[UNEDITED][JASON]

It has been two months since the loss of Erin and the pain is still as real as it was when the doctor told me she was gone. We should have been planning our wedding now while fussing over our son. We should be the happy family we talked about all through her pregnancy.

But that's not the case. Instead I am mourning the loss of my fiancé and struggling to get on with my life because everything seems so empty without Erin around.

The bed suddenly seems bigger and the house appears to have more rooms than I even realised existed. The only good thing to come from this is that the bond I have with my son in unbreakable; everything I do is for that little boy and I will always put him before myself.

I never realised what being a parent was about until the day Luke was born and I became his only parent. He is my world and I am never going to stop loving him – even when he's twenty-five and getting married to his perfect woman, I am always going to love him because he's the only piece of Erin that I have left in the world.

I looked across at Matthew who was humming something to Luke and I watched as my son tried to force himself to remain awake while Chloe was trying to settle Jacob down. This was the first time I had seen my sister and brother-in-law since the day Erin died – I had thought locking Luke and myself in the house was the best idea because I didn't want to face anyone.

And that plan worked well until Chloe broke into the house. She told me that I was being stupid while I told her I was mourning, the woman I was in love with was dead and I was never going to be her husband much like she was never going to be Luke's mother, but she was persistent in her attempts to force me from the house.

Now, here we are, sitting in the living room of their home in total silence. Neither of them know what to say to me and I don't know what to say to them either so silence seems like the best option for all of us; it allows you time to think and in thinking you often find yourself lost in both your best and your worst memories.

"Uncle Jason?" I turned at the sound of that innocent voice. That voice which had always been able to make me smile. That voice which I hadn't heard in so long that I had forgotten what it sounded like. "Mummy didn't tell me you were coming."

"Well. That's just rude," I managed to smile as she walked over to me. She was clutching the doll I had bought her to her chest when she came to a stop in front of me. I didn't hesitate in picking her up and putting her on my lap where she quickly buried her head in my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I missed you Uncle Jason," I heard her murmur. I suddenly felt like the world's worst uncle and brother all rolled into one.

I had been so wrapped up in my own pain and grief that I had forgotten about the people who were there for me.

Amanda was my niece. My sweet and innocent niece who could always make me smile and knew what to say even if she didn't know she was saying. My beautiful niece who had me wrapped around her little finger and I would do anything for her because I loved her. I had neglected her and I had hurt her, all because I didn't want to ask for help and show that I was falling apart.

"I missed you too Am. And I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Mummy and daddy said you were sad which is why you didn't come to see me. Are you still sad?" Amanda asked without lifting her eyes to look at me. I could feel her hand playing with the collar of my shirt as she held onto me for dear life like I was going to disappear the moment she let go of me.

"Not now I've seen you. You always make me happy," I smiled. For the first time in two months I actually smiled and it wasn't for the sake of smiling and neither was it a smile because it's what people wanted to see. It was a smile because I was happy.

"Good. I don't like it when you're sad," Amanda replied quietly. "Have you seen Jacob? Mummy let me hold him yesterday."

"Shall we ask mummy if we can hold him now?" I whispered in her ear.

"Only if you promise you're not going to leave me again," I could hear the pain and the sadness in her tone. It broke my heart to know I was the reason for those emotions and I felt so guilty because I had never wanted her to feel like that.

I wanted my happy niece back. The little girl who's too intelligent for her age and says all the wrongs things at all the right times. The little girl who could make you laugh with the simplest of things. The little girl who could sulk for England and loved to make me watch Frozen three thousand times in row.

That's the girl I wanted. Not the one who was hurting because her uncle had forgotten all about her and hadn't seen her in months. Not the one who was terrified that she wasn't going to see me again the moment I walked out of the front door with her cousin.

I was a selfish dick and I knew that now. I was allowed to grieve but I shouldn't be doing it at the expense of the only family I have left.

"I promise. You can even stay at the house with me over the weekends if you want?" I suggested.

"Can Damien come too? We're friends now," Amanda chuckled and it was music to my ears hearing that sound again for the first time in forever. She was such a wonderful little girl and I was lucky to call her my niece.

"You can invite whoever you want to invite. We can have a Frozen party if you want and make sure Luke loves it from an early age," I joked. But I would do anything to make it up to her. Even if that meant watching Frozen again and listening while Amanda sings all the songs to me. Or even having to sit through Tangled all over again while she told me how Flynn Rider is the best Disney prince ever.

"Mummy?" Amanda called Chloe who looked over at the both of us with a smile on his face.

"Yes baby girl?" Chloe replied.

"Can we hold Jacob please?" she asked. Chloe nodded at her daughter as she stood up and walked over to us. Amanda moved herself so that she was sitting in the middle of my lap and I moved my arms around her so that I could hold Jacob properly. "He's cute. Isn't he?"

"He looks just like your daddy," I said without looking away from my nephew. It was the first time I had seen him since he had been born just over a month ago and he looked so much like Matthew already that it was actually scary.

"Daddy tells me that I look like mummy. But I don't think I do," Amanda replied as she turned her head so that she was looking at me. I looked between her and my sister and I could see what Matthew meant, Amanda did look a lot like Chloe did when she was younger which meant I was going to be beating up a lot more boys when Amanda reached the age where they were interested in her.

Amanda then went back to admiring her brother. It was hard to tell that, before Jacob had been born, Amanda was throwing tantrums every other day because she wasn't going to be the youngest anymore. Now she looked every part the loving older sister and I am sure that's a role she was going to continue with the older she got.

"I love you Am," I told her as I kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too Uncle Jason. And I will make sure Jacob knows how awesome you are when he grows up," Amanda replied. She moved her hand so that Jacob's tiny hand was wrapped around her much larger fingers and his eyes fluttered open for a moment before he closed them again and let out a little squeak. Though he was quickly silent again – he was going to be a little heartbreaker when he was older and I was going to have to be the responsible uncle who told him of both his father's and his uncle's antics at his age.

"I'm proud of you Clo. You've proved so many people wrong and I am proud of you for that," I smiled at my sister who looked up from Luke to where I was sitting. I knew Luke was never going to be forgotten about with me as his father and Chloe as his aunt. He's in for one hell of a ride as he grows up and he's going to find out what it's like being a Parker.

"I am proud of you too Jase. I think you and Luke are going to be just fine," Chloe smiled.

"I love you Clo. Always."

"And I love you too Jase. Forever."