The last day of our honeymoon had come. One last day in paradise. I awoke to Tae's soft lips on my cheek making me smile as I stretched in the bed. We shared a quiet moment alone drinking our fresh juice outside on the veranda where a small table for two was filled with a lovely breakfast.  His finger traced the curve of my face lazily as if he is more enamored with me than the outstanding view. His tender touch moved me more than I would like to admit.  My heart felt the familiar excitement I used to feel when he was near.  

Tae was excited too.  He seemed in the mood for fun and adventure as he animatedly showed me the brochure of fun things to do someone left on the table.  It was cute seeing the old Tae I remembered.  Together we decided to go snorkeling to do something more adventurous since our lazy days at the beach were running out. Tae made a call and we got dressed for the day. 

Me in my white bikini and braids, and Tae in his board shorts and sunglasses headed to the small skiff that was docked near our bungalow.  A very tan young man with crinkled eyes and a bright smile greeted us.  We climbed in as the little skiff rocked to and fro.  Tae held my hand till I had my balance and we made ourselves comfortable ready for another new experience.  We headed out to sea, the warm sun accompanying us with a cooling sea breeze on our faces. The scene that unfolded before us as we rounded the coast into a cove was indescribable in its beauty.

The vibrant colors of this natural wonder felt otherworldly.  It was like entering a magical place reserved for other beings.  After exploring for a while, we rested in a shallow, hidden cove protected from the sea. The little fish swished around our bodies tickling as they went by us. I made a surprised noise when I felt them. Tae thought I was frightened and held me close. I felt his body's warmth as he stared into my eyes in that deep blue coral lagoon. 

He is so beautiful, I thought. With all this beauty around us, he is still the most beautiful thing here. Suddenly, he kissed me with his salty lips. At that moment, it felt like we were the only two people in the world, and the only witnesses to our kiss were the little creatures swirling around us.

Tae took more pictures of us and the scenery with his waterproof camera.  It took many attempts to get a picture of himself underwater without air bubbles coming out of his nose, but he looked so pleased with himself about it I had to laugh at his cuteness.  After reviewing the pictures, we put our fins and snorkels back on and dipped our bodies into the warm wonder. Tae motioned me to follow him so we could discover more of it together. It was truly unforgettable.

We returned to the golden beach and explored the shore catching and releasing little hermit crabs and looking at the little fish that got trapped in small pools. Some beautiful girls, their hair decorated with exotic flowers brought us some fresh fruit wrapped in palm leaves. As the day grew long, we lazily lounged on the shore. We didn't go back to the bungalow until we got hungry.

We were so weary by the end of the day we decided to turn in early. Laying in bed with Tae, we started talking about the fun we had, the stunning natural beauty, and how we would never forget this trip. I felt so comfortable with him and so much closer than before that I decided it was time to open up to him about my nightmares. It was a big step for me. Opening up about something so painful like losing a parent wasn't easy.

"Tae there's something about me that I've never shared with you and I think it's time I did."

Taehyung turned over to face me and give me all his attention. "You can tell me anything. I love you," he responded in his soulful voice.

"This happened in 2004 but I can never forget it," my voice trembled a little in spite of the warm night.

"Okay, here goes. When I was just a little girl my parents took me to a beautiful resort where they had vacationed on their honeymoon. It was a beautiful day like today and we were getting ready to go to the beach. All of a sudden, we hear people screaming and with a thunderous crash, a huge wave hit the building. One moment it was paradise and the next it was hell. The windows break and the water rushes in. My father picks me up as I clung to him for dear life. My mother also clings to him with me in the middle protecting me from the worst of the jostling. I wanted to scream in terror but brackish water didn't let me see or breathe. We were underwater and couldn't hold our breath any longer. The dirty water filled my lungs, but the worst of it was the panic. Thinking this is it. This is how we die. The building collapses around us and miraculously the water starts to subside. When it does we are still clinging to each other, with cuts and terrible bruises, our stomachs and our lungs expelling the nasty water, except my daddy is not coughing. He is still. He's not waking up. My mom screams in panic pushing him to his side and kneading his swollen stomach full of water. She breathes air into him but he never takes another breath."

Tae holds me tight trying to calm my shaking body. I didn't notice the tears that were dripping from my cheeks. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. If I had known, I would not have planned our honeymoon here."

"Fear is not always rational.  Miraculously I'm not so afraid of the ocean.  I can only guess because I wasn't at the beach when it happened, but I do have nightmares that I'm swallowing endless amounts of water and in my terror, I'm being swallowed up by the ocean.  The nightmares are worse when there's a storm.  I relive losing my dad and the terror of that day over and over."

"How awful!  I can't understand how you live with it."

"When I hold on to someone I feel safe. It's the only way I get any sleep."

"You have me now. You can hold on to me," he says with so much tenderness in his eyes I truly believe he would save me from it if he could.

I smile at him through my tears. "Thank you, Tae but don't you see, when you stay at the dorm I won't have you."

The realization hits him. With a resolved look on his face, he says, "Don't worry I will get us a place close to the dorm so I can go to you every night or you can come to me. I won't let you suffer alone."

He hugs me tight. "Why didn't you tell me?" He says a sob escaping his lips.

"I don't like talking about it cause I feel I re-live it and it's even worse."

"Thank you for telling me." He pauses still holding me with the tenderest look on his face and I wonder why I never did tell him. "Does Yoongi know?"

"He knows I need to sleep with someone but he doesn't know why."

"You never told him?"

I nod my head. "No. He knows I can't sleep by myself. He just didn't know why."