Warning - *Mature Content & Language*

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Alrighty, Guys! Hold your gears, sit back. This one is a long one, and I know it'll be great!

Make sure you COMMENT and cast a VOTE 🤗❤ We're on a countdown by the way, EEEP! Only 4 more chapters left... 5 if I choose to do and Epilogue.

Anyways, for now -
Enjoy this one! 💕

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Aisha's POV

Dear Diary,

Perhaps the two of us become so good at leaving

once we found something worth keeping

we did not know how to stay...

*a day ago*

My fingers dig slightly into Rohan's arm as we step up to the door of The Black Swan, but then I release him. He hadn't uttered a word for the rest of our walk here, but he also didn't try to distance himself from me either.

To my surprise, Rohan reaches an arm behind me, his other hand coming to rest lightly on my shoulder as he gently pushes me to the side a bit so he can open the door for me. I step through and his hand drops away as he walks in behind me.

I was even suprised yesterday when he came to comfort me. Very unlike Rohan, but having him close made me feel better, very very better. I didn't wanted him to ever let go, he felt like everything I ever want. And after not accepting my 'dinner' request, he very kindly told me that he'll take me out, but then he also warned it was just to make me feel better and make up for the fact that the food I made him the other day was actually good. That's what he told me atleast, anyways.

"Hey, Aisha," the hostess, Sasha Grimmons, greets me from behind a podium. "Two for dinner?"

"Yes, please," I tell her with a smile. Sasha was three years younger than me, I've exchanged my hello's and hi's with her at parties, but she has her own friends, so I don't know her that well, but her father owns the hardware store and everyone knows Chib. He used to be a deep-sea fisherman, but lost his hand in a tragic accident when it got caught in the gears of the winch system used to haul in the catch. He retired from that but wasn't deterred from making a life for himself. Instead, he opened up a hardware store on LeDúçh street, that's done surprisingly well for such a small community.

"Right this way," Sasha says as her eyes linger on Rohan curiously before she grabs the menus.
We follow her through the restaurant, and she puts us at a lovely table by a long wall of nothing but glass that overlooks the harbor.

"Jacinta will be right with you," Sasha tells me with a smile, and I give her an appreciative nod. Jacinta is my friend, I knew she would be here tonight.

I chose this restaurant tonight not only because the food was fabulous but I'm tired, yesterday was bad and I cried alot, so today I think I deserve a good meal, Rohan said it's gonna be him taking me out but its like me taking him out, since he knows nothing about Paris.

I'm also on a mission because Jacinta was working and I wanted her outside, observing eyes to give me feedback later. Rohan's so damn hard to read, and Jacinta is a great judge of character. She'll be eyeballing the hell out of him tonight to try to denote body language and such.

I snicker to myself over my devious ways, and that causes Rohan to prompt me, "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," I say, smirking as I pick up my menu and open it. "The crab soup here is to die for so you should try that, and, of course, if you like lobster, that's a great choice too."

"Do you like lobster?" he asked, and I raise my eyes to him. I think that might be the first genuinely curious question he's asked about me personally.

"I love it," I tell him. "You?"
"Never had it," he said.

"What the what?" I ask dramatically as I close my menu and set it down. "You've never had lobster before?"

"Nope," is all he says.

"Then you have to try it," I tell him firmly.

"Okay." He puts his menu down and doesn't even open it.

"But it's expensive," I feel the need to provide, as he didn't even bother to look at the market prices for the day that would be printed on a piece of paper in the middle.

"Then you should have it too," he says gruffly.

"Well, okay then," I say, giving him a tentative smile, silently marveling to myself that for a man who doesn't want this to be a date, or confess that he loves me, he sure is pulling out all the stops to impress me.

"If it isn't my favorite person in the entire world," I hear Jacinta say from my left as she walks up to the table and pours water into my glass. I glance up at her, but she's staring across the table at Rohan, who sits to my opposite. Then she turns to look down at me and gives me a wink. "Oh, and hey, Aisha. Good to see you too."

