twenty two | house husband

─────── • ❥ • ───────

"renjunnie, say hi to the camera!"

"hi loser."

"it's progress..." donghyuck then twisted the camera around to face him and talked to it like some sort of celebrity. i really thought he was daft at the time, but everyone had their charms. "okay, so renjun's making us food and i'm planning on calling this video 'house husband'—"

"shut it!" i had hissed at him, and i remember well my infrared cheeks at being called something like that. it just wasn't the done thing in our town, and it sounded funny to me. this day was a relaxed one, mostly. we were a few days off that stupid dance and hyuck's parents were out until a certain time. i can tell you now that i'm looking back that we were idiots not to keep track of time.

it worked in our favour on this occasion, however.

"if we got married, you'd be an awesome house husband, junnie. imagine how much i could spoil you."

"put that camera down if you're gonna talk nonsense," i recall snapping. he did that sometimes; talked about things that we'd never have or that could never happen. it made me sad, and i wondered if he ever did it on purpose. "men can't marry men."

"not here, anyway. what about in other countries?"

"don't be a moron."

he knew what he was talking about at the time, since i hadn't learned about it...but same sex marriage had been legalised elsewhere. it brings a smile to my face now, but had i known back then...maybe i wouldn't have been so dismissive.

"how's the food?" he asked through the lens, and that time i turned around with this evil glare and grabbed the damn thing brutally. the end of that tape is the static and the cut-off signals, and i absolutely love laughing at it. although it would've been nice had i let him film more...i'd have more to watch.

"food will be ready in a couple of minutes. go find a movie to watch."

"mum and dad will be home in a couple of hours."

"it's fine. as long as we aren't doing anything obvious then we should be good."

hyuck wasn't far out of sight, however, when he left to do as i'd told. the television room and kitchen were open plan after all and some part of me supposed that it was intentional when they moved here. their atmosphere as a family wasn't quite like mine at home, and for all my parents and sister got along with each other and me...we had our own space. the lees were always together.

i recall getting somewhat distracted as i stirred the pot, half thinking about marrying him, half watching his fluffy hair from behind the sofa bob as he hummed and picked a film. i'd learned over time that he could be quite musical when he wished to be, and like a child i'd ask him to sing to sleep some nights. just him laying beside me, his thumb running over my cheek and his vocals lulling me into a type of rest i'm sure i'll never feel again.

i'm pretty certain i burned myself that evening since (unbeknownst to hyuck) i had borderline overcooked the food. it didn't taste terrible or all that different i think, but it was amusing for myself to watch him scoff down slightly charred veggies and semi-dry meat. if he hadn't been such a distracting beauty, then maybe i would've enjoyed focusing more. in fact, this was one of the first occasions i actually watched him eat since he usually declined.

the meal went down a treat in the end and he constantly brought up how well we'd work together as a couple in the city, and how he'd look after me if i didn't want to work or anything silly like that. of course i wanted to work though...i wasn't as prissy or lazy as he probably imagined i was. i wish we had more couch time that evening because we never even got to the end of the movie before his parents came home.

my heart always fell when alone time with him was cut short.

"hi boys," his mum had waved softly at us, and i observed her silently as she pulled her jacket off and hung it on the staircase banister before sliding into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. i can't remember exactly but i think his dad wandered upstairs or something back then, because he didn't play a major roll in this conversation in my memory.

"hey mum. you're early..." donghyuck then murmured and twisted around on the sofa to squish his cheek on the backrest. he was such a cutie.

"yeah, we were only showing our faces at a gathering of sorts so this town doesn't think we're hermits or something. how was your little get-together?"

"ew, don't call it that. what are we, fifty?"

"you act like you're five, but that's besides the point," she had arched her brow playfully and sipped some more juice less elegantly than i sometimes imagined mums to be. "anything fun happening?"

okay, so i didn't notice anything strange at this point in time...but i knew donghyuck got agitated whenever she was around. that was what sparked my interest from this moment onwards. the way he shifted his legs a little and narrowed his eyes whenever she was about to speak. and the way in which she'd glance at me wasn't all that unusual, though slightly...restless? like she wanted to figure something out.

"not really," hyuck had mumbled and stretched his arms up while peeling himself off the sofa. "can renjun stay tonight?"

"donghyuck—" i remember snapping suddenly, and it had been the first time i spoke since she arrived. mrs. lee blinked cutely at the outburst and i suppose she'd been a bit surprised as this wasn't something to yell about. in my head i was just anxious because hyuck had one bed and it would've seemed gay to my parents if we shared it. i didn't know about his.

"i mean..." she tilted her head, "fine. do the huangs mind, renjun?"

"uh...i..." if i told them they'd ask questions, so it involved some lying for little old me who didn't like spreading falsities. "i don't think so?"

"give them a call, yeah? you can use our landline if you don't want to walk over."

donghyuck had folded his arms like some sort of saint and smiled evilly at me with a kind of plan in his eyes. i didn't like when he had plans...they usually involved doing something dumb. but alas, i did it anyway and told my dear parents i'd be taking the guest room. they never asked really, i just felt the need to elaborate.

it was around seven in the evening when hyuck and i decided to head up and get ready into some comfortable nightwear — me borrowing his which led to an awful lot of hormonal turmoil. i can still smell him now, and that very scent was embedded on this massive t-shirt and shorts he gave me which had me getting hard for such a dumb reason. i was probably conditioned to becoming aroused whenever he was near at that point.

i don't think he had intended to do anything that night for all the obvious reasons, and i'd guessed as such when he came into the bathroom behind me and apologised that we weren't able to be too naughty. it wasn't his fault at all, in fairness...but he did use his hand to help me out that one time and we flushed away any and all evidence.

since we were able to talk for as long as we wanted for once without needing to climb down windowsills or anything, we did exactly that. all tucked up in bed early enough with soft, quiet music playing from his old stereo. i can still recall our hands intertwined on the pillow between us and the sensation of our warm breaths hitting each other's lips as we muttered about small things.

the sinfulness of it all seemed to weigh on the back of my mind extra hard that night for some reason, and i hated it. i hated that i couldn't just cuddle this boy without being somehow reminded that it was bad. i hated that we weren't able to dance by a fountain like that couple. i wanted him to hold my waist and spin me around just to catch me in a kiss. it wasn't such a big dream...but it felt like an impossible feat.

"hyuck..." my deeper, groggy throat rasped after not having used it much that evening. i think he liked it though, because his lips turned upwards for a knowing grin and his warm, clammy hand holding mine tightened slightly.

"mhm?"

"what would your parents do if they found out?"

"what do you think they would do?"

"ship you away to be fixed?"

"do they seem that way?" he chuckled hoarsely and nuzzled in closer. "i don't think so though. i don't even know if they'd mind. i've been 'straight' all along after all..."

"i wish i had that confidence in mine. they'd just...be so disappointed."

donghyuck didn't respond to that. in fact, i regretfully can't remember what conversation we had after it ended but it did take a few silent moments to move on. the cicadas crying out there filled in the void a little, but we were both lost to our own thoughts.

a part of me still wonders what he was imagining then.

─────── • ❥ • ───────