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Somehow - Chapter 12

       Rick currently found himself faced with a battle of self doubt. He sat next to Amber, wondering if Charles would ever return. God, he hated himself for letting the poor thing get away. He was a retarded animal that probably wouldn't get too far in this world. 
       "Baby," he heard, facing Amber. He found her twisting the band on her finger absentmindedly, facing Rick. "Why are you always so distant? These past three years, as long as I've known you, you always zone out at small things."
       Rick sighed, shrugging lightly as he toyed with the loose material of his pajama bottoms. "Ever year, today is the worst of them all," Amber continued.
       "You ever mess something up too bad to ever come back from it?" Rick questioned suddenly, watching Amber's hazel eyes blink before her brow furrowed. "I mean, have you ever made an irreparable mistake?" 
       "We all do," Amber responded almost dumbly. "You ever get somebody killed?"
       "You're joking, right? You remember whose daughter I am?" 
       Rick nodded. How could he forget? The whole reason he was engaged was because her father had found out. He had felt twenty again, scared and caught in bed with another man's woman. Only the woman was their daughter and the man was terrifying, even with Rick being number one. 
       "Did you ever hear the name 'Morty Smith'?" Rick questioned, now facing Amber completely. "Yea. I heard he was the best dancer money could buy. He worked for somebody, managed to off Jack, and went from dancer to big boss in a day. But he's dead now, isn't he?"
       Rick nodded. "He used to work for me. He was my bartender, then my dancer, then... I don't know what we were. But he became the big power, and he wound up leaving me. When he came back, he was in charge. He was so powerful, even if he was like a marshmallow in armor. But, one night, he was talking to his friend. He and I had been arguin' that morning. His best friend turned out to be a deep undercover FBI agent set on taking me out. He'd found Morty to be the boss, got him from behind the bar and took his gun. He was.. my bouncer told me he was dead that night, and I never even got to see him to say goodbye. It was an argument. That was the last thing we said. I told him not to get pissy, and he told me he wondered why one toy wasn't enough for me. He died thinking he was a toy because I was stupid and brought him into everything I was told to keep him away from."
       Rick watched as Amber nodded slowly, putting it all together. "Yea, I.. I heard about that. I just never knew who he worked for. Dad was always just talking about him. He'd always ask if I'd met him ever. Nobody could ever move as good as him. I don't think there will ever be stories as great as the ones about him."
       "Damn right," Rick agreed, sighing as he spun and faced the tv now. 

       Somehow, talking about it seemed to ease the situation. It made it easier on Rick, to have somebody know. And they hadn't judged him. He hadn't been judged for causing the death of a great kid. He wasn't shunned. Granted, Amber probably wasn't paying attention to most of the story. She hardly paid attention to anything. Nobody was like Morty.
       Sure, the pain of responsibility lifted, but, even after almost five years, the pain of him disappearing was still there. Maybe it was because he'd never said a proper goodbye to the kid. Maybe it was because they were completely separated on horrible terms. 
       There wasn't a way to make up for it anymore, and Rick knew that.

*~*~*

       "You know I love you, right?" Rick asked the figure sitting beside him. "Yes," came their sweet reply. "Do you love me?"
       "Always."
        "And you know I'm sorry, right?"
        "You don't always have to apologize. You never meant it. Just shut up and know that I love you."

       Rick woke abruptly, gazing around for a moment. With a groan, his gaze settled on the empty space beside him. Amber never stayed to wake Rick or slept on the floor simply because she knew Rick hated waking alone. She hardly did anything for the man.
       With a light sigh, Rick shut the tv off and grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch. He turned and faced inwards, clutching his hands to his chest and curling in on himself as best he could.
       At least he could tell him in another world.

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