I grin at her, but then give her a mock pout. "I thought I was your favorite person in the world."

"No," She drawls out as she puts her free hand on her hip and waves the mostly empty water pitcher at Rohan. "He's now my favorite person after that epic show he put on the other day. I think his tour in Paris overall, is probably one of his best."

I purse my lips and give her an accommodating nod. "That's true. It was epic, and I can see how your loyalties would change."

Jacinta laughs and blows me a kiss, then sticks her hand across the table to Rohan. "We weren't formally introduced the other day, but I'm Jacinta Freeman. Friend to Aisha here, and well, she really is my favorite person in the world. But you're a close second." Her Russian accent is so cute, it makes me pour out a hearty laugh.

Rohan smiles at her, and I have to admit it's a beautiful smile. He shakes her hand and says, "I love it here so much. If I had the time, I might done a few more shows."

Jacinta laughs as she releases his hand, and then leans over to pour his water. "Okay, you're my favorite again. Aisha will just have to be satisfied with second best."

And to my surprise, Rohan chuckles and that's even more beautiful. His face actually changes and his eyes lighten up. He looks approachable and I have to resist the urge to lean over and kiss him.
Instead, I look back up at Jacinta. "We're going to both have the crab soup and full lobsters."

"What to drink?" She asked with efficiency.

"I'm fine with water, Rohan will have beer I guess?" I say, looking over at him.

"Whatever Aisha says." Rohan spoke, nodding towards me. And I think at that time I just held on to the table, or I would've been straddling him, showering many kisses.
Hold on, Aisha.

"I'll go put your orders in and be right back with the soups."
I watch for a moment as Jacinta walks to the next table to check on them before I turn back to Rohan. "And that crazy girl is one of my best friends. Type of friend who I don't see everyday, but is one of the few I can trust. After Tina she helped me alot, adjusting in Paris."

"She's funny," Rohan observes. "And she clearly adores you."

"Not as much as she adores you apparently," I say dryly. "But the feeling is mutual."

Rohan smiles. And a heavy breath escaped my lungs. "You guys are mostly the same..." He drawls.

"Actually, no," I tell him as I cross my forearms on the table and lean toward him a bit. "We're almost like night and day. She's crazy, wild, and uninhibited. She doesn't have a filter on her mouth and can talk to any stranger. Jacinta likes to fly by the seat of her pants and is completely spontaneous."

"Then that means you're sedate, cautious with your words, introverted, and goal oriented," Rohan throws at me.

"Something like that, but I wish I was a bit more like her. I try, but I always end up being that naive little girl." I say as I pick up my glass and take a sip of water.

"You really think that?," Rohan says as he cocks an eyebrow at me. "I think you're perfect the way you are."

I gulped, putting my glass back on the table. This is why I fell inlove with him, I know he's not only a jerk, he's all in one, and when he says things like that, it just makes my heart melt.

I looked down, placing my hands on my thighs. "Thank you." I mumbled quietly. I could feel his eyes on me the entire minute I didn't speak. And it didn't feel bad. I love when he looks at me.

"So I'll actually be going back to India..." He spoke, cutting of the silence.

"Wow, what?" I stutter with a laugh. "I thought Italy was your next stop?"

Rohan nods and then says, "Yeah then India for 3 days. Its just a small event."

I shake my head. "Wow, your lucky..."

"What about your parents?" I ask, "Are they still in India? Your going to see them?"

"Yes and No, I'm not. I'd rather be alone." His eyes lift back up to mine, and they're clear. No hint of pain or anything. In fact, they are a little flat, and I don't like that.

"I'm sorry," I say softly as I reach my hand out to touch his.
"Don't be," he responds gruffly, quickly moving his hand away so we don't make contact. "It was a long time ago."

