya ngayon, hindi ba?"

Unti-unti akong tumango. Hale smiled and continued wiping the tears off my face. "See... Masyado ka nang nag-aalala para sa mga bata..."

"Hindi ko naman kasi maiwasan, Hale. They are your children, and I promised you na magiging mabuting ina rin ako sa kanila... Pero..."

"What is it?"

Now my shoulders were shaking because of my uncontrollable tears. Pinabangon ako ni Hale at napaupo na lang kami sa kama.

"I realized... Hale, paano kung hindi pala talaga ako handang maging nanay? Paano kung ito pa lang ang simula at puro na lang pagkakamali ang magawa ko sa kambal. Paano kung mapasama lang sila dahil sa akin. At paano kung sariling anak na natin, Hale? Paano kung sariling anak ko na..." I was so scared thinking about all these thoughts. "Baka hindi ako fit na maging ina, Hale. Paano... Ano'ng gagawin ko... Paano..." Even my hands were trembling.

"Hush, Liz." Dinala ako ni Hale sa dibdib niya at niyakap. Hinawakan din niya ang kamay ko.

I cried more on his chest and wet his shirt with my tears. I was experiencing anxiety with the thought of not becoming a good parent. I was so in doubt of myself if I could ever be a mother to a child...

"Please stop worrying about it. I'm not a perfect parent myself, too, you see. I have a lot of shortcomings to my children. I am afraid, too..." Halos bulong lang ito at humina ang boses niya. "But you don't have to be scared, Liz... Because I am here. You are not doing parenting alone... You will do it with me... We will do it together."

Hale's words somehow comforted me... I'm not alone...but there's someone to help me. Bumuhos pa ang luha ko at yumakap ako sa leeg ni Hale. Nagpatuloy lang din siya sa pagyakap sa akin at pagpapakalma. He comforted me until I think I got tired of crying too that I fell asleep in his arms. And the next morning when I woke up I was already feeling lighter... Parang nabawasan ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko. At salamat kay Hale. I'm glad that he's my husband...

The twins' birthday was near. I put effort to prepare a party for them. Inalam ko sa tulong na rin ni Yaya Celsa ang ano pang mga gusto ng mga bata. Siya kasi talaga ang mas nakakakilala sa kanila. Now I realized that I can always accept help from people in raising my children. Hindi kailangan na sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay kakayanin kong mag-isa ang responsibilidad sa mga anak ko. Nand'yan si Hale, at nand'yan din sina Yaya Celsa. At ayos lang iyon.

"You can start inviting your friends now, Angel, Gelo." I smiled to them and showed the invitations that were already done.

"Wow, it's cute!" Angel commented after seeing the design of the invitation card that were made for their coming birthday.

Napangiti pa ako. "Invite your classmates. Malaki naman ang venue na napili namin ng Daddy ninyo."

And the kids just nodded to me. Ngumiti na lang ako. Hindi pa kami gaanong okay ng mga bata, I think. Pero hindi na rin sila pasaway gaya noong nawala rito ang Yaya Celsa nila. I have already accepted that the kids needs their nanny, too. At ayos na iyon sa akin ngayon. I already made peace with that part.

I realized that there's no reason for me to envy... I admit that I was jealous of the relationship between Yaya Celsa and the twins had. Na umabot pa sa puntong inisip ko nang baka hindi na mapalapit sa akin ang mga bata dahil nand'yan ang yaya nila. But now I realized my mistake and already learned from it.

Dumating ang araw ng birthday ng kambal. Sa isang hotel ito ginanap. Hinayaan lang ako ni Hale sa mga pagpaplano nito and he hired people to help me prepare. And I'm just glad that the kids loved their party.

"Oh." Nanatili ang tingin ko sa isang batang babae na natatandaan kong na bully pa ni Gelo noong nakaraan sa school nila... She's here. Well, I told the kids to invite their classmates and all their friends.

"Gelo..."

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. Nandoon din sa tabi namin si Angel. She smiled. "Angelo already said sorry to her and we invited her to our birthday!"

Napangiti na ako sa sinabi ni Angel.

"At hindi naman talaga sinasadya ni Gelo iyong nagawa niya last time..." Angel added and looked at her brother.

And then Gelo spoke while his head was down. "She was always quiet in our classroom. One time I just asked her something about our class...but then she ignored me."

"I told you, she did not ignore you!" Angel said to her brother.

Nag-angat na ng ulo si Gelo.

I sighed a bit. "Gelo...baka naman natakot pa lang siya noong kumausap ng kaklase... Dahil gaya nga ng sinabi ninyo ay tahimik lang siya palagi sa klase ninyo..."

Angel nodded to what I said. "But now I think she's not scared to converse with us anymore. She already started talking with us and our other classmates as well." Angel smiled happily.

"Angel did a good job there." Gelo commented.

And Angel just smiled to her brother. Siguro sa kanilang dalawang magkapatid ay si Angel talaga ang mas friendly. While Gelo sometimes can be cold...

"Anyway, Mommy, thank you for this."

Tumingin ako kay Angel na nagpapasalamat na para sa paghahandang ginawa ko sa birthday nila. Agad naman na nag-init ang puso ko. It's always a good feeling to be appreciated.

"Yeah, thank you... And thank you for making yaya come back."

Ngumiti na lang ako kay Gelo. Hindi na namin inalis sa trabaho ang bagong yaya. And Yaya Mona stayed with us, too. She's now helping Yaya Celsa with the twins. At hindi na rin pasaway sa kaniya ang mga bata.

Nakakatuwa.

Sana simula na talaga ito ng pag-ayos ng relasyon ko rin sa mga bata. At sana maging maayos na rin akong nanay sa kanila...

"You're welcome." was my heartfelt reply to the twins.

And they both smiled to me.

Namungay ang mga mata ko habang tinitingnan silang dalawa.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Hale sa baywang ko kaya agad din akong bumaling sa kaniya. Ngumiti rin ako sa husband ko.

"Happy birthday..." Hale greeted his kids.

Both Gelo and Angel smiled widely to their dad and their eyes shined of happiness.

Nakangiti rin akong binati ang mga bata. "Happy birthday!"

And then the kids went to hug both me and Hale. Bahagya pa akong nagulat pero napangiti rin at niyakap ko si Angel. While Gelo hugged his dad beside us. Nalaman kong sa mga nakaraang birthdays pala ng kambal ay halos palaging wala si Hale at busy sa trabaho. But today he made an effort to be here with us. I also reminded him to try to be there on his children's special occasions like this. We should be there for our children, together.