His message to me is clear. He doesn't want to talk about his family. I have to respect that. But I'm not willing to give up on this opportunity where I have him pinned to that chair for the duration of this dinner. I want to know more.

"Why did you move to London?" I question him curiously. "I can't imagine it's because you've always wanted to go there."

I'm surprised when Rohan actually gives me a slight smile, causing him to appear relaxed again. "Just wanted a change of scenery and no... I didn't really dream to go there, but when the opportunity came, it sounded interesting to move out from India and achieve something bigger and brighter, I thought I'd give it a try."

"And there were so many memories in India," His eyes pinned on me hard, was he talking about India or me? "I wanted to forget and start as a different person, also my career wasn't great then too... kinda like how you moved to Paris for a fresh start, that was my thought."

I nodded understanding, "I get it, but my case wasn't like yours. Cause I'm not you. I'm not outspoken and popular and daring..." I tell him with a laugh. "I'm not very adventurous, I guess you could say."

"I don't know about that," He says, his voice a low rumble. "You certainly kept poking at this bear. That's pretty damn daring." He said, pointing at himself.

"Oh so you're a bear?" I ask teasingly, my head tilted to the side.

He nods, his eyes still pinning me in place. "I have claws and teeth, Aisha. I bite hard, it's pretty dangerous if you ask me."

"Is that a warning?' I asked, now more curious than ever, even as a small ripple of fear runs up my spine over his words.

"Would you leave me if it was?" He counters.

"Nope." I stare at him, refusing to let my gaze drop. He stares right back at me, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine, perhaps trying to figure out if I'm being brave or foolish.

Before I can answer, Jacinta comes to the table, setting Rohan's beer down. Our gazes connect for a second before Rohan looks up at her "Thank you Jacinta." He says.

"Sure thing, hot stuff," she says back to him with a grin, and then proceeds to lay our bowls of soup down before us.

When she leaves, Rohan picks up his spoon and gives the creamy soup a try. I watch him carefully, wondering how I can get the conversation back to where it was, because I want to test him. I want to see if he really wants to push me away or perhaps if he wants me to disregard the warning bells to keep me after him.
But the moment is clearly broken when he asks me the most dreadful question imaginable after he swallows his bite of soup. "So, what's your favorite movie?"

Really?
We're going to talk about movies?
We're going to have a boring, lame, and non-invasive discussion? He wants stupid details about me that don't mean anything?

I suppress an eye roll as I pick up my spoon before telling him, "Remember me. What's yours?"

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Rohan's POV

I don't want it to be, but this is definitely a date.

I came to this brutal realization about ten minutes after we finished our lobsters. Somehow, while I was busy cracking the shiny red shell of a huge claw, it hit me that Aisha had managed to completely captivate me with some good fucking conversation.

Despite my best efforts to keep us talking about impersonal shit, Aisha managed to make me more and more curious about her. Learning her favorite movie led into a conversation about the fact that there wasn't a decent movie theater in this area. Like a dumbass, rather than ask about where she would go to see her movies and keep the conversation impersonal, I made the mistake about asking what she liked to do in her free time. That started an avalanche of information flowing toward me at a breakneck speed.
And I was fucking hooked.

I already knew that Aisha was quirky, funny, and I'll even admit, practically irresistible. It goes without saying that she's gorgeous and sexy. But I also found out, through stories she told me about her life, that she has an amazing sense of self. Like I didn't know that before, but it was confirmed today.

But by the time we had finished dessert-which was cheesecake for Aisha and another beer for me-I knew without a doubt that Aisha was more than just content in her life here in Paris.

I learned she's incredibly close to her Dad and Brother. Still. And misses them like hell.
She has a completely fulfilling relationship with Tina that resembles more of a sibling nature than just best friends, and she has a career that brings her such joy, she would never think to do anything else with her life then stay at Pensiula Hotel.

Some would call her simpleminded and lacking goals, but I see someone who is incredibly centered and has achieved everything she could ever want in life.

This fascinates me.

This more than fascinates me, because despite the fact that I almost single-handedly killed this tour in Paris and focused on my career so much, that I've forgot about my loved ones. I'm here in Paris wondering how I've wasted so much of my life. I'm in a town, to busy being famous, and forgot the fact I removed everything important in my life.

As I reflect back on the last five years I gave up, I feel strangely unaccomplished.

I look at Aisha Khurana and realize I've been missing out on the reality of life. I've been completely without those little things that make life worth living. Good friends and family, a sense of belonging, and a joy-filled life. My life so far has been nothing but subsistence, and not a very fulfilling one at that.

While I admit this is a date, I still don't have a fucking clue what I'm going to do with this revelation. If I was a kind and gentle man, I've would've told Aisha about a week ago that I'm leaving... but I didn't.

Now I have to tell her, when I'm leaving in less then 24hrs and all I know right now, is that I fucked up and I'm gonna leave her.. again.
I've been called a supreme asshole by many people, and they wouldn't be wrong in their beliefs about me.

And yet, even though I know I fucked up, I'm debating right this very minute as I walk her back home whether I'm going to kiss the fuck out of her and then tell her I'm going to leave tomorrow, because at my core, I'm a selfish bastard. Or should I politely shake her hand and tell her that it was good meeting her then bid a goodbye... I've gotten so many years of living life as amorally and sinfully as possible, so fuck it, I might aswell go with the first option.

"So, what did you think of your first experience with lobster?" Aisha asks as she nudges her shoulder into my arm playfully. The push doesn't move me off course, and I keep my hands firmly tucked in my pockets as we walk along the same path back to her house. Up ahead in the distance, I see her apartment building.

"It was fantastic," I admit about the lobster. "Outside of being a pain in the ass to eat."

"You can order them to be cracked and the meat pulled out for you," Aisha tells me. "But you'd look like a total pansy ass at that point, and I don't think that would be a good look on you."
My lips twitch as she'd be totally right about that, but I don't respond. Despite Aisha's knack for keeping conversation flowing, I also find that moments of silence with her are just as comfortable.

So comfortable, in fact, I almost trip over my own feet when she startles me with her next crazy proclamation. "I think this was a nice date, and I'm wondering if you're going to kiss me when we get to my apartment."

"It's not a date," I say automatically and way too vehemently, and Aisha just snickers at me.

"Of course it's a date," she says. "You picked me up, took me to a nice restaurant, we had amazing conversation, lingered long over dessert, and we're taking a totally romantic walk back to my house."

"It was a thank you for the dinner the other day," I state firmly.

"That would have been beer and a pizza, not a romantic restaurant," she counters.

"You picked the restaurant," I remind her.

She ignores that very pointed reminder. "So are you going to kiss me?"

"Fucking hell," I mutter, completely wanting to tell her, No, I'm not going to kiss you. Not now. Not ever. But nothing else comes out.

She snickers again. "You totally want to kiss me." Aisha said.

"Wring your neck more like it," I growled at her.
She laughs at me again, and my lips twitch... again. Her laugh as a better flow than my music. Fuck. Stop Rohan.

I'm not going to kiss then leave again, history is not gonna repeat.

"Seriously though," she says solemnly as she stops mid-stride and curls her hand around my forearm, which causes me to stop and turn to her. Her gaze is troubled, all traces of amusement gone. "I'm giving you a hard time. You don't have to kiss me."

I stare at her a thoughtful moment, my eyes moving over her beautifully innocent face. Her head tilts to the side, almost as if she's trying to figure out what's lurking inside my head.
"I'll think about it," I finally tell her. "And let you know when we get to your house."

She beams a smile up at me. It causes my stomach to tighten and my skin to tingle, in a not wholly unpleasant way. So I'm guessing I already have my answer.

Aisha moves her hand down my forearm, past my wrist, and slides her palm against mine. Her fingers curl around my own as she says, "The suspense is killing me. I hope it lasts. Willy Wonka, 1971."

Of course she had to say something cute like that.

Smiling internally but never showing her that she amuses me, I don't bother pulling my hand away from hers because it feels too damn nice. It's soft and warm and secure against mine, unlike anything I've felt in my grasp before.

Instead, I just start walking, this time a bit quicker and with our hands firmly clasped together...

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We walk past a couple of short bulidings and we then reach hers, "So since you brought up the whloe kissing topic, have you ever been kissed by another man, besides me?" She lets go of my hand and laughs, reaching downwards to her purse, she pulls out a set of keys.

"You think your the only guy who's ever kissed me? Please then, get a life."

I blink at her, my jaws clenched. So she has. Nah, that dosen't suit well to me. "You serious?" I ask.

She looks up at me, "Yes," she whispers. "At a party. He-"

I make a growling sound, and she stops. I didn't mean to do that. It sprang from deep inside me, a raw part of me best left alone. She digs into things I don't want dug into just by being who she is, just by looking at me with those big light brown eyes.

fuck. My pulse rages.

"What did he do?" I make myself ask, voice mocking like I don't give a shit. "Did he touch you? Shove his tounge inside your mouth?"

"What?" Her eyes widen, and that mouth - God, that mouth. Her lips part in shock. "No."

I stare at the pink of her lips, the shape of them, wondering how they would feel against mine again. My hand slides through her hair and locks behind her neck, holding her in place. I walk back with her, pinning her against the brick wall of her building.

You're going to hurt her Rohan.

Leave her the fuck alone.
The voice inside my head warns.

I might have been able to walk away. That's what I tell myself. Then her head tilts back, just the smallest degree, and her lips part.
And I'm lost. Everything inside me goes upside down. I bend my face to hers, a breath away.

And freeze.

Her breath heats my lips. The moment stretches out in rapid heartbeats. In that moment, I realise whas happening, she's setting a fucking trap. Not for her, but for me. It's the love trap, that I know she's already in, and is waiting for me to join. No no Rohan, girls play you in those traps, don't fall back there.

But then again, I just can't fucking stop myself - I press my lips to her. Wind blows through us, lights explode through me. God, she feels so soft - so fucking soft, so good. I sink into the pleasure of her. She's warm, luxurious. She's all-consuming quicksand I never want to escape.

Sweet and soft, like everything good. I'm sinking into oblivion, and it's all I want.

I adjust my grip on the back of her neck, fisting her hair, my other hand gripping her waist. I love holding her like this.

Fuck, it's too much.

I pull back, blood racing. It's too much. It's not enough.

She stared at me, with this stunned light in her eyes. Her arms dropping to the sides. Was she trying to push me away? If she was, I couldn't tell. What does she see on my face? Hunger? Suprise? Danger?

I fit our lips back together, higher and harder this time. Even better. No matter how our lips connect, it feels like magic.

I want a better taste, but using my tongue will change this. It will make it less pure, and her lips are fucking heaven. A little voice says why not?
So I do it - I slip my tongue along her lower lip. She gasps into my mouth.

I delve deeper. I take more.
I invade the fuck out of her, tasting her everywhere, exploring her mouth like its the last thing I'd ever taste.
I'm blown away by the sweetness of her, the surrender. I don't deserve it, but I take it.

I grip her harder and I kiss her harder; like I'm lost. That taste of her still there. Only when the shadows crowd in from the corner of my mind, I realise I'm running out of breath. And I also realise the fact that I can't do this, I can't be kissing her like this then leaving the next day. It's all wrong and she needs to know.

When I pull back, I'm panting hard. So is Aisha. I stare into those honey eyes, drowning in them.

She looks almost tender, but that can't be right. The kiss must have fucked me up. Her teeth takes over her bottom lip, as she bites it for a few nervous seconds, and I groan against the urge to kiss her again. I'm already rock hard against her anyway.

Her small hand cups my cheek, warm and soft. Aisha's eyes never leave mine. "Are you okay Rohan?" She speaks softly.

No baby I'm not, you're driving me insane, and I don't fucking know what to do anymore.

I lean forward, my hands grip her waist, as I connect my forehead with hers. Inhaling deeply, "Aisha..." I sighed out her name, my voice vulnerable and broken.

Leave her the fuck alone,
the voice whispers again.

This time it isn't trying to protect her. It's trying to protect me. She's sees too deep inside me, and I know its late, I'm caught in her trap.

"I need you to know something," I say, She closes her eyes, my head still connected with hers. I take that as a cue to continue, "I'll be leaving tomorrow for Italy, I'm sorry-" She immediately pulls away, shrugging my hands of her, she takes a step back.

Fuck.

I gulp looking at her "I'm sorry," I tell her again "I know I should've told you earlier, but I just... I, I don't know.. I'm sorry Aisha. I really am."

She gazes at me, unblinking.
I take a step forward and grab her arm. I feel her stiffen, she's no longer soft anymore. She's scared. I drop her arm, I don't want to force her to react.

Aisha didn't say anything. Seconds past, before I heard her sob, she was crying. And it made my heart ache so bad, I wanted to jump of a cliff, but things need to be right...

She needs to know I'm not leaving her forever. She needs to know I'll come back.

"Hey." I said softly, stepping as close as I can towards her. I was going to wipe some of the tears away, but I hesitated, holding my hand in the air. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I cared about her.

A sense rushed through me, coating my lungs, my voice, my thoughts. "Listen to me. You're important to me. I think if anything that will last forever, it's that. Whether we seperate, stay in touch or rarely speak again, you will always be that little somone I really do care for, that I would sacrifice everything for, to protect and keep safe."

She didn't say anything, just kept crying. But I didn't stop, "Cause no matter what happens, I will never forget the fact that when I'm with you, I'm myself. Somone I want to be. Someone new. Someone only you have the ability to bring out from me..."

Her head shook an inch, barely. She couldn't talk, and she just kept crying. I went for her hands and held them in mine, "You know what? Home is a place where you go to when you need to rest, it's where you can be yourself and be free, get whatever you want. And me Aisha? I didn't have a home, never did. But you know what Paris gave me? It gave me a Home, it gave me you..." I smiled at, gripping her soft hands tight, oh this felt so good.

"You are my home. I'm drifting away like a lost puppy but eventually I'll find my way back to you, when I need home. And when I need you." I wiped her tears with my hands, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She was so pure, so natural, so pretty.

Aisha sniffed before I heard her whisper, "I love you."

I felt the air leave my lungs. This isn't the first time she'd said it, but everytime she does say it, it just... don't worry. I press my lips to her forehead, leaving to linger there for a few seconds. I softly gripped the back of her neck and once again connected my forehead to hers. I inhalded her amazing scent and whispered back,

"I know, my sweetheart. Trust me. I know."

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*present day*

Aisha's POV
--(continuation of diary)

... I want him desperately, whether were a match made in heaven or a beautiful diaster just waiting to happen, I don't care. And I know he'll come back to me. That's what he said didn't he?

I know we don't mean to hurt eachother, but we do. And perhaps no matter how right we are for eachother, we'll always be a little too wrong.

... It's just what it is.

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END OF CHAPTER

Ooft... there you go, How was it?
Personally, I'm proud 😊 I think it was just very beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

But let me know what you all think?
COMMENT, your thoughts.

VOTE, if you want more!

As I said at the start, we're on a countdown! I promise that last few chapters will be great, and quite dramatic so be ready. Stay tuned!

I'll be back with another chapter, until tell goodbye. Xx 💞

'Once I had her hand. I never wanted to let go of her